Unsupportive Partners

I've had lots of family make fun of my healthy eating and exercise. Some would say I don't need to. It was very hard because i felt like just giving up to fit in with everyone. But I have health issues that have kept me eating the way I do. I finally realized that the ones who were giving me a hard time and being down right rude were family members who wanted to lose weight and were upset I was able to maintain my figure and look good. I had to remind myself that they love me but were upset were they were with their weight. To not give up because I could be a good example for them later and help them if they needed help with losing weight and eating healthy.

nightingale702 wrote: »

Is anyone else is living with someone unsupportive or passive about your health goals? That could be a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, parent or even child.

What helps you overcome the temptation when they crack a beer next to you or decide to order pizza? Or when you'd like a buddy for walking or joining a gym?

Honestly, passive is definitely preferable to unsupportive. I think most people would rate what they prefer in their partner differently, but for me it goes like this: active support, passive support, apathy, passive opposition, actively undermining, and unwanted/un-asked-for encouragement.

I have two exes who responded... differently. The first gave me unwanted encouragement. Basically he told me I needed to eat better and exercise more. I didn't ask his opinion on this. He was definitely a 'fixer-upper' type and told me one day that I was "almost perfect" (that's a red flag, folks). My next ex oscillated between supportive and actively undermining. He would go for walks with me some days. Then he'd bring home my favorite cookies or cupcakes for me, wouldn't eat any, after I asked him to stop. I know he wasn't doing this to undermine my efforts, he was just trying to make me happy, but that's what happened! (In retrospect, I should have thrown them out.) Passive or apathetic isn't that bad compared to these other reactions. Luckily, my husband oscillates between actively and passively supporting me. One of my favorite qualities of our relationship is that we are mutually supportive of each others' goals and dreams.

However, asking your SO to change their eating habits for your benefit, when they have no desire to, is not particularly reasonable on your part. As other's have said, you have to do this for you.

Here's the thing: while it's great to have someone by your side to cheer you on and hold your hand throughout a difficult struggle, the fact of the matter is that it's YOUR struggle. No one else's.

Let's imagine for a moment that your husband was totally supportive, and suggested healthy alternatives, and encouraged you to not go back for seconds or reach for that cake...you'd reach your goal, but it wouldn't be YOUR success. It's be his, or at least his and yours together. Call me crazy, but that would just infuriate me. No WAY I'd want anyone to share in my success. I did it! No one else! The feeling you get from knowing and owning that is so precious, and to me, worth every struggle when my chef husband would make alfredo scallops sauteed in butter and cream, or homemade deep dish pizza with a whole pound of bacon and sausage.

I joined my wife in losing weight. We do it differently but we've both lost about 30lbs each.

Maybe you could save some $$ by downgrading the membership to a single rather than joint? Did he ever show any actual interest in using it? Even if they're interested in exercise, some people do prefer other stuff such as walking/running outside, basketball game with the buddies, etc. Also I don't know if it's just a convenience thing that he's got the wrappers in the car, but consider that ideally he should be able to eat what he wants without being or feeling judged

I usually say something like "put the cookie down!" (and usually its not a cookie) and then I will walk away from the delicious smell and feel great of my choice.

I fail to understand how drinking a beer or ordering a pizza is unsupportive any more than you eating what you want unsupportive to him.

If he was handing you a beer that you made it clear you didn't want at the time or slapping a piece of pizza on your plate when you didn't allocate cals for it, then I can see your point.

My husband and I have drastically different schedules, and drastically different health needs. I have bizarre auto-immune issues, and he has trouble getting healthy amounts of sleep. We belong to different gyms (I get discounts at the University I work for, he belongs to an MMA focused gym, because that's how he likes to work out.), the only meal we eat together is dinner, and even when we eat together, he'll be dodging carbs and acidic foods, and I'll be eating those same things like they're going out of style. Meanwhile, our 5-year-old child has decided that she's a vegetarian and will want craisins, peanutbutter, cheese, and carrots for dinner. AGAIN.

We each choose our own road to healthy, and how hard we work on it on a given day, and what the definition of healthy even IS. That doesn't mean we love each other any less. It just means we have three different bodies with different needs. Find your road, make your plan. Execute.