Broken-hearted but motivated

Wow that sounds very stressful. Besides all their issues, i couldn't imagine that many people living in a 2bedroom place. It would be stressful for anyone in that situation. A few things jumped out at me besides the obvious (addiction issues,not working) , if you lived in nj right now, the cps wouldn't even allow a 1yr old and 8yr old kids to live in that situation,there's actually a rule here about children and parents having personal space .they dont want several adults sharing bedrooms with kids. I know this ffor a fact because my sister is a supervisor for our division of youth and family services. They believe having that many people packed into a home is unhealthy. So since every state is different, im sure the rules are different where you are but she needs to talk to her case worker about seeking housing assistance. With housing assistance, they can get a low income apt and move out of your home. But theres a catch, theyll likely need to go to drug treatment, work programs to teach them how to find jobs and counseling to help work through the issues that caused them to become homeless in the first place. So it will require work. But there are programs out there so they need to go down to the local welfare office and apply for assistance.that way they can be working towards getting out of your home. If she already has cps involved, she should've asked for help before. Here in nj, that living situation wouldn't be considered healthy by cps. Theres just too many people packed in there . It boggles my mind why if she already has cps involved that the caseworkers havent offered any assistance programs or at least spoke up about how unhealthy this living situation is.
Your husband is basically supporting 5adults and 2kids and that cant be fun .but since your husband doesn't want to speak up and stand up to them , is there a chance he really wants them there? If no, then both of you really need to sit down and have a long talk with them to let them know that they need to work so they can earn enough money to leave. Sadly it sounds like they are comfortable in that situation so probably need to be told that its not okay to stay much longer.without him speaking up and standing up to them, they'll probably never leave.
I feel for you because this all sounds absolutely miserable. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I would go insane with all those people living in my home. Your home has been taken over by sloths so you definitely need a plan b . I cant see them just leaving. And again, here in nj after thirty days they are considered tenants even though they dont pay rent and you would have to file a eviction notice with the courts in order to get them out. So id check what the laws are in your area so you'll know what your next move will be.

I didn't look at most of the posts responding to you. I just wanted to tell you my heart goes out to you. You are way to young to be taking care of your in-laws. The two of you just started out. And, as for the suggestion you let your mil take care of the baby so you can get a job. Only you know if you can trust her or if you want to get a outside job and give her the wonderful job of being with your beautiful son. You should not have to go out and work to support your in-laws and you are working by raising a one year old and taking care of your house. The only mistake you made was having such a big heart and wanting to do the right thing and allowing them to move in. I'm 55 and wouldn't know what to do if i got into your situation. But, I wish you all the luck in the world.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that focusing on weight loss for yourself is an excellent idea. You're stressed out, crowded in, and upset -- it'll be good to have a healthy distraction, and it will be good to have something positive to share with your husband (instead of, "Your dad ate all the chips again!" it'll be, "I made X exercise improvemet" or "I lost a pound this week."). Exercise improves mood for a lot of people; it could be just what you need.

Depending on the exercise you choose (maybe taking your young child for walks in the park could be one?), you can get some needed distance from your in-laws on a daily basis. Your child is likely to do something adorable while you're out together -- there's another positive thing to share with your husband.

I'm going to guess that with so many people being supported by one income, money is tight, so maybe dates with your husband are hard to arrange, but a picnic costs nothing more than it costs to eat at home, and community events are often free. Maybe making time to have a date (with or without your child in tow) with your husband and holding yourself to a strict no-in-law-complaint rule while there could help ease your stress and give you a chance to spend time with your husband whom you clearly love.

Find someone else to complain to if you must (anonymous people on the internet work just fine); just remember that complaining does little good, and, in your case, has done some harm, so save your complaints to your husband for things that are absolutely unacceptable or dangerous rather than simply annoying.

