Unsupportive Partners
nightingale702
Posts: 14 Member
Is anyone else is living with someone unsupportive or passive about your health goals? That could be a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, parent or even child.
What helps you overcome the temptation when they crack a beer next to you or decide to order pizza? Or when you'd like a buddy for walking or joining a gym?
What helps you overcome the temptation when they crack a beer next to you or decide to order pizza? Or when you'd like a buddy for walking or joining a gym?
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Replies
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I used to be in this situation. Here's what I did. I got really clear with myself and all of my goals. So everytime my ex would eat something I really would have loved to sink my teeth into like pizza, I'd take a step back and remind myself of all of my goals and how great I will when they are accomplished. You sort of diet do you follow? There are a lot of alternatives you could make for yourself so you don't feel so left out. That really helped me.0
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You have to stay focused. This is your walk and your walk alone. Eating healthy around unsupportive people will only make you stronger. Eat healthy and watch yourself grow into positive results then they will want to change. Be the leader not the follower.0
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Yes! it Makes It So Difficult..I've Learned To Live With It By Prepping My Own Meals Every Sunday. The Hard Part is To not Eat Their Junk In Addition To Your Food.. But I Found That Once I Had Found The Right Mindset and Had A Truely Good Reason For WHY I wanted To Live A Healthier Lifestyle, It Was So Much More Easier To Say No!0
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i have been on my weight loss journey for years with an unsupportive partner. he has probably gained every lb i lost. i have tried everything. he just isn't ready but i know in my heart i sure as hell was. i just thought i want to be fit for myself. i make dinner in my house so he can eat my healthy meals i cook or not at all. if he leaves junk in the house i throw it out. over the years he has just learned to not bring it in the house!0
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My husband isn't necessarily unsupportive, but I really don't lean on him. I cook most of our meals, and I pack my own healthy lunch and snacks for work. The only time he might influence me is on the weekends when he grills for the family (but that includes lots of protein options) or if he wants to order out. It really doesn't bother me because I can make almost anything into a healthy, well portioned option. He wants pizza? No problem. I have one slice and fill the rest of my plate with salad. Or have 2 slices and skip something else.
I don't rely on him for exercise at all. I make the time and do it. But I kind of prefer some solo time any way.0 -
I drink beer with her, and she drinks beer with me. We just both stay under our goals (Or a bit over).
You don't need to avoid all the things. Just, moderation.1 -
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10134341/you-arent-always-going-to-get-support/p1nightingale702 wrote: »Is anyone else is living with someone unsupportive or passive about your health goals? That could be a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, parent or even child.
What helps you overcome the temptation when they crack a beer next to you or decide to order pizza? Or when you'd like a buddy for walking or joining a gym?
I deal with this a lot with clients.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I don't consider my husband eating/drinking what he wants to eat/drink to be unsupportive. I think that people need to learn self-control rather than try to control their partners.0
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I got a LOT of negative feedback from my now ex-husband when I started losing the weight. One of several reasons that he is now my EX-husband!0
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You realize that it's your journey and that means doing some things alone.
I'm (more or less) an IIFYM eater, so something like my SO wanting to mow down on chicken wings and pizza doesn't throw me off that bad; it just means I need to make that fit my macros. If it doesn't, that's why we keep food in the house (or I order something else that does fit for that day).
As per exercise, find thing you enjoy to do alone and make that your personal time, join a fitness class if you want to be surrounded by people, or reach out to a friend to do something physical instead. In the past 2.5 years of living together, my SO's never gone on a run with me or wanted to head to the gym, and honestly, I think it'd just throw me off if he did. haha.
I think for me the biggest thing that I had to change was my ability to be influenced by social factors. While I don't necessarily eat everything my SO does, going out for dinners with friends or family get-togethers etc are places where I used to feel really challenged. But, I've learned to say no. When my grandparents offer me a soda or beer with dinner at their place, I tell them i'll just grab a glass of water instead; when all my friends want to get drunk and go dancing last minute, I DD (and still have fun); if we all go out for dinner, I know I can pick a healthy option (unless I've got the cals to splurge). The day you learn that you don't have to eat what people offer you is the day you'll become a heck of a lot more successful at weight loss haha.0 -
nightingale702 wrote: »Is anyone else is living with someone unsupportive or passive about your health goals? That could be a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, parent or even child.
What helps you overcome the temptation when they crack a beer next to you or decide to order pizza? Or when you'd like a buddy for walking or joining a gym?
