The butt of fat jokes
thevolp
Posts: 13 Member
I found out yesterday that all my boyfriends friends joke about my weight gain when I'm not around. I feel ashamed and worthless. I want to lose 20 pounds in 2 months and show them I can be in shape. Help me o need support and I'm too embarrassed to tell any of my friends!
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Replies
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Don't let those jerks bring you down!
Getting in shape is good, but those jerks will still be jerks when you're done, so don't do it for them.
20lb in 2 months is a lot. Just aim for a healthy calorie deficit and get moving! It may not go as fast as you would like but as long as you keep at it you'll get there!0 -
Lose weight and be healthy for yourself, not for your boyfriend's friends. How did you find out about them joking about your weight, anyway? Losing 20 pounds in 2 months would be difficult and, if you only have 28 pounds to lose in total, you likely are not heavy enough for it to be possible in a safe or healthy manner. In general, losing that much in that time frame is mostly easy/doable if you are much heavier to start with. Focus on eating at a moderate deficit (1 pound a week would be good to start) and if you want to work on your shape, add some exercise, specifically strength training.0
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Sounds like you need some new friends.0
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First of all, you said it's your boyfriend's friends. Has/does your boyfriend tell them that it's out of order when they say this stuff? Because if he doesn't, he should be saying so, and if he refuses to because they're his friends, you should strongly reconsider whether or not he's worthy of being your boyfriend. I'm not of the opinion that partners should always, always come before friends, but friends should respect their friend's partners, and people should respect their partners enough to not allow their "friends" to ridicule them.
Secondly, you don't need to lose weight to "show them" anything. They sound like nasty pieces of s*** to me and you're better than them. If you want to lose weight because you feel that you will be happier with the way you look and healthier, that's fine! But it is only your opinion that matters (other than your doctor's where your health is concerned of course)!
Thirdly, 20lbs in two months might be a bit quick and potentially difficult depending on the calorie deficit that requires. I aim for about 1lb a week and that means I get 1460 calories to eat a day (plus exercise calories). I used to try and hit 1200 calories and it was hard. I decided that sustainable was more important than instantaneous results so I bumped it up a bit and I've been much happier for it.
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Did your boyfriend tell you this? If so, that was mean and uncalled for. What his friends say about you is none of your business; I truly believe that. What did it do but make you feel terrible?
20 pounds in 2 months is a big goal and not very realistic for most of us. The healthy recommendation is 1-2 pounds per week, which would give you about 9-17 pounds in 2 months. The less weight you have to lose, the harder it is to lose 2 pounds per week.
Anyway, chose an exercise routine and start logging everything you eat and drink. Above all, be persistent and consistent, and have patience.0 -
Your boyfriend's friends are *kitten*. And so is he if he's allowing this.0
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They're not really his close friends. He was in fraternity at our college, our actual close friends don't make fun of me it's the acquaintances he only saw when he came back to visit me (I just graduated yesterday and he graduated last year). He never told me, one of our close friends said something to me when he was drunk by mistake and I forced my boyfriend to tell me the truth because I wanted to know. He cried when he told me because he felt so bad about it and he yelled at them but apparently it was a running joke with some of the *kitten* he doesn't really like.
Honestly I'm glad to know because even though I gained a lot of weight and went from a 6 to a 10. I was in denial that I was so out of shape, but I can't even walk in shorts without my thighs chafing so badly and none of my clothes fit and I eat until I feel incomfortable almost every day.
I want to change my life and eating habits for me, but I also want the satisfaction of showing that I can do it to other people. I'm just disgusted by my body now and don't even want my boyfriend to touch me.0 -
I am sorry you are feeling like this. You are a beautiful person. And at size 10, you are not fat. Just not where you might want to be and feel the best. Eat clean, no excessive sugars, and find out the calories you burn for the day and go 20% lower. You can work out of course, good for your heart, but don't go running marathons and hurt yourself. And congratulations on your graduation!0
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I am surprised your BF hasn't punched them in the jaw for talking about his GF that way. Either way, do it for yourself don't worry about them. The funny thing is they are not perfect. They tease others as a way to hide their own problems and unhappiness about them.0
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I know it's painful to be attacked like that, but don't give these idiots the power to determine your worth. They're nasty jerks, end of. No one deserves ridicule, no matter what they weigh.0 -
daaaaaanielle wrote: »First of all, you said it's your boyfriend's friends. Has/does your boyfriend tell them that it's out of order when they say this stuff? Because if he doesn't, he should be saying so, and if he refuses to because they're his friends, you should strongly reconsider whether or not he's worthy of being your boyfriend. I'm not of the opinion that partners should always, always come before friends, but friends should respect their friend's partners, and people should respect their partners enough to not allow their "friends" to ridicule them.
