How would you like to be told you are FAT? Overweight!!?, OBESE?, Anorexic?

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Replies

  • Justthisgirl1994
    Justthisgirl1994 Posts: 226 Member
    2 years ago I went to visit my cousins in Paris for the summer. I was on vacation so wasn't really watching what I was eating/drinking and wasn't working out. I ended up gaining a few over that summer.
    The lady that lived in the same building as my cousins said this to one of my cousins "what are you feeding that poor girl? I barely recognized her the other day, she's gotten so fat!". I pretty much stopped eating when my cousin told me hahaha. (I went back to my usual workout eat healthy routine once I got back home)
  • tomofnj
    tomofnj Posts: 89 Member
    How about my Mother in law.. You have a big heart... Sure. Bite me. She made the Father in law replace their rear deck, so that we 'can both stand on it at the same time'.. She means well. sure.

    Went there last weekend, she said wow, you can fit thru the garage door so easy now. REALLY ! uggggg.

    Not like that... not . Like. That.
  • seska422
    seska422 Posts: 3,217 Member
    111grace wrote: »
    For those who are being a little obtuse, this post is trying to draw lots of ways to start making a change, sooner rather than later, why waste all the time I wasted, when just saying or receiving the right words would have made the world of difference.

    I think lots of people have been on the receiving end of insults even me but the true change for me did not occur then.

    Heres hoping some wonderful ways & creative ways can emerge to help someone else get it sooner rather than later.
    It's none of anyone's business and they should keep their noses out of my life.

    I was not ready to lose weight until *I* was ready to lose weight. Comments from the peanut gallery were not helpful, only hurtful.
  • besaro
    besaro Posts: 1,859 Member
    huh?
  • LavenderLeaves
    LavenderLeaves Posts: 195 Member
    I'm so confused. Are you saying this is stuff that you thought people would say to you?
  • socalkay
    socalkay Posts: 746 Member
    edited May 2015
    People aren't being obtuse. I think they, as I, are amazed at the idea of having a discussion about ways of telling other people what their problem is/might be. We all have to get to the point of being ready to change on our own. If you aren't ready to hear it, there is nothing anyone can say to change your self-destructive behavior. Probably best to take care of your own problems and let others come to their own salvation in their own time.

    I have stage 4 COPD... this means I'm at the terminal stage of the disease. I brought this on myself by smoking. I never say to anyone that they should stop smoking. What they do is not my business. In fact, if they ask if they can smoke around me, I say 'sure, please don't hesitate because of me.' Then I assure them they won't blow up my O2 tank. If they ask, I tell them why I'm in the shape I'm in. Other than that, I keep it to myself.

    Not one of my friends who smoke (and they all know what's going on and why) have quit smoking to date. Without saying a word, I'm a walking reminder of what smoking can do to you but it hasn't persuaded any of them to stop. Why would I presume there is something I could say that would?
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
    socalkay wrote: »
    People aren't being obtuse. I think they, as I, are amazed at the idea of having a discussion about ways of telling other people what their problem is/might be. We all have to get to the point of being ready to change on our own. If you aren't ready to hear it, there is nothing anyone can say to change your self-destructive behavior. Probably best to take care of your own problems and let others come to their own salvation in their own time.

    I have stage 4 COPD... this means I'm at the terminal stage of the disease. I brought this on myself by smoking. I never say to anyone that they should stop smoking. What they do is not my business.

    No, I just honestly can't follow the post. The number points confuse me the most.
  • lisasweetlisa
    lisasweetlisa Posts: 14 Member
    I am originally from WI and there I had a medical issue and went to see a doctor about it. She walked in took one look at me and said you are totally obese and that is your problem. And turned and walked out.
    My new and regular doctor was blunt but not that bad. I would like to see you at 160lbs your height and weight according to the experts say 140 but I would be thrilled at 160.
    Now I live in Florida and I have AFIB and my cardiologist said
    I would like to see you walk every day for 15min and add more fruits and vegetables to your diet and then he turned to my husband and said I would like to see you do the same just to make you both healthier.
    And I said I know I am fat and need to lose weight.
    And he said I DID NOT SAY THAT, I said you need to walk and eat more fruits and vegetables. It will easily help your afib.
    I had two other doctors in Florida say exactly the same as him.
    So I find the doctors up North are very blunt, direct and don't care if they hurt your feelings and down South they are very polite and will not hurt your feelings.
    As a person who has been fighting weight loss and weight gain my whole life I KNOW I'M FAT, please encourage me to get healthier by eating and exercising and don't think I'm not trying for I am.
  • IammeCA
    IammeCA Posts: 63 Member
    "its not intended to put down anybody"

    It was a very long post filled with nothing but put downs.

