Feeling like the odd one out.

opalle
opalle Posts: 234 Member
edited November 20 in Motivation and Support
Ok I know it's stinking thinking but I need to vent.

Out of our small office of 5 people I'm the only one with a weight problem. All of them are either skinny or fit. Other than staff there is one women who comes in once or twice a week to do the books. When she was hired, one of the words the boss used to describe her was "heavy set".

I know it's stupid but I liked the days she came in because I wasn't the biggest person there.

I found out today, I weigh more than her.

I know it’s stupid thinking. I know that I’m making positive changes and should focus on that instead. I know comparing myself to others isn’t going to help. And I know that beating myself up isn’t either. I know all these things but I still feel horrible and ashamed, not only for my weight but for letting something like this get to me.

Replies

  • EmmaFitzwilliam
    EmmaFitzwilliam Posts: 482 Member
    ::hugs::
  • ManiacalLaugh
    ManiacalLaugh Posts: 1,048 Member
    I had a customer come into the bank where I worked one day and refer to me as "the heavy one" when asked what teller she'd seen. The only other female that was working there was a 4'10 Vietnamese woman with dark, black hair, whereas I'm 5'4 and Irish. Really?? Was that the only way they could distinguish me from every other person in the office?

    The problem is, she was being a jerk, but she was technically correct. I was "the heavy one."

    I get the feeling. This is the part where I would normally espouse the secret of finding motivation from within, keeping your nose down, and keeping all of that energy focused on your own plan and success, but it seems like you already know this and are in a pretty good place when it comes to recognizing it.

    But ah - the cognative dissonance. I understand. And it's worth the vent.
  • Gska17
    Gska17 Posts: 752 Member
    I hear ya. I was larger than most in my office and people here are incredibly judgmental. One day I remember overhearing two coworkers gossiping about a lovely woman who had gained a small amount of weight. I was shocked, and crushed. If they were saying that about her what were they saying about me? :/

    I lost the weight (for me, not for them) but I still feel internally defensive when I hear people talking crap about other people's bodies. Life gets in the way. Stuff happens.

    ((hugs))
  • kaerae15
    kaerae15 Posts: 8 Member
    Keep in mind just because you weigh more doesn't mean that you are necessarily heavier. Muscle weighs more than fat, you may just have more muscle. If you are working hard and watching your diet just keep your head up and push forward. Use it as motivation for what you personally want to achieve instead of letting it make you feel negatively about yourself. You can do it!
  • gaelowyn_pt_duex
    gaelowyn_pt_duex Posts: 135 Member
    muscle does not weigh more than fat. 1 lb of anything is still ONE pound. One pound of muscle takes up less space than one pound of fat. that's all.
  • opalle
    opalle Posts: 234 Member
    Thanks for the encouragement everyone.

    Nope, it's not muscle. There's no sugar coating it, I'm just fatter. She lost a bit of weight and I gained more.

    I should note the people in my office are really good people. They don't say anything to make me feel bad. Sometimes I feel judged but I think it has more to do with my issues and self confidence (or lack of) than any ill will on their part.

    I will manage though, It's not making me lose focus and I know one day it won't be this way. I really hope she continues with her weight loss too.
  • brynnsmom
    brynnsmom Posts: 945 Member
    Weight is just a number, so she weighs less than you - it doesn't change anything. I totally understand being bummed about it, but just move on. Keep working on those positive changes!
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    gaelowyn_pt_duex wrote: »
    muscle does not weigh more than fat. 1 lb of anything is still ONE pound. One pound of muscle takes up less space than one pound of fat. that's all.

    Who the heck only has one pound of fat?
  • Bj0223
    Bj0223 Posts: 133 Member
    I understand your feelings. I constantly compare myself to others and have to constantly remind myself to stop. There are two separate personalities in my head, my rational one and the nutty one. That nutty one takes control and I have to stop and talk only to the rational girl. Stopping myself and thinking it out when it happens makes the sessions of my nutty personality shorter and I can continue on my day without dwelling on the negatives.

    Gosh, I really hope that made sense.

