So freakin MAD

cdskates
cdskates Posts: 49 Member
edited September 27 in Fitness and Exercise
I've been exercising this week with my father. He's been "teaching" me how to run. Sounds silly, but I don't know how to form my stride or breathe while running without passing out in somebody's front lawn.

I'm a college student. I stay up late studying so I can make it through college and move on to bigger and better (haha...) things. In addition to late nights, I've been going running at 5:30am... We've been at this a total of 3 days (was storming Monday morning). I'm doing my best, but I'm really exhausted all the time and my body is SORE from all this exercise that I'm not used to.

Today, in addition to trying to learn MY stride so that I can run without wasting energy AND trying to breathe without hyperventilating, my father decided that we need to up the number of minutes we're running. I gave it my all. I mean, I ran until spots appeared before my eyes, and I felt like I couldn't breathe AT ALL. I did my best, but I'm way out of shape. Instead of saying "Hey, you're doin great, especially for the first week" because I am...He says "F*** this. You're not even trying. I've TOLD you how to breathe, I've TOLD you how to make your stride, and you can't even do that? Just go home. I'm done with you." I cried the entire way home.

THIS is why I'm GAINING weight. Everybody keeps putting me down no matter how hard I try. And I AM trying... I'm 20 years old. I weigh 200lbs. I've never run like this in my life. Even in gym class back in High School they were like "Eh, just walk the track a few times....call it done." Nobody will HELP me, I don't know how to eat right or exercise worth ANYTHING.

I am so close to just giving up. If my own FATHER can't believe in me, how am I supposed to continue?
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Replies

  • NicolePatriot
    NicolePatriot Posts: 621 Member
    I'm sorry that your father is not a very good communicator and can't encourage you. You can't let it get you down. You have to do this for YOU! It can get really hard going through this journey by yourself but let us help motivate you! Also, you can find pretty much anything on google...you can do it, don't lose hope. It's hard but we're all here for you and only want you to succeed! Keep your head up, buttercup :):)
  • morawjo
    morawjo Posts: 74 Member
    Try the Couch25K program. It really helped me and prior to it, I'd never run a day in my life...and was always the fat kid in gym that couldn't do anything. I can now run 30 minutes straight. It is a 9 week program that gradually teaches you to run. Give that a shot...and leave your Dad at home. You can do this!
  • foxyforce
    foxyforce Posts: 3,078 Member
    he's been watching Jillian Michaels too much. tough love isn't always necessary.

