How long did it take you to make the mental shift from fat to not fat
kansasgrl1500
Posts: 16 Member
So I've lost 60lbs using MFP. I'm now at a healthy BMI (although at the very high end), and I'd like to lose another 15lbs or so. However, despite everyone telling me I'm "tiny" I still feel like the fat girl in the room. So for those of you have been maintaining how long did it take you to make the mental shift?
I don't have any problems going into a store and buying the size of clothing that fits, but I still have some paranoia that the check out clerk is wondering why I'm buy such a small size. And there are still stores I go into that I think I don't belong in (even though I know I can fit into the clothes). I still assume I'm one of the largest girls in the room. I still stress out that I'm too fat for certain activities. So I was wondering how long it may take for me change my mindset? I know everyone is different, but I'm getting concerned I will never be able to shift my thinking.
I don't have any problems going into a store and buying the size of clothing that fits, but I still have some paranoia that the check out clerk is wondering why I'm buy such a small size. And there are still stores I go into that I think I don't belong in (even though I know I can fit into the clothes). I still assume I'm one of the largest girls in the room. I still stress out that I'm too fat for certain activities. So I was wondering how long it may take for me change my mindset? I know everyone is different, but I'm getting concerned I will never be able to shift my thinking.
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It took me seeing pictures of me standing next to my always thin daughter and sister in law and seeing that I really am smaller. (I sometimes still look in the mirror and see fat, and I've been maintaining for over a year!)0
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So glad I'm a male and don't have to worry about this stuff! That's a great accomplishment on losing 60 pounds! Nice!
As far as your fears:
lol, Chill out. You think too much. People aren't paying that much attention to you. Seriously, you're so worried about what other people are thinking that you cannot enjoy your weight loss. Stop it!
What's happening is YOU are worried about all these things and then you are projecting those thoughts onto other people. 1. They more than likely are NOT thinking those things. 2. Even if they are, So? That's their problem.
Once YOU stop concerning yourself with who and what---who is the largest in the room, who belongs in what store, who should be buying what size, who should be doing what activity---you'll discover that all of those fears you feel have evaporated into space.
Best of luck!
Brandon
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Great going!!
It's taken me about 6-9 months to come to terms with it, and now I think I've accepted this is how I am. Even so, sometimes I catch myself in a fitting room mirror and do a double-take.0 -
TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »So glad I'm a male and don't have to worry about this stuff! That's a great accomplishment on losing 60 pounds! Nice!
As far as your fears:
lol, Chill out. You think too much. People aren't paying that much attention to you. Seriously, you're so worried about what other people are thinking that you cannot enjoy your weight loss. Stop it!
What's happening is YOU are worried about all these things and then you are projecting those thoughts onto other people. 1. They more than likely are NOT thinking those things. 2. Even if they are, So? That's their problem.
Once YOU stop concerning yourself with who and what---who is the largest in the room, who belongs in what store, who should be buying what size, who should be doing what activity---you'll discover that all of those fears you feel have evaporated into space.
Best of luck!
Brandon
Logically I know you make sense. Emotionally not so much. It probably didn't help that a sales person in White House Black Market confirmed my fears and told me I was probably too big to be shopping there (I was a size 6/8 at the time).0 -
kansasgrl1500 wrote: »TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »So glad I'm a male and don't have to worry about this stuff! That's a great accomplishment on losing 60 pounds! Nice!
As far as your fears:
lol, Chill out. You think too much. People aren't paying that much attention to you. Seriously, you're so worried about what other people are thinking that you cannot enjoy your weight loss. Stop it!
What's happening is YOU are worried about all these things and then you are projecting those thoughts onto other people. 1. They more than likely are NOT thinking those things. 2. Even if they are, So? That's their problem.
Once YOU stop concerning yourself with who and what---who is the largest in the room, who belongs in what store, who should be buying what size, who should be doing what activity---you'll discover that all of those fears you feel have evaporated into space.
Best of luck!
Brandon
Logically I know you make sense. Emotionally not so much. It probably didn't help that a sales person in White House Black Market confirmed my fears and told me I was probably too big to be shopping there (I was a size 6/8 at the time).
How Rude!0 -
Ummmmm, I know many people who are a lot bigger than a 6/8 that shop at WHBM. I can't believe someone would say that. Like the person above said, How Rude!!!0
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I completely understand, I also have very similar thoughts and fears as you. It's too easy for people who do not understand to say "It's YOU that's worried about all these things"...we know that, we're not so vain as to have these feelings come from a narcissistic or egocentric place, it's been ingrained over years and years of self abuse. I believe it will just take time, lots and lots of time. Just as losing the physical weight was a long process, so is the mental aspect of losing it. Good luck, honey!0
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I have been there. It took me about a year to make the mental shift. There were times I'd look in the mirror and expect to see my old self, or I'd go into stores and be afraid that the smaller size wouldn't fit. The process takes time, but it will happen and you'll be able to fully enjoy where you are.0
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kansasgrl1500 wrote: »TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »So glad I'm a male and don't have to worry about this stuff! That's a great accomplishment on losing 60 pounds! Nice!