Secondly, you don't need to lose weight to "show them" anything. They sound like nasty pieces of s*** to me and you're better than them. If you want to lose weight because you feel that you will be happier with the way you look and healthier, that's fine! But it is only your opinion that matters (other than your doctor's where your health is concerned of course)!
Thirdly, 20lbs in two months might be a bit quick and potentially difficult depending on the calorie deficit that requires. I aim for about 1lb a week and that means I get 1460 calories to eat a day (plus exercise calories). I used to try and hit 1200 calories and it was hard. I decided that sustainable was more important than instantaneous results so I bumped it up a bit and I've been much happier for it.
ALL of this!
Also, I am most definitely one of those people who think just because you are with someone doesn't mean you need to like or get on with their friends, and vice versa, but if I found out my boyfriend heard some 'acquaintances' of his shaming me for my weight, and even if he yelled at them for it, if he ever willingly saw them again I would have to question how much he valued me and what his honest opinions were of me.0 -
Ouch.
I'm sorry! I may just be repeating what everyone else said, but those guys sound like major @ssholes. In my own struggles I have found that while the negativity of others can be a hell of a motivator, it is so much better to begin at a positive place, i.e. from a position of wanting to get healthy rather than being focused on the appearance end of it. Also, while having a goal is essential, it's best to do it the slow steady way. You're more likely to maintain a healthy lifestyle that way. There will be people who can word this exact sentiment far better than I can in these forums, but eat clean foods within your calorie count. Exercise. Best of luck to you, and please don't let these jerk bring you down! 0 -
If you are going to lose weight because some boys joked about your weight then don't. Because next year another guy might call you too thin and then you will need to gain, or might hate your hair and you will need to change your hairstyle and so on. You cannot make decisions about life based on the comments of bullies.
If these guys just made a comment and your boyfriend chose not to tell you, no big deal. Bullies will be bullies, and it does not affect your life. If your boyfriend is around these guys a lot and they joke about you, then time to reevaluate relationship with boyfriend.
If you are not happy about your weight, go ahead and get in shape. For you, not random people commenting. If you are happy as you are, you need to start building some self esteem, not losing weight. If you do want to lose a bit, 20 lbs in months at your size, it is just ridiculous. Even half this might be too fast. Set realistic goals, you are a size 10, not morbidly obese.0 -
Lose it for you! They are mean.. and clearly have gotten it all wrong. Although, I know how it feels and want to "show people" I also know, that I need to do it for me.. because it'll show them no matter what. It is good that your boyfriend sticks up for you. When they get girlfriends, maybe they will change their tune. I always had that fear though.. "Am I too fat to be with him. His friends probably think so.. etc." and it sucks!
20lbs in two months is a lot, but if you're determined and stick to it, you can do it. But even if you don't lose that much, you'll still feel better about yourself. You got this!0 -
May I suggest that you own your size?
No one is perfect and I think if we come to terms with our plusses and minuses, we'd all be a lot better off. I'm not saying give up, I'm saying embrace yourself and your journey, wherever it takes you.
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I always taught my kids that words hurt and you cant take them back once you say them. Its out there. On the flip side, no one should have the power over you to make you feel insecure or bad about yourself. You have the power and you have the ability to not listen and not let bad things sink in. We have to be able to filter trash that comes our way.
One of my favorite sayings is, what other people think of me is none of my business.
Life is hard enough without having to prove yourself to others who you don't care for or like. They are basically strangers to you. Someone else may dislike your hair color, would you change that?
If you want to lose weight then do it. Do it for you!0 -
Thanks everyone for the positivity and support. It's very much needed from the constant thoughts of all the negativity I have been exposed to. And of course, my head agrees and knows you are all right and I shouldn't care what people think of me and not let it bother me, but my heart is still hurt. I wonder if my bf feels the same way but just doesn't want to hurt me more. I wonder if my own friends comment about the weight I've gained. I wish see if that's all people see when they look at me. I don't even really want to eat because I'm so upset about this. A few months back I overheard a family member ask my mom if I had gotten pregnant and I felt the same way, convinced myself he was a jerk and dumb and went back to bad eating habits. I don't want that to ever happen again. I won't let it ever happen again.0
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You can do it! Just do it for you!
I can hear how hurt you sound. It's sad to read that you're surrounded by such shallow, narrow minded people. I would grieve that. Be sad that you are around so many unsupportive people. But then get back up and realize you are nothing like them and move on.
