I've lost 111lbs but still not happy?

FK1983
FK1983 Posts: 186 Member
edited September 27 in Motivation and Support
Hey all,

I seem to have a problem and not sure what to do really, I've lost 111lbs so far which is great, I should be happy I know this but I'm far from happy, whatever I do I am still not happy with my weight and/or body.

I started at 19 and a half stone, when I reached 12 stone I had planned to lose 6 more pounds as I thought that would have been all I needed to do to get rid of the last areas of fat (mainly around tummy), so 6 lbs later and now at 11 stone 6lbs my tummy still looks pretty much the same, what do I do? I can't keep losing weight like this and not seeing the results as I'll end up too skinny elsewhere.

Yeah, I'm happier with my body now than before I lost all this weight but I'm not feeling how I was expecting to feel at this weight, I still look in the mirror and still hate certain parts of my body.

Sorry if I sound ungrateful or selfish as I know a lot of people here would love to lose the amount I've lost, I am grateful, just not happy in myself.... :frown:


My other concern is this:
Losing this weight has been my main goal and I've been putting EVERYTHING into it, it's let me forget about other issues in my life as I've had the weight loss to concentrate on, now I'm nearing my goal it's getting to a point where all my other issues I was dealing with are going to be coming back and I know dealing with them again is going to be hard.
«1

Replies

  • mum23
    mum23 Posts: 248 Member
    hey, that is a MASSIVE loss.
    what exercise are you doing?
    your body needs time to readjust and rebuild the elasticity in the skin tho. it was pretty streched for a while, think of how a pregnant womans stomach looks post birth, but it normally does get better.
    big big well done tho.
  • Macacadopai
    Macacadopai Posts: 183 Member
    I'm a perfectionist, so I know where ur coming from. I don't think I'll ever be 100% happy with my body, but that's fine, it keeps me working out and striving for something. I'm not sure what ur workout routine has been, but for me, adding weights to my workout really helped. You can loose weight by eating less calories, but people confuse the number on the scale with a toned body. :smile:
  • mum23
    mum23 Posts: 248 Member
    just notcied how quickly you have lost all the weight, i really think that it is a case of giving your skin time to catch up with all the work you have put in.
  • michelle_mareshfuehrer
    michelle_mareshfuehrer Posts: 312 Member
    I was once where you are right now---but now, fast forward 10 years, I look back at the photos of me from when I was unhappy and I looked really underweight and sickly. Sometimes we get into a mindframe where it's never enough and that gets dangerous. If you're unhappy with your stomach, why not try doing exercises that are specific to abs, rather than doing lots of cardio or weight training that focuses on other areas of your body?
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
    You may have a bit of dysmorphia going on. Barring that, there's a chance you won't ever totally rid yourself of your problem areas. Carrying 111 lbs. of extra weight stretches skin out and redistributes fat. It may be futile. Don't make yourself crazy over it. You look like a brand new person and I say change your perspective to focus on your accomplishments or you will be forever miserable.

    You've done wonderfully!
  • bonjour24
    bonjour24 Posts: 1,119 Member
    first of all, massive congrats for your success- that must have been a long and difficult road. well done!

    i know people do crunches and things like that to target their tummy area- it might be worth asking the women who seem to find the stomach a difficult area to shift weight from (i haven't got that far yet!).

    but i was thinking about your psychological perspective on things..... i've said lots of times on here that i thnk people need to love their bodies when they're at the start of their journey. and as it changes appreciate those differences, but still love what you've got because it's the only body you're going to have.

    or you could just bite the bullet and get one of those things william shatner wears- i think it's called a girdle!

    i hope you get some better answers than what i gave! but be kind to yourself, and just be sure that once your stomach is to your liking that you don't just move onto something else.
  • redbluegreen
    redbluegreen Posts: 18 Member
    Hi,

    You might benefit from a referral to a mental health service, specifically to see a clinical psychologist or a counselling psychologist. There are some really great services in the NHS and it's all for free.
  • ceeeeemac
    ceeeeemac Posts: 2
    I think it's probably hard for you to be objective about the way you look now, you've lost so much weight in a short time and it does take a while for your mind to catch up!

