Treatment from others
tiggernic
Posts: 59 Member
i was wondering if anyone else had experienced negative feeling or behaviour from those around them or been treated differently from their thinner work colleagues. And how you deal with them.
I never take much notice but two things have happened in a short save of time
1st invite to work outing but not invited as "it's a black tie event"
2nd hearing manager say she's a monster about his daughter. I thought he was referring to the fact that she's a teenage girl I replied "it's hormones, she will grow out of it" to which the rely was it's not her attitude she's fat she's a monster. I know this wasn't said to me direct but all the same made me feel self conscious. I could not believe he would talk that way about his own daughter who I would say is no more than 11stone, I sitting there tipping the scales at 18 stone and feeling judged and in his words a monster. This happened a couple of weeks ago and as it's still on my mind was wondering if anyone had tips to combat the negative feeling?
I never take much notice but two things have happened in a short save of time
1st invite to work outing but not invited as "it's a black tie event"
2nd hearing manager say she's a monster about his daughter. I thought he was referring to the fact that she's a teenage girl I replied "it's hormones, she will grow out of it" to which the rely was it's not her attitude she's fat she's a monster. I know this wasn't said to me direct but all the same made me feel self conscious. I could not believe he would talk that way about his own daughter who I would say is no more than 11stone, I sitting there tipping the scales at 18 stone and feeling judged and in his words a monster. This happened a couple of weeks ago and as it's still on my mind was wondering if anyone had tips to combat the negative feeling?
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Replies
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[quote=1st invite to work outing but not invited as "it's a black tie event"[/quote]
I don't really understand what this means.
With regard to his comments about his daughter and how that made you feel, nobody can make you feel bad without your consent. Reject his criticism. You are taking proactive steps to do something about your health/weight. You are in control. I feel sorry for his daughter.
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As I started losing weight and no longer being the fat friend, my invites have pretty much dried up - time for new friends.
As far as the fat comment, I think it was just said from an inconsiderate 'person' one who speaks without thinking. I wonder are you sharing with your co-workers your intention to lose weight? If so - STOP! you will more than likely not get the support that you are looking for and in fact probably hear more discouraging comments than you would think.
But the great news is that it get better
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[quote=1st invite to work outing but not invited as "it's a black tie event"
I don't really understand what this means.
With regard to his comments about his daughter and how that made you feel, nobody can make you feel bad without your consent. Reject his criticism. You are taking proactive steps to do something about your health/weight. You are in control. I feel sorry for his daughter.
[/quote]
1st one was not very well written was it.
The manager had 4 tickets to a black tie event. 3 of my colleagues were asked to attend, when it was bought up reference thE fourth ticket and my attending was replied to with its she's not suitable it's a black tie event.
Reject the criticism, I like that, thank you0 -
people will always be mean to fat people, my parents were slim and mean to me, just ignore and lose the weight, some people are jerks and you cant change them.0
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I think that your coworkers are sensing your insecurity about your weight… Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.
When you are confident in your body, no one can tear you down.0 -
As I started losing weight and no longer being the fat friend, my invites have pretty much dried up - time for new friends.
As far as the fat comment, I think it was just said from an inconsiderate 'person' one who speaks without thinking. I wonder are you sharing with your co-workers your intention to lose weight? If so - STOP! you will more than likely not get the support that you are looking for and in fact probably hear more discouraging comments than you would think.
But the great news is that it get better
Thank you, for your comments, it's awful that as you've lost weight that those friends aren't there to enjoy it with you. All I can think is you must be looking pretty dame good0 -
brenn24179 wrote: »people will always be mean to fat people, my parents were slim and mean to me, just ignore and lose the weight, some people are jerks and you cant change them.
Vey true0 -
brenn24179 wrote: »people will always be mean to fat people, my parents were slim and mean to me, just ignore and lose the weight, some people are jerks and you cant change them.
That's not true at all.0 -
FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »I think that your coworkers are sensing your insecurity about your weight… Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.
When you are confident in your body, no one can tear you down.
Thank you for your comments, I am usually a very confident person and although I have not been happy with my weight I have always been happy of who I am. This is why I'm surprised the comments have stuck with me.
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FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »I think that your coworkers are sensing your insecurity about your weight… Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.
When you are confident in your body, no one can tear you down.
Thank you for your comments, I am usually a very confident person and although I have not been happy with my weight I have always been happy of who I am. This is why I'm surprised the comments have stuck with me.
That's all that matters! How YOU feel about yourself and how YOU treat yourself.
You've already taken the first step to lose weight… coming to MFP! Continue to log your food consistently, weigh your food using a food scale, and the weight will come off.