Remember you are far more valuable than what any number on the scale may tell you. The issue with your eating really has nothing to do with food or willpower. There is something else that's driving your eating. The food is just the drug that helps you cope in the moment. Maybe if some of the creeps leave the weight will go too.
As far as the creeps that make the comments go... Just remember that what they say says more about them than it does about you. They feel so insecure and unhappy about themselves that they feel the need to put you down in order to try and make themselves feel better or look better. They don't decide your worth or your beauty. It sounds like they are just threatened by it.
I hope things get better. You can do it!0 -
I'm just disgusted by my body now and don't even want my boyfriend to touch me.
^ what everyone else has said, plus:
Don't punish your boyfriend for this by pushing him away. He loves you and needs your closeness, obviously your weight is not a problem for him. So don't reject him, he doesn't deserve it. Try to forget about yourself when you're with him, and just enjoy the person who loves you as you are.
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I'm sorry that you are going through this
Lose the weight for you and only you. 0 -
You need to stop the madness in your head. You can't let these thoughts consume you. I'm a 58 year old woman who hated her body her whole life. I started dieting at 13 and have never stopped. I always felt fat but when I look back at old pictures of me I see a beautiful girl. I couldn't get past my own body image issues to enjoy what God had given me. Don't spend your life like this!
Eat the right things most of the time. Log your food so you know what you're eating and you don't have to worry 'did I eat too much'? Exercise, even if it is just walking around your neighborhood. It's good for the mind. Work on your head as well as your body. Don't say things to yourself that you wouldn't dream of saying to another person. Love yourself.
Good luck. Your boyfriend sounds like a nice man. Just focus your mind on healthy thoughts. Don't dwell on the stupid comments of others.0 -
What a bunch of jerks. It sounds like you have an awesome boyfriend though. Like someone above said, he obviously still finds you attractive so don't push him away. It sounds like we were in similar situations weight wise. I went from a size 5 to a 9 and got upset when one of my friends drunkenly said something mean about my weight. I spend a couple weeks feeling bad about myself then started counting calories and successfully losing weight. I've lost around 15ish pounds since late March. Learning about my TDEE and calorie counting made a huge difference for me. I eat what I want and stay in my calorie goal and have been losing. I exercise when I want to for the health benefits and fun. Feel free to add me/message me for support or motivation. I aim to eat at 1200 a day and keep my diary open.0
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Your BF's friends sound like terrible people. Anything beyond that has already been said. Keep your head up and ignore people like that. The worst thing you can do is make a change because of what someone said.0
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I can only imagine how bad it hurt, a lot of us know what it's like to be ridiculed for carrying a few extra pounds. Those guys are immature, a few years out in the real world ought to solve that. You should be able to make good progress in two months. Not 20 pounds, but good progress towards that. Hugs.0
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A size 10 is not fat. Unless you're 4 foot tall maybe. If it's just people he knows and he did defend you to them, then just ignore the *kitten*. If your friends and your boyfriend are supportive, focus on that, not immature jokes from frat boys. They're not worth paying attention to their opinions.0
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Thank you. You guys are all right and I'm really glad for the support and positive comments. People can be so harsh and judge mental. I am fat, I went from being healthy and in my weight range to obese to very overweight ( I lost 10 pounds since my heaviest). Technically someone that is 5'2" should not be over like 138 and at my heaviest I was 169. I am naturally fat, it runs in my family my mom was obese her whole life. It's just something I need to fight. Hope everyone is meeting their goals and staying tough.0
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He's the one who should feel ashamed and worthless. That's not how you treat someone you love. Sorry, but he sounds like a pig.0
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I am naturally fat, it runs in my family my mom was obese her whole life. It's just something I need to fight.
This is more likely nurture, not nature. Fatness will look like it runs in families because they are passing down eating habits from one generation to the next. It's all calories in vs calories out. My fattest friend has been fat since he was a little boy. It'd be easy to say that's just his genetics at work and he's naturally fat. But really, his parents are both skinny. His mom has always been encouraging him to eat more and constantly giving him large amounts of food since he was little. That's why he's fat.
I only say this because you can reach the level of health/weight/fitness you want, and I'd hate for this to appear to be a roadblock. Dealing with asshats is bad enough.0 -
I agree, we all instinctively over eat as an evolutionary adaptation and of course some more than others, but I know I have more of a propensity to binge eat and overeat and was certainly raised to overeat and eat junk too. It's a combination of both that hopefully I can overcome and not put my children in that position either. Thanks for your support and keep up with your goals as well.0
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tudoroaks4 wrote: »Sounds like you need some new friends.
Ditto this0
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