Problems Maintaining with Family
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dpr73
Posts: 495 Member
I lost my weight last year and have maintained at approx 140lbs this entire year (one year in March). However, psychologically sometimes I get really down. This happens mostly when I am with family. I am a person who enjoys a routine so I eat the same kinds of foods (with variation each day tho) and workout 5 days a week. However, when I am home from college I struggle with my family and worry about being able to maintain in that setting. I am about 5'7-5'8 male and 20 years old. My older bro is around 190 with good muscle and works out while my little brother is 170 and 5'9 and works out a ton with a lot of muscle and a super fast metabolism (both athletes). The rest of my immediate family is overweight or obese. In this atmosphere, I struggle to trust myself and find myself giving into the judgments of my family. For example, I am on a small vacation with grandparents (after a big graduation ceremony this weekend). Today, I had some yogurt with cereal and banana and for lunch 2 pizza slices and a beer at around 5. Then I had a cheeseburger for dinner and an ice cream sandwich. I wasn't really craving an ice cream but my family wanted it and people always comment when I'm the only one not eating so I ate it. I don't feel sick or too full but normally I wouldn't even give a thought to having it as I don't exactly crave sweets anymore. Small things like this have been going on all week and though my clothes fit fine and I don't feel too full, these habits are not my usual. Sometimes I feel like my surrounding family wants me to eat like my two brothers who are active and bigger than me, but I feel satisfied the way I eat. Again, I don't feel sick or full from having a little extra this past week but they are still behaviors I wouldn't do. I don't count but I am a good judge of what satisfies me so eating treats which I never really eat makes me nervous that I am doing something wrong... I have also never been lean before (always around a 30 Bmi) so I don't know what it's like to eat enough as a skinnier person. Does anyone have experience with this and are week's like this normal? I know and trust I will be back to what I usually do afterwards but in the moment I still think this kind of eating for a whole week is excessive. Hopefully this post is clear any assistance you could provide is a big help!
I suppose my main thing is I don't know if it's okay to overeat like this for a week and not slowly put on weight. I almost never overdo it so I don't know how to manage overdoing it
I suppose my main thing is I don't know if it's okay to overeat like this for a week and not slowly put on weight. I almost never overdo it so I don't know how to manage overdoing it
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Just an fyi, make sure to break up your posts into some paragraphs so it's not a giant wall of text. But I can understand your concerns. My parents didn't exactly grow up in a dieting atmosphere. We're sort of just recently reacting to this new era of a lot of food and over eating. My parents always make big portions and cook a lot, and it felt terrible letting food go to waste by not eating it all.
It's probably a bad analogy, but it's like trying to quit crack in a crack house or give up alcohol in a bar. It makes it tougher, but you just gotta have that self control. Eating the foods isn't too problematic either, just make sure to exercise a lot at least so you are really burning the calories from it.0 -
Yeah, weeks like that are normal. You hear about people going on vacation who face the same struggle. I can sympathize with not knowing how a fit person eats. Please don't feel guilty for eating those foods! Honestly it sounds like your choices were reasonable.. it's not like you had a binge fest. And if you did, that's ok. It happens sometimes. Part of being fit for life is being able to incorporate all kinds of foods when you have to. There's a reason why many people believe in moderation. I don't think you're going to undo all your hard work in a week! Just relax and take it one day at a time, enjoy the food and the time with your fam0
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If you want to eat, then eat, it's a break and you can have one. On the other hand, if you really don't particularly want to join in, just tell them. I don't really fancy that at the moment.
I spent over 20 years overweight because I didn't stand up for myself and just ate what everyone else wanted to eat. It has taken 2 slow and painful years but now my family respect my way of eating.
Earlier this year my daughter realized she had put on weight started to eat "my way" including weighing her food, which she derided me for all of last year. She's 25. My sons, 18 and 24 are coming round to the healthy side for most meals, though being super skinny I actually encourage them to eat more, and eat stuff I wouldn't touch with a barge pole. This is because they are hard gainers and need it. I am not and I don't.
Just my 110 kilo hubby to convert now. He just doesn't understand why he can't eat like my boys do! But he will get there.
Whatever your choices you are eating for you, not anyone else. Good luck :-)0 -
Don't beat yourself up over it, at least you can go back to your ways when you're not with them. However, you can definitely experiment with different ways to refuse.
What might help is simply not taking the ice cream and checking your emotions when you get negative reactions from them. Try to tell yourself that they're going to react, and that's ok. That is them. Unless they force-feed you, you can simply not have one, and there's nothing they can do about it.
I find that by not arguing about it, but just calmly and happily doing whatever you want to do eventually leads to people accepting your stance. (I think arguing about it somehow reinforces their idea that they have a say)
Good luck!0 -
Just out of interest, what are your stats? you give your brothers' but not yours?0
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I am 5'7-5'8 140lbs and maintaining that for a bit more than a year nowTavistockToad wrote: »Just out of interest, what are your stats? you give your brothers' but not yours?0 -
Your body - you choose what to put it in.
