Jabba the Hutt: A story of bullying

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  • drivenbonkers
    drivenbonkers Posts: 33 Member
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    Livgetfit wrote: »
    Today is one of the worst days I've ever had. Today, through a message missent to me instead of the intended recipient, I found out that my colleagues call me Jabba the Hutt behind my back.

    This is just one part of the scenario playing out at my work. There's a much bigger bullying situation going on where 3 of a team of just 5 of us make nasty comments about me. I've been threatened with social isolation at work. The truth is I'm already isolated but the confrontation devastated me none the less.

    People can be horrible. People who hurt others intentionally are beyond my understanding.

    My question to you is, has anyone ever had to shake something like this off? If so how have you gone about it?

    I'm in a bit of a state to be honest. This comment is so personal and so targeted at my appearance. I'm struggling not go back to my old emotional eating reaction.

    What's it all worth if people are going to call me that anyway? What am I worth when that's what people see when they look at me?

    I just want to give up and never get out of bed again

    Here's what I have told , or would tell any one of my loved ones dealing with situations similar:

    I think there a couple of things going on here: Some of it is within your control, some of it is not.

    Your workplace is infected with bullies. Is there something you can do about this? Take the missent email up the corporate ladder, chain of command, etc? Ask that person(s) for help: HOW you can/should deal with the situation?

    Unless/until someone stands up to the bullying, it will continue.

    What someone else thinks of you is not your business. Really. It took me along time to understand this.

    What's important is what you think of yourself. FWIW, I'll tell you who I see when I see your profile pic and read what you've written in this post:

    You are a kind, caring, compassionate person. You are hard working, you deserve to feel very proud of what you have accomplished, and you are a person worth getting to know. You may very well be someone's best friend EVER!

    It must suck living in a bully's skin. Think about it, the only way they can feel good about themselves, is to belittle someone else. I would not want to live life like that.

    You are well on your way towards your goal and DON'T give up to be the best YOU can be, just because a couple of dimwits wrote something nasty about you.

    You are better than that!



  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    Livgetfit wrote: »
    Unfortunately it's gone beyond that now, it has to be dealt with. The stress has put me in a bad place. I had a bout of bulimic behaviour today. I keep looking at pictures of Jabba the Hutt. I'm so disgusted but it alternates between being with myself and the bullies

    OP don't let other try to tell you what you are worth. Your ticker shows that you have made gains towards your goal. You will get there.

    I will stay in a softer approach so what I will say is prove those idiots wrong. WHEN you get to your goal then what will they make fun of you for. Maybe they will try to pull some *kitten* out of there *kitten*? Don't be like me though. Revenge does not feel good all the time.

  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,089 Member
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    I just looked at your profile and u look nothing like jaba the hutt. Im guessing they just pulled that name out of their arses because it makes so sense at all. Please hire a lawyer if your boss wont take action. This behavior isnt acceptable.
  • Tmdesir
    Tmdesir Posts: 68 Member
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    I'm so sorry this happen to you. People are awful. I would really take this to HR. This is bullying and should not me tolerated. I really hope things get better for you.
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
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    jabba the hutt, renown galactic gangster and immune to jedi mind tricks?? why is that so bad?
  • nicola8989
    nicola8989 Posts: 381 Member
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    This is so unacceptable and please don't believe a word bullies say to you. My ex was a bully, he called me fat and ugly and every name under the sun relentlessly - this was when I wasn't fat at all (although it became a self-fulfilling prophecy) and he weighed 3 stone more than me! Bullies often take their own insecurities and project them onto other people. It's their issue not yours - please don't believe what they say, it is NOT true.

    Sending you a big hug and agree with the advice here to take it higher xx
  • futuresize8
    futuresize8 Posts: 476 Member
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    Hey there! I'm so sorry. They are undoubtedly jealous of you or intimidated by you to pick on you and not get to know you. You're no Jabba the Hutt, not even a little bit. I understand that your Visa depends on this job. And I know that this seems really raw at this moment and that you are full of dread about going to work and facing them. HOWEVER, if you are able to go in there, chin held high, victorious in knowing that you're right and they're wrong for treating you this way, and still act amicable to them, it's all you can do for now. Be the first to say good morning. Look them in the eye. Be polite and complimentary - not *kitten* kissing nice, but cordial. And then, if you can pursue action legally, do. And if you can't, please look for another job that will support your Visa. Not because you want them to win, but because you shouldn't have to work with a bunch of d-bag losers who don't deserve to know you.

    Never doubt that you're awesome. Don't listen to anything these jerks say. They just suck. Listen to all the kind people on this thread...we think you're beautiful!!!

    "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
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    You need to not GAS about what other people think. Love yourself. Have a song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jjcAuEYW9M
  • KrysGettinFit
    KrysGettinFit Posts: 131 Member
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    I'm so sorry they did that, that is terrible! I've dealt with bullying in the workplace as well, it's so hard. I agree with others that if your manager is not taking action to make it better, than you should take it to either a law firm or the HR person. That is unacceptable behavior.
  • MamaBirdBoss
    MamaBirdBoss Posts: 1,516 Member
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    They probably notice your body changes and are angry about their own lives.
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
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    take it to hr immediately. this should not affect your visa as you have done nothing wrong

    me, I don't suffer bullies. I've been bullied but one day I stood up for a friend and ripped the bully a new one. Bullies make my blood boil.

    and you are not Jabba at all. those girls need to learn their star wars references because they obviously meant Princess Leia.

    If you are falling into your old ED habits, please reach out to your old team or see if an OA group might provide the support you needs.

    And lots of hugs and love. you are doing great with your goals and you are a beautiful woman
  • He1loKitty
    He1loKitty Posts: 212 Member
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    So sorry OP, my heart goes out to you. As hard as it is to be the victim of bullying, and as deep as those wounds cut, try to remember that they are saying those things about you because they are unhappy with themselves. Happy, well adjusted people don't engage in this nasty behavior. That said, there is no excuse and they should be ashamed of themselves for saying untrue things. Hold your head up high and please don't regress into your ED. Good luck.
  • Livgetfit
    Livgetfit Posts: 352 Member
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    I'm not sure if anybody checks back in on these things but I wanted to:

    1) Apologise for not thank you all at the time for your kind words. It was a horrible time for me so I just couldn't come back here emotionally.
    2) Thank you all belatedly, your messages meant a lot at a time when I had so little support.
    3) Let you all know that the primary bully got the sack. Unfortunately, the catalyst was not my HR complaint but his performance (though it probably was factored in to the whole thing)
    4) Tell you all that I did not regress or let my ED take control
    5) Lastly, share that good things do happen to good people to balance out experiences like these. A client recently gave me the "tap on the shoulder" & asked me to interview with their CEO about setting up & running their product division - a job I thought I could only dream about. The way HR handled the situation at my current job made it even easier to accept & I start my new challenge very soon.

    THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH.

    XXXXX
  • Qskim
    Qskim Posts: 1,145 Member
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    I remember this thread (fellow Aussie?)...and I'm relieved to see it pop up and be you OP! I'm glad it worked out. Congrats on the new position.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
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    This is wonderful! Thanks for coming back to let us know. You turned lemons into lemonade--you should be proud, and the bully got his due.

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