Remember that your weight doesn't define you. A person who makes rude comments about your weight says more about them than it does about yourself.
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Thank you fat free frolicking.0
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I'm so sorry that your co-workers suck so much!!!
The woman referring to her daughter as a monster! OMG, that makes me so sad. Can you imagine how the poor girl must feel and the humiliation that she must endure... it just breaks my heart.
I agree that those comments say much about the ugly, nastiness and self-hatred that is within them and it isn't about you or your size.
People suck. But there are still a lot of kind and supportive people in the world. So don't lose hope. Hang in there while you job search...0 -
beachhouse758 wrote: »I'm so sorry that your co-workers suck so much!!!
The woman referring to her daughter as a monster! OMG, that makes me so sad. Can you imagine how the poor girl must feel and the humiliation that she must endure... it just breaks my heart.
I agree that those comments say much about the ugly, nastiness and self-hatred that is within them and it isn't about you or your size.
People suck. But there are still a lot of kind and supportive people in the world. So don't lose hope. Hang in there while you job search...
Thank you for your reply, words of advice received have run through my mind today and actually had a good day,0 -
Other people need to mind their own business. Your manager sounds a right jerk if he can only see the outside of a person and not the in. His daughter is probably working out her journey with food and her relationship with her father sucks. If anyone is the monster its him for not understanding we are all different.0
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People can be nasty. Just remember, you are in charge of how you feel about rude people and rude comments. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. If they do then they are controlling you. That is what they want. You are here on MFP. You are trying and that is the first step.0
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TPeople can be nasty. Just remember, you are in charge of how you feel about rude people and rude comments. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. If they do then they are controlling you. That is what they want. You are here on MFP. You are trying and that is the first step.
Thank you, the support is wonderful and lightens my soul. And you are so right. I am in control of how I allow people to treat me... Change the way you think and you change your world0 -
You are different. People are ignorant and pick up on that so i gos with the territory. Sucks but people discriminate over all sorts of things.
You cnat change your colleagues unless you change jobs, but you cna change how you choose to react to the situation. I wouldnt let it bother me.
the manager talking about her daugter should just illustrate how people talk about overweight people, but it happens to many other groups. It wasnt directed at you, so id just get on with your journey.0 -
Other people need to mind their own business. Your manager sounds a right jerk if he can only see the outside of a person and not the in. His daughter is probably working out her journey with food and her relationship with her father sucks. If anyone is the monster its him for not understanding we are all different.
Jerk is the right word and I do feel sorry for his daughter as she is a beautiful girl.0 -
You are different. People are ignorant and pick up on that so i gos with the territory. Sucks but people discriminate over all sorts of things.
You cnat change your colleagues unless you change jobs, but you cna change how you choose to react to the situation. I wouldnt let it bother me.
the manager talking about her daugter should just illustrate how people talk about overweight people, but it happens to many other groups. It wasnt directed at you, so id just get on with your journey.
With all the positive views and comments received I have found a change in me and I've let it go. I will come across many ugly souls wrapped up in all shape and sizes, and I know I can and will lose the weight which holds me back but will always try to have a good soul0 -
Fat people typically get treated worse.
I know I get treated differently 125 pounds less.
How life is0 -
i was wondering if anyone else had experienced negative feeling or behaviour from those around them or been treated differently from their thinner work colleagues. And how you deal with them.
I never take much notice but two things have happened in a short save of time
1st invite to work outing but not invited as "it's a black tie event"
2nd hearing manager say she's a monster about his daughter. I thought he was referring to the fact that she's a teenage girl I replied "it's hormones, she will grow out of it" to which the rely was it's not her attitude she's fat she's a monster. I know this wasn't said to me direct but all the same made me feel self conscious. I could not believe he would talk that way about his own daughter who I would say is no more than 11stone, I sitting there tipping the scales at 18 stone and feeling judged and in his words a monster. This happened a couple of weeks ago and as it's still on my mind was wondering if anyone had tips to combat the negative feeling?
I find that often people treat you less than. They automatically assume your lazy. Its wrong. BUT on the flipside I find from heavier people that if you all go out to eat together and you order a salad instead of fried chicken and mashed potatoes or the big burger etc that you are trying to be better than they are. the negative judgments come
from all sides. its sad.0 -
brenn24179 wrote: »people will always be mean to fat people, my parents were slim and mean to me, just ignore and lose the weight, some people are jerks and you cant change them.
Vey true
no that's not true. there are mean people. they will be mean to fat people and they will be mean to skinny, disabled, attractive or the unattractive etc. it doesn't matter.0
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