    My advice would be to find a workout/healthy lifestyle friend. I tried for years to workout, run and eat better. It wasn't until I reached out and asked a person to walk with me that I succeeded. She was my son's girlfriend's mom and lived in my neighborhood. I had met her once or twice but we were not friends. I called her up and asked her to walk with me. That was two years ago, 80 pounds ago , 1 half marathon and 1 tri sprint ago. Reach out and don't be afraid to make new friends. (our kiddos broke up but we didn't )
  • mistikal13
    mistikal13 Posts: 1,457 Member
    (((((hugs))))) vent away
  • ncfitbit
    ncfitbit Posts: 1,058 Member
    You know, that's one of the unexpected great things about MFP. You will find all kinds of people of all shapes and sizes at different points in their journey. It has helped me to see that what you see on the outside doesn't always translate into what you think it does.

    Someone who looks "normal" weight to you might think they are "fat" and someone who seems a bit overweight might have just lost 100 pounds and is feeling on top of the world.

    I've stopped thinking all the "skinny" people in the world don't struggle and weirdly that has helped me feel a lot less self-conscious or judged when I'm in a situation where it seems like everyone is skinnier than me. All that matters is where I am compared to where I want to be and that is very liberating. :)
  • canadjineh
    canadjineh Posts: 5,396 Member
    Don't forget, skinny people aren't necessarily fit people and may be at risk of metabolic syndrome as much as an overweight person is. Appearances can be very deceiving.
  • rachael00679
    rachael00679 Posts: 186 Member
    I wouldn't worry so much about what other people do or look like. EVERYONE has their own issues and is usually unhappy with themselves in one way or another. I have found in my close group of friends, a group who has their *kitten* pretty much together (or so I thought), they have all had dramas or issues of some kind.
    I would let it go and just focus on you and what your doing to help yourself, how well your getting on with that job and how how you will be when you meet your goals.
  • bunsen_honeydew
    bunsen_honeydew Posts: 230 Member
    kaerae15 wrote: »
    Keep in mind just because you weigh more doesn't mean that you are necessarily heavier.

    Yes it does. That is literally what that word means. Do you even math?
  • kellydenisetn2014
    kellydenisetn2014 Posts: 1 Member
    When I hear people doing that it makes me feel sorry for them. Its only an insecure person that has a lot of demons (figure of speech) within that finds comfort in putting others down. Believe me, as skinny as they may be they are probably far more miserable. Weight problems are really heart problems and they are the same problems whether you comfort yourself with food or comfort yourself by denying yourself food. We have a lot of skinny women in our office as well as over weight. One day I decided to really make an effort to listen to their conversations and I was shocked to hear that the skinny women talked about and obsessed over food just as much as the rest of us. Food is not always the real problem.
  • lishie_rebooted
    lishie_rebooted Posts: 2,973 Member
    kaerae15 wrote: »
    Keep in mind just because you weigh more doesn't mean that you are necessarily heavier. Muscle weighs more than fat, you may just have more muscle. If you are working hard and watching your diet just keep your head up and push forward. Use it as motivation for what you personally want to achieve instead of letting it make you feel negatively about yourself. You can do it!

    Do you even math or science?

  • Gska17
    Gska17 Posts: 752 Member
    kellydenisetn2014 wrote: »
    When I hear people doing that it makes me feel sorry for them. Its only an insecure person that has a lot of demons (figure of speech) within that finds comfort in putting others down. Believe me, as skinny as they may be they are probably far more miserable. Weight problems are really heart problems and they are the same problems whether you comfort yourself with food or comfort yourself by denying yourself food. We have a lot of skinny women in our office as well as over weight. One day I decided to really make an effort to listen to their conversations and I was shocked to hear that the skinny women talked about and obsessed over food just as much as the rest of us. Food is not always the real problem.

