Scared and obese

You should seek professional help, immediately.

I thought this was a troll post until I looked at the foot picture. The help you need is far beyond the capability of some internet strangers. You need to consult with your general practitioner (doctor) immediately for a recommendation of professional help.

The fact that you know you need help is the first step so good for you. Now call your doctor.

Do get professional help. Also consider yoga:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-willpower/201007/how-yoga-can-help-end-binge-eating

...To find out more about how yoga might have helped the women make peace with food, themselves, and their bodies, I talked to Maggie Juliano, director of Sprout Yoga, a non-profit organization that provides yoga to people with disordered eating.

According to Juliano, yoga gives people the skills to stay with what they are feeling, rather than turning to food to escape. People who are obese or suffering from eating disorders have a tendency to dissociate from their bodies -- to choose not to feel what they are feeling when they are angry, anxious, or sad. Often, they turn to food to numb themselves. "There's this sense that I have to feel better right now, " Juliano says. "There is a complete intolerance of what is happening right now." This need to escape unpleasant feelings triggers a binge.

When you eat to escape what you are feeling, you lose touch with the experience of eating, as well. This is one reason binges can spiral out of control. "You have no understanding that you are full, way past full, into uncomfortable, because you're so out of it," Juliano explains. "You have no connection to what you're eating. You're eating a pint of ice cream and can't even taste it. Or you go to make yourself some toast and before you know it, half the loaf is gone."

Mindful yoga directly challenges the habit of dissociating from your body and your present-moment experience. "The whole point of yoga is to stay connected to your body. You learn it through practice, through breathing, and through breathing through the sensations."...

Deep breathe! You can do this. First, go to a doctor and make sure all is well...have some basic labs, check out your thyroid, etc. Self harming yourself is only shifting the mental pain to the physical and you should really talk to someone about that. Then, follow your doctor's advice and begin a workout plan. Hang in there. First step is admission, which you are doing. So, now lead yourself to recovery. Best wishes. (hugs)

Oh, sorry you're feeling so bad about yourself. I don't have any advice, just wanted to say please take care of yourself, and speak to someone who can help you with this.