I'm new, and I didn't know this would be so hard
kgarrison1371
Posts: 1 Member
I need some motivation and support. My husband and kids are great, but I need a littlemorethan they are giving.
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Replies
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Which part(s) are you finding difficult?0
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I'm sorry you're struggling, but yes, this is very hard. That's why there are so many overweight (or underweight if that's your struggle) people in the world. And that's why almost everyone who loses weight gains it back.
But if you recognize that it's hard, you can plan for it. You can plan small steps to work toward your goals. You can be on alert for difficult situations and difficult times. You can give yourself a break when you aren't perfect. You can realize that because it is hard, you don't need to make it even harder by cutting calories too drastically or radically changing everything about your life when you just really need to adapt what you already do to make it healthier and take things one day, one meal at a time.0 -
I'm on week two. I used MFP three years ago and lost 60 pounds. Then gained it all back. Last week was hard for me too but this week is much easier. It will get easier soon. Your body just hasn't adjusted yet. All in due time. Circle a day on your calendar one month from now. That's your goal. On that day look back at your progress. Good luck!0
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I guess hard is relative. What I found hard was hardly being able to climb up my stairs, not being able to stay on my feet for long because my weight was wrecking my ankle, going through my days tired & depressed, not being able to do much with my kids, etc. Logging what I eat, losing myself in some good music on my exercise bike, getting outside more, and losing some weight while I'm doing it has been a blessing.
You didn't give any details, but have you set up your MFP profile and gotten a calorie recommendation? Is that recommendation based on a *reasonable* goal per week? (I'm 5'9" & 234 and set mine for 1.5/week and never feel the least bit deprived.) Are you learning to negotiate the food database and use the recipe feature? Have you discovered that once you log a food, it stays in your database so you don't have to look it up again? Have you looked around the forums for people who have been successful or who you think you could help support? I wasn't highly motivated at the beginning, but by committing to small changes and then beginning to reap the benefits, I have a lot of motivation now and don't view it as a drudgery. You can do it too
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The key for me is small steps. Like parking at the far end of the parking lot so I have to walk in to work. I started parking at the half-way point.0
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Tried30UserNames wrote: »I'm sorry you're struggling, but yes, this is very hard. That's why there are so many overweight (or underweight if that's your struggle) people in the world. And that's why almost everyone who loses weight gains it back.
But if you recognize that it's hard, you can plan for it. You can plan small steps to work toward your goals. You can be on alert for difficult situations and difficult times. You can give yourself a break when you aren't perfect. You can realize that because it is hard, you don't need to make it even harder by cutting calories too drastically or radically changing everything about your life when you just really need to adapt what you already do to make it healthier and take things one day, one meal at a time.
This by Tried 30.
When you realize that you are worth it then everything will fall into place. Its not easy but you can accomplish your goals if you want to.0 -
kgarrison1371 wrote: »I need some motivation and support. My husband and kids are great, but I need a littlemorethan they are giving.
You need to give us more than that. What "support" do you need that your family isn't giving you? Are they supportive of dietary changes? If yes, that's a huge part of the battle solved right there. Are they supportive of increasing your activity level, of you getting exercise? That's the other part of the battle. Are they supportive and happy you've taken on this challenge? Terrific.
As far as motivation, you might try reading this from another thread:
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/32459507#Comment_32459507Motivation, willpower and resolution are words we use to justify failure. They are weak and so many people fail that it justifies us falling short ourselves.
Instead, consider the word, commitment. When you make a commitment to someone you care about, you keep it. You don’t cheat. You show up when and where you say you’re going to show. Commitments are life long and real because they become a part of us and we announce them to the world (e.g., wedding ring, baptism, etc.).
If you really want this, then commit. You’ll be motivated. You’ll follow through. - Allan Misner (MFP member)
You need commitment, not motivation.
Motivation is easy. Keep on going the way you are going and you'll have a less happy, less fulfilling, shorter life with more health issues and more costs and more pain and suffering down the road. Your family won't get to enjoy all that could give them if you only take your health into your own hands. See - that's easy. It's *easy* to find motivation when family are involved. What you really need to do is find commitment.
