How to tell my parents?

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funkyspunky871
funkyspunky871 Posts: 1,675 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I've been really struggling with food, calories, weight, and body image in the past few months. I think I have an eating disorder. I severely restrict my calories for days, and then binge. I've been fluctuating between 165 and 170 for the past month with this whole binge/starve thing. Everyday, I feel like I'm being torn apart. I want to eat again. I want to eat a healthy amount of calories. I want to stop obsessing, but as soon as I eat, I feel guilty. I feel anxious. I hate myself. I cry. I want to scream. I fear the scale. So, I eat more and more and more. And, water fast the next day and exercise for a couple of hours to make up for it. I can't concentrate anymore. I can't function properly. Every thought I have involves food and calories and weight. I read pro-ana blogs. I collect thinspiration on my computer and print out pictures to paste into a journal. I judge every girl who passes me. "She could stand to lose a few pounds... She's perfect.... Ew." I lie about eating. I tell my family and friends I'm not hungry or that I've already eaten or will eat later. I hoard food in my room to eat when I feel like I deserve it. I drink diet coke instead of eating. I try to enjoy hunger pains. I tell myself empty = strong. I get very irritable around my meal times. I set up every day to eat 500 calories or less - sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don't. I feel on top of the world when I do though. I can't remember the last time I had my period. I keep telling myself I'm fine, and if I just eat normally for a few days until school and exams are over, I can commit to 500 calories a day with no problem. I clean for hours on end to forget about food. I take up to two showers a day -- sometimes within 2 hours of each other -- to keep my mind off food. I think my hair is starting to fall out. I hide in the bathroom at school so I don't have to watch my friends eat whenever I'm doing a fast. I think everybody is watching me when I eat. I cut my food into pieces so it looks like I'm eating more. Sometimes I pack my lunch and throw it away at school. I pick at my food. My resting heart rate has dropped dramatically, so my mom is taking me to see a doctor next week. I get angry when people tell me to eat more. I get encouraged when people tell me to eat more. When people tell me I can't survive on 500 calories a day, I want to show them I can. I feel like I can. I want to be skinnier than anybody at my school. I want people to comment on how skinny I've gotten. I'm on MFP for up to 16 hours a day.

I can't stop. I don't know if I want to stop. I do for now. I just want to be able to ace my exams. I don't feel like I deserve help though. I don't feel like I'm skinny enough to be taken seriously. I'm the fattest anorexic there is. I'm scared to tell my parents. I don't even know how to begin. I've already told them several times that I haven't been eating lately. They don't seem too concerned. I haven't told them how mentally disturbed I am by all these thoughts.
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Replies

  • DancingYogini
    DancingYogini Posts: 377
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    How close are you to them?? If you can sit down with them (or even just one) and really stress that this is consuming your life...that you can think of nothing else but losing weight and food...then maybe they will actually understand the severity of your disorder. If you can tell your mother that you have stopped getting your period,, and that you are losing your hair...both signs of malnutrition, it might help open her eyes. You do not have to suffer alone!! I sent you a friend add. You are not so far off the edge that you can't be pulled back...you are very aware that you have a problem. Motivate yourself to eat a little more, and make sure it is healthier foods instead of junk, every day...even if it is just 100 calories extra per day (to start). You want to ace your exams, and you are smart enough to know that if you are starving, you can't concentrate long enough to study or learn properly! Use that as your motivator, at least until you can get some professional help. (((hugs))) :heart:
  • MyNameIsNotBob
    MyNameIsNotBob Posts: 565 Member
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    Print this out and give it to them. Or give it to the doctor. Sometimes it's hard to speak when you're nervous or anxious. This will tell them everything they need to know, and hopefully the doctor can help you. Hang in there.
  • georgiajuly
    georgiajuly Posts: 126
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    When you sit down with your parents, try showing them your post. It may make more of an impact if it's written. If your school has a counseling center or clinic, go in for some advice on how to get help with this.
    Best wishes.
  • TNGirlyGirl
    TNGirlyGirl Posts: 337 Member
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    Print this out and give it to them. Or give it to the doctor. Sometimes it's hard to speak when you're nervous or anxious. This will tell them everything they need to know, and hopefully the doctor can help you. Hang in there.

    My thoughts exactly. Remember - you're not alone!!
  • srp2011
    srp2011 Posts: 1,829 Member
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    It may be easier to start the conversation by bringing it up with your doctor, and let him break the ice with your parents. This is a great opportunity for you to get help - please take advantage of it and the chance to get healthy - you have your whole life ahead of you.
  • sassylilmama
    sassylilmama Posts: 1,495 Member
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    Ditto to what was already said. And big hugs to you
  • MarshallLuke
    MarshallLuke Posts: 177 Member
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    I agree with everyone here so far: Show this to your 'rents or someone who can help you.

    Also, maybe your parents think you are just over-exaggerating when you tell them you haven't been eating. "I haven't been eating" and "I totally binged on (insert food type here)" are, sadly, common parlance in America today (think also of "I am freezing", which we say when we are merely cold). I could be completely off the mark here, but I think you need to help your parents (or someone) understand exactly what you have been going through.