    "Focusing on the positive:"

    I saw nothing positive in that post.
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,563 Member
    My mother was extremely thin. She had a crazy metabolism and couldn't gain a pound to save her life. She knew she looked thin and bony. She didn't need anyone telling her that, but tell her they did (in all sorts of ways, some kinder than others.) All it did was make her paranoid about her appearance to the point that she would not go out in the summer in comfy clothes, she would wear long slacks and long sleeved blouses even if it was 90 degrees out.

    I never needed to be told I was fat/obese/heavy. I knew it. I was very much aware of it, and was very much aware of how much my husband didn't want an obese wife (because of things he said while we were dating, but he never once ever ridiculed or shamed me once I became obese and stayed this way for the past 15 years...) I ran into an old boss one time, after I had given birth to baby #3, but it was pregnancy #4 in 5 years time for me. He slapped me on the arm and said "Packing on the pounds aren't ya?" I wish I had the ability to reply back with some smart remark but all I could muster was "Well I did just have my 3rd baby..." It sounded really lame. and I was humiliated.

    Nobody needs to be told. They know. They just need their friends and others to mind their own damn business and not make comments about their weight.
  • MarziPanda95
    MarziPanda95 Posts: 1,318 Member
    I think she's saying that if someone had said that to her, she might have started sooner? Or asking if we would have started sooner if that had been said to us? And I think she's trying to get us to come up with things to say to other people to get them to start sooner?
    ...I think.
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,563 Member
    I think we all have to come to that conclusion on our own. We have to want it because WE want it not because we think it will make other people happy. Those of us who are obese KNOW that it is unhealthy. We KNOW those things..unless we live under a rock...

    My ex boss made the comment about packing on the pounds to me almost 15 years ago...I really didn't get serious about losing weight and keeping it off until now. My dad constantly made remarks to women in our family about their weight. I don't think it ever accomplished anything but hurt feelings.
  • bpetrosky
    bpetrosky Posts: 3,911 Member
    For a number of years, my family (mostly my dad) got on to me about my weight. Not in a mean way, but definitely out of concern for my health. I'd get occasional articles he clipped in the mail as a way of helping.

    My doctor also suggested losing weight would be good for me. However when I asked for practical ways to accomplish it, the best he could suggest was Weight Watchers.

    I didn't out and out reject anything that was said. I knew I was out of shape, but work and stress were big things for me. This was all in the 90s, my weight was inching up at about 5lbs each year. I tried several ways, Nutrisystem, South Beach, exercise. Nothing stuck. My attempts were either ineffective, or effective but I couldn't maintain. MFP or sites like it were not common then, and not very easy to use.

    What really threw the switch for me was a business trip to Taiwan (and a KTV night with the vendors) that made me feel just awful. I was pushing 240 and looked awful in photos. I also had three bad gout flares in that same year.

    I went on a program that was actually effective and got down to 180. While I was on that plan I discovered MFP, and logged my meals in parallel with the plan so I could see that CICO was behind all the rules. I unlearned all the cruft I had built up over the years and started to understand what was really working. Since that point, I did gain back about half the weight, but last month I saw the scale jumping again and resolved to push things back in the right direction. I'm already 12 lbs back down in a little over a month. And I haven't had a gout flare in over a year and half.

    Bottom line, nothing anyone said to me, well meaning or not, made a difference. A lot of the advice was well meaning but misguided. I did try several times to change it, some more successful than others, but nothing stuck. My doctor's off-the-cuff recommendation (WW), would probably have been a good step, but I had become so jaded over weight loss plans. He couldn't or wouldn't spare the time to discuss weight loss beyond that, so I couldn't see how WW would help.

    If there is an opportunity to talk to a friend about their weight, I would talk to them about what I went through, and how a CICO based plan has worked for me. I'd give the best advice about how to use MFP or a similar site to make watching calories easier, and while what I do seems cumbersome it's actually more liberating than trying to follow fad diets. They can do with that info what they will, but if they're not open to changing their approach yet, nothing else i could say would make a difference.