    Can you treat yourself to a few sessions with a personal trainer who could give you some pointers on how to streamline the bits you don't like? A friend of mine did this before her wedding, she didn't need to lose weight but she totally transformed her arms in particular and defined her waist.

    There's always incongruence between your actual body and your "ideal" body, I know that my "ideal" slim body would be something like Gwyneth Paltrow but I am short and hourglassy so even if I did have an amazing body it wouldn't look anything like Gwyneth's! It might be worth thinking about that, if you're comparing yourself to other people you'll always come up short and that applies to every aspect of life really! Hard to stop doing it though.

    I know what you mean about other issues, I lost 3st in my early 20s and thought that if I was slim my life would be perfect - er no! I have been skinny once since and it was through pure misery so I've been cured of that misconception. Don't let the other things in your life devalue what you've achieved or spoil your enjoyment of eating well and exercising, we are our own worst enemys sometimes. Take a bit of time to reflect on what you've achieved. There is no need to be perfect, how you are now is more than good enough. You were good enough before you lost weight but now you are healthier and like the way you look so you're ace really! Good luck x
  • Try giving your brain some time to adjust to this new body. Your brain, specifically your emotions, still function as someone who is overweight. Counseling helps this, also try seeing your primary care physician (I think those in the U.K. say their GP?) to ensure that you are healthy. I see that you joined MFP in January. If you lost all that weight in this short amount of time, it is likely what I mentioned above. If it's not though, seeing your PCP is a GREAT help!
  • FK1983
    FK1983 Posts: 186 Member
    I didn't know if I should add these as it's embarrassing! (so don't be mean! thanks) but at least I can show you what I mean, sorry for the rubbish quality pictures:


    1.png
    2-1.png
    1 and 2, My stomach isn't too bad when I'm standing up but it's like a layer of fat or excess skin that I just cannot shift.


    3.png
    3, This is the excess skin or fat that is annoying me, it is so loose, what is it exactly?


    4.png
    4, When I lean forward this happens, how do I fix this? loose more weight?, toning up isn't getting rid of it?


    5.png
    6.png
    5 and 6, I'm quite happy with the upper part of me so guess that's something lol!


    Those jeans are 32" by the way and they are loose (always need a belt), used to be 48"!
    So what do you think? is that excess fat or excess skin? how do I get rid of it as it is really annoying me after losing all this weight, and also do you think the rest of me seems about right (weight/muscle ratio etc)?

    thanks.
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
    Looks like excess skin to me. I don't see fat.
  • Chicka_Boom
    Chicka_Boom Posts: 62
    Hey all,

    I seem to have a problem and not sure what to do really, I've lost 111lbs so far which is great, I should be happy I know this but I'm far from happy, whatever I do I am still not happy with my weight and/or body.

    I started at 19 and a half stone, when I reached 12 stone I had planned to lose 6 more pounds as I thought that would have been all I needed to do to get rid of the last areas of fat (mainly around tummy), so 6 lbs later and now at 11 stone 6lbs my tummy still looks pretty much the same, what do I do? I can't keep losing weight like this and not seeing the results as I'll end up too skinny elsewhere.

    Yeah, I'm happier with my body now than before I lost all this weight but I'm not feeling how I was expecting to feel at this weight, I still look in the mirror and still hate certain parts of my body.

    Sorry if I sound ungrateful or selfish as I know a lot of people here would love to lose the amount I've lost, I am grateful, just not happy in myself.... :frown:


    My other concern is this:
    Losing this weight has been my main goal and I've been putting EVERYTHING into it, it's let me forget about other issues in my life as I've had the weight loss to concentrate on, now I'm nearing my goal it's getting to a point where all my other issues I was dealing with are going to be coming back and I know dealing with them again is going to be hard.

    Wow. Where to start.. Okay. To begin with, I think that a lot of us gained weight because we were unhappy. Stressed, depressed, you get the idea. Then we feel even worse because we're unhappy with our bodies, and that additional unhappiness prevents us from making healthy choices, keeping the vicious cycle going. It is extremely difficult to break that pattern of self-destructive behavior, but you have gotten past that first hurdle, which is amazing & you should be proud of yourself. Unfortunately, however, that is only the first step.

