self satbotage
meghanduprey
Posts: 158 Member
what is wrong with me? it's like i have a subconscious desire to undermine my weightloss efforts. i got down to 172.5 and all of a sudden i feel like i can eat whatever i want or i "deserve" to eat extra all the time even though i know i'm going over my calories. i weighed myself this morning and i'm back up to 174 which isn't a huge increase, but it's an INCREASE. i don't know why i self sabotage like this all the time.
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How long have you been eating over? Do you know how much? If it's only a few days, honestly it's probably mostly water retention. Just get back to a moderate deficit and it'll trend back downward. I always had at least one day a week I'd eat over my deficit (typically my maintenance if not a but above ). I made sure I logged it, even if I was over. The next few days and sometimes even week looked bad scale wise and then the eater weight woosh happened and I was back on that deficit train.
Always remember this is about long term and not a day or two. It's never over until you throw in the towel and give up
it takes 3500 calories OVER your maintenance level to gain 1 lb.
Eta: Also, a reason why you may feel the need to overeat..what are your calorie goals? Are you being too aggressive? Trying to eliminate foods you don't need to? Have unrealistic expectations? Like I mentioned earlier, we have to think of the long term. Don't feel bad eating a donut and don't throw your day away for a candy bar. Those things can fit into your life and you can still lose weight. It's all about balance0 -
I do this, too. Don't beat yourself up over it. Get back on track and try to figure out why you went off track. Were you sick of weighing and measuring everything? Sick of denying yourself treats? Needing some recognition for your weight-loss efforts? Try to make changes so this cycle doesn't repeat. Or maybe go on maintenance for a while so you can loosen up and eat a bit more for a while. Maybe buy yourself a treat (not food!) when you reach incremental goals in your journey.0
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Your body fluctuates a few pounds per day....
That being said, your self sabotage could be linked to a million different things. For me personally, I spent the past 6 months stalling myself from progress because I just didn't want my goal bad enough. I didn't think I was worth it or good enough. I started something new and outside of my comfort zone....busted through that "plateau" like a mad woman.0 -
Fear of success is often a much stronger force than the fear of failure. When you approach your goal, you begin to realize how much work it's going to be to maintain that new lifestyle.
It sucks, but it's true. Don't be afraid to succeed, but be prepared to continue to put in the hard work that got you the results you're enjoying!0 -
Phoenix_Down wrote: »How long have you been eating over? Do you know how much? If it's only a few days, honestly it's probably mostly water retention. Just get back to a moderate deficit and it'll trend back downward. I always had at least one day a week I'd eat over my deficit (typically my maintenance if not a but above ). I made sure I logged it, even if I was over. The next few days and sometimes even week looked bad scale wise and then the eater weight woosh happened and I was back on that deficit train.
Always remember this is about long term and not a day or two. It's never over until you throw in the towel and give up it takes 3500 calories OVER your maintenance level to gain 1 lb.
Eta: Also, a reason why you may feel the need to overeat..what are your calorie goals? Are you being too aggressive? Trying to eliminate foods you don't need to? Have unrealistic expectations? Like I mentioned earlier, we have to think of the long term. Don't feel bad eating a donut and don't throw your day away for a candy bar. Those things can fit into your life and you can still lose weight. It's all about balance
I have my calories set to about 1400 or so but i usually end up around 1500-1600 normally. i have been feeling "indulgent" or "deserving" for like the last week or so. whether i tell myself it's because of my workouts (i don't count the calories for them, i track them on here but always set the calories to 1) or what i don't know... i haven't lost in a couple weeks and i know it's because of this general mindset. i'm trying to not throw in the towel completely, but it's embarrassing to track what i'm eating sometimes. today i had 5 pieces of bread from altanta bread company - oh spit- with peanut butter (which i just realized i didn't track) so i thought i had 170 calories left but really i'm probably like 300 over already and it's 4pm.
i don't think i have unrealistic expectations, right now i'm at about 174ish, i want to get down to 150(ish). i don't mind losing slowly. i have genetics and antidepressants working against me so i know it's not going to happen overnight, i just have to LET it happen and have to figure out why i'm working against myself.0 -
meghanduprey wrote: »Phoenix_Down wrote: »How long have you been eating over? Do you know how much? If it's only a few days, honestly it's probably mostly water retention. Just get back to a moderate deficit and it'll trend back downward. I always had at least one day a week I'd eat over my deficit (typically my maintenance if not a but above ). I made sure I logged it, even if I was over. The next few days and sometimes even week looked bad scale wise and then the eater weight woosh happened and I was back on that deficit train.