    YOU ARE doing great!!!! just keep at it. don't run with him. but still run, prove him wrong!
  • losermomof3
    losermomof3 Posts: 386 Member
    I am so sorry that your father is not being supportive. How ignorant! I am also sorry to hear that no one has been supportive. I understand how you feel. People have given up on me all the time, but it just makes me want to prove to them that I can do it with or without their help. You just got to push yourself. It will make you a stronger person. I hope that it goes better for you.
  • brandiqua
    brandiqua Posts: 2
    Maybe running isn't your thing - try something else and above all YOU need to have faith in YOU and it doesn't matter if anyone else does. Try a bike, try tennis - try ANYTHING - find you're niche. It's out there and don't blame your dad - it is probably hard for him too. He believe in you or he wouldn't have tried in the first place. :)
  • MJLavaty
    MJLavaty Posts: 72 Member
    So sorry : ( That really sucks. You can learn to eat right, exercise/run and lose weight. I have never been a runner and finally a couple weeks ago worked up to running a min out of every 5. I ended up screwing up my knee and now I can't get on the treadmill. I will get back on when I feel better. Don't let him make you feel so bad that you give up. Screw him if he is going to be that way! I know he is your father and you love and respect that opinion but things like this take time. He can't just snap his fingers and expect you to be the way HE wants you to be. Its amazing that you are trying to make a life change : ) You can find some amazing and supportive friends on here.
  • Just1forMe
    Just1forMe Posts: 624 Member
    You have every right to be mad. Your dad sucks. Sorry....I don't usually talk like that, but in this case, the only other words I can think of are much worse. Do NOT listen to him. You don't need help from him. Everything you need to succeed is in YOU! Don't worry about breathing right...just move! It will get easier. If you don't truly enjoy running, then do power walking. Or some other thing that gets you moving. You can do this! Don't do it to "show" your dad...just do it for YOU!!! It sounds like you really want to succeed. If you have that, you can do anything! I BELIEVE IN YOU. Channel your anger into energy and use it to get this done! I'm so sorry that your dad
    said that to you. That was just wrong. If he is a decent person, he will realize it and apologize. You deserve better. ((((Hugs))))
    :flowerforyou:
  • breezymom81
    breezymom81 Posts: 499 Member
    For me,I like to prove others wrong! If you can hire a trainer, or talk to the school about one, lots of collages have gyms and students going to school for nutrition/physical intern at them. It can be easier to have someone like this teach us things. Plus these people tend to be much more supportive. If that is not an option, ask a friend or looking gfor a jogging club on campus. There are lots of ways to find support. We all believe in you! It is time to put this in your own hands, don't blame others anymore, put that in the past and show everyone what you are made of! Feel free to freind me for support
  • PeachyKeene
    PeachyKeene Posts: 1,645 Member
    That is so sad. You are doing great, dealing with college, while trying to get healthy. Your father probably just doesn't realize how he made you feel. Some fathers think it is tuff love and it will only make you try harder. Or he could have had a bad morning and took it out on you. All my kids try to play sports, their dad trys to teach them things and gets very frustrated when they don't do it just like they're told. We have decided it is best that dad don't teach them how anymore. We are paying for others to teach them.

    There is a great program called C25k. I found podicast that really work for me on www.c25k.com, they tell you when to run and when to walk, there is music played to keep you upbeat and ready to go. Maybe you should try that and only run with your dad once you have got the experience.
  • Xaspar
    Xaspar Posts: 726 Member
    Try the Couch25K program. It really helped me and prior to it, I'd never run a day in my life...and was always the fat kid in gym that couldn't do anything. I can now run 30 minutes straight. It is a 9 week program that gradually teaches you to run. Give that a shot...and leave your Dad at home. You can do this!

    Yeah, I second this!
  • kctbo
    kctbo Posts: 29
    I use to think "I am going to stay fat until my family (father) learns to love who I am". I changed that mind set in January. I told myself "I am going to do this for ME, I am going to get myself healthy....I no longer care what everyone else says". Since I have been taking care of myself, I have lost 24 pounds. My family have said some postiive words....but you know what....know that I look at them, they have no room to talk. Anyways, what I am getting to...YOU CAN DO IT! We will help you. Do not give up!
  • gidgeclev
    gidgeclev Posts: 103 Member
    Don't run with your dad, try and find a female running group for encouragement and support or a female friend to go running with. Men are just far too competitive. I would question the benefit of running so hard that you get spots before the eyes, it's supposed to be fun otherwise you won't stick with it.
  • IamBrande
    IamBrande Posts: 208 Member
    I dont think it is very practical, to just take off running, with high expectations if you have not ever ran or exercised before. I think you are setting yourself up, for failure. you do not need your father to run. do your own thing. Get up , go run, put your Ipod headphones in your ears, and time yourself for a 20min Run (10 min one way, 10min back) ....OR join a C25k group on here (google c25k to learn what it is about)..... You have to build endurance to run... I have a very good endurance, and I've been working out for years, however, Runnning? Sucks, and "I" dont really like it to much, I doubt I could run 10 minutes without falling over in someone's lawn!!

    As far as you "not knowing how to eat healthy".... I do not mean to offend you but I am calling that bullcrap. Healthy food are taught to every elementary school student....

