I need some accountability

Hi... so, I'm new here, and not only new to this site but new to counting calories/actual regimented dieting rather than just the generic "trying to eat healthy" and "eating in moderation". I did manage to lose a grand total of 50 pound in 2009 (from 290 to 240), with 30 of it being in one fell swoop in only about a month and a half. All I did was try to watch my portions and played Wii Fit, though it was mostly just to keep track of my weight in lieu of a scale than anything else.

Unfortunately though, after an extremely healthy summer in 2010 (where I would sometimes go full days without eating and nearly passed out in the shower one evening before my third-shift hotel job), I was forced to move out of my stepmom's house, and my anxiety problems only got worse; I began having panic attacks almost daily before work, and would call in sometimes because of it. I have been in therapy since the spring of 2010 and my therapist is a wonderful woman, but even so, I felt like I needed extra help to unwind, and began smoking weed almost nightly after work, or all day on my days off. Which lead to some hardcore munchie indulgence. At first I thought it was harmless, but then I began noticing that my grocery bill was a tad higher than I wanted it to be, considering I had to go shopping twice a week or else I'd run out of food, even when I'd thought I had enough food for the whole week. I thought it was just poor planning, on my part. I kind of felt like I was putting on weight again-- my jeans were getting a little tighter and I knew my diet was poor. Fast food and rich desserts from the Italian grocery store I worked in...

It wasn't until this winter, when I got a bad cold and went to the doctor, that the truth finally smacked me-- I'd gained back more than thirty of my initial 50 pound loss. I've been trying to get my habits under control, and am having a much easier time than I anticipated, so far-- except for nighttime eatings and cravings. Because that's when I smoke, and even if I don't, my body is so used to munching and chowing down 500, 800, even a thousand or more calories before bedtime. It makes me sick thinking that I probably was easily eating 4-5k calories in a day last fall, easily. But even in my first few days here, I was eating 2500+ and not feeling satisfied. I'm getting better but the desire to eat at night time is something that's not going to go away easily. But I really need to watch myself this time, and I need to go all the way. My goal weight is 180-185, so that I'll have wiggle room under 200 for having kids and holiday trips and whatnot. I know this is a very long intro, but if you're reading this and saying "wow, she reminds me a lot of me at __ age or at __ weight," please friend me. I would love to hear your advice, or just to have like-minded people holding me accountable here, so that I don't cheat. Because really, I'm only cheating myself now. But no more.

Tomorrow, I'm buying a scale!