Always remember this is about long term and not a day or two. It's never over until you throw in the towel and give up it takes 3500 calories OVER your maintenance level to gain 1 lb.
Eta: Also, a reason why you may feel the need to overeat..what are your calorie goals? Are you being too aggressive? Trying to eliminate foods you don't need to? Have unrealistic expectations? Like I mentioned earlier, we have to think of the long term. Don't feel bad eating a donut and don't throw your day away for a candy bar. Those things can fit into your life and you can still lose weight. It's all about balance
I have my calories set to about 1400 or so but i usually end up around 1500-1600 normally. i have been feeling "indulgent" or "deserving" for like the last week or so. whether i tell myself it's because of my workouts (i don't count the calories for them, i track them on here but always set the calories to 1) or what i don't know... i haven't lost in a couple weeks and i know it's because of this general mindset. i'm trying to not throw in the towel completely, but it's embarrassing to track what i'm eating sometimes. today i had 5 pieces of bread from altanta bread company - oh spit- with peanut butter (which i just realized i didn't track) so i thought i had 170 calories left but really i'm probably like 300 over already and it's 4pm.
i don't think i have unrealistic expectations, right now i'm at about 174ish, i want to get down to 150(ish). i don't mind losing slowly. i have genetics and antidepressants working against me so i know it's not going to happen overnight, i just have to LET it happen and have to figure out why i'm working against myself.
I would just reign in today the best you can and move forward. Depending on how much cardio you do, you might be fine where you're at, if not a little more Depends on how much you're losing per week, when you are in a deficit. About 1 lb per week is the general recommendation. Don't let the scale discourage you when you get back to it, it might take a week or two to fluctuate back downward but don't let that dishearten you.
You do deserve to treat yourself. Just remember within reason. One thing that helped me was letting myself have treats but in moderation. Along with lean meats, vegetables and fruits I was able to keep hunger at bay, and I typically saves treats for the evening so I wasn't trying to eat them all day. Pretty portioned things might help too, so you're not tempted for seconds. I limit the availability of some foods like for me it's brownies and cupcakes. I do make them but I plan to indulge when I do.
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part of it could be water weight, what i'm eating is a little higher in sodium than what i normally eat....
i don't know if maybe my workouts are making me feel like i "deserve" more food/treats too? i recently started doing spinning and am wondering if maybe subconsciously it's making me feel like i should be allowed to eat more food0 -
I mea technically, higher activity does mean you can consume more and still lose. But if you're essentially doing TDEE (not eating back exercise calories), if you were to up calories, I'd do so at no more than 100 calories a week and see where the weight trends. Fluctuating calories means fluctuating weight, typically. There's a lot of other reasons too that sent fat related to why the scale goes up. If you've recently started spinning, it is also highly likely your muscles are retaining water from that as well. After a few weeks of consistent exercise, the scale should even out.
Do you take measurements? That'd be another way to motivate. In the end, measurements and mirror are truly more important than the scale (though admittedly scale has its place to measure progress, it's just so finnicky 0 -
Tell yourself that you absolutely do deserve more food and lots of treats. However, you also deserve to be healthy and fit and achieve your goals. But you can't have both so you still have to make the choice. I think that acknowledging that thought and its consequences can be helpful. (now to take my own advice since I've been feeling the same way lately, argh)0
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meghanduprey wrote: »what is wrong with me? it's like i have a subconscious desire to undermine my weightloss efforts. i got down to 172.5 and all of a sudden i feel like i can eat whatever i want or i "deserve" to eat extra all the time even though i know i'm going over my calories. i weighed myself this morning and i'm back up to 174 which isn't a huge increase, but it's an INCREASE. i don't know why i self sabotage like this all the time.
Darling, it's your biology. We're not MADE to starve ourselves, and your hormones and brain are sending INTENSE signals to your body to make you eat. That you want it, need it, deserve it...MUST HAVE IT!
That's your body trying to make sure you survive on the savannah.
But you know what? We're not on the damn savannah anymore - we're surrounded by cheap, readily available junk food. So FIGHT those urges. Think of other things you DESERVE in life! Like massages, love, fresh air & sunshine, flowers, art, happiness. Let those in, instead of the chocolate lava cake or whatever your poison may be.0 -
one of my friends on here has been having a lot of success while i've been kind of plateau-ed and (god i sound like a jerk) for some reason seeing her being so successful makes me want to just say eff it all instead of work harder. is that weird?0
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Weird? No.meghanduprey wrote: »one of my friends on here has been having a lot of success while i've been kind of plateau-ed and (god i sound like a jerk) for some reason seeing her being so successful makes me want to just say eff it all instead of work harder. is that weird?