As far as your fears:
lol, Chill out. You think too much. People aren't paying that much attention to you. Seriously, you're so worried about what other people are thinking that you cannot enjoy your weight loss. Stop it!
What's happening is YOU are worried about all these things and then you are projecting those thoughts onto other people. 1. They more than likely are NOT thinking those things. 2. Even if they are, So? That's their problem.
Once YOU stop concerning yourself with who and what---who is the largest in the room, who belongs in what store, who should be buying what size, who should be doing what activity---you'll discover that all of those fears you feel have evaporated into space.
Best of luck!
Brandon
Logically I know you make sense. Emotionally not so much. It probably didn't help that a sales person in White House Black Market confirmed my fears and told me I was probably too big to be shopping there (I was a size 6/8 at the time).
The sales person didn't confirm anything other than their position in this world as a *kitten*.0 -
Yeah, that salesperson reminds me of the one in Mean Girls:
Forget that - it’s so silly. Focus on your strength, health, and beauty, not your dress size
. To be truthful though, I still haven’t really made the mental change. I lost just over 50lbs, most of it years ago, but I seem to perpetually feel like I’m not there yet... 0 -
It took me a couple of months to wrap my head around it.0
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It took me a pass through each of the seasons - summer, fall, winter, and spring - to adjust to a fit mentality. But I adopted it early on in my journey as a way to visualize success throughout the journey.0
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Great question! I'll give you the answer when the shift happens.
Usually my thinking I'm fat when I'm actually a size 8 is just hurting me, but I've been made aware of actually seeming offensive to others by making a joke about people of a certain size/shape not being quite the right for skinny jeans. In my mind, I'm making fun of my ingroup, about fat people like me who wear a style of clothing not suited to them. But then suddenly realized OH CRAP I'm that skinny girl making fun of bigger people... while talking to a bigger person. <hangs head in shame>0 -
Work on not comparing your body to other people's bodies--models in magazines, women you see on the street. They're not YOU. While it's good to appreciate fitness and take note of attributes you'd like to promote within your own body (good posture, for example, or toned arms, or smiling more often), it's not fair to compare your body to someone else. You're different people. Be fair to yourself.
Really the only people you should be using as a guideline are your biological family, since you share genetics. I struggled because I am one of the tallest women in my family. I thought that my weight (140lbs) was too heavy; then I realized I'm 5'7" trying to compare my body to women who are 5'2" or smaller. Seems silly when you think about it!
It's your body--an organic being, not a mathematical equation. The more you look at yourself wearing clothes that fit well and doing activities that make you happy, the more it will sink in. Give yourself some time to adjust, it doesn't happen overnight.0 -
I never adjusted to my loss. I've just had to accept that the shape I see for myself is not the shape that others see.
I am constantly surprised when I buy a new shirt and its a M rather than XXL, and that's been going on for 2 years now.
ETA: Profile pic is from XXL days. I still see myself as that size despite being more than 50lbs lighter0 -
I lost 80lbs, 8 months of maintenance. This question really has me thinking....when I finally went to purchase new clothes, the size shocked me. I couldn't believe I wear a size 5 in juniors, I wore a size 9 in high school. This was approximately after 5 months of maintenance.
Not to sound vain but I've always had a positive image but being at a healthy weighthas caused me to fall in with myself all over again
I'm excited to buy a bathing suit and wear it to the beach. 0 -
My goal is to lose 60 pounds; I've got about 11 more to go. Two things have helped me internalize the change in my body so far. 1) Reappearance of my collar bones. I just love the fact that when I hold my shoulders in a neutral position, I have visible collar bones, that even cast shadows if the light is from the right angle. This was so unexpected, and it pleased me so the first time I noticed them. Sometimes when I'm alone I'll grip one shoulder and rub a collar bone just to remind myself. 2) I notice changes when I exercise -- how much more limber I am, how much longer I can do cardio, how much stronger I am over all. And real-life applications -- if someone drops something, I can always bend over and retrieve it faster than anyone else. If we've left the car and someone realizes they've forgotten something, I can sprint back to retrieve it and then back to the group in no time, without losing my breath. I so love these changes! I hope you can find similarly meaningful markers for yourself.0
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I am still working on this, but it took about six month for it to begin to sink in, and based on reading the boards I'd say for most people it takes six months to a year. In my early days on this site I read a suggestion that I do think helped: When you're putting on lotion after a shower or even just toweling off and getting dressed, try to look in a mirror. Something about touching your body and looking at it at the same time helps your brain catch up faster.0
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Anaris2014 wrote: »I never adjusted to my loss. I've just had to accept that the shape I see for myself is not the shape that others see.
I am constantly surprised when I buy a new shirt and its a M rather than XXL, and that's been going on for 2 years now.
