Looking for parents with no living children

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MysteriousMerlin
MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
in Introduce Yourself
My daughters, Abigail & Octavia, identical twins, were stillborn in December of 2014.

It's been five months and sixteen days. My husband and I have made it through their due date (May 9th) and Mother's Day, and now just need to get through Father's Day. Hopefully we'll be ok for a little while.

I'm looking for friends in mothers or fathers who have lost children at any age, preferably those who have no other children, but either are currently trying to conceive or are thinking about it. We are currently not preventing pregnancy, but not quite yet actively trying. I've been on MFP for over a year, but took a break after losing my girls.

I really welcome any supportive friends, but hopefully can reach out to another bereaved parent and we can support each other in our health journeys. <3

Replies

  • eleanorsmith888
    eleanorsmith888 Posts: 5 Member
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    compassionatefriends. Org seems to be a wonderful site I hope you don't mind me suggesting it.
  • Karen_can_do_this
    Karen_can_do_this Posts: 1,150 Member
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    eleanorsmith888 wrote: »
    compassionatefriends. Org seems to be a wonderful site I hope you don't mind me suggesting it.

    You beat me to it. We lost my baby brother when I was 17 and my mum had a lit of trouble coping until she was introduced to compassionate friends.

    Hugs and love to you and your husband. Your angels too.
  • Kelven2330
    Kelven2330 Posts: 41 Member
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    Sorry for your lose, I can't even imagine.
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
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    My heart hurts for you.
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    mrsfitzyv8 wrote: »
    eleanorsmith888 wrote: »
    compassionatefriends. Org seems to be a wonderful site I hope you don't mind me suggesting it.

    You beat me to it. We lost my baby brother when I was 17 and my mum had a lit of trouble coping until she was introduced to compassionate friends.

    Hugs and love to you and your husband. Your angels too.

    No, I don't mind :) I'm a member of several of their Facebook pages, it's wonderful what they do. We've also attended SHARE meetings, which connected us with some other parents. Both have been a big help getting us where we are now.

    Thank you, guys. It is the hardest thing I've ever experienced...our girls developed twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, and though I had surgery right away, our first baby Abigail passed the next day. Octavia passed 8 days later. I was induced 4 days later and they were born December 18th. My heart aches everyday, and they're ALWAYS in my mind. Every movement, every thought...they're with me. It took seven years to get them, and we had them just five months. We did hold them after the birth, they were beautiful.
  • eleanorsmith888
    eleanorsmith888 Posts: 5 Member
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    I never speak to anyone on this site but I felt drawn to you ... I hope your heart heals a little in time but it will always be full of their love x
  • MomTo3Lovez
    MomTo3Lovez Posts: 800 Member
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    I am so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine what you are going through. :'(<3
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    eleanorsmith888 wrote: »
    I never speak to anyone on this site but I felt drawn to you ... I hope your heart heals a little in time but it will always be full of their love x

    Thank you. I wear a little bit of their ashes around my neck in a silver heart, they're always close to my heart that way.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you find the support you are looking for. Hugs :heart:
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    Thank you. I hope I can be supportive of others in a similiar situation!
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    I'm sure you will!
  • sanento
    sanento Posts: 8 Member
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    Hi, I have a lot of children, four boys n four girls, but our first little boy lived Eight days. After having three girls, we were delighted to be having twins, one boy and one girl. I was induced at 36 wks and my first twin , a girl, was born, with no midwife in the room. Then the second baby, a boy, was presenting head, hand and foot at the same time. They still insisted that I push, and did so for 45 mins. Eventually Andrew was born by emergency c-section, and was not in a good way. He went to neonatal, who were fantastic, and never breathed by himself or even opened his eyes. We had them both baptised in the hospital and had to make the impossible decision to have life support switched off. They weighed 6lb and 6lb 2. That was the best and the worst day of my life. That was almost seventeen years ago. Their birthday is 4th July, so soon another day to celebrate and remember.After the twins, I went on to have three more boys, all by elective c- section as I could no longer face a normal delivery. I always say that the boys were sent by Andrew, as we had four girls, then four boys, and I never say I have seven children, because I have Eight, four of each. We have pictures or Andrew in the middle of the room and also a picture of Andrew and Rebecca in the living room. I still cry but its now in a nice way as I just think of the immense love that I have for Andrew and smile as I look at his photos. Tamba were the best organisation for myself and I went to meetings on a monthly basis just to talk about my feelings.Sands were also very good and had people available to talk to. We found great strenth in the church remembrance service, held annually, especially lighting a candle in remembrance of Andrew. I still have the babygro Andrew wore in the incubator and a little soft lamb he cuddled . I may have many much loved children , but Andrew has a special place in my heart, and he always will have until the day I die, because he cannot have my love here like the others can.
    I know this is a long message, but I learnt from others and life does go on, not the same as before the loss, but you will get through slowly, in a different way. X

  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    Thank you for sharing your story, sansento <3

    I always wanted four, but since it had taken us so long, we were so thrilled to be having two at once. We were half way there!

    I'm really struggling in my spiritual relationship right now. I believe in God, but I have little trust. I know in my head that this is just something that happens, but in my heart I'm fiercely angry. I feel betrayed and cut off. My heart is closed right now, it's too raw to open up and speak to God like I used to. It will just take time.

    We had a memorial one month to the day of their birth, and on their due date held a party where we asked guests to bring toys to donate to the children's hospital. I think I will do this every year. I'm already planning for next year, gathering donations for things I would have wanted my girls to be involved in, like animal rescues.

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