    You know healthy from unhealthy............. you chose to make the unhealthy choices....

    be strong.... reach for an apple instead of that candy bar.... order the Salad instead of the Big Mac

    Eat more steamed veggies and less starchy pasta....

    you know HOW to eat healthy, you just chose not too.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    First off... you shouldn't be running three days in a row, especially when you're just starting!

    Send your dad over here. Lemme slap him upside the head for you. :noway:
  • DarkDiva2005
    DarkDiva2005 Posts: 140
    Wow your Dad sounds like my Mom. I understand how deep those words cut, and I'm sorry darlin. But we are here for you, let us be your cheerleaders! :) Don't let others put you down, your doing this for yourself not for anybody else. :)
  • jtrepagnier
    jtrepagnier Posts: 1
    Do not resist the temptation to learn how to run. I hope that your dad is a great one and let his parenting skills slip on this attempt to teach and guide you. Fathers hold the key to your heart and being a father myself, I understand how this occurence has affected you. In my experience, it is best to talk to your father, but wait until you stop being angry. Don't give up on your health because of what "one man" has said; even if he is your pops. I believe that you can do it! We are here to encourage you!! Trust in Jesus, he is the Way!!
  • barbacasec
    barbacasec Posts: 106
    Do it by yourself. :)
    I find running alone very relaxing. Try the C25k plan... eases you into running so you can work on your breathing and stride.
    What a better way to prove to everyone that you you can do it by training and then running a 5k race!!

    I know it hurts when people put you down and say you arent trying when you feel you are. Been there done that but you know what... I turn it into motivation to show people that I can do it. !!!
    When ever I feel I am going to stop or dont "feel" like working out I say to my self
    are you going to prove everyone right and give up or are you going to prove them wrong and then I keep going!!!

    Your dad should be happy that you want to try... and he should let you go at your pace not his.... thats why I suggest running alone... unless you can find someone else who is just starting out to help push.. yes sometimes it is better to train with people who are faster etc than you becuase it pushes you to do more - but it can also backfire if you dont get to thier level fast enough......

    PLease keep going and just take it one day at a time.
    Good luck!!
  • NicolCook
    NicolCook Posts: 489 Member
    I started out walking, then walking faster, now I run...but I have not made it more than 1mile at a time. I believe in you and know you can do this. Just start out slower, let your body catch up with you.

    I do all my exercising on my own now. I have tried to get people to join, but noone ever stays. Just give it YOUR best! Not what someone/anyone EXPECTS of you. Do what your body is comfortable with. You will get there, I promise!!

    If you need encouragement/someone to talk to, feel free to add me and we can push through this :happy:
  • jml107
    jml107 Posts: 27
    I'm 20 years old and started this year at 224 pounds. Thanks to dieting and exercise I am down to 181 and still dropping. Running isn't for everyone. I found my favorite way to get cardio in is either biking outdoors, working out on a stationary bike at the gym, or rollar blading. You have to find what is right for you and you can't kill yourself instantly. All that'll do is lay you up in a hospital. :) I'm sure you can lose weight, you just have to find something you enjoy doing. If running is something you love go out without your dad and find your own pace. If he's an avid runner his pace is probably too much for you anyways and all it is doing is forcing you to break yourself. Don't give up!
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,632 Member
    There's always speed walking...
    I never ran, ever, ever....I was always a big chested girl, but when I was 26 I finally decided to take my Doc's advice and do something about all the pain I had over the years and had a reduction.
    I continued to walk (even though one of my goals after the surgery was to run) and one night when no body was looking I pushed the button on the tread mill and didn't let up. I was running. It actually felt really good. So I slowed down, walked a little bit more, and then pushed the button again and started running. I don't do it continuously, I still cant handle running for more than 5 minutes, but mixing up a walking routine with small bouts of running does help, well at least with the "feeling sooo out of breath" part. (At least for me anyway) Just a suggestion.
    But it's the whole who cares what anyone else expects from you...do it for you, and when you succeed, feel giddy about it and then do it again. :) Good Luck.
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
    I agree with checking out the Couch To 5K (C25K) programme. Walk breaks are the way to go. Also, you don't need to run more than three times a week. Your body needs to get used to a new activity.