Productive or beneficial? No.
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meghanduprey wrote: »one of my friends on here has been having a lot of success while i've been kind of plateau-ed and (god i sound like a jerk) for some reason seeing her being so successful makes me want to just say eff it all instead of work harder. is that weird?
This is why I stopped measuring myself to others. The effort put forth to succeed, that's half the battle. Those that continue to succeed don't always do so. I lost 53 lbs but were there times I backslid or disappointed myself? Absolutely. Remember failure is not fatal. And the only reason you're in this is for YOU. The time spent doing so is irrelevant. You are making an effort to better yourself and that is worth more than giving up. Remember that.0 -
You're not a jerk, OP, but comparing yourself to others is a no-win habit. Sticking with it takes a little mental energy, and everyone has their energy ups and downs. FWIW, I totally identify with going through spells of low energy/motivation/willpower. How do you recharge your cognitive energy?
E.g. for me, it's time alone. My favorite way to spend energy is with fam & friends, but it is an energy spend. Classic introvert. When I get enough time alone, I have the mental energy needed to plan, to stick to my plan, etc. I also agree with an earlier commenter who said getting an appropriate number of calories to fuel yourself in the first place is a HUGE piece of the big picture. A little attention to giving your body & mind what they need will go a long way to staying on track. All the best to you!0 -
It doesn't matter why you do it.
Stop. Just stop.
Any no. That isn't easy. But it's possible.0 -
I read a really good article about this at one time or it may have been on here. Our bodies get used to a certain weight and when we feel we are "self sabotaging" we are actually just eating back up to the calories that kept us at the higher weight. We had a "habit" of eating there and the body got used to that habit. Let down your guard and you will naturally start eating back at that point. It is interesting and I have tested it. It's true for me. So how to overcome it? Recognize that it's happening and KEEP logging your food. Push through until you get to a better habit that the body adjusts to. It was comforting to me to know it wasn't necessarily some psychological thing I needed to really dig into but just my body doing what it does - keeping the status quo. Tell your body you want more for it and keep on pushing on!0
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I feel like this quite often. I love being the new thinner me, but sometimes I feel I don't deserve it. I haven't really found a way to stop these feelings yet but I am working on it. I have put on 10 lbs recently (over a few months) and my nice new clothes, aren't fitting me so well. This has happened before and I felt ok because I had my bigger clothes still. I sorted this last time by throwing away those bigger clothes. But I'm a bit scared this time that I will just end up with clothes that are too small .0
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I don't know what to do about it, but I'm right there with you. I lost 50 lbs and now just want to eat all the time. I'm over exercise, I'm over counting calories, and I just don't seem to care. I'll have a few good days, and then blow it. It's like I've lost the heart to continue. On the bright side, I'm very happy with my 50 lb loss. However, I still want to lose at least another 30. I'm not sure if a break would help at all, but as much as I want to eat, I really really don't want to gain that weight back. I'm just trying to muddle through it until I can get re-inspired.0
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meghanduprey wrote: »what is wrong with me? it's like i have a subconscious desire to undermine my weightloss efforts. i got down to 172.5 and all of a sudden i feel like i can eat whatever i want or i "deserve" to eat extra all the time even though i know i'm going over my calories. i weighed myself this morning and i'm back up to 174 which isn't a huge increase, but it's an INCREASE. i don't know why i self sabotage like this all the time.
Are you weighing and measuring everything?
(Sorry, I couldn't resist.)
I think it is battle fatigue. That and something called "licensing." People who exercise often "license" themselves to eat more. People who use reusable grocery bags license themselves to buy junk food. We get it in our head that because I did something good, then I deserve to do this other thing. Look for something else to indulge in. Instead of rewarding yourself with food, go buy something or go do something that you've been putting off because it is too expensive or because it would keep you from doing something else that needs to be done.
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I feel like this whenever the scale starts moving down. I'm not sure what I can advise but just wanted to give you a bit of sympathy and let you know you aren't losing it x0
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I've been doing this recently as well. You want a reward for your hard work and want a little break. Best thing to do is jump back into your routine. I started to slip mostly because I got sick and couldn't workout for a week or so. Then the excuses started back in as to why I shouldn't exercise (need to work on advertising for my business, not enough time, need to finish this for a client....etc) I finally told myself enough is enough and got back into it.0
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TimothyFish wrote: »meghanduprey wrote: »what is wrong with me? it's like i have a subconscious desire to undermine my weightloss efforts. i got down to 172.5 and all of a sudden i feel like i can eat whatever i want or i "deserve" to eat extra all the time even though i know i'm going over my calories. i weighed myself this morning and i'm back up to 174 which isn't a huge increase, but it's an INCREASE. i don't know why i self sabotage like this all the time.
