What if it doesn't work? Thoughts on Fat-shaming

Stacivogue
Stacivogue Posts: 325 Member
edited May 2015 in Motivation and Support
So I started my journey back towards health about a month ago. I've had weight issues (or perceived weight issues) since I was in high school. I would kill to be my college weight. Of course, i thought i was overweight then too. But my BMI never was "overweight" until i had several surgeries on my knee and foot, and one of them went wrong. I was using a one legged scooter for a while, and then i got pregnant, and 5 years ago I had a son. On the one hand, my feet grew! And somehow that loosened the scar tissue in my foot and i gradually could walk more and more. I tipped the scale at 203 after my son was born and now all of my apps called me obese every time i looked at them. I fought down to 183 before i went back to work.

Then I did a special diet and got down to 150. Then i went off the diet. Back up to 185.
Then back down to 170. Foot pain flair up.
Then up to 190
Then back down to 180. Massive personal heartbreak over the past year.
Then back up to 201.

Part of it is injury, part of it is social pressure. People judge you for being fat. They judge you for not drinking after work with them, or eating the business meals. They judge for how you lose it. They judge you for not eating dessert when you go out to dinner with them. They want you to eat the girl scout cookie. They judge you for coming into work "late" because you went to the gym. They judge you for going to the gym after work. They judge you for not getting your son's hair cut.

I think people fat shame because secretly, we all fear that it could happen to us. I would have absolutely been shocked back when i was in my 20's to find that i would ever pass 150 lbs, much less 200, and secretly, i judged people that were overweight. My sister, my mother, my step mother. 2 of the 3 had weight loss surgery. I worked out like crazy in my 20's - but i also could eat things. Go to restaurants. Have wine. Drink after work. Try out that new restaurant. Mostly i would just go to the gym, and i didn't like fast food or sports bars, but give me an italian dinner any day.

But the fact is, the older I get (i'm 42) the more my knees complain, the more my foot hurts, the more things I have to do (i work 50 hours a week roughly). How can i keep up my 20's and 30's routine of an hour of cardio in the morning and lifting at night and work, and play with my son and ready him books and sleep??? The answer is, i can't.

So i'm trying to do little things. I'm trying to do 2 days of cardio and 1 day of lifting on the weekend (separate sessions) so that i've got 2 of cardio workouts done when i have the most control of my schedule. If my fitbit doesn't say "10,000" steps on it before i go to bed, i take the dogs out for a walk. (Its pitch black out there. i bought a reflective vest and flashlights that go on my dogs collars so i can see - when they see me pick up that reflective vest, they get so excited).

I go out for dinner, have sashimi.

I just went to the gym and lifted for the first time since 2013.

But it haunts me. What if it doesn't work? What if i'm doomed to fail? I try to push it aside, take it one day at a time, ice my knee, and get on the bike. Because I need to feel good about myself again.

Down to 190.6 as of this morning. Wish me luck.

I see you, spin bike. Time to start. Playlists start with "Firework" and end with "Don't let me Get Me".

Replies

  • shivasgirl
    shivasgirl Posts: 24 Member
    you can do it... I wasnt able to do more than 5 minutes on the spin bike at my health club, then one day I got on and the tv had on My 600 Pound Life....I did 20 minutes with my hear rate up at 137 the whole time, which the guide said was cardio/fat burning. It motivated the hell out of me!
  • PopeyeCT
    PopeyeCT Posts: 249 Member
    Good Luck! Try 80's Workout on Spotify :)

    I know what you mean about "just have one beer with us" and they think you're anti-social. Or that stupid slogan "Just Do It"...sometimes it's not as simple as that.

    I used to smoke. I tried to quit a lot of times, because my wife wanted me to, or because my doctor said I should, or because it was expensive. It never worked, until I finally decided that I wanted to quit for ME. Once I decided that I was the one that was important, and I was the one that wanted to quit, then it worked.

    I look at weight loss the same way. It never really worked until I decided I wanted to do it for me. Screw all those people that don't get it. They don't matter. And if they are going to call me anti-social because I drink ice tea instead of beer...I'll just drink ice tea at home. Because at the end of the day, I'm the one I have to live with.
  • Spartanxi
    Spartanxi Posts: 46 Member
    Call me a shitlord or whatever , but I don't mind subtle fat shaming every now and then , people need to stop being damn sensitive all the time , excuses don't burn calories !

