Jealous or supportive???

funjen1972
funjen1972 Posts: 949 Member
edited November 20 in Motivation and Support
I have a friend who tells everyone about my weight loss success. She focuses on how far I've come & the 'before' compared to now. Although I am proud of my accomplishments, I don't want to dwell or share the 'before'. Frankly, I'm embarrassed of it and would prefer it not be broadcasted to friends and sometimes strangers. I'd rather focus on the present & my current state.

I've told her twice that it bothers me yet, she did it again yesterday. I've noticed two things in all the instances: she has drank several glasses of wine & there are men in the conversation.

What's your opinion...is she being supportive or is she jealous?

Replies

  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    edited June 2015
    Ya know, most of the time I read these threads, it's obvious that the OPs are delusional. In this case, based on the info you gave.....it does sound like ratchet behavior is afoot.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,267 Member
    ask her...when she is sober.

    I always tell my son if you want to know why someone does/says something ask them...

    We can only guess...and knowing us women it's jealousy...as if to say yah look at her now but....
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    Considering you already told her to stop - she is jealous. Do you get the feeling she is bringing it up to embarrass you?

    Unfriend her, block her- have nothing to do with her if she continues with her behaviors.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,267 Member
    dakotababy wrote: »
    Considering you already told her to stop - she is jealous. Do you get the feeling she is bringing it up to embarrass you?

    Unfriend her, block her- have nothing to do with her if she continues with her behaviors.

    That's harsh...friends you take them as they are esp real friends who might be having some of their own issues...
  • emtjmac
    emtjmac Posts: 1,320 Member
    Sounds like she's throwing a wrench into your game.
  • Sapphiretransformed
    Sapphiretransformed Posts: 15 Member
    My brother, believe it or not, does that with me and my older brother that has lost a significant amount of way the healthy way.. He would about the post A LOT and had even posted pix of us when we were fat without or permission. Thankfully it blew up in his face Cuz ppl kept complimenting us on the weight loss.(BTW he use to be the skinny one in the family, now he's the fat one. Lol) . Your friend probably is hating on you and hates that fact that you are no longer the fat friend and wants ppl to know what you use to look like so they can be turned off by you. Tell her to kick rocks!!!!
  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
    Maybe she's pushing you into the limelight so that her own issue(s) aren't noticed?

    Or maybe she's genuinely proud of you?

    I mean, your problem would be solved if you have a sit down talk with her. Just ask her. If she's your friend I think it's important to discuss the issue with her instead of going through suppositions with a bunch of internet strangers that only know one side of the story.
  • MsJulesRenee
    MsJulesRenee Posts: 1,180 Member
    OdesAngel wrote: »
    Ya know, most of the time I read these threads, it's obvious that the OPs are delusional. In this case, based on the info you gave.....it does sound like ratchet behavior is afoot.

    Yeah same, obviously intimidated by you.
  • Unknown
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  • StacyJ8888
    StacyJ8888 Posts: 23 Member
    My mother and a co-worker used to do the same thing. I would be introduced as formerly fat to new people, as if that was the only remarkable thing about me as a human being. I am pretty sure my mother used it to keep me in my place. The co-worker? We worked at Lane Bryant at the time, I am sure it was more of an explanation as to why they had someone working there that wore small/medium. I gained it all back after a work injury/bad marriage, but I am losing again and my mother has started getting mean again, but since I am still large it is mostly criticism for food choices, using MFP and a food scale and once in awhile outright saying "F*** you" when I lose another pound, she is kind of insecure and determines worth on appearance...ok she is abusive and pretty much mirrors my ex now that I have this new divorced perspective..yes I married my mother. I grew up hearing "no man is ever going to love you if you are fat", "better lose weight now before you get a stretch mark, because it's all over once you get that first stretch mark, no man will want you"...I was 7 or 8 at the time.

    I would steer clear of your friend, she is having some issues with perception of herself because you changed your appearance. You broke rank, you will be shamed for it, she will make sure you stay fat one way or another.
  • funjen1972
    funjen1972 Posts: 949 Member
    I know part of her is happy for me. She has worked out her entire adult life and has struggled herself.

    I believe part of the issue is she does not like the positive attention I'm getting from men...men that she may be interested in. Last night while we were out she mentioned she thought a guy was attractive. Eventually we started talking and his attention was directed toward me, even though I tried to deflect it to her. That's when she started talking about my weight loss.

    In all other respects she is a good friend & we've already discussed the issue (sober! Lol). I agree I need to ask her again... in a non confrontational way... why she brought it up again & reiterate that its my issue to discuss, my weight loss, my body, not hers.

    Thanks for being my sounding board!
  • whirlygig60
    whirlygig60 Posts: 37 Member
    Perhaps it's just a good story and she doesn't have many stories to use in small talk situations
  • funjen1972
    funjen1972 Posts: 949 Member
    whirlygig60 wrote: »
    Perhaps it's just a good story and she doesn't have many stories to use in small talk situations

    Oh, I had not considered that perspective!
  • blueyellowhorse
    blueyellowhorse Posts: 708 Member
    whirlygig60 wrote: »
    Perhaps it's just a good story and she doesn't have many stories to use in small talk situations

    I don't get how it's a good story if the conversation didn't have anything to do with weight, eating, or fitness. I assume she randomly brings it up, right?
  • blueyellowhorse
    blueyellowhorse Posts: 708 Member
    Are you ladies both single? Is she on the hunt for a man? She probably views you as competition, which is crazy. You both can get great men, well maybe not her if she keeps up with that bitchy behavior...
  • funjen1972
    funjen1972 Posts: 949 Member
    blueyellowhorse wrote: »
    Are you ladies both single? Is she on the hunt for a man? She probably views you as competition, which is crazy. You both can get great men, well maybe not her if she keeps up with that bitchy behavior...
    Yes, we're both single. Dating is low on my priority list, but very important to her. She always wants to be in a relationship, but I enjoy being single.