I speak from my own experience. I made every excuse in the book while I was gaining weight. I worked too much, travelled too much for work. No time for exercise. I can put off losing weight until summer. And then darker... damn I'm so fat now I'll never turn this around.
It's all B.S., truly. Lies we tell ourselves. I told myself every single lie in the book.
Then one day I realized that I wasn't having as much fun with my children as I could. I wasn't able to coach as well as I could because of my weight and fitness. I wasn't doing things I used to love to do. I wasn't honouring the commitment I made to my wife when we met and married that we'd grow old together, fit together, so we could truly enjoy our retirement.
So on my last birthday (September 2014) I gave myself a very stern talking to and stopped buying my own B.S. and made a commitment to change.
That was 64 pounds ago. I've every intention and am on track to be at goal weight by this birthday, one year later. That'll be 105 pounds. If I can do it anyone can.
I'm not trying to be hard on you, but I am trying to get you to open your eyes and realise that no one other than you will make this happen. Yes, we can encourage you and help you with questions and approaches and be there as your guiding angels but no one can "motivate" you other than yourself.
Make a commitment. Make it public. Make it to your family, in person.0 -
@kgarrison1371 I meant to add... the first 25 pounds are the easiest. Get yourself moving to achieve that. For many of us, once we start to see results, we keep going because it's easy to like the changes.0
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kgarrison1371 wrote: »I need some motivation and support. My husband and kids are great, but I need a littlemorethan they are giving.
We can help if you help us. The first reply was the perfect question.... what are you finding hard? Also let me add that this can be as easy as starting to park further away from a store and walk further in the parking lot. Then going for additional walks or bike rides for the exercise part. The food part is very difficult for quite a few, including me. I love sweets and beer but really dislike vegetables. So in order to eat right it is a small change at a time. Skip the butter fingers and eat an apple.
Let us know what you need help with and let us guide. 0 -
kgarrison1371 wrote: »I need some motivation and support. My husband and kids are great, but I need a littlemorethan they are giving.
You need to give us more than that. What "support" do you need that your family isn't giving you? Are they supportive of dietary changes? If yes, that's a huge part of the battle solved right there. Are they supportive of increasing your activity level, of you getting exercise? That's the other part of the battle. Are they supportive and happy you've taken on this challenge? Terrific.
As far as motivation, you might try reading this from another thread:
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/32459507#Comment_32459507Motivation, willpower and resolution are words we use to justify failure. They are weak and so many people fail that it justifies us falling short ourselves.
Instead, consider the word, commitment. When you make a commitment to someone you care about, you keep it. You don’t cheat. You show up when and where you say you’re going to show. Commitments are life long and real because they become a part of us and we announce them to the world (e.g., wedding ring, baptism, etc.).
If you really want this, then commit. You’ll be motivated. You’ll follow through. - Allan Misner (MFP member)
You need commitment, not motivation.
Motivation is easy. Keep on going the way you are going and you'll have a less happy, less fulfilling, shorter life with more health issues and more costs and more pain and suffering down the road. Your family won't get to enjoy all that could give them if you only take your health into your own hands. See - that's easy. It's *easy* to find motivation when family are involved. What you really need to do is find commitment.
I speak from my own experience. I made every excuse in the book while I was gaining weight. I worked too much, travelled too much for work. No time for exercise. I can put off losing weight until summer. And then darker... damn I'm so fat now I'll never turn this around.
It's all B.S., truly. Lies we tell ourselves. I told myself every single lie in the book.
Then one day I realized that I wasn't having as much fun with my children as I could. I wasn't able to coach as well as I could because of my weight and fitness. I wasn't doing things I used to love to do. I wasn't honouring the commitment I made to my wife when we met and married that we'd grow old together, fit together, so we could truly enjoy our retirement.