    Losing weight (especially the amount you've lost) is difficult, but it can be even more difficult to deal with the underlying issues that got you that way in the first place. It sounds as though you have issues with your body, which is not uncommon at all, especially for someone who has gone through such a radical change, and that you may also have some other issues. Obviously I can't diagnose you - I am not a doctor and I only know the bit that you've told us here. Also, when you get used to thinking about yourself in a certain way - I'm fat, I'm disgusting, I'm worthless, etc. - it can be really tough to learn to think about yourself differently. You changed your body, but your thoughts take more time.

    I can tell you that you have to be patient, that you have to learn to love & appreciate yourself - even the sagging skin and stretch marks - until I'm blue in the face, but it sounds to me like what you really should try is talking to a doctor or therapist. I have dealt with my own issues, and I can tell you that, for me, getting help was one of the best decisions I ever made.

    Looking at the photos that you just posted, your body looks completely normal - actually, you're pretty cute - and that makes me wonder where your negative self image is coming from. It might be that you just aren't able to process the huge change you've gone through, or maybe you are just too locked into the pattern of feeling negatively about your body. Whatever it is, you should seek out some help for dealing with whatever issues you have been ignoring whilst focusing on your weight loss, and with your continuing negative perception of your own body.

    I see the tiny bit of loose skin you're talking about, but that's pretty much par for the course with extreme weight loss. Your skin stretched out and then back, but not quite all of the way. As far as I'm aware, the only way to remove excess skin is through surgery, but that seems like an extreme route, especially when your issue is so incredibly minor & barely even noticeable. (Not to mention that you'd then have huge scars to obsess over.) If your real problem is just with negative self image, which is my initial impression, then surgery won't fix your problem.

    You deserve to be happy - unfortunately, losing weight isn't always enough to get you there. Do whatever it takes. Good luck!
  • FK1983
    FK1983 Posts: 186 Member
    Looks like excess skin to me. I don't see fat.
    Is there a way to tell the difference?
  • FK1983
    FK1983 Posts: 186 Member
    Try giving your brain some time to adjust to this new body. Your brain, specifically your emotions, still function as someone who is overweight. Counseling helps this, also try seeing your primary care physician (I think those in the U.K. say their GP?) to ensure that you are healthy. I see that you joined MFP in January. If you lost all that weight in this short amount of time, it is likely what I mentioned above. If it's not though, seeing your PCP is a GREAT help!
    Thank you!
    It could be just giving it time to adjust, that is what I'm hoping anyway!
  • marianne_s
    marianne_s Posts: 983 Member
    Wow....!

    You last a lot of weight in a relatively short space of time.... PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK....!

    For getting healtheir....

    Now that you've lost this weight, how about you set yourself a mini goal... exercise related.... something that help think more positively about yourself.

    With a positive frame of mind, you will see a lot of things differently...
  • DebiP10
    DebiP10 Posts: 275 Member
    Well done on your weight loss, thats fabulous!!!!!! looked at your pics and you deffo have no fat in your tummy area, unfortunately it is excess skin which i have too from 2 pregnancies and cant shift. like yourself, i look fine standing or laying flat but when it comes to being in a plank position i look down n see it just hanging :( the skin does shrink back as far as it can but unfortunately when it has been over stretched, it wont go back fully, (like an overstretched elastic band) we just got to try and live with it hun :flowerforyou:
  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,121 Member
    savor the moment, thats one thing Im doing now.....Im in your shoes and came to the conclusion, ......we are what we areI

    My favorite quote from George Elliot


    "Its never to late to be who you may have been..."

    Believe in yourself and know the choice you made saved your life. Obesity kills, it destroys the quality of life......You did a sucessful thing, you took charge of your life ,and you will live longer....

    when you get to be older, and youre in excellent health, your excess skin wont matter......trust me.....