I don't think it's unreasonable for your husband to be tired of constant complaints. Chances are he's also stressed, and that just adds to it. You need each other right now; you both need to be supportive. Besides, curbing your complaints some can actually make you feel better. I know when I've been complaining a lot about work things beyond my control, everything annoys me even more. To stop the downward spiral, I think of someone at work I appreciate and write a thank-you note. The feeling of genuine gratitude erases my desire to complain. Perhaps you can find a similar coping strategy.

Finally, I am a firm believer that just about anything is bearable when there's an end in sight. You've said they can only stay six months and your husband agrees. Perfect. Every day is a step closer to peace.

Good luck.

I have some phrases that have helped me, during my journeys.
-IF ITS IMPORTANT TO YOU, YOU'LL FIND A WAY. IF ITS NOT, YOU'LL FIND AN EXCUSE.

To me this means important stuff have a way of rising to the surface. You family is mentally abusing you, by making their problems your problems. You stand in front of them and state plainly, "YOU HAVE ONE WEEK TO REMOVE YOURSELVES FROM MY HOME. No excuses. If they don't, call the police, and have them removed. Don't think about all the (this is not how you treat family excuses), or the (my husband should be doing this). Your home, you have a RIGHT to dictate the conditions on your childs surroundings. No meth, no alcohol, PERIOD.

This is a phrase that helps me find my path, on days when Im feeling blue.

- MAYBE THE JOURNEY ISN'T SO MUCH ABOUT BECOMING ANYTHING. MAYBE ITS UN-BECOMING EVERYTHING THAT ISN'T YOU, SO YOU CAN BE WHO YOU WERE MEANT TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Powerful words, but your invironment is so important, especially when you are cultivating a family, loving your husband, and child. Toxic invironments breed hatred, and your husband feels caught in the middle. So you say, I know they are your family, but I will stand up for you. If I were in your shoes, I would spin it with a "I love you so I am letting you make your own problems".

UNIVERSAL LAWS DICTATE WHEN YOU GIVE NOTHING YOU GET NOTHING.

your in-laws have chosen to get nothing, and have chosen to give you the burden of that. Sad realities, but you can be in the drivers seat of your familes life.

Two words: adverse possession, i.e. squatter's rights. Make sure they don't meet the requirement for this as defined by your specific state, or else you might not be able to get them out at all.

peachyfuzzle wrote: »

Two words: adverse possession, i.e. squatter's rights. Make sure they don't meet the requirement for this as defined by your specific state, or else you might not be able to get them out at all.

wise words...didn't think of that.

You lost me at meth addict in a home with your child.

Hummm...a person wants help and posts a topic....people respond with their opinions....opinions bring on defensive, rationalizing behavior about the problems. This is a lot of getting no where. Bye

aewaters10 wrote: »

amy_kee wrote: »

Hummm...a person wants help and posts a topic....people respond with their opinions....opinions bring on defensive, rationalizing behavior about the problems. This is a lot of getting no where. Bye

Nope, I never asked for help, I provided an explanation for why I had people in my house, and why I couldn't just kick them out, that was the purpose of a lot of the information. I had already said it right there in in my original post, I have already dealt with those issues. I am moving on, I never asked for opinions about them. I came to the "motivation and SUPPORT" forum on a FITNESS app, because that is what I was looking for, support and understanding for my new goal FITNESS GOAL, to be a better, happier me. Everyone else decided to try and pick my situation apart and make ridiculous judgments. What are you doing reading post on a forum called "support" if you have none to offer?

OP, please don't let the astoundingly insensitive and judgmental comments get you down. It's like some people have literally no compassion for others and just like to hear their own snarky voices.

I am so sorry for your situation and I hope you find a way to make it out of it stronger and happier. In that regard, I think taking care of yourself and your health can only help.

Edit: I wasn't referring to those who were actually trying to help OP. I was referring to the posts like the one she just responded to.

You mentioned that your husband had a brother near by. Perhaps some of the family could move in with him. Also, I am surprised that the apartment management would allow so many to live in a 2 bedroom apartment.