Broken-hearted but motivated

I have never met a strong person with an easy past.

Annr wrote: »

peachyfuzzle wrote: »

Two words: adverse possession, i.e. squatter's rights. Make sure they don't meet the requirement for this as defined by your specific state, or else you might not be able to get them out at all.

wise words...didn't think of that.

Just NO.

aewaters10 wrote: »

amy_kee wrote: »

Hummm...a person wants help and posts a topic....people respond with their opinions....opinions bring on defensive, rationalizing behavior about the problems. This is a lot of getting no where. Bye

Nope, I never asked for help, I provided an explanation for why I had people in my house, and why I couldn't just kick them out, that was the purpose of a lot of the information. I had already said it right there in in my original post, I have already dealt with those issues. I am moving on, I never asked for opinions about them. I came to the "motivation and SUPPORT" forum on a FITNESS app, because that is what I was looking for, support and understanding for my new goal FITNESS GOAL, to be a better, happier me. Everyone else decided to try and pick my situation apart and make ridiculous judgments. What are you doing reading post on a forum called "support" if you have none to offer?

OP if you thought these issues are irrelevant you would not have mentioned them. You would have posted about your weight loss struggles. There is a reason you posted all the background. The reason being, it is the big elephant in the room, that will not go away no matter what you do. You wanted validation: you can do it honey, you can lose the weight, be more upbeat, and then your husband will never leave you, will make all the bad guys go away and be your hero in shining armor. You are not alone, you cannot imagine how old and common this story is: "if I looked better, if I lost weight, if he could get a better job, if the kids were better behaved, if we finally got a break, if if if" . It does not work this way, ever.
I know how you feel. You got away from a bad situation in your family, you thought that all woudl be fixed if you hurried to get a family of your own. Again, it very rarely works this way. And you cannot turn back time and change things to make them easier, so you need to work with the situation as it is. You risk losing your kid if someone calls social services on you. Whether you open the door looking like a supermodel or like a complete mess, will nto make a difference. You say you cut out your own family, do not give reasons to your kid to do the same. Call for help. Report your situation to social services, so they can work with you to help you. Seek a shelter for women and kids in need. Call the police on your sister in law. Pack your bags and leave. Call friends and relatives for help. Call your local church and see if they can help. Do something to actually help your situation. Do not act like a maiden in distress waiting for her husband to fix things for her, while she focuses on looking pretty and acting happy.

aggelikik wrote: »

aewaters10 wrote: »

amy_kee wrote: »

Hummm...a person wants help and posts a topic....people respond with their opinions....opinions bring on defensive, rationalizing behavior about the problems. This is a lot of getting no where. Bye

Nope, I never asked for help, I provided an explanation for why I had people in my house, and why I couldn't just kick them out, that was the purpose of a lot of the information. I had already said it right there in in my original post, I have already dealt with those issues. I am moving on, I never asked for opinions about them. I came to the "motivation and SUPPORT" forum on a FITNESS app, because that is what I was looking for, support and understanding for my new goal FITNESS GOAL, to be a better, happier me. Everyone else decided to try and pick my situation apart and make ridiculous judgments. What are you doing reading post on a forum called "support" if you have none to offer?

OP if you thought these issues are irrelevant you would not have mentioned them. You would have posted about your weight loss struggles. There is a reason you posted all the background. The reason being, it is the big elephant in the room, that will not go away no matter what you do. You wanted validation: you can do it honey, you can lose the weight, be more upbeat, and then your husband will never leave you, will make all the bad guys go away and be your hero in shining armor. You are not alone, you cannot imagine how old and common this story is: "if I looked better, if I lost weight, if he could get a better job, if the kids were better behaved, if we finally got a break, if if if" . It does not work this way, ever.
I know how you feel. You got away from a bad situation in your family, you thought that all woudl be fixed if you hurried to get a family of your own. Again, it very rarely works this way. And you cannot turn back time and change things to make them easier, so you need to work with the situation as it is. You risk losing your kid if someone calls social services on you. Whether you open the door looking like a supermodel or like a complete mess, will nto make a difference. You say you cut out your own family, do not give reasons to your kid to do the same. Call for help. Report your situation to social services, so they can work with you to help you. Seek a shelter for women and kids in need. Call the police on your sister in law. Pack your bags and leave. Call friends and relatives for help. Call your local church and see if they can help. Do something to actually help your situation. Do not act like a maiden in distress waiting for her husband to fix things for her, while she focuses on looking pretty and acting happy.

