How long did it take you to make the mental shift from fat to not fat
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kansasgrl1500
Posts: 16 Member
So I've lost 60lbs using MFP. I'm now at a healthy BMI (although at the very high end), and I'd like to lose another 15lbs or so. However, despite everyone telling me I'm "tiny" I still feel like the fat girl in the room. So for those of you have been maintaining how long did it take you to make the mental shift?
I don't have any problems going into a store and buying the size of clothing that fits, but I still have some paranoia that the check out clerk is wondering why I'm buy such a small size. And there are still stores I go into that I think I don't belong in (even though I know I can fit into the clothes). I still assume I'm one of the largest girls in the room. I still stress out that I'm too fat for certain activities. So I was wondering how long it may take for me change my mindset? I know everyone is different, but I'm getting concerned I will never be able to shift my thinking.
I don't have any problems going into a store and buying the size of clothing that fits, but I still have some paranoia that the check out clerk is wondering why I'm buy such a small size. And there are still stores I go into that I think I don't belong in (even though I know I can fit into the clothes). I still assume I'm one of the largest girls in the room. I still stress out that I'm too fat for certain activities. So I was wondering how long it may take for me change my mindset? I know everyone is different, but I'm getting concerned I will never be able to shift my thinking.
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Replies
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It took me seeing pictures of me standing next to my always thin daughter and sister in law and seeing that I really am smaller. (I sometimes still look in the mirror and see fat, and I've been maintaining for over a year!)0
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So glad I'm a male and don't have to worry about this stuff! That's a great accomplishment on losing 60 pounds! Nice!
As far as your fears:
lol, Chill out. You think too much. People aren't paying that much attention to you. Seriously, you're so worried about what other people are thinking that you cannot enjoy your weight loss. Stop it!
What's happening is YOU are worried about all these things and then you are projecting those thoughts onto other people. 1. They more than likely are NOT thinking those things. 2. Even if they are, So? That's their problem.
Once YOU stop concerning yourself with who and what---who is the largest in the room, who belongs in what store, who should be buying what size, who should be doing what activity---you'll discover that all of those fears you feel have evaporated into space.
Best of luck!
Brandon
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Great going!!
It's taken me about 6-9 months to come to terms with it, and now I think I've accepted this is how I am. Even so, sometimes I catch myself in a fitting room mirror and do a double-take.0 -
TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »So glad I'm a male and don't have to worry about this stuff! That's a great accomplishment on losing 60 pounds! Nice!
As far as your fears:
lol, Chill out. You think too much. People aren't paying that much attention to you. Seriously, you're so worried about what other people are thinking that you cannot enjoy your weight loss. Stop it!
What's happening is YOU are worried about all these things and then you are projecting those thoughts onto other people. 1. They more than likely are NOT thinking those things. 2. Even if they are, So? That's their problem.
Once YOU stop concerning yourself with who and what---who is the largest in the room, who belongs in what store, who should be buying what size, who should be doing what activity---you'll discover that all of those fears you feel have evaporated into space.
Best of luck!
Brandon
Logically I know you make sense. Emotionally not so much. It probably didn't help that a sales person in White House Black Market confirmed my fears and told me I was probably too big to be shopping there (I was a size 6/8 at the time).0 -
kansasgrl1500 wrote: »TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »So glad I'm a male and don't have to worry about this stuff! That's a great accomplishment on losing 60 pounds! Nice!
As far as your fears:
lol, Chill out. You think too much. People aren't paying that much attention to you. Seriously, you're so worried about what other people are thinking that you cannot enjoy your weight loss. Stop it!
What's happening is YOU are worried about all these things and then you are projecting those thoughts onto other people. 1. They more than likely are NOT thinking those things. 2. Even if they are, So? That's their problem.
Once YOU stop concerning yourself with who and what---who is the largest in the room, who belongs in what store, who should be buying what size, who should be doing what activity---you'll discover that all of those fears you feel have evaporated into space.
Best of luck!
Brandon
Logically I know you make sense. Emotionally not so much. It probably didn't help that a sales person in White House Black Market confirmed my fears and told me I was probably too big to be shopping there (I was a size 6/8 at the time).
How Rude!0 -
Ummmmm, I know many people who are a lot bigger than a 6/8 that shop at WHBM. I can't believe someone would say that. Like the person above said, How Rude!!!0
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I completely understand, I also have very similar thoughts and fears as you. It's too easy for people who do not understand to say "It's YOU that's worried about all these things"...we know that, we're not so vain as to have these feelings come from a narcissistic or egocentric place, it's been ingrained over years and years of self abuse. I believe it will just take time, lots and lots of time. Just as losing the physical weight was a long process, so is the mental aspect of losing it. Good luck, honey!0
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I have been there. It took me about a year to make the mental shift. There were times I'd look in the mirror and expect to see my old self, or I'd go into stores and be afraid that the smaller size wouldn't fit. The process takes time, but it will happen and you'll be able to fully enjoy where you are.0
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kansasgrl1500 wrote: »TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »So glad I'm a male and don't have to worry about this stuff! That's a great accomplishment on losing 60 pounds! Nice!