Are you weighing and measuring everything?
(Sorry, I couldn't resist.)
I think it is battle fatigue. That and something called "licensing." People who exercise often "license" themselves to eat more. People who use reusable grocery bags license themselves to buy junk food. We get it in our head that because I did something good, then I deserve to do this other thing. Look for something else to indulge in. Instead of rewarding yourself with food, go buy something or go do something that you've been putting off because it is too expensive or because it would keep you from doing something else that needs to be done.
Ugh I hate that question! of course i'm weighing and measuring!
that sounds about right, if i put it in a pretty exercise bow it doesn't count (calories). but apparently my logic doesn't actually work.0 -
I do the same thing!! I will count calories and as soon as I'm a few kg's lighter and look better I get in the mind frame that I can eat a treat, which turns into 2 and then next minute I've over eaten the whole week. I think we need to refocus those feelings on something different, like new clothes or a treat that isn't food related 0
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Thank you everyone for letting me know i'm not the only one that does this/feels like this
from what everyone is saying and thinking about it, i think a lot of it is that i've been slogging away for a while now and haven't seen any results and i (without really thinking about it) just said "eff you" to the process, without really thinking through the fact that saying that will take away everything that HAS happened.
weighed myself this morning and i'm up to 176. again, not sure if it's water weight, but it's in the general direction of UP and that's not cool. i was planning on skipping spinning class but now- not so much!0 -
I'm vulnerable to this when I see the scale start going down. Just today I saw the scale read 2 lbs less than I weighed yesterday morning...obviously water weight from the weekend. But I'm already thinking about not eating the lunch I pre-logged and brought with me to work, but going to the convenience store on the corner and getting a 600 calorie sandwich instead. Classic self sabotage. My warped thinking is going like this: 2lbs in one day is a much faster loss than I had expected so maybe I'm not eating enough, so it'll be okay to overeat today and, because it's not candy, it's all good.
Typing this all out makes it seem even more ridiculous, so I guess I won't do it afterall. Thanks for bringing up the topic.
The thing I most resent about the process of losing weight is the loss of spontanaety. Monitoring how much I eat all the time feels like an unnatural act. The thought of having to do it even at maintenance for the rest of my life just makes me feel sorry for myself. I do best when I don't look ahead or behind. Don't think about how long this will take. Don't think about what maintenance will be like. Don't look back at yesterday's success (or failure.) Just deal with what's in front of me right now, today.0 -
meghanduprey wrote: »what is wrong with me? it's like i have a subconscious desire to undermine my weightloss efforts. i got down to 172.5 and all of a sudden i feel like i can eat whatever i want or i "deserve" to eat extra all the time even though i know i'm going over my calories. i weighed myself this morning and i'm back up to 174 which isn't a huge increase, but it's an INCREASE. i don't know why i self sabotage like this all the time.
focus on working out what you're going to do in maintenance
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lthames0810 wrote: »I'm vulnerable to this when I see the scale start going down. Just today I saw the scale read 2 lbs less than I weighed yesterday morning...obviously water weight from the weekend. But I'm already thinking about not eating the lunch I pre-logged and brought with me to work, but going to the convenience store on the corner and getting a 600 calorie sandwich instead. Classic self sabotage. My warped thinking is going like this: 2lbs in one day is a much faster loss than I had expected so maybe I'm not eating enough, so it'll be okay to overeat today and, because it's not candy, it's all good.
Typing this all out makes it seem even more ridiculous, so I guess I won't do it afterall. Thanks for bringing up the topic.
