It's NOT okay to make fun of me before I lost the weight.
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Joezeeah
Posts: 14 Member
I'm feeling a bit down this week and not due to my weight loss journey (it's been great) but because of the people around me and their comments. I have lost 33 lbs. in about 3 months and because of that I’m getting noticeably smaller. People have been giving out compliments and dishing out hate (whatever) but what really hit a nerve was that people now think it’s acceptable to make fun of me before I lost the weight. My friends and family are all telling me how unattractive and fat I was and it wasn't long before I ended up on “My 660lb Life”. It’s tough to hear over and over how unattractive you were just a mere 3 months ago. My weight loss journey alone messes with my head enough I don’t need that kind of stuff right now. It’s hard because these are my family and close friends; I see them and hear this every day. I still have about 60 more pounds to lose and I can only imagine the kind of comments I’ll be getting once I start getting closer to my goal weight.
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Replies
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First, let me say WAY TO GO
You've got choices when it comes to the people in your life. Maybe they don't realize how much their words sting, they may think it's motivating you when they say those negative things….you can always talk to them and let them know. Give them a choice--it stops or the relationships change. You don't need negativity in your life and the amount of time and energy you put into the people around you is totally up to you. You can't change who your family is but you can change who your friends are…and you get to pick who is in your inner circle.
Do you feel like they would be receptive if you talked to them?0 -
I can't even begin to understand why someone (especially loved ones) would think this behavior is okay?? It makes me sad to read.
First and foremost - YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Regardless of what the scale says, you are absolutely beautiful. I'm probably not going to be any help here, because I have no idea what I would do in your situation... This journey is so hard, and what we really need are people here to lift us up, not bring us down. I have a family member who tends to try and sabotage me - and I have no idea if she's doing it purposely or not. So I guess on some level, I may understand your situation. Except in this case, it's happening in the form of non-verbal actions.
The obvious thing to do is to tell them how cruel it is, but considering it's your loved ones, that will be a super hard conversation to have. Would it help? You know these people - so I wonder if it would help or hurt? Would they laugh and continue on with this awful behavior?
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. I just really need you to know that you are truly beautiful. With or without the weight.0 -
emmyjo1981 wrote: »First, let me say WAY TO GO
You've got choices when it comes to the people in your life. Maybe they don't realize how much their words sting, they may think it's motivating you when they say those negative things….you can always talk to them and let them know. Give them a choice--it stops or the relationships change. You don't need negativity in your life and the amount of time and energy you put into the people around you is totally up to you. You can't change who your family is but you can change who your friends are…and you get to pick who is in your inner circle.
Do you feel like they would be receptive if you talked to them?
I have approached the topic with my parents before, but somehow the conversation got turned into how I need to be grateful for people who are reminding me where I came from so I don't gain the weight back. I love my parents and respect them immensely so I didn't respond. I think they feel they’re doing me a favor by making fun of my previous weight so I'll be too ashamed to put the weight back on. I'm still the same person on the inside (with a few tweaks) only the scales have changed0 -
Wow, what a sucky situation. Express to you parents that you don't need to "be reminded of where you came from" . You were the one who LIVED it. Like thanks but I got this..:)0
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Wow
that's messed up. I'm so sorry you have to put up with that! 0 -
emmyjo1981 wrote: »First, let me say WAY TO GO
You've got choices when it comes to the people in your life. Maybe they don't realize how much their words sting, they may think it's motivating you when they say those negative things….you can always talk to them and let them know. Give them a choice--it stops or the relationships change. You don't need negativity in your life and the amount of time and energy you put into the people around you is totally up to you. You can't change who your family is but you can change who your friends are…and you get to pick who is in your inner circle.
Do you feel like they would be receptive if you talked to them?
I have approached the topic with my parents before, but somehow the conversation got turned into how I need to be grateful for people who are reminding me where I came from so I don't gain the weight back. I love my parents and respect them immensely so I didn't respond. I think they feel they’re doing me a favor by making fun of my previous weight so I'll be too ashamed to put the weight back on. I'm still the same person on the inside (with a few tweaks) only the scales have changed
You can lovingly and respectfully disagree with your parents now that you are an adult. It takes some getting used to, but you are allowed to set boundaries. Tell them that you understand their intention but even so, those words make you really sad and are in fact DEmotivational. Tell them you have the right to be treated with kindness and love. It's the truth!0 -
It’s tough to hear over and over how unattractive you were just a mere 3 months ago.
It is tough, I empathize. I also recognize that its often true - I was pretty unattractive at my high weight.
But they're your family - tell them nicely that the comments are making your journey more difficult, and if they really want to help, they should stop making them.
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Girl, f*** 'em! I feel like people who have the gall to say some off the wall mess like that need to be avoided as much as possible. Those comments will f*** you up, and you don't need that negative talk. As cliché as it sounds, surround yourself with positive images and positive people. Family included. Love rude family members from a distance.0
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baldielove13 wrote: »Love rude family members from a distance.
^^This
It is not easy to do but sometimes it has to be done as the only way to change their negative treatment of you as well as give you inner strength to keep going on your journey. My family loved to tell me how "fat and disgusting" I was, even before I started my weight loss, and when I told them how hurtful it was they'd say, like your family, that it was "tough love" to motivate me. It didn't motivate and was just cruel. I stopped talking to them except for the occasional birthday/holiday/special occasion call where I'd congratulate them then move on with the rest of my day. Took 5 years but now they treat me different.
When you respect someone enough you love them without being nasty.
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Let them know it's bothering you. The same thing that happens to you happens to me but I'm okay with it, heck I even join in. I just take it as banter and use it to fuel myself in the right direction as I know I can never go down that dark road again!0
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They may honestly believe they're "encouraging" you somehow, trying to keep you moving forward instead of going back to the way you were. They don't understand, though, that the heavy person isn't your body. The heavy person is in your head and is and always will be alive and well, and deserves just as much respect as the slimmer physical manifestation of yourself.0
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Just remember the outer beauty you can change, adapt and maybe just better.. However, it's the inner beauty that makes everything else worthless or worth while.... Yes, we are all here to lose weight, but it's not to please other people, it's for our own satisfaction.... We all have people like that, don't you take notice. Nevertheless, your parents I'm sure love you becuase you are you, what they're probably actually trying to address is you getting fitter. I know that's how my mum was she couldn't tell me how worried she was about my health (becuase I would have bitten her head off) untill I did something about it.0
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First thing, awesome job! That is quite an accomplishment! The comments made by family are so wrong. You can't let it bring you down though. I know it sucks, but my advice, take that ugliness they are speaking to you and turn it into fuel. I remember how happy I was just to hit my initial 15 pound mark. At that point I still had a long way to go. A family member made a very toxic remark along the lines of, "with all the weight you gained with your pregnancy, you'll never lose the rest and you'll probably even gain more back."
Ugh. Some folks can see you walk on water and they'll swear it's only because you can't swim. Focus on you and your accomplishments. Hell with the crappy comments.0 -
tell them if they don't smarten up you just may lose (insert their weight here) by next monday lol0
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Wow, what a sucky situation. Express to you parents that you don't need to "be reminded of where you came from" . You were the one who LIVED it. Like thanks but I got this..:)
Agree. Let them know you appreciate where they're coming from, but would rather they didn't comment at all if all they've got is ridicule and discouragement
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Wow, they're extremely rude. And jealous. And rude. Shaming never works, discussing someone's weight is never okay. They need to be told to mind their own.0
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