So on my last birthday (September 2014) I gave myself a very stern talking to and stopped buying my own B.S. and made a commitment to change.
That was 64 pounds ago. I've every intention and am on track to be at goal weight by this birthday, one year later. That'll be 105 pounds. If I can do it anyone can.
I'm not trying to be hard on you, but I am trying to get you to open your eyes and realise that no one other than you will make this happen. Yes, we can encourage you and help you with questions and approaches and be there as your guiding angels but no one can "motivate" you other than yourself.
Make a commitment. Make it public. Make it to your family, in person.
@mwyvr I never thought to use the word commitment. Thank you for putting it this way. I needed to hear real talk today to help me keep pushing through. Motivation and willpower are fleeting. Commitment and discipline are more reliable.
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@mwyvr I never thought to use the word commitment. Thank you for putting it this way. I needed to hear real talk today to help me keep pushing through. Motivation and willpower are fleeting. Commitment and discipline are more reliable.
We can both thank MFP member Allan Misner for putting it so well but yes, commitment is what made "this time" different from me.
A little story: every New Years we get together with good friends we've known since our first born ("moms group", 18+ years ago). It's become something of a tradition to make New Years Eve "resolutions", seal them in an envelope, and then review them the following year.
I stopped writing anything on mine in recent years, or at least anything on mine that had anything to do with fitness or weight, because I wasn't living up to my resolutions and I knew deep inside that I didn't want to look at another bunch of failures listed on a page in my own handwriting.
Last New Years was different. I wrote something, knowing I'd made the commitment in September (on my birthday) to myself, and I'd gone public with it then. I asked my wife for some help; she ran with me without a single complaint when I couldn't run even 1km without stopping (usually often) and wheezing. I started posting what I was doing in our small facebook circle of friends so that I couldn't stop... this was inspired by another friend who posted her runs regularly.
Long story short, I'm well on my way to losing 105 pounds (~65 down right now) and I'm already very fit. My sweetie and I ran 10km by the ocean today and I can't help but marvel how much I wanted do be doing these things with her for so many years, but couldn't.
All it took was commitment and I have my life back. Wish I'd figured that out some years ago.
In the end, it turns out that getting to our goals is much easier than we believe at the start.0 -
OP it is going to help you a out to be as open as possible here as far as your goals and eating habits. Share your stats and open your diary. There is a lot of great advice here to be found. However, motivation is something that has to come from inside of you. This is not going to work if you have the mind set that you are doing it for someone else. This has to be something you do for you. You deserve it. You owe it to you.
Commitment is a great word here. There comes a point when your desire to improve your health becomes stronger than your desire to eat without thought. It takes discipline not will power. It means forming new habits and sticking to the no matter what is going on in your life.
What it does not mean is deprivation, misery, unbearable hunger and forcing yourself to quite everything you love cold turkey.
Read the stickies in the getting started forum. You are going to get a lot of important information in those threads.
Yeah it's not easy. But it's not impossible.0 -
You kind of have to get into a different mind set, that you're worth the trouble. You want to be happy and healthy for your family to do fun things together and not be sitting on the side lines watching and not wanting to have your picture taken.
For a luncheon or potluck or party type of scenario, I have to tell myself, this isn't free food, eat all you want, it's more like what is going to go right to my fat cells and stick like glue.
If there is a situation that I really want something, I tell myself is it worth the calories, is it really going to be that good. If I take a bite and it really isn't I don't eat any more of it.
You also have to know what your trigger foods are, mine are little snack size candy bars, one bar isn't enough for me, it just makes me want more and more. eventually you will crave less and less sugary things and it will get easier. Also never sit down with a box of crackers or a bag of chips, I will just eat mindlessly. When you want something to eat, tell yourself, am I really hungry. A lot of the time I was bored, just mindlessly eating.
I hope you don't give up on this, change can and will happen.
Time will go by no matter what, what do you want in 3 months, the same thing, or to begin to see a new you.
Good luck, and you can find tons of help and support on here, log your food, be honest with yourself.0
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