    Its always your choices , Everybody chooses what they eat. The end result isn't what you wanted , but the decision was always yours , denying personal responsibilities only hurts yourself.
  • Spartanxi
    Spartanxi Posts: 46 Member
    As for "What if it doesn't work" , Medically speaking , You cannot gain wait if your caloric intake is less than your TDEE.
  • PopeyeCT
    PopeyeCT Posts: 249 Member
    Spartanxi wrote: »
    Call me a shitlord or whatever , but I don't mind subtle fat shaming every now and then , people need to stop being damn sensitive all the time , excuses don't burn calories !

    Its always your choices , Everybody chooses what they eat. The end result isn't what you wanted , but the decision was always yours , denying personal responsibilities only hurts yourself.

    There is a HUGE difference between friends trash talking each other sparking some rivalry and competition to do better, and someone who is putting you down trying to make you feel bad so somehow they can feel better in comparison.

  • Stacivogue
    Stacivogue Posts: 325 Member
    Spartan guy, honestly - let me know after you have a baby, how easy it is to lose the weight.
  • Stacivogue
    Stacivogue Posts: 325 Member
    U
    Spartanxi wrote: »
    As for "What if it doesn't work" , Medically speaking , You cannot gain wait if your caloric intake is less than your TDEE.
    Spartanxi wrote: »
    Call me a shitlord or whatever , but I don't mind subtle fat shaming every now and then , people need to stop being damn sensitive all the time , excuses don't burn calories ! Ok. Can you post this reply under demotivation and trolling?

    And btw, a little fat shaming is about as ok as a sprinkling of bigotry. To mean... Not ok

  • GaleHawkins
    GaleHawkins Posts: 8,160 Member
    Stacivogue wrote: »
    So I started my journey back towards health about a month ago. I've had weight issues (or perceived weight issues) since I was in high school. I would kill to be my college weight. Of course, i thought i was overweight then too. But my BMI never was "overweight" until i had several surgeries on my knee and foot, and one of them went wrong. I was using a one legged scooter for a while, and then i got pregnant, and 5 years ago I had a son. On the one hand, my feet grew! And somehow that loosened the scar tissue in my foot and i gradually could walk more and more. I tipped the scale at 203 after my son was born and now all of my apps called me obese every time i looked at them. I fought down to 183 before i went back to work.

    Then I did a special diet and got down to 150. Then i went off the diet. Back up to 185.
    Then back down to 170. Foot pain flair up.
    Then up to 190
    Then back down to 180. Massive personal heartbreak over the past year.
    Then back up to 201.

    Part of it is injury, part of it is social pressure. People judge you for being fat. They judge you for not drinking after work with them, or eating the business meals. They judge for how you lose it. They judge you for not eating dessert when you go out to dinner with them. They want you to eat the girl scout cookie. They judge you for coming into work "late" because you went to the gym. They judge you for going to the gym after work. They judge you for not getting your son's hair cut.

    I think people fat shame because secretly, we all fear that it could happen to us. I would have absolutely been shocked back when i was in my 20's to find that i would ever pass 150 lbs, much less 200, and secretly, i judged people that were overweight. My sister, my mother, my step mother. 2 of the 3 had weight loss surgery. I worked out like crazy in my 20's - but i also could eat things. Go to restaurants. Have wine. Drink after work. Try out that new restaurant. Mostly i would just go to the gym, and i didn't like fast food or sports bars, but give me an italian dinner any day.

    But the fact is, the older I get (i'm 42) the more my knees complain, the more my foot hurts, the more things I have to do (i work 50 hours a week roughly). How can i keep up my 20's and 30's routine of an hour of cardio in the morning and lifting at night and work, and play with my son and ready him books and sleep??? The answer is, i can't.

    So i'm trying to do little things. I'm trying to do 2 days of cardio and 1 day of lifting on the weekend (separate sessions) so that i've got 2 of cardio workouts done when i have the most control of my schedule. If my fitbit doesn't say "10,000" steps on it before i go to bed, i take the dogs out for a walk. (Its pitch black out there. i bought a reflective vest and flashlights that go on my dogs collars so i can see - when they see me pick up that reflective vest, they get so excited).

    I go out for dinner, have sashimi.

    I just went to the gym and lifted for the first time since 2013.

    But it haunts me. What if it doesn't work? What if i'm doomed to fail? I try to push it aside, take it one day at a time, ice my knee, and get on the bike. Because I need to feel good about myself again.

    Down to 190.6 as of this morning. Wish me luck.

    I see you, spin bike. Time to start. Playlists start with "Firework" and end with "Don't let me Get Me".

    PopeyeCT is point on based on my experience and other being 22 years older than you there are some parallels in my case with pain and yo yo'ing weight. My pain was driving me to look at starting Enbrel injections knowing cancer could follow. As I was studying how to lower the cancer risks associated with Enbrel I read about coconut oil for joint pain and read cutting out sugar could decrease joint pain so I tried both. After two months I could not stop eating sugar and I was 30 days from my doctor visit to start the Enbrel injections.