ETA: Profile pic is from XXL days. I still see myself as that size despite being more than 50lbs lighter
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Im glad im not the only one. Ive lost 44lbs and am now a tiny uk size 6. But i still see that fat girl in the mirror. Ive been maintaining for about 2 years give or take 7-10lbs and just dont get what others see when they tell me in tiny!!0
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I don't think you ever fully accept the fact that you're not fat anymore. I know for me personally at least, I totally feel like a fatty at heart. After several years I've grown to accept the fact that I can go shopping faster and have much more success with picking out clothes that fit (rather than worrying about how they fit around my stomach and keep running back out to look for looser tops that don't show my chubby stomach), but that's about as far as it gets. I'm still not used to being sensitive to the cold, not being part of conversations related to weight loss (some of my newer friends assume I've always been skinny and would never be able to relate to their struggles), and just the other day I was sitting in my car when I dropped my keys and tried to close my legs to catch them like I always did, only to realize apparently there's a gap there, I never noticed! They fell right through!
Not being fat is weird, but I'm happy!
Congratulations on your success!
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Been maintaining for 2 years and I can honestly say I'm not fully there yet.
There are times when I might catch my reflection and do not recognize the strong, fit woman that I see. Looking at old photos I still think I look like that and not the way I look now. Last weekend I went shopping for summer dresses and was floored that I can wear size small (vanity sizing maybe but I've had X's in my clothes for so long). Even though it feels incredible to shop and try on clothes, my mind is still used to settling for whatever I can at the plus size stores/sections. I can go on and on.
I guess when you are overweight most of your life it will take a lot of adjusting.
Great job on your 60 lb loss OP!
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Wow, today I was thinking something similar. It's so easy for me to just *expect* to find a fat roll here or a muffin top there, to expect jeans or a shirt to be a tight fit. When the fat just isn't there it can be... disorienting, maybe? For only a second, but still. It might just be a matter of muscle memory, or something like that. It's good to know I'm not alone in this.0
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Congratulations on your fabulous weight loss!
I've asked myself exactly the same question. I pick up clothes in my "new" size and I can't believe that they'll fit - I always want to go a size larger. I hit my target last summer and have maintained pretty well since but my mental image of myself is still chubby. I'm reassured that we're not alone in this, it must just take time.
And as for b****y shop assistants - ignore them, just take your custom and your money to a shop where they're not so darn rude!0 -
Congrats!
It took me about a yr or so for my brain to catch up to the new body LOL0 -
I'm not quite at my final goal yet--I have another 10-20 lbs, depending on how far I take this--but I've lost 88 so far and had the same thought as you while shopping last week: I was surprised that a size 8 pants were too big so I asked the dressing room clerk for a 6 and felt self-conscious the entire time that she would look at me and think "there's no way these will fit you..." Surprise surprise, they fit!0
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I hope you got that B***** FIRED!!!! UGH, I'm mad for YOU!!!! Some people don't belong in retail!kansasgrl1500 wrote: »TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »So glad I'm a male and don't have to worry about this stuff! That's a great accomplishment on losing 60 pounds! Nice!
As far as your fears:
lol, Chill out. You think too much. People aren't paying that much attention to you. Seriously, you're so worried about what other people are thinking that you cannot enjoy your weight loss. Stop it!
What's happening is YOU are worried about all these things and then you are projecting those thoughts onto other people. 1. They more than likely are NOT thinking those things. 2. Even if they are, So? That's their problem.
Once YOU stop concerning yourself with who and what---who is the largest in the room, who belongs in what store, who should be buying what size, who should be doing what activity---you'll discover that all of those fears you feel have evaporated into space.
Best of luck!
Brandon
Logically I know you make sense. Emotionally not so much. It probably didn't help that a sales person in White House Black Market confirmed my fears and told me I was probably too big to be shopping there (I was a size 6/8 at the time).
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As for transitioning from fat to skinny thinking... I have been at my goal weight for a couple months now (80lbs lost) I'm not there yet either... I don't concern myself with what others think anymore though... cause for me I'm Hot I may not be the hottest/youngest/or prettiest woman in the room however I am better than I was and working on being the BEST ME I CAN BE! and that is good enough for me, I don't know if I'll ever get used to being thin. 0
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I've lost around 50lbs, went from an Australian size 12/14 to an 8/10 and have been maintaining for about 2 months now. I still feel fat. I think the problem is that I carry weight around my stomach, so I still manage to look at least 3 months pregnant at any given time. Meanwhile, my thighs have wasted away to nothing and I've always had skinny ankles and wrists, even when I was overweight. If the weight loss had been more balanced, I think I would have an easier time accepting my new size and finding clothes that flatter me.0
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I'm not sure I ever did. It was more a gradual mental change over time when I lost the biggest part of my weight (113kg to 70kgish). Slowly I stopped judging the size of seats before sitting etc.
But years later i still have mental fat days. I'm pretty small for my weight now and I frequently have to remind myself of it. I think if you've been big the mental concerns about squashing people, wondering if you look fat etc will allways surface occasionally, how ever irrationally.
I can't stand being picked up at work because my ex bigger girl thinking kicks in for example (doesn't help I weigh more than most guess).
To this day it blows my mind I'm a uk size 6-8 when I see my jeans on the washing line.
It's rare these days to think like that, but still happens sometimes.
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