Being in your late teens /early twenties is tough because the adults around you still feel like they have some say over your choices (and they did for the vast majority of your life so far).
But making choices that are right for you and owning them despite the opinions of those you love is an important stage in transitioning into an adult. And by doing this, you'll teach your family to treat you more like an adult too.0 -
I'm twice your age and I still feel a loss of control when I'm around my parents. That seems to be just part of life. My parents like to have ice cream after every meal. Their idea of a serving of ice cream and my idea are very different. Serve yourself, when you can. And if you can find some time to exercise a little extra, that will offset the increase in calories.0
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Whether it be family, friends, or co-workers there will always be situations where "you" feel like you have to eat or indulge with them. You're going to have to learn to say 'no' or allow yourself a couple of bites. I have a three bite rule on indulgences.
These situations aren't going to go away so find a way to deal. Good Luck!0 -
Tell me about it! All my sisters and my mom are big and my mom and sister are diabetic. I grew up on Mexican food so it was rough to tell my mom I can't eat that because I'm training. They thought it was a phase I was in, but I stuck to it for 10 years so they definitely know NOW its a lifestyle not a temporary thing or something I can be talked out of. You can politely say "No thank you, I'm not a hungry right now. " Once they see your consistent and won't waiver they will let it be. You can think of it as a test. You chose a healthy lifestyle so just keep that your focus. Everyone has an opinion but you have your convictions which is most important? Hope that helps.0
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What I find really helps is to eat most of what everyone else eats for shared meals and just take small portions. So if people have ice cream, I just take 1/4 cup or one cookie or a small serving of whatever. I take a lot of healthy veggies and skip the rolls and bread. Then I join in and eat slowly.
Breakfast and lunch, I just smile and say "I'm a creature of habit."
It helps to remember they are trying to be friendly and express love through food - they don't want you to deprive yourself when obviously 'you don't have to' (i.e., you're skinny now). And eating is social - you say you don't like what others are eating and you're dissing their food culture. Plus some people can be sanctimonious about being careful about food, and they always get tweaked.
So smile, share when it makes you feel good, but just enough that it DOES feel good, reassure them that you're just quirky, and keep it up. Lots of families (and friends and colleagues) are like that. It's a good skill to build.0 -
I can relate to having other people raise eyebrows and make comments about what you choose to eat or not eat even when you are being sensible (not restricting). Just try to enjoy yourself and keep making decisions that you want to make, not based on what other people think you should do. I know, easier said than done.0
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My wife is thin and can pretty much eat whatever she wants to and never gain weight, luckily she's a pretty healthy eater. She's not really on board with everything I do and gets annoyed when she's cooking and has to tell me everything she's adding to the meal so I can log it on MFP, but she's coming around. It's hard at times, but I just stick to my guns and tell her I'm not going to let her drag me down!
That might sound harsh, but people who are skinny without doing anything will NEVER understand how it is to be overweight.
I have to second the statement from marthaelisa80 "Once they see you're consistent and won't waiver they will let it be." That is very true and I've seen that happen with my wife, she's still annoyed occasionally, but she rarely argues with me when I make her pause the TV so I can log my dinner!
I follow a IIFYM diet, so I can eat anything I want, within reason, so I can usually eat whatever my family is eating, but in a controlled portion. There are some things I don't eat because it's just way too many calories even in a small serving.
The last thing I'll say is that while a cheat day here or there is okay, don't let it get away from you. You could easily eat enough junk in one week with your family to equal 3 weeks of your normal calorie load!0 -
^My gf had a really tough time when I started logging food and asking what was in our dinners as well. She doesn't count calories and to her it seems obsessive and almost alone the lines of having an eating disorder. I've logged consistently for 200 some days, so she's gotten used to it and doesn't seem irritated/ bothered any more.0
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1 - what you described for your meals today doesn't seem unreasonable to me at all...
2 - you exercise when you're away at school...how about doing the same when you get home.
3 - you're an adult now and capable of making your own choices...you need to learn to own them.0 -
AbsoluteTara79 wrote: »Your body - you choose what to put it in.
Being in your late teens /early twenties is tough because the adults around you still feel like they have some say over your choices (and they did for the vast majority of your life so far).
But making choices that are right for you and owning them despite the opinions of those you love is an important stage in transitioning into an adult. And by doing this, you'll teach your family to treat you more like an adult too.
This is great advice!0 -
You'll have to find what works for you and sometimes our environment is more of a struggle than at other times.
Control what you can and don't stress over what you can't. For example if you don't want the ice cream others want have what you do want, maybe for you it's a soda, a beer or cup of coffee, a treat doesn't have to be what everyone else is having.
As for exercise, how about getting together with your brothers for some sports, b-ball or football just to burn off a little energy and you'll most likely feel better about those foods that get pushed on you.
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cwolfman13 wrote: »1 - what you described for your meals today doesn't seem unreasonable to me at all...
2 - you exercise when you're away at school...how about doing the same when you get home.
3 - you're an adult now and capable of making your own choices...you need to learn to own them.
This.
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tl;dr
tell your family to suck it0
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