    I will leave you with a good quote I heard on here recently: "You didn't put on all your weight overnight. Don't expect it to come off overnight." You will get there.
  • toots99
    toots99 Posts: 3,794 Member
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    Print this out and give it to them. Or give it to the doctor. Sometimes it's hard to speak when you're nervous or anxious. This will tell them everything they need to know, and hopefully the doctor can help you. Hang in there.

    I was going to say the same thing. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for trusting us enough to pour your heart out like that. :flowerforyou:
  • jae6704
    jae6704 Posts: 458 Member
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    Please see your Dr, they can help you talk to you parents also and be a support to you. You could also check out your town, many have groups for ED.
  • swthon
    swthon Posts: 2
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    Sweetheart, I am a Mom and my heart is broke for you! First, If I may, let me gently say that your suspicians regarding your issues with food and self image are correct - they are not normal. There are so many things that I could suggest as to how or why you have come to feel so badly, but the end result is that you are hurting. You are also a very brave and smart young lady to be able to address these issues - the first step to overcoming any obstacle is to recognize that you have one (aka a problem) in the first place! You are not alone and you so need someone to talk to - someone that you can trust and that can be a kind and objective sounding board. If you have a good relationship with one or both of your parents, that might be your first choice. Just tell them that you have a problem that you need to talk to them about. If your relationship is not that good or maybe you are'nt ready to tell them, (maybe you feel like a failure in some way because of your issues ?) find someone whom you feel comfortable with. I am thinking perhaps a counselor, one who specializes in dealing with food issues in young girls, etc. Can you go to your school counselor ? You also mentioned that your Mom was taking you to see a Doctor. He/she can recommend a counselor as well. Dont' give up. You are worth it. I hope that you get the shoulder you need to lean on.
  • swthon
    swthon Posts: 2
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    I just now read the other posts. They are all great ideas. good luck !
  • mightymom2
    mightymom2 Posts: 312 Member
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    I agree with everyone as well, reach out to your parents by showing them what you have posted here. I wish you luck :heart:
  • funkyspunky871
    funkyspunky871 Posts: 1,675 Member
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    Thanks everybody... Um, one more thing: I just had a 3500+ calorie binge an hour or two ago, and I feel like I'm hungry again. Really hungry. I don't know if I should eat or not.
  • gertbyc
    gertbyc Posts: 10
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    Having lost many years of my life to battling anorexia and bulimia, I can only urge you to please seek help as soon as possible. I'm not a physician, but it is quite obvious to me that you have an eating disorder. You can do a quick self-assessment at http://www.edtreatmentcenters.com/eating-disorder-quiz.php, but it is so critical to get to a doctor or therapist asap and get a professional diagnosis. I would expect that your disorder would be characterized either as anorexia or "not specified", which is not a fancy name but just as severe.

    Believe it or not, there really is a huge network of support out there for exactly what you are going through. And that doesn't mean a bunch of people who are going to force you to eat or gain weight!

    I hope you are able to tell your parents-- if not, try your school counselor, doctor, a trusted adult, or perhaps the National Eating Disorders Association helpline here: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help-today/

    Sorry, if that's overbearing... I just want so much for your path to be happier than mine was! Feel free to message me.
  • maggie4097
    maggie4097 Posts: 156
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    Sweetie, you need to tell an adult whom you can trust! You should not be so sad and unhappy! You deserve a fulfilling life whether you are 100 or 400 lbs! Eating disorders are real illnesses, and have real treatments. Please seek help before you waste any more of your life being miserable! I will pray for you!
  • maggie4097
    maggie4097 Posts: 156
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    I also meant to add----I am a parent of a teenage daughter. I would want to know if she was suffering so horribly so that I could help her be well. ((((hugs)))
  • alifer
    alifer Posts: 387 Member
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    Maybe now would be the best time to talk to your parents. Please let your parents and doctor know what is going on so they can help you. Eating disorders are very serious. Get help for it as soon as you can.
  • cheshirechic
    cheshirechic Posts: 489 Member
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    I agree with everyone else, and please please please remember that you're not alone. I felt the same way at your age and came out of it healthy and alive, but it took me a couple years to become healthy.

    Take it slow and realize that tomorrow is always a new day. Weight loss doesn't happen overnight, and even when you reach your weight goal, be aware that you may still feel unsatisfied with yourself. When you make peace with your body image, this will go away. I've been at the exact same place. Good luck, and remember that you're stronger than you think you are. :heart:
  • RichGebs
    RichGebs Posts: 345
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    This thread made me so emotional. I am a 17 year old boy going through the same problem.. I used to be 165 now I am 149... It's insane I am obsessive compulsive about eating more then even 1000 calories a day. I feel your pain so much and I am about to go to my doctor before my parents about this because I just can't confront them at this point. I'd suggest printing this whole thing out and show it to your parents and doctor. I hope you figure everything out! My best wishes and heart are with you :)
  • funkyspunky871
    funkyspunky871 Posts: 1,675 Member
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    Well, I just emailed my dad this post. He's at work, and I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone. So... There. It's done. I'm nauseous.

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