The thing I most resent about the process of losing weight is the loss of spontanaety. Monitoring how much I eat all the time feels like an unnatural act. The thought of having to do it even at maintenance for the rest of my life just makes me feel sorry for myself. I do best when I don't look ahead or behind. Don't think about how long this will take. Don't think about what maintenance will be like. Don't look back at yesterday's success (or failure.) Just deal with what's in front of me right now, today.
that's exactly it! i did that with pizza instead of my normal pre-logged meal (this was after a loss). i was like "oh well i'm doing well, i can afford to have pizza now!
i do resent the weight loss process too. it's such a *kitten*. and it's really never ending, at least for me it's not. i'll never be some one that can NOT weigh stuff/measure stuff/log stuff. my body type and my personality type mean that i'll always put weight on easily if i'm not careful (hence i've lost and gained the same 30lbs about 5-6 times). i'm trying to do this as sanely and least diet-like as i can because it can't be a diet, i can't live like that forever and this has to be forever this time0 -
meghanduprey wrote: »what is wrong with me? it's like i have a subconscious desire to undermine my weightloss efforts. i got down to 172.5 and all of a sudden i feel like i can eat whatever i want or i "deserve" to eat extra all the time even though i know i'm going over my calories. i weighed myself this morning and i'm back up to 174 which isn't a huge increase, but it's an INCREASE. i don't know why i self sabotage like this all the time.
focus on working out what you're going to do in maintenance
what do you mean?0 -
meghanduprey wrote: »meghanduprey wrote: »what is wrong with me? it's like i have a subconscious desire to undermine my weightloss efforts. i got down to 172.5 and all of a sudden i feel like i can eat whatever i want or i "deserve" to eat extra all the time even though i know i'm going over my calories. i weighed myself this morning and i'm back up to 174 which isn't a huge increase, but it's an INCREASE. i don't know why i self sabotage like this all the time.
focus on working out what you're going to do in maintenance
what do you mean?
Because at the moment I imagine you are thinking "when I lose this weight"
Whereas really you should be thinking "What do I need to do to maintain this weight loss once it's gone"
I spent a lot of my time whilst I was losing weight thinking about how I would manage my maintenance, rapidly coming to the conclusion that I wouldn't stop logging and actually an extra 250 calories a day (because I was on 0.5lb per week for a long time towards the end) isn't really that much.
Then I found trendweight.com that gives me a chance to track fluctuations and a trendline (so do happyscale and Libra apps and lots more) .. so that I could see when exercise, sodium, hormones made my scale weight go up but really what that meant in the scheme of things
the thing is if you're in it for the short-haul - how do you know you won't yo-yo.. find the path that means that you will stay at your successful point, continually modifying your body but at the level you're happy at .. and work out the effort you will have to put in to keep at it
because if you don't plan for the rest of your life, you're just on another diet .. and not a lifestyle change
well that's what worked for my psyche anyway .. there is no 'I've got there' there's just I'm 3 months into maintenance how can I tweak it now to work better and better ...
Hope that brain dump makes sense0 -
meghanduprey wrote: »meghanduprey wrote: »what is wrong with me? it's like i have a subconscious desire to undermine my weightloss efforts. i got down to 172.5 and all of a sudden i feel like i can eat whatever i want or i "deserve" to eat extra all the time even though i know i'm going over my calories. i weighed myself this morning and i'm back up to 174 which isn't a huge increase, but it's an INCREASE. i don't know why i self sabotage like this all the time.
focus on working out what you're going to do in maintenance
what do you mean?
Because at the moment I imagine you are thinking "when I lose this weight"
Whereas really you should be thinking "What do I need to do to maintain this weight loss once it's gone"
I spent a lot of my time whilst I was losing weight thinking about how I would manage my maintenance, rapidly coming to the conclusion that I wouldn't stop logging and actually an extra 250 calories a day (because I was on 0.5lb per week for a long time towards the end) isn't really that much.
Then I found trendweight.com that gives me a chance to track fluctuations and a trendline (so do happyscale and Libra apps and lots more) .. so that I could see when exercise, sodium, hormones made my scale weight go up but really what that meant in the scheme of things
the thing is if you're in it for the short-haul - how do you know you won't yo-yo.. find the path that means that you will stay at your successful point, continually modifying your body but at the level you're happy at .. and work out the effort you will have to put in to keep at it
because if you don't plan for the rest of your life, you're just on another diet .. and not a lifestyle change
well that's what worked for my psyche anyway .. there is no 'I've got there' there's just I'm 3 months into maintenance how can I tweak it now to work better and better ...
Hope that brain dump makes sense
i am trying to think about this as a lifestyle and not a diet, that's why i try to not 'outlaw' foods and instead try to fit them in (like pizza and cookies) because i don't think i could live long term without them, so why would i want to try to live short term without them? i would just end up resenting everything and binging (more than i already am that is).
sometimes it's overwhelming to think that writing everything down is going to be a lifetime endeavor other times it doesn't bother me at all. sometimes working out is fun and i can't wait for class and other times i have to slog through it. i'm sure that's all normal. i just need to learn to stick with everything kind of like a marriage between me and MFP.0
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