Or she could have just wanted to give you the bigger picture about how things arent ideal and where it all fits in. I really do find your posts unpleasant and unhelpful. You really are a fantasist making the situation fit your preconcieved ideas about how all this is working out and tbh the only person who knows is the person whose there, which would be the OP.

Theres nothing wrong with her wanting to lose weight so she can look better and feel better about herself. I would imagine its one of the main reasons that motivates people on here.

She has said shes trying to cope with a very difficult situation, but you seem to ignore how these relatives are closely linked to her husband, her marriage and their financial circumstances. Its up to her and her husband to decide how they can best cope. She should look to get them out, but for the sake of her marriage and situation then as an adult she has the right to choose how she works with her husband to sort it out.

I didnt get the conclusion that she is abused or that shes somehow deluding herself that she wants to lose weight so she can be a model and everything will be ok.

Leaving her husband at this stage may make things worse, especially as she says she working with him and they still love each other. It shouldnt go on, but a controlled ejection would leave her with a marriage and home for her child intact.She didnt say her child was in danger and shes there. I dont think she posted enough to doubt her on that. Not ideal but then neither is living in a shelter. Its her call.

OP, I can identify with some of your posts here. I was married and a work-at-home mom to a young child, was unhappily overweight, was severely depressed, and dealt with anxiety. I can also related to some of your relatives, in that I was drinking a lot to cope with some of the above. And your post makes my heart hurt.

I'm glad you and your husband talked it out, and I do hope that works for you guys -- despite being divorced myself, I don't think that all big blowouts have to end with it. I do, however, worry about the marriage where his first thought was to go to another person and to talk about how to break up with you over this. That sounds far too much like, "Well, she's not being pleasant enough to make me happy." I've been the friend to that marriage, and one of the first things that changed to keep that couple together was that they stopped telling other people the things that made them unhappy together and started telling each other -- and eventually, working together to make their marriage a better place for both of them. The goal should, ideally, be that you both understand and empathize with each other.

But if six months comes and goes and your husband doesn't back you up in getting these toxic people out of your home -- raising a child in two homes, even temporarily, is not as bad as you'd think. My son has a lot more stability and does much better emotionally being a child in two homes than he was in an angry and tense single family home.

Also: you don't owe other people anything, be it expressions of joy or your weight. I didn't start losing weight in a real way until I was in control of my own life and didn't feel like I was trying to make a change to be better for someone else.

It sounds very complicated, and I think there are a lot of emotional things that you ought to focus on before weight loss. And I do hope that things improve for the better soon.

460mustang wrote: »

I have an idea, get rid of the chips and junk food. Restock your home with raw veggies and tofu, they will leave voluntarily and you'll lose weight. Win, Win

Haha, love this!

Everyone in your house other than your husband and child need to leave. NOW. Your husband has no right to expect you to be happy while you're being treated like this. He thinks YOU'RE unpleasant? At the least, he's subjecting you to emotional abuse.

Set a deadline for everyone to get out of YOUR place and tell your husband that he won't be giving them money. That's right. TELL. Because he freaking married YOU.

Your husband HONESTLY thinks that the REAL problem with your marriage is that you have a bad attitude and are fat?

Someone should drown him in the toilet.

Sister and niece go first. One month.

Parents go next. One more month.

Your husband is a jerk and a loser.

Dear Jesus I ask in your mighty name, that you would bless this family. LORD open a door and help this abusive group to leave so the marriage can survive. Jesus I ask you would swiftly convince the husband here that his WHOLE family's baggage was indeed too much to take on. Restore the marriage relationship lord and bring peace to this turmoil. In your awesome name, amen. ♡