    Check out my blog "20 things I wish I’d known about running when I started" for some beginner-friendly hints and tips.
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/BerryH/view/20-things-i-wish-i-d-known-about-running-when-i-started-103936

    The first three points are particularly relevant for you!

    You CAN do this, but on your own terms. It might be time to tell your dad that.
  • BBruins12
    BBruins12 Posts: 10 Member
    Believe it or not Wii fit helps out a lot....they have Yoga programs on TV that you can watch that helps with breathing.

    I hate running for runnings sake, it's the worst, so I got back on my bike. Pedaling around the city for a couple hours has burned as much as 2000 calories, and a decent inexpensive bike will run you between 250 and 300, and there's always Craig's list.

    My family has a treadmill, and they put a TV in front of it...it works to take your mind off of what you're doing, but if you hate running...you hate running.

    Drive yourself...find some good pump up music, and take it on. Just think of it as getting you where you want to be!
  • Ms_Natalie
    Ms_Natalie Posts: 1,030 Member
    Maybe running isn't your thing - try something else and above all YOU need to have faith in YOU and it doesn't matter if anyone else does. Try a bike, try tennis - try ANYTHING - find you're niche. It's out there and don't blame your dad - it is probably hard for him too. He believe in you or he wouldn't have tried in the first place. :)

    I don't agree with this post. Everybody (apart from individuals with medical issues preventing them) can run! We are however all individuals and this will affect how well we jog. For your first week, I think you have done amazingly. You're not supposed to be unable to breathe or see spots in your vision when you jog...you are doing more harm than good. Sure, you shouldn't be able to hold a perfect conversation but pushing your heart too far will not result in weight loss...weight loss can be achieved simply by increasing your heart rate by 50% - 60%. I feel he has been highly insensitive to your progress and is pushing too hard.

    Don't give up on jogging...it's an amazing exercise to do! I started only being able to walk at a fast pace and can now run 5 miles in approx 60mins at a speed of 4.5 - 5 m.p.h. Find someone else to go jogging with you and who is new to it and fancys improving their health.

    Do not give up on yourself you are doing incredibly well and should be proud.

    Let your fathers comment affect you like water off a ducks back....don't worry about it. This is your journey and you should let no one stand in your way!

    Good Luck :flowerforyou:
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    You should continue because you want to get healthier and slimmer. And maybe to prove all those that put you down that you don't need them to do it. Because you don't. I had the same problem about breathing when running and found that counting in my head helped. I would just mentally count to one hundred (or any random number) breathing in and out with each count. After a while I didn't need to count anymore. You might also try listening to music with a good sold beat and running to the beat. Hope that helps!
  • ghanke
    ghanke Posts: 1
    As a father myself, I apologize for your dad's behavior, but use it as motivation. Someone mentioned Couch25K program and I do believe it would be perfect for you. www.c25k.com is the site...........start on your own and after the 9 weeks invite dad out for a run and kick his butt!

    You can do this. I had back surgery last year and have never run a race in my life. After surgery I started walking everyday until I was up to 6 miles, then I started adding some running, sometimes only a few houses before I was sucking wind, but eventually I built up to being able to run my first 5K last September. It is well worth the thrill..........even though I still hate running! Good luck, you can do this.
  • PeachyKeene
    PeachyKeene Posts: 1,645 Member
    I agree with checking out the Couch To 5K (C25K) programme. Walk breaks are the way to go. Also, you don't need to run more than three times a week. Your body needs to get used to a new activity.

    Check out my blog "20 things I wish I’d known about running when I started" for some beginner-friendly hints and tips.
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/BerryH/view/20-things-i-wish-i-d-known-about-running-when-i-started-103936

    The first three points are particularly relevant for you!