It sounds like the only thing you would accept as support would be those people actively participating in the activities you are doing to achieve your health goals. If you can't drink beer, neither can they. If you want to go for walk or join gym, they have to also.
This your journey and these are your goals. No one else can do it for you.0 -
My husband isn't necessarily unsupportive, but I really don't lean on him. I cook most of our meals, and I pack my own healthy lunch and snacks for work. The only time he might influence me is on the weekends when he grills for the family (but that includes lots of protein options) or if he wants to order out. It really doesn't bother me because I can make almost anything into a healthy, well portioned option. He wants pizza? No problem. I have one slice and fill the rest of my plate with salad. Or have 2 slices and skip something else.
I don't rely on him for exercise at all. I make the time and do it. But I kind of prefer some solo time any way.
100% this.
It's YOUR journey, no one else should be holding you back. You make the decision to create an account and take responsibility for your intake. Everything in moderation
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I didn't even tell my wife when I started this. I didn't tell a single person. This is something I needed to do in order to change my life. I needed to make my weight and health goals fit into my every day life - not make my every day life conform to my weight and health goals.
This means, I drink beer, eat pizza, wings, cake, tacos, and whatever. Because I need to be able to have what I want but make it fit into my life.
i didn't want my wife to change what she wanted for me. i didn't want to alter my son's meals for my sake.
eventually, my wife noticed (i mean, 60 lbs, she had to) and she is proud of me. but i still don't ask her to make any changes in the name of my goals. i've gotten this far being unobtrusive, so we'll stick with what works.0 -
coreyreichle wrote: »I drink beer with her, and she drinks beer with me. We just both stay under our goals (Or a bit over).
You don't need to avoid all the things. Just, moderation.
This. 0 -
So, I am dealing with the same situation you are in. What I have done is start making meals on my own. My BF eats VERY unhealthy, and in addition to us both gaining "happy/comfortable" weight over the past 3 years, I picked up A LOT of his bad eating habits.
Now, I don't care if he doesn't want to eat what I made for dinner. We are both adults and can eat what we like/want and deal with the consequences of that, whether they be good or bad.
As far as cravings for beer/soda/the bad things I used to want I'm moderating my cravings by allowing myself those things but in smaller amounts. Where I used to have 2 or 3 sodas a day, I now have 1 smaller soda every 2 or 3 days(trying to cut out completely, but it is what it is right now). When I see him eating all the things I used to/sometimes still want to I remind myself that I am working my butt off and do I really want to have wasted all that time and effort?!?
It's a valid concern if instead of merely not being on the same path you are, your partner is actively trying to sabotage you in your efforts, and you need to nip that in the bud RIGHT AWAY. Try talking to your partner to let them know that you're struggling, as they may not even realize they are tempting you so badly. As I used to tell my students "I can't help you fix the problem if I don't even know you have a problem".
I hope this helps you, and feel free to add me if you like. I always like having more people to be accountable to, as my BF DGAF's about whether I work out or not
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I have not been successful consistently. However, when I have been on track, I've had to do it on my own most of the time. I wouldn't say my husband is not supporting me, but there have been challenges of trying to keep a goal and being in a relationship. I have to be in charge of sticking to the goals or it isn't gonna happen.0
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Best advice someone gave me years ago and I feel its time to share it now. "Never let someone stop you from doing what you believe is right!!!"
That goes for everyone husbands, boyfriends, family, friends and others. If he is unsupportive its his problem not yours. Sometimes men do this to test your determination and commitment. He might feel that you won't see this to the end and want you to prove him right. So you have to persevere and prove him wrong. Don't argue with him cos you could make things worse. Smile and carry on!!! Add me if you like.0 -
My husband isn't necessarily unsupportive, but I really don't lean on him. I cook most of our meals, and I pack my own healthy lunch and snacks for work. The only time he might influence me is on the weekends when he grills for the family (but that includes lots of protein options) or if he wants to order out. It really doesn't bother me because I can make almost anything into a healthy, well portioned option. He wants pizza? No problem. I have one slice and fill the rest of my plate with salad. Or have 2 slices and skip something else.
I don't rely on him for exercise at all. I make the time and do it. But I kind of prefer some solo time any way.
Exactly the same for me. Relying on someone for support (for me) is one step away from blaming them when I don't succeed- in other words, using his lack of support as an excuse rather than holding myself accountable. If I'm going to do this right, I have to be solely responsible for myself.0 -
My husband isn't necessarily unsupportive, but I really don't lean on him. I cook most of our meals, and I pack my own healthy lunch and snacks for work. The only time he might influence me is on the weekends when he grills for the family (but that includes lots of protein options) or if he wants to order out. It really doesn't bother me because I can make almost anything into a healthy, well portioned option. He wants pizza? No problem. I have one slice and fill the rest of my plate with salad. Or have 2 slices and skip something else.
