Losing weight has made me more aware of my body and NOT in the good way

hotteawhoney
hotteawhoney Posts: 10 Member
edited November 19 in Motivation and Support
I have a better handle on what I actually look like. This means when I look in the mirror, I don't see a shapeless fat girl anymore. I see a normal sized girl with a lovely shape... covered in squishy, lumpy, fat.

I can actually tell where my body ends and the fat begins, and it's driving me nuts. It almost makes me feel claustrophobic, like I'm trapped in a fat suit. Of all the things that kickstart my anxiety, I never thought being fat would be one of them. I've been fat my whole life! What made a difference? I'm only 3 weeks in and 7 lbs down! There's no way it's a physical change.

Replies

  • sugarcoated2015
    sugarcoated2015 Posts: 89 Member
    It's totally normal because you are losing weight and are aware of what you don't want.Don't let it discourage you though, you'll eventually get the body that you want and that you deserve.
  • hotteawhoney
    hotteawhoney Posts: 10 Member
    I'm not letting it discourage me @sugarcoated2015 It's more motivating than anything. I just don't think it's good motivation.
  • Dulcemami4ever
    Dulcemami4ever Posts: 344 Member
    I know exactly how you feel! I did the same thing at first. Until I realized that putting looks aside, I was actually doing something that would change how my body felt. I began to feel more light on my feet. I feel better and not sluggish or tired. Yes, you may feel like you have a fat suit on. But just think, every day that you continue to move and eat healthy, you are telling your body how much you love it. Both inside and out. So don't focus on the outside for now. Focus on how wonderful you will feel without the fat suit. Hope this bit of advice helps. Good luck in your weight loss journey!
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    edited June 2015
    This happened to me, too. I think there's a lot of dissonance that comes in when you've taken weight loss as a goal. It's hard to work really hard at making changes, while at the same time trying to accept yourself - those are competing objectives.

    What worked for me was focusing on fitness performance goals. I could do 5 burpees one day, then I could do 10. That was empowering and made me feel my body as a powerful thing instead of looking at it as an object, for that little while, at least.

    The other thing was to dress in a flattering way, to feel comfortable, and to be able to look in a mirror and see a nice line. I didn't spend a lot of time looking in the mirror without clothes. When I saw something that bothered me, I tried to distract myself, shift my attention to something else. (That was easier than trying to fake myself out with positive thoughts about my saddlebags or whatever.)
  • hotteawhoney
    hotteawhoney Posts: 10 Member
    Thank you for the replies. I'm really trying not to focus on appearance here, but it's difficult. Every time I catch my reflection in my phone or go to get dressed in the morning, all I see is fat.

    I'm not describing it very well haha. Basically the difference between "I'm fat" and "I'm covered in fat" is what's making me so crazy.

    Also, I've realized, I'm not inflexible! I just have lots and lots of fluff in the way.
  • Ladybird1103
    Ladybird1103 Posts: 36 Member
    Yes, similar experience here. I'm 16 pounds down and feel worse than ever about my body and MORE uncomfortable than before. I know its 100% mental. Our minds are powerful things, and somehow we don't fully realize how big we look, or how uncomfortable we feel. Once we shift into weight loss mindset, I think it let's us see more of reality. Personally I look in the mirror more now and feel more weighed down by my fat. Its a battle not to give up but keep reminding myself I am only getting closer to goal, not further.
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,573 Member
    3 weeks in or 7 pounds down was the first time I looked in the mirror and cried. I had been so happy to be losing but then all of the sudden I just looked...odd. My skin was a little hangy and I almost thought I looked better before I lost it. There are stages of weight loss, it can take your body time to catch up/even out. You have to enjoy yourself at every stage, especially since it takes time and you don't want to rush it, and you don't want to be miserable either. You're doing a great job. Keep it up.
  • rachael00679
    rachael00679 Posts: 186 Member
    Motivation comes in all forms. My motivation isn't "good" either but I will take it where I can get it.
  • elize7
    elize7 Posts: 1,088 Member
    So far I've lost almost 60 pounds thru serious calorie deficit and high intensity interval cycling. For the first 3 months, I would start crying about 20 times a day, for no apparent reason. A friend told me I was losing a shield or my armour as I lost the fat, and that I was more vulnerable and sensitive because of that. I decided to just let go of whatever needed to come up and out. All the feelings I stuffed down with food. Whatever it was has passed, and I remained committed to my plan and will follow it through til I'm done. It's only feelings. Just carry on.
  • nineteentwenty
    nineteentwenty Posts: 469 Member
    I know exactly what you mean! That crazy urge to carve your natural shape out of all the extra junk clinging to your frame can be maddening.
  • moledew
    moledew Posts: 71 Member
    I feel the same way and I think starting this journey has made me feel even more self conscious and embarrassed because now I KNOW how gross and unhealthy I've let myself become. But I counter those negative thoughts by telling myself that "this is the last day your body will ever look like this. You WILL NOT look/feel like this tomorrow." I know that I won't literally change overnight but every day that I log what I eat and make better decisions is one day closer to my goal. That's one more day down that I feel better on the inside and (slowly) look better on the outside. I took a picture with my daughter over the weekend and love the picture but am so embarrassed about how I look. I decided to post it anyways because that's a memory I have with her, and to all my FB friends, they'll never see me look that heavy again. You've literally gotta take it one day at a time with that goal in mind.

    otcf2c59cqhw.jpg


    I mean, does this not look like the perfect Before photo that I can share in a year or so?? I can't wait!
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