    That's nice. I like you. :)
  • opalle
    opalle Posts: 234 Member
    Thank you everyone for your comments. And thank you for reminding me that everyone has their own issues regardless of size. That is so true. I do work with really good people and I know they all have different struggles in their life. Mine is just one you can see when looking at me but it doesn't mean others are fine just because you can't see it.
  • kthompson601
    kthompson601 Posts: 174 Member
    I totally understand how you feel Opalle. For many years I've been the heaviest person in my workplace, and it is embarrassing. Now I work in a larger office with several other heavier people, but I find I'm constantly sizing them up, wondering how much they weigh and what size they wear and how I look compared to them. It's really difficult. The ironic thing is, I didn't use to do that until I started working to lose weight. Now it's on my mind all the time.

    The advice I try to keep in mind is that I am not in a race against those people. I am not competing against anyone else. I am only competing against myself. So if one week I've lost one pound, I'm winning that race against myself, because I'm lighter than I was seven days ago. I know it really hurts when you find out you weigh more than someone else, but try to keep in mind: their weight is no reflection on me. The only one I have to beat is the person in the mirror, and if you keep on your eating plan and working out, you will win that battle.
  • burnsgene42
    burnsgene42 Posts: 102 Member
    Don't worry about thoughtless stupid remarks people make. You're trying to improve what you see as a problem.
    You're way ahead of them. Truth is they're much more worried about their own problems to spend much time thinking about your "problems". Just stay with your plan ,You only have to make YOU happy.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    kellydenisetn2014 wrote: »
    When I hear people doing that it makes me feel sorry for them. Its only an insecure person that has a lot of demons (figure of speech) within that finds comfort in putting others down. Believe me, as skinny as they may be they are probably far more miserable. Weight problems are really heart problems and they are the same problems whether you comfort yourself with food or comfort yourself by denying yourself food. We have a lot of skinny women in our office as well as over weight. One day I decided to really make an effort to listen to their conversations and I was shocked to hear that the skinny women talked about and obsessed over food just as much as the rest of us. Food is not always the real problem.

    Great first post! Very well said.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    Bj0223 wrote: »
    I understand your feelings. I constantly compare myself to others and have to constantly remind myself to stop. There are two separate personalities in my head, my rational one and the nutty one. That nutty one takes control and I have to stop and talk only to the rational girl. Stopping myself and thinking it out when it happens makes the sessions of my nutty personality shorter and I can continue on my day without dwelling on the negatives.

    Gosh, I really hope that made sense.

    My advice would be to find a workout/healthy lifestyle friend. I tried for years to workout, run and eat better. It wasn't until I reached out and asked a person to walk with me that I succeeded. She was my son's girlfriend's mom and lived in my neighborhood. I had met her once or twice but we were not friends. I called her up and asked her to walk with me. That was two years ago, 80 pounds ago , 1 half marathon and 1 tri sprint ago. Reach out and don't be afraid to make new friends. (our kiddos broke up but we didn't )

    Yes, it does make sense. I mentioned this in another thread recently, but we pretty much all have personal issues to deal with. Sometimes we can get past them and leave them behind, but sometimes they are life-long. That is where the inner dialogue comes in, as you mentioned above. Seems frustrating at times, but if we have to stop ourselves and have that inner dialogue and conversation with ourselves every single day to deal with an issue, then so be it. It's better than not having a coping mechanism at all.
  • girlwithcurls2
    girlwithcurls2 Posts: 2,281 Member
    I think that the fact that you are venting and working through this yucky inner dialogue might help. The next time something like this happens, try to work through it differently. Just because we've mentally decided to lose the weight, it doesn't just come off. There is a lot of work to be done, not just physically.

    You already told yourself this, but don't beat yourself up. Don't even beat yourself up for beating yourself up. (Does that make sense??) You're you. You're a lovely person. Those office people know it. And some day, there won't be a "heavy set" person there. There are people in this world with issues you can't see that are far worse. Yours is just out there, but it doesn't change WHO you are. Start seeing yourself as you want others to see you: happy, confident, hard-working, committed... You are all of those things.
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
    "Comparison is the enemy of happiness".

    I saw this quote recently and whenever I find myself thinking about so and so who got a promotion ahead of me or so and so who is getting married when I just got single and all of the other people who seem to be doing better than me in all kinds of ways, I just repeat that over and over. Hopefully eventually it will stick, because I do believe that it's true. I just need to FEEL that it's true, ya know?
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