    Congratulations on your weight loss.......Lloyd.
  • FK1983
    FK1983 Posts: 186 Member
    Well done on your weight loss, thats fabulous!!!!!! looked at your pics and you deffo have no fat in your tummy area, unfortunately it is excess skin which i have too from 2 pregnancies and cant shift. like yourself, i look fine standing or laying flat but when it comes to being in a plank position i look down n see it just hanging :( the skin does shrink back as far as it can but unfortunately when it has been over stretched, it wont go back fully, (like an overstretched elastic band) we just got to try and live with it hun :flowerforyou:
    Thanks for the reply!
    I was really hoping it wasn't excess skin but it does seem that way, at least if it was fat I could get rid of it.

    Another question, seeing as I've been very overweight most of my life until now I honestly have no idea how my body should look, so some other peoples honest views would be great, I don't mind negative feedback at all because at least I can hopefully improve on the areas people mention.

    In the pictures above do you think I'm over weight, underweight? do I need to lose anymore weight? what about tone and muscle? do I need to work on that?

    Thanks! :smile:
  • iamthepreston
    iamthepreston Posts: 195 Member
    You lose 100 hundred pounds in six months your skin can't keep up. Give it some time and at your age it should shrink back.

    If I was you I would start trying to get strong. I would hit the weights and lift heavy, trying to use more weight everytime I hit the gym.

    Try that for 6 months and see what a difference it will make.
  • Soooze
    Soooze Posts: 122 Member
    Congrats on your weight loss. It takes a lot of dedication and hard work. You did great. Personally, I don't think you should lose more. You look great! Losing more weight, I think you may look skinny, and start to look sick. I suggest you to start maintaining your weight and start strenght training. I would strongly suggest something like P90X. It's a difficult program and being able to see improvement from week to week will keep you motivated and excited! You have probably seen some of the before/after P90X pictures on this forum.. they can be amazing if you put in the hard work. Or have a fitness goal in mind and focus on that. Like running a certain distance or playing a certain sport or getting a really ripped back. (I can't say anything about the excess skin on your tummy, I don't know if it will go away on it's own or if working out would help. Unfortunetely, it happens when the weight loss is too fast)

    I know how you feel about getting to goal weight and ... 'what do I do next'! This has been a passtime and focus for the last 6 months. It's like a hobby of some sort, an addiction too. Try moving your focus to toning your body. You will notice a lean, nice muscle definition in no time!
  • FK1983
    FK1983 Posts: 186 Member
    Congrats on your weight loss. It takes a lot of dedication and hard work. You did great. Personally, I don't think you should lose more. You look great! Losing more weight, I think you may look skinny, and start to look sick. I suggest you to start maintaining your weight and start strenght training. I would strongly suggest something like P90X. It's a difficult program and being able to see improvement from week to week will keep you motivated and excited! You have probably seen some of the before/after P90X pictures on this forum.. they can be amazing if you put in the hard work. Or have a fitness goal in mind and focus on that. Like running a certain distance or playing a certain sport or getting a really ripped back. (I can't say anything about the excess skin on your tummy, I don't know if it will go away on it's own or if working out would help. Unfortunetely, it happens when the weight loss is too fast)

    I know how you feel about getting to goal weight and ... 'what do I do next'! This has been a passtime and focus for the last 6 months. It's like a hobby of some sort, an addiction too. Try moving your focus to toning your body. You will notice a lean, nice muscle definition in no time!
    Thank you!
  • bmw4deb
    bmw4deb Posts: 1,324 Member
    You have done an amazing job!! My biggest problem is
    my stomach as well eveything else is shrinking and i still
    look 6 months preg
  • DebiP10
    DebiP10 Posts: 275 Member
    Well done on your weight loss, thats fabulous!!!!!! looked at your pics and you deffo have no fat in your tummy area, unfortunately it is excess skin which i have too from 2 pregnancies and cant shift. like yourself, i look fine standing or laying flat but when it comes to being in a plank position i look down n see it just hanging :( the skin does shrink back as far as it can but unfortunately when it has been over stretched, it wont go back fully, (like an overstretched elastic band) we just got to try and live with it hun :flowerforyou:
    Thanks for the reply!
    I was really hoping it wasn't excess skin but it does seem that way, at least if it was fat I could get rid of it.

