Is it just me?

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JeanAlice2
JeanAlice2 Posts: 10 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Hi.
I'm here to log my calories and keep a real track of what it is that I'm consuming.
My problem is when people comment on my loss as though it defines who I am.
My standard answer is "thank you but what I weigh doesn't define me as a person."
I get wry grins and shoulder shrugs in return. It doesn't motivate me, it makes me sad.
Is it just me?

Replies

  • RobertDupuy
    RobertDupuy Posts: 48 Member
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    I honestly don't see the connection between a comment on weight loss and self definition. With that said, I don't find comments on my weight loss to motivate either. I don't really use the app to count calories, just to log my weight and exercise diary. I did the counting calories for a few days, but I find it tedious.

  • JeanAlice2
    JeanAlice2 Posts: 10 Member
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    Perhaps it's because I work with 43 women and it's commented on daily amongst them. It seems to be a focal point.
    Thanks for your response. Perhaps it is just me :)
  • stephanieluvspb
    stephanieluvspb Posts: 997 Member
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    you can go to settings and turn off/on what goes on your news feed. then nobody can see you've lost weight and no more comments. I don't think I would let anybody on the internet "define me as a person" but this is a weight loss site, and a lot of people are motivated by what others say, so they assume you are as well but I'm not really sure why it makes you sad. insults make me sad, somebody on my friend list patting me on my back for what they assume is something i'm striving for does not make me sad.
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
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    stephanieluvspb wrote: »
    you can go to settings and turn off/on what goes on your news feed. then nobody can see you've lost weight and no more comments. I don't think I would let anybody on the internet "define me as a person" but this is a weight loss site, and a lot of people are motivated by what others say, so they assume you are as well but I'm not really sure why it makes you sad. insults make me sad, somebody on my friend list patting me on my back for what they assume is something i'm striving for does not make me sad.

    The OP doesn't have any friends on here from what I can see so I think she means in real life that is happening to her. I thought the same as you at first also. Otherwise maybe she means she had some on her friends list here or elsewhwere. Anyhow JeanAlice, wishing you well and stick with the logging. This is a great site.

  • JeanAlice2
    JeanAlice2 Posts: 10 Member
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    stephanieluvspb wrote: »
    you can go to settings and turn off/on what goes on your news feed. then nobody can see you've lost weight and no more comments. I don't think I would let anybody on the internet "define me as a person" but this is a weight loss site, and a lot of people are motivated by what others say, so they assume you are as well but I'm not really sure why it makes you sad. insults make me sad, somebody on my friend list patting me on my back for what they assume is something i'm striving for does not make me sad.

    Thanks Steph. I don't have any friends on MFP, I was talking about people that I work with that have no idea of my journey or goals.
  • stephanieluvspb
    stephanieluvspb Posts: 997 Member
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    Oh, well then I completely understand it is my huge pet peeve when people at work or any people i just know casually comment on my weight loss or even what I'm eating. I'm like, "thank you but I don't need a lunch monitor" lol I think your response is just fine :)
  • JeanAlice2
    JeanAlice2 Posts: 10 Member
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    stephanieluvspb wrote: »
    Oh, well then I completely understand it is my huge pet peeve when people at work or any people i just know casually comment on my weight loss or even what I'm eating. I'm like, "thank you but I don't need a lunch monitor" lol I think your response is just fine :)

    It isn't just me! Thank you ☺
  • JeanAlice2
    JeanAlice2 Posts: 10 Member
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    mockchoc wrote: »
    stephanieluvspb wrote: »
    you can go to settings and turn off/on what goes on your news feed. then nobody can see you've lost weight and no more comments. I don't think I would let anybody on the internet "define me as a person" but this is a weight loss site, and a lot of people are motivated by what others say, so they assume you are as well but I'm not really sure why it makes you sad. insults make me sad, somebody on my friend list patting me on my back for what they assume is something i'm striving for does not make me sad.

    The OP doesn't have any friends on here from what I can see so I think she means in real life that is happening to her. I thought the same as you at first also. Otherwise maybe she means she had some on her friends list here or elsewhwere. Anyhow JeanAlice, wishing you well and stick with the logging. This is a great site.

    And thank you too
  • neogramps
    neogramps Posts: 79 Member
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    So you take a compliment and turn it into a negative thing? Yeah, that's a *kitten* attitude to have.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    I do not talk about it and people rarely see me eat as I am in my own space for lunch. When a few have politely brought up the weight loss, I smile, say thank you, and help them change the subject. They are smart people. They know that to achieve my smaller size, I have been eating less.
    Also, we have lots of other things to deal with that are more important to the organization than my personal work these past fourteen months.
  • JeanAlice2
    JeanAlice2 Posts: 10 Member
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    neogramps wrote: »
    So you take a compliment and turn it into a negative thing? Yeah, that's a *kitten* attitude to have.

    I'm the same person despite what I weigh. All feedback is positive feedback and I'll take it on board. Thanks.
  • JeanAlice2
    JeanAlice2 Posts: 10 Member
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    RodaRose wrote: »
    I do not talk about it and people rarely see me eat as I am in my own space for lunch. When a few have politely brought up the weight loss, I smile, say thank you, and help them change the subject. They are smart people. They know that to achieve my smaller size, I have been eating less.
    Also, we have lots of other things to deal with that are more important to the organization than my personal work these past fourteen months.