    Also, referring to the small talk perspective, the guy said i looked good & he could tell I work out. That's when she started in with my weight loss.
    I guess this could go anyway...
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    edited June 2015
    funjen1972 wrote: »
    whirlygig60 wrote: »
    Perhaps it's just a good story and she doesn't have many stories to use in small talk situations

    Oh, I had not considered that perspective!

    Good point. I hate jumping to the jealousy thing, and I only say that because OP already talked to her about it 2x. But this kind of makes sense too.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    Im usually the one to point out that the friend couldve just been making small talk, or was just happy for you......but not this time..i think your friend is jealous. If this happens again, i'd reevaluate the friendship
  • JTB51
    JTB51 Posts: 60 Member
    This all depends on how she announces it. Does it come across sounding malicious? Or sounding proud? If she is saying it to men, sound like she is trying to help hook you up.
  • Kathy379
    Kathy379 Posts: 49 Member
    Just based on the info given, she doesn't sound like she's being very supportive, especially since you've already asked her to stop doing that. Next time she does it, just firmly tell her that you'd really appreciate if she'd stop, and if she doesn't, Id drop her as a friend. Life is too short to be around those who make us feel bad. (In my opinion!)
  • serra2009
    serra2009 Posts: 55 Member
    Hey Jen,
    I know its not my place but here goes nothing......I think u should first come to terms with your inner self u were once that person she keeps mentioning an stop caring about what others think of u if your happy with the new you then congratulations on your journey girls will be girls not everybody knows how to express themselves.
  • kellycasey5
    kellycasey5 Posts: 486 Member
    Well... I am proud of the success of my nearest and dearest and like to share!!!! No jealous just 100% happy and want the world to know!

    If they don't want it spoken about, I don't speak of it. Drunk, or not. But I am sure I'd get a swift elbow or kick if I did and that would stop me in a jiffy. Sometimes drunk people forget things and speak the truth in a non-malicious way! And they can be reminded if needed and that fixes that.

    If that person really won't stop and you have voiced this and brought it up and it still bugs you, find new people to drink with. Life is too short! But I just think that is not the case and she sees you as being modest about the weight and is proud. Not saying that makes it right, but a drunk person proud of her friend probably will talk about it!

    Then again if it was me, I'd probably just laugh and say you should see me in a bikini to the men. BC seriously anyone jealous that wants to broadcast your success? It is a weird plan and makes zero sense to me strategically as a woman. And, if I had a cute single friend I was super proud of that was drinking with me a group of men, I would also try to hook that friend up! BC I JUST CARE :) Pushy, perhaps, but darn it some people are just fabulous and the world needs to know!

    In my experience, men especially men out drinking with women are easily distracted. Change the subject, order shots, talk about sports, change bars, whatever. Ask them how to fix something on your phone, or excuse yourself to the ladies room WITH said friend. She'll probably forget all about it.
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,178 Member
    Stop going out with her to places where she hopes to meet men. Change what you do together. Go for a cup of coffee, lunch, for a walk, out with other women. Do not go out the two of you at bars etc, it sounds like it makes both of you uncomfortable for different reasons.
  • missh1967
    missh1967 Posts: 661 Member
    edited June 2015
    funjen1972 wrote: »
    I've noticed two things in all the instances: she has drank several glasses of wine & there are men in the conversation.
    funjen1972 wrote: »
    Last night while we were out she mentioned she thought a guy was attractive. Eventually we started talking and his attention was directed toward me, even though I tried to deflect it to her. That's when she started talking about my weight loss.

    She's a jealous, c.o.c.k.-blocking b.i.a.t.ch.
  • LumberJacck
    LumberJacck Posts: 559 Member
    missh1967 wrote: »
    funjen1972 wrote: »
    I've noticed two things in all the instances: she has drank several glasses of wine & there are men in the conversation.
    funjen1972 wrote: »
    Last night while we were out she mentioned she thought a guy was attractive. Eventually we started talking and his attention was directed toward me, even though I tried to deflect it to her. That's when she started talking about my weight loss.

    She's a jealous, c.o.c.k.-blocking b.i.a.t.ch.

    She's not male chicken blocking, what's the other gender term?
  • missh1967
    missh1967 Posts: 661 Member
    LumberJacck wrote: »
    missh1967 wrote: »
    funjen1972 wrote: »
    I've noticed two things in all the instances: she has drank several glasses of wine & there are men in the conversation.
    funjen1972 wrote: »
    Last night while we were out she mentioned she thought a guy was attractive. Eventually we started talking and his attention was directed toward me, even though I tried to deflect it to her. That's when she started talking about my weight loss.

    She's a jealous, c.o.c.k.-blocking b.i.a.t.ch.

    She's not male chicken blocking, what's the other gender term?

    I know. Same idea/concept, though. :)

  • NotAResolution
    NotAResolution Posts: 58 Member
    I do this with people all the time. I'm really proud of my friends and of all of their accomplishments. Most of my friends would never say a thing about how awesome they are as people or athletes so I say it for them. My friend how is a 3:15 marathoner, I always let runners know that she is damn fast. When I get introduced by some of my friends, they do the same for me. For me, it's what athletes do.
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