    You CAN do this, but on your own terms. It might be time to tell your dad that.
    Loved reading your blog. I am on W4D2 tomorrow and I am struggling because it is torture. I am glad to hear after 10 minute of running it gets better. I can't wait to experience that. Thanks for the blog!
  • charliebird
    charliebird Posts: 168 Member
    I know I'm generalising but MEN! :wink: My hubby is like this! And over the years I have learnt that this is his way of showing he loves me!!

    Your Dad is reflecting his inability to help you. He is frustrated more at himself than at you - because he doesn't know how to tell you to do it any differently. I can see my hubby doing the same thing!

    Men "typically" respond better to the "tough love" approach than women. So their answer is to shout at you, "drill sargent" you. We women "typically" need encouragement and coaching. (And I say typically as with everything in life there are exceptions to the rule and thats what makes life fun!)

    Take a deep breath. Thank your Dad for all his help and tell him you love him (he will need that re-assurance!!) Then do C25K! At your pace, in your time, and the breathing and stride length will come over time.

    Let us know how you get on.

    (and just in case you men think I am picking on you - not true - I do not know where I would be without the men in my life! The world would be a very boring place with out you and I thank you for being a part of it.)
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Don't give up!! Stop relying on other people's praise and encouragement and find the strength from within. You're not doing this for your Dad or anyone else, but for your own health, right?!

    I'm a bit self conscious about running so I seem to do a lot better when I'm all by myself. I realized one day that the reason I couldn't catch my breath was not just because I was running but becuase I was stressed about competing with the people around me. You have to learn to stay in your own head and block everythiing else out.

    I find counting is really helpful for breathing and keeping a steady pace too. Definitely try the Couch to 5k program and keep in mind that since your'e a beginner, you might need to do each week 2 or 3 times. And definitely take a day break in between running to let your body recover.

    Good luck hon. A friend request is coming your way.
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
    If you aren't getting enough sleep you shouldn't be running at 5:30 in the morning. You really aren't doing yourself any justice by doing that. It may turn out to be counter productive. Also exercising with our parents sometimes can be just like when they thought they could teach us how to drive....ummmmm not a good idea most times lol

    Your father isn't a personal trainer so he probably doesn't have the tools to deal with the different levels of athleticism that people have. And because he is your father he probably has seen you give up on yourself before...he may have it already planted in his mind that you are going to give up again. That doesn't make the situation any better.

    Couch to 5K is a excellent program. I am a witness. When learning how to run you have to go at your own tempo. You can't adjust to someone else thats in better shape because their endurance is better. But every two to three weeks you should try to step it up a little so that your body endurance can grow. That way you can run longer distances.

    When breathing...its in your nose and out your mouth. Not that hard to do when walking but running it can be sort of difficult if you are not use to it. You just have to keep that in your mind until it becomes habit forming. When I started running I actually would just hear it in my mind on a constant loop...in my nose out my mouth in my nose out my mouth lol

    Good Luck.
  • maserati185
    maserati185 Posts: 263 Member
    You decide who you are going to be - not your dad's expectations, not other people's ignorance or a friend's discouragement. It doesn't matter what weight you are, how old you are, none of that - you can be a runner. But your Dad's approach is wrong. You will not instantly be ready to handle heavy running. Put on some music and go for a power walk... when you feel like jogging, start jogging... if you feel like slowing down, slow. Follow what your body desires, keep at it every day you can manage it (i.e. don't run if something hurts), have fun with it... and you WILL be successful. None of this "breath this way, run this way" stuff is necessary when you're just starting. The question is - how important is it to you? ... Not anybody else. If you want it, this is something you can absolutely acheive. As others have said, couch-to-5k (C25K) is recommended and Hal Higdon's free training programs are good. If you can manage, try to get more sleep and don't push so hard. As I know you know, seeing stars is not fun.
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