    Another question, seeing as I've been very overweight most of my life until now I honestly have no idea how my body should look, so some other peoples honest views would be great, I don't mind negative feedback at all because at least I can hopefully improve on the areas people mention.

    In the pictures above do you think I'm over weight, underweight? do I need to lose anymore weight? what about tone and muscle? do I need to work on that?

    Thanks! :smile:



    I think your size and shape looks perfect, you dont look like you need to lose any more weight and by your upper body id say youve been deffo hitting the weights so id keep up with the strength training and build more muscle ( the muscle you do have looks pretty damn good) and maybe you could introduce a regular core work out, this will increase your ab muscles so your skin isnt as loose,. ive been doing a lot of core hiit work over the last 4 weeks and i can deffo notice a difference in such a short time :smile: your more than welcome to friend me for support hun.
  • FK1983
    FK1983 Posts: 186 Member
    I think your size and shape looks perfect, you dont look like you need to lose any more weight and by your upper body id say youve been deffo hitting the weights so id keep up with the strength training and build more muscle ( the muscle you do have looks pretty damn good) and maybe you could introduce a regular core work out, this will increase your ab muscles so your skin isnt as loose,. ive been doing a lot of core hiit work over the last 4 weeks and i can deffo notice a difference in such a short time :smile: your more than welcome to friend me for support hun.
    Aww thank you!
    I've been looking up core exercises, they sound ideal but are they ok to do with a bad/damaged back?
  • DebiP10
    DebiP10 Posts: 275 Member
    That would depend on how bad or what injury you have to your back. Core work should really not involve your neck or back as you lift from the ab and lower back muscles. maybe just try out a few moves and see whats comfortable for you then build it up. you could also try standing holding a medicine ball or a heavy weight and do twists, they will work your obliques.theres also standing crunches, hold your arms up above your head and in turn raise your leg straight and bring your arms down to meet your toe. also get a swiss ball and sit on the edge of it to do your crunches, very easy on the back. also seen this on another thread you could try http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/ms-fit5.htm
  • FK1983
    FK1983 Posts: 186 Member
    That would depend on how bad or what injury you have to your back. Core work should really not involve your neck or back as you lift from the ab and lower back muscles. maybe just try out a few moves and see whats comfortable for you then build it up. you could also try standing holding a medicine ball or a heavy weight and do twists, they will work your obliques.theres also standing crunches, hold your arms up above your head and in turn raise your leg straight and bring your arms down to meet your toe. also get a swiss ball and sit on the edge of it to do your crunches, very easy on the back. also seen this on another thread you could try http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/ms-fit5.htm
    I have a damaged disc which needs an operation at some point, the sponge stuff that is between the discs has crumbled at L4-L5 (lumber) and has caused the nerves to be compressed, causes sciatica, leg weakness etc (lovely eh!), I'm on strong pain killers so can still work out (oops lol), I do normal sit ups (about 150-200), leg raises (50-100) and side ones (upto 75 each side at the moment) normally 3 times a week but not tried much else on the abdominal area tbh.
  • DebiP10
    DebiP10 Posts: 275 Member
    hey well thats not bad going, at least you can do some. i also have damaged discs in my neck that cant be repaired but after 10 years of living with it i kind of know what i can and cannot do from trial and error. i must say though that since building muscle in the ab and lower back area im not in as much pain as i used to be so theres something positive for you. i would deffo try the swiss ball, theres no pull or ache on your back and you can get one with a pump from sports direct for £5.
  • FK1983
    FK1983 Posts: 186 Member
    Ok, been looking up excess skin on google and I am definitely lucky at how little I do have as it looks like people can get it VERY bad?! so yeah, lucky in that respect.

    Still not sure what I should weigh though, I do feel I still need to lose a few lbs?
  • FK1983
    FK1983 Posts: 186 Member
    Still not sure what I should weigh though, I do feel I still need to lose a few lbs?
    Anyone? :smile:
  • dls06
    dls06 Posts: 6,774 Member
    How could you not be happy with what you have accomplished. You are awsome and an inspiration to everyone on here. Keep up the good work and smile. You are doing great.
    You lost 116 lbs since Jan. of this year?
This discussion has been closed.