Unsupportive Partners

wolverine66 wrote: »

I didn't even tell my wife when I started this. I didn't tell a single person. This is something I needed to do in order to change my life. I needed to make my weight and health goals fit into my every day life - not make my every day life conform to my weight and health goals.

This means, I drink beer, eat pizza, wings, cake, tacos, and whatever. Because I need to be able to have what I want but make it fit into my life.

i didn't want my wife to change what she wanted for me. i didn't want to alter my son's meals for my sake.

eventually, my wife noticed (i mean, 60 lbs, she had to) and she is proud of me. but i still don't ask her to make any changes in the name of my goals. i've gotten this far being unobtrusive, so we'll stick with what works.

Thats a great attitude to have, well done to you!

Sean804mfp wrote: »

You have to stay focused. This is your walk and your walk alone. Eating healthy around unsupportive people will only make you stronger. Eat healthy and watch yourself grow into positive results then they will want to change. Be the leader not the follower.

Love this!! So true. The amount of pride you will have in yourself when you have reached your goal will be a much better feeling then being supported through it. Although support is great and can really help on those often bad days! Going at it alone will give you the confidence and pride to no you can do this and carry on doing it within a partnership or alone. Your journey, your success.

My husband didn't make me fat so I don't hold him responsible for getting me fit. It's not relevant if anyone in your life is supportive, it only matters if you support you.

My parents keep tons of food in the house
And lots of junk...and my boyfriend isn't usually very healthy, although I've been very slowly influencing him! My boyfriend has come to accept it, and usually is willing to budge on things, but my parents
not so much. Maybe just enjoy a little beer, or try making your own healthy pizza with whole wheat dough! Otherwise, try talking with your SO about it?

Is it really unsupportive or conflicting goals? His weight has no bearing on yours.

I've had lots of family make fun of my healthy eating and exercise. Some would say I don't need to. It was very hard because i felt like just giving up to fit in with everyone. But I have health issues that have kept me eating the way I do. I finally realized that the ones who were giving me a hard time and being down right rude were family members who wanted to lose weight and were upset I was able to maintain my figure and look good. I had to remind myself that they love me but were upset were they were with their weight. To not give up because I could be a good example for them later and help them if they needed help with losing weight and eating healthy.

nightingale702 wrote: »

Is anyone else is living with someone unsupportive or passive about your health goals? That could be a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, parent or even child.

What helps you overcome the temptation when they crack a beer next to you or decide to order pizza? Or when you'd like a buddy for walking or joining a gym?

Honestly, passive is definitely preferable to unsupportive. I think most people would rate what they prefer in their partner differently, but for me it goes like this: active support, passive support, apathy, passive opposition, actively undermining, and unwanted/un-asked-for encouragement.

I have two exes who responded... differently. The first gave me unwanted encouragement. Basically he told me I needed to eat better and exercise more. I didn't ask his opinion on this. He was definitely a 'fixer-upper' type and told me one day that I was "almost perfect" (that's a red flag, folks). My next ex oscillated between supportive and actively undermining. He would go for walks with me some days. Then he'd bring home my favorite cookies or cupcakes for me, wouldn't eat any, after I asked him to stop. I know he wasn't doing this to undermine my efforts, he was just trying to make me happy, but that's what happened! (In retrospect, I should have thrown them out.) Passive or apathetic isn't that bad compared to these other reactions. Luckily, my husband oscillates between actively and passively supporting me. One of my favorite qualities of our relationship is that we are mutually supportive of each others' goals and dreams.

However, asking your SO to change their eating habits for your benefit, when they have no desire to, is not particularly reasonable on your part. As other's have said, you have to do this for you.

Here's the thing: while it's great to have someone by your side to cheer you on and hold your hand throughout a difficult struggle, the fact of the matter is that it's YOUR struggle. No one else's.

Let's imagine for a moment that your husband was totally supportive, and suggested healthy alternatives, and encouraged you to not go back for seconds or reach for that cake...you'd reach your goal, but it wouldn't be YOUR success. It's be his, or at least his and yours together. Call me crazy, but that would just infuriate me. No WAY I'd want anyone to share in my success. I did it! No one else! The feeling you get from knowing and owning that is so precious, and to me, worth every struggle when my chef husband would make alfredo scallops sauteed in butter and cream, or homemade deep dish pizza with a whole pound of bacon and sausage.

I joined my wife in losing weight. We do it differently but we've both lost about 30lbs each.

Maybe you could save some $$ by downgrading the membership to a single rather than joint? Did he ever show any actual interest in using it? Even if they're interested in exercise, some people do prefer other stuff such as walking/running outside, basketball game with the buddies, etc. Also I don't know if it's just a convenience thing that he's got the wrappers in the car, but consider that ideally he should be able to eat what he wants without being or feeling judged