I don't rely on him for exercise at all. I make the time and do it. But I kind of prefer some solo time any way.
Same here, although I have not mastered self control in many thing such as pizza. I also have a weakness for carbs between noon and 1p.m. Still working on a fix for that.0 -
nightingale702 wrote: »Is anyone else is living with someone unsupportive or passive about your health goals? That could be a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, parent or even child.
What helps you overcome the temptation when they crack a beer next to you or decide to order pizza? Or when you'd like a buddy for walking or joining a gym?
I would crack a beer with them, grab a slice and pull up a chair. I don't need a buddy for the gym, I prefer solo.0 -
wolverine66 wrote: »I didn't even tell my wife when I started this. I didn't tell a single person. This is something I needed to do in order to change my life. I needed to make my weight and health goals fit into my every day life - not make my every day life conform to my weight and health goals.
This means, I drink beer, eat pizza, wings, cake, tacos, and whatever. Because I need to be able to have what I want but make it fit into my life.
i didn't want my wife to change what she wanted for me. i didn't want to alter my son's meals for my sake.
eventually, my wife noticed (i mean, 60 lbs, she had to) and she is proud of me. but i still don't ask her to make any changes in the name of my goals. i've gotten this far being unobtrusive, so we'll stick with what works.
Thats a great attitude to have, well done to you!0 -
I did not tell my husband that I was ding MFP either. He found out after about 3 months. Initially he was pretty passive about it, but was proud of what I achieved and slowly started to show an interest..
After about a year he joined too and though he now lost the few Kgs he needed to get rid of he is now much more understanding if I say - does not fit my day goals. As for excersise Most of it (for both of us) is fitted in such a way that we can maximise both excersise and time together. We only excersise together once a week, the rest is solo, which we both prefer.
All in all I did it for me and I worked my new style in with our existing life. I did not count on his support as I was doing it for me - but I am grateful that he is now such an additional supporter0 -
Sean804mfp wrote: »You have to stay focused. This is your walk and your walk alone. Eating healthy around unsupportive people will only make you stronger. Eat healthy and watch yourself grow into positive results then they will want to change. Be the leader not the follower.
Love this!! So true. The amount of pride you will have in yourself when you have reached your goal will be a much better feeling then being supported through it. Although support is great and can really help on those often bad days! Going at it alone will give you the confidence and pride to no you can do this and carry on doing it within a partnership or alone. Your journey, your success.
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Hubby has been mostly a passive observer through all of this, though every few months he goes on a fitness jag. I've come to appreciate how his non-interference is in it's own way, a big support. This is my game, I'm having a ball, and he lets me. Even when my schedule was so full I was out in the evenings at least three times a week.
When we order in pizza, I have a slice with salad.
He's lost weight on my cooking, which he considers a bonus.
My daughter was initially actively opposed to my plan, so I quietly went along on my way. She came around eventually and now she is proud of me. Every once in a while she asks to join me on a walk.
That's one big advantage of doing this at my age. I don't care nearly as much what other people think, and I've taken ownership of my body and my choices. I'm the one that has to live in it, after all.0 -
My husband didn't make me fat so I don't hold him responsible for getting me fit. It's not relevant if anyone in your life is supportive, it only matters if you support you.0
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My ex used to try and sabotage me whenever I was trying to get fit. I learned later that a lot of it was that he was afraid that if I got thinner I would leave him. But it taught me that I am responsible for my fitness/diet no one else--though it sure makes it easier that my (now) boyfriend is eating healthy at the moment!0
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My parents keep tons of food in the house
And lots of junk...and my boyfriend isn't usually very healthy, although I've been very slowly influencing him! My boyfriend has come to accept it, and usually is willing to budge on things, but my parents
not so much. Maybe just enjoy a little beer, or try making your own healthy pizza with whole wheat dough! Otherwise, try talking with your SO about it?0 -
Why should my fit husband have to give up eating because I'm fat? That's not reasonable.0
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Is it really unsupportive or conflicting goals? His weight has no bearing on yours.0
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I'm going to be honest. If my husband gets pizza, I'll have some. It is something that doesn't happen often. He is not dieting and doesn't think that I have to but he knows that this is important to me. He might buy cookies or whatever but I have to have the willpower to just not eat it or if I do, fit it into my diet.0
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