As far as your fears:
lol, Chill out. You think too much. People aren't paying that much attention to you. Seriously, you're so worried about what other people are thinking that you cannot enjoy your weight loss. Stop it!
What's happening is YOU are worried about all these things and then you are projecting those thoughts onto other people. 1. They more than likely are NOT thinking those things. 2. Even if they are, So? That's their problem.
Once YOU stop concerning yourself with who and what---who is the largest in the room, who belongs in what store, who should be buying what size, who should be doing what activity---you'll discover that all of those fears you feel have evaporated into space.
Best of luck!
Brandon
Logically I know you make sense. Emotionally not so much. It probably didn't help that a sales person in White House Black Market confirmed my fears and told me I was probably too big to be shopping there (I was a size 6/8 at the time).
The sales person didn't confirm anything other than their position in this world as a *kitten*.0 -
Yeah, that salesperson reminds me of the one in Mean Girls:
Forget that - it’s so silly. Focus on your strength, health, and beauty, not your dress size
. To be truthful though, I still haven’t really made the mental change. I lost just over 50lbs, most of it years ago, but I seem to perpetually feel like I’m not there yet... 0 -
It took me a couple of months to wrap my head around it.0
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It took me a pass through each of the seasons - summer, fall, winter, and spring - to adjust to a fit mentality. But I adopted it early on in my journey as a way to visualize success throughout the journey.0
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Great question! I'll give you the answer when the shift happens.
Usually my thinking I'm fat when I'm actually a size 8 is just hurting me, but I've been made aware of actually seeming offensive to others by making a joke about people of a certain size/shape not being quite the right for skinny jeans. In my mind, I'm making fun of my ingroup, about fat people like me who wear a style of clothing not suited to them. But then suddenly realized OH CRAP I'm that skinny girl making fun of bigger people... while talking to a bigger person. <hangs head in shame>0 -
Work on not comparing your body to other people's bodies--models in magazines, women you see on the street. They're not YOU. While it's good to appreciate fitness and take note of attributes you'd like to promote within your own body (good posture, for example, or toned arms, or smiling more often), it's not fair to compare your body to someone else. You're different people. Be fair to yourself.
Really the only people you should be using as a guideline are your biological family, since you share genetics. I struggled because I am one of the tallest women in my family. I thought that my weight (140lbs) was too heavy; then I realized I'm 5'7" trying to compare my body to women who are 5'2" or smaller. Seems silly when you think about it!
It's your body--an organic being, not a mathematical equation. The more you look at yourself wearing clothes that fit well and doing activities that make you happy, the more it will sink in. Give yourself some time to adjust, it doesn't happen overnight.0 -
I never adjusted to my loss. I've just had to accept that the shape I see for myself is not the shape that others see.
I am constantly surprised when I buy a new shirt and its a M rather than XXL, and that's been going on for 2 years now.
ETA: Profile pic is from XXL days. I still see myself as that size despite being more than 50lbs lighter0 -
I lost 80lbs, 8 months of maintenance. This question really has me thinking....when I finally went to purchase new clothes, the size shocked me. I couldn't believe I wear a size 5 in juniors, I wore a size 9 in high school. This was approximately after 5 months of maintenance.
Not to sound vain but I've always had a positive image but being at a healthy weighthas caused me to fall in with myself all over again
I'm excited to buy a bathing suit and wear it to the beach. 0 -
My goal is to lose 60 pounds; I've got about 11 more to go. Two things have helped me internalize the change in my body so far. 1) Reappearance of my collar bones. I just love the fact that when I hold my shoulders in a neutral position, I have visible collar bones, that even cast shadows if the light is from the right angle. This was so unexpected, and it pleased me so the first time I noticed them. Sometimes when I'm alone I'll grip one shoulder and rub a collar bone just to remind myself. 2) I notice changes when I exercise -- how much more limber I am, how much longer I can do cardio, how much stronger I am over all. And real-life applications -- if someone drops something, I can always bend over and retrieve it faster than anyone else. If we've left the car and someone realizes they've forgotten something, I can sprint back to retrieve it and then back to the group in no time, without losing my breath. I so love these changes! I hope you can find similarly meaningful markers for yourself.0
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I am still working on this, but it took about six month for it to begin to sink in, and based on reading the boards I'd say for most people it takes six months to a year. In my early days on this site I read a suggestion that I do think helped: When you're putting on lotion after a shower or even just toweling off and getting dressed, try to look in a mirror. Something about touching your body and looking at it at the same time helps your brain catch up faster.0
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Anaris2014 wrote: »I never adjusted to my loss. I've just had to accept that the shape I see for myself is not the shape that others see.
I am constantly surprised when I buy a new shirt and its a M rather than XXL, and that's been going on for 2 years now.
ETA: Profile pic is from XXL days. I still see myself as that size despite being more than 50lbs lighter
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Im glad im not the only one. Ive lost 44lbs and am now a tiny uk size 6. But i still see that fat girl in the mirror. Ive been maintaining for about 2 years give or take 7-10lbs and just dont get what others see when they tell me in tiny!!0
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