    I don't eat much in the evening but I'm likely to pig out first thing in the morning and graze most of the day. I see the focus on weight cause pain to those that are struggling and it bothers me. It's just my experience and opinion.
    I know that I am an emotional eater and I'm doing my best to curb that.
    I gave up smoking 12 months ago and I substituted the cigarettes with food.
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
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    You are doing well. It's great you gave up the cigarettes. They are first thing to get rid of so go you! When you eat your food even if it's 2am in the morning for instance is not going to make you gain more than if you ate it earlier in the day so what you are doing is just fine. Eat when you feel like eating and then eat less or none at the times of day you aren't so interested in food. Main thing is you burn more calories than you eat in a day so if the weight is going down you are fine so be proud and keep going. Don't worry about others including cranky ones on here lol.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    I don't think that because a person compliments something about me that means they think it defines me as a person. Like, when someone says they like my hair I don't think they're saying that my hair is all I am.

    But I don't think there's anything wrong with asking people not to comment if it makes you uncomfortable. I find body comments strange sometimes, especially if a person just says "you're so tiny!" It doesn't really feel like a compliment, just an observation, so I don't know if I should say "thanks" or something else. And here on MFP I recently deleted someone because the only time he ever interacted with me was to make comments about my body. They were positive comments but it just felt weird that that was literally the only time he had anything to say to me.

    I really think they're just trying to be nice though. You may hurt feelings if you ask them to stop saying anything.
  • JeanAlice2
    JeanAlice2 Posts: 10 Member
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    mockchoc wrote: »
    You are doing well. It's great you gave up the cigarettes. They are first thing to get rid of so go you! When you eat your food even if it's 2am in the morning for instance is not going to make you gain more than if you ate it earlier in the day so what you are doing is just fine. Eat when you feel like eating and then eat less or none at the times of day you aren't so interested in food. Main thing is you burn more calories than you eat in a day so if the weight is going down you are fine so be proud and keep going. Don't worry about others including cranky ones on here lol.
    I changed the gramp to grump and just smiled a little. I wish that I had been game enough to share before now. You have all been great. .mostly. I wish you well on your journey.

  • JeanAlice2
    JeanAlice2 Posts: 10 Member
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    ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »
    I don't think that because a person compliments something about me that means they think it defines me as a person. Like, when someone says they like my hair I don't think they're saying that my hair is all I am.

    But I don't think there's anything wrong with asking people not to comment if it makes you uncomfortable. I find body comments strange sometimes, especially if a person just says "you're so tiny!" It doesn't really feel like a compliment, just an observation, so I don't know if I should say "thanks" or something else. And here on MFP I recently deleted someone because the only time he ever interacted with me was to make comments about my body. They were positive comments but it just felt weird that that was literally the only time he had anything to say to me.

    I really think they're just trying to be nice though. You may hurt feelings if you ask them to stop saying anything.

    Perhaps I do take it to heart a little more than I should. I just don't understand it. Someone wouldn't walk in to work and say "Hey Jean, you are looking a little heavy today, you go girl".
    I am an emotional eater and probably suffer a little from self sabotage. I was just curious as to whether it was just me thinking like that.
    I'm not an aggressive person by any means. I'm fairly chill and it takes a lot to upset me.
  • Cloverleafs1985
    Cloverleafs1985 Posts: 2 Member
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    Complimenting people when they make an effort on something is a pretty standard social interaction. Weight Loss is considered one of the big personal changes, partly because in western culture it's floating at the top of consciousness for many, and because it actually changes your physical appearance. It's a gradual process that people get reminded of everytime they see you and notice you've changed some more. Learning a new language or taking up knitting or quitting smoking is not going to do that to a body, and so is more easily laid to rest as a subject.

    Some of them might think they should act as cheerleaders, the role of a supportive friend, some feel they must mention it or seem rude for not noticing, and some are just bouncing off the two former ones for social chat. And if there is a drought of other topics for them to talk about, the recent headlines get used over and over again. If some of them are themselves worried about their weight, they are also more inclined to gravitate towards the subject, because in an indirect way it concerns them too.

    At the moment it might feel like you have been put under a spotlight, but people do not pay as much attention as you think ( we tend to overestimate by ca 25%), and some of interactions directed at you or around you, isn't always actually about you. Or your identity. It's about theirs.
  • JeanAlice2
    JeanAlice2 Posts: 10 Member
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    Cloverleafs1985 wrote: »
    Complimenting people when they make an effort on something is a pretty standard social interaction. Weight Loss is considered one of the big personal changes, partly because in western culture it's floating at the top of consciousness for many, and because it actually changes your physical appearance. It's a gradual process that people get reminded of everytime they see you and notice you've changed some more. Learning a new language or taking up knitting or quitting smoking is not going to do that to a body, and so is more easily laid to rest as a subject.

    Some of them might think they should act as cheerleaders, the role of a supportive friend, some feel they must mention it or seem rude for not noticing, and some are just bouncing off the two former ones for social chat. And if there is a drought of other topics for them to talk about, the recent headlines get used over and over again. If some of them are themselves worried about their weight, they are also more inclined to gravitate towards the subject, because in an indirect way it concerns them too.

    At the moment it might feel like you have been put under a spotlight, but people do not pay as much attention as you think ( we tend to overestimate by ca 25%), and some of interactions directed at you or around you, isn't always actually about you. Or your identity. It's about theirs.

    Definitely food for thought. I am always open to a different perspective and I truly appreciate yours. Very insightful, thank you.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    @Cloverleafs1985 makes a good point about people thinking it's rude not to comment. We see tons of threads here where people say "I've lost 20 lbs and no one has noticed, I'm so discouraged and I can't believe no one has commented." So there's definitely a bit of a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" thing going on.

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