Obsession due to past

TavistockToad wrote: »

Why can't you return to the CBT?

cognitive behaviour therapy..

Ummmm to the question at hand.. I say these are problems def with your emotions as you mention (anxiety, etc..) and since this is all be it an emotional and physiological issue you should seek a therapist to help you with these deep seated issues..

Feeling happy that your sister is "huge" and you feel really good about it, says all it needs to say... I will leave that right there..

Seek some help...

TavistockToad wrote: »

Why can't you return to the CBT?

+1. Maybe there is free or low-cost counseling in your area? It sounds like you're still stuck in your old mindset. I'm not sure why you're reluctant to give therapy another try.

As for your schadenfreude over your sister's weight--well, it sounds to me like your parents did spend your whole childhood playing you off against each other so it shouldn't come as a surprise. Again, I don't think this is an issue that's going to resolve itself.

This is almost my exact situation. My sister is naturally very VERY thin. We're 11 months apart. I'm the middle child. My brother (5 years younger than me) is also naturally incredibly thin. I guess the gene just skipped me. I've been on the bigger side since about the 2nd or 3rd grade from what I can remember to about the 10th-11th grade. I was always refered to by my family as "the fat one"... Any time I would see relatives I hadn't seen in a while that's how they'd remember me. My sister actually ate a LOT and if I tried to eat what everyone else was eating it was not ok. Once my mom went as far as saying "if your waist is smaller than mine you can have a cookie." And then actually measured. Needless to say I'm screwed up for life. I'm also obsessed with my weight/body/and how I look. It's a really hard habit to try to break. If you'd like we can share our stories and commiserate. It seems like we have similar issues we need to break through.

There's a bunch of self-help workbooks based on CBT that might help. I don't know of any that are specifically focused on body image concerns but I'm sure they exist. Ones I've seen are the "mindfulness and acceptance workbook for anxiety," "mind over mood," "the OCD workbook," etc. I'd head over to Amazon and have a look around.

jellytot3 wrote: »

Throughout my child hood I was seen as the 'fat one' out of me and my younger sister. She is 3 years younger and used to be really skinny. I loved food and would always ask for more. My dad and sister used to ridicule me for it, infront of guests at the dinner table he would say 'give your leftovers to the bin' (meaning me). He called me fat a lot and used to point out how skinny my sister was and how little she ate. Even when I ran off and cried he didn't really care, used to laugh it off as a joke and say I shouldn't take it seriously. Anyway, it's obviously stuck with me because since I was about 14 I have been obsessed with diet and exercise. My weight has fluctuated dramatically over the past 13 years but one thing remains the same, food and exercise, weight and the way I look consumes me. It controls me me so much I suffer with depression and anxiety, I am convinced it is because of my weight issues.
How do I break away from this? I have tried CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) but had to give it up so o didn't really get chance to see if it worked or not. Ideally I'd like to avoid the Drs/ specialist route and try help myself first.
Has anyone else been through this? How did you overcome it? I'm driving myself crazy!
(By the way, my sister is now huge, a lot fatter than me... Is it bad that I secretly feel really good about this?)

Jellytot, you could be me...or I could be you; however you want to look at it. I grew up in almost the exact same environment in terms of food and how I was treated by family due to my weight. I was always the chunky one. I have two sisters. Both absolutely beautiful and rail thin. My father was forever favoring them over me. He would give them more attention, talk about how beautiful they are, etc. My mom would do the same. I even remember her getting irritated with me one time because when she was taking my sisters picture I asked if I could have mine taken, too. I think I was ten years old when that happened, but I still remember her reaction like it happened yesterday. My grandma and my mother were the ones bad in particular about pushing leftovers my way. I remember my grandma always saying "just give your extra mashed potatoes to Jaime, she'll eat them." And I did. I always turned to food for comfort and have had a lifetime struggle with my weight.

I don't have a lot of answers for you unfortunately. I, too, have struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life. It's an every day battle still. Just work to find that confidence within yourself. I am nearly 40 and I still struggle with it even after years of counseling. Get healthy for yourself, not to please them. I think that's most important. Don't let them have a hold on your whole life and your happiness.

Interesting enough, one of my sisters is overweight now. Growing up, she had the perfect body. She would always parade around in her bikini. Now, she's bigger than me. (Like I said you and I are very similar ) I have found myself feeling like karma caught up with her for teasing me about my weight, but I feel guilty about having these thoughts. I think it's normal though so don't beat yourself up about it. But also don't stoop to insulting her out loud either. That doesn't help anything.

jellytot3 wrote: »

She used to measure your waist?! Oh my gosh that is horrendous. Sounds like your mum had issues with weight and body image too x

She only did it once, but I'll never forget it. Everyone was having a cookie and I asked for one, but because I was fat it had to be determined whether or not I should be allowed to have a cookie. That hurt. I was young. Maybe 10ish. I didn't know why I was fat. I didn't know about diet and exercise. It was up to them as parents to help me with my weight issues, not ignore me and my issues and then ridicule me for being fat after the fact. My dad made lots of comments about my weight too. Friends, strangers.. Everyone. Then in high school I lost 50 lbs and all of a sudden people paid attention to me and it was sickening. Nothing like realizing at the tender age of 15 that looks are THAT important to other people.

Hey. I was always the fat kid in my family too and I understand what it's like to feel judged for your weight all the time. I too am obsessed with my diet and how many calories I'm burning. I recently went to the doctors because I keep going back and forth from dieting strictly and then binging. They thought that I was bulimic but I know that that's not the problem so I didn't go back. I have joined a slimming group now and that has actually been helpful. I wasn't too sure about it at first but it helps me to eat normal amounts of the right foods and even though I'm still obsessed with what I'm eating, it is a lot healthier than being too restrictive or binging.