    It was clear at age 63 (first of Oct 2014) that I was going down for the last time so I went off sugar/carbs cold turkey. By the 7 Nov 2014 doctor's visit my pain was way down and I was feeling better (much less joint pain) so I passed on starting the Enbrel injections. I was getting smaller in the waist but not losing one pound but by the end of Nov 2013 I started to lose some weight was well as more inches. 8 months later I am down 25 pounds by eating enough to never get hungry and keeping total carbs < 50 grams daily. My total calories are more like 2500-3000 daily however.

    MFP offers a lot of help and the members at the link below have been helpful at showing success after years of failure.

    community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/394-low-carber-daily-forum-the-lcd-group

  • editorgrrl
    editorgrrl Posts: 7,063 Member
    Stacivogue wrote: »
    I'm trying to do little things. I'm trying to do 2 days of cardio and 1 day of lifting on the weekend (separate sessions) so that i've got 2 of cardio workouts done when i have the most control of my schedule.

    If my fitbit doesn't say "10,000" steps on it before i go to bed, i take the dogs out for a walk. (Its pitch black out there. i bought a reflective vest and flashlights that go on my dogs collars so i can see - when they see me pick up that reflective vest, they get so excited).

    But it haunts me. What if it doesn't work? What if i'm doomed to fail? I try to push it aside, take it one day at a time, ice my knee, and get on the bike. Because I need to feel good about myself again.

    I think you're way too self-aware to fail. You will stumble—we all do—but I have faith in you. Fall down seven times, get up eight.

    If you want some fun motivation, find some Fitbit friends in the Fitbit Users group and start doing Fitbit challenges: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/1290-fitbit-users

    I'm https://www.fitbit.com/user/278TJW
  • Stacivogue
    Stacivogue Posts: 325 Member
    48 min spin. 469 cal. 147 BPM
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,094 Member
    I started at the same weight and weigh 135 lbs now. So it does work, if you want it to. Eat at a deficit and you'll lose weight. From your post, it seems that you've tried other ways of dieting and realized that they aren't sustainable. So since you now know that, you'll do better this time. It's a life style change, not a diet this time. Everything is fine in moderation. Having a drink after work with friends is fine in moderation, same as having an office lunch. In time you'll learn how to work all that stuff into your plan so you stay on track. Best of luck to you!
  • MonsoonStorm
    MonsoonStorm Posts: 371 Member
    I have a question.

    How do you know that everyone is judging you constantly?

    It seems like an awful lot of judging. I used to have that state of mind, I was depressed at the time, constantly felt like everyone was talking down to me, thinking bad things about me etc etc. So I'll ask you the question I was asked at the time. What proof to you have that those people are thinking what you believe they are thinking at that moment?

    Next question... even if they were judging you, so what?

    You are doing all of this for yourself and for your little one. Nothing else matters. Just keep that in mind.
  • Zombella
    Zombella Posts: 482 Member
    I think sometimes when we judge ourselves it is easy to think that others are judging us. I do this myself, but really probably no one cares. Everyone has their own insecurities.

    I say just try to change your lifestyle and work out and see how things go.
  • WarriorCupcakeBlydnsr
    WarriorCupcakeBlydnsr Posts: 2,150 Member
    What if it doesn't work you ask, well, you have to rethink it... then, don't sweat it now.
    I know it's tough a lot of people here do too. I was thin up until I got out of college, then I started gaining, then the yo yo dieting. Then after the last yo yo round I realized the diets were getting harder to sustain, I was miserable and I couldn't afford it. So I joined weight watchers... I gained 10 lbs, joined a gym, worked out 6 days a week (cardio and weights... even have a personal trainer), went to a registered dietician and got a sustainable, sensible food plan (before anyone blasts her as a quack, she is an RD that works in conjuction with a diabetes and bariatric program at a hospital).... I gained 30 lbs. Went to the doctor (several actually) only to be told that other than I'm overweight, I'm fine. Finally went to an endocrinologist discovered I'm hypothyroid, insulin resistant, and PCOS. Started on medication, went back to the RD to see what changes I needed to make to sensible food plan, continued to work out... lost 10 lbs in 14 months (yay me!) Gained it back in less than one when my hormones went out of whack, still haven't lost any yet (was sidelined from most of my exercising for 5 weeks due to gel injections in my knees, just getting back on track). Haven't given up on myself yet, in fact, I was asked how I would handle it if, inspite of everything I'm doing right, I don't lose anything, my answer: Then I'll be the fittest darn fat person ever!