Those who have lost lots: how do you learn to accept the sagging and wrinkling?
Pootler74
Posts: 223 Member
I'm not quite done yet, with another 12 or so pounds to go, but this is bugging me more than I had anticipated.
Since restarting my diet in earnest last November, I've lost 23 kilos. Over the last few years, I've gone from having a BMI that was off the NHS website's chart, to a now healthy BMI. That's about 36 kilos so far (or about 80 pounds, or 5 and a half stone). I'm 41 and have been obese or very overweight since I was about 7 or 8. So I knew there would be loose skin.
I didn't realise how different my skin would look though. I've never really been vain, but suddenly I'm fretting about appearance more than I ever have.
I sag, and wrinkle. My boobs, they used to be magnificent E cups. Gawd, I loved them. Now they are empty, sagging, wrinkled little bags that I thought I would not get until I was geriatric.
I have loose skin that irritates in places you would never ever expect. (Yes, there.)
The worst parts are where I was fattest - my tummy, breasts and inner thighs, upper arms. The areas where there's more muscle like arms and thighs will improve as I increase my strength training and move to maintenance, and muscle fills up the empty pockets where fat used to be. There is no hope for everything else, and I'm having a hard time dealing with that.
My bum, never my biggest bit, appears to have made it through unscathed, thanks to the cross trainer. So I'm happy about that.
The maddening thing is that with clothes on, I'm fine, much more confident than I ever was. I love how swift and light my new body is. But naked, I'm far, far less confident about my body than I ever was. I never was one for leaving the lights off, but I think that if I wasn't such a fake-it-till-you-make-it sort of person, that's the direction I'd be heading in.
I'm middle aged. It's probably not going to snap back. The NHS doesn't do any sort of skin removal or tightening surgery, even for extreme cases. So I'm going to have to accept it.
Has anyone else got to this point and learned to love themselves naked, accept the battle scars and feel comfortable in their new skin?
Since restarting my diet in earnest last November, I've lost 23 kilos. Over the last few years, I've gone from having a BMI that was off the NHS website's chart, to a now healthy BMI. That's about 36 kilos so far (or about 80 pounds, or 5 and a half stone). I'm 41 and have been obese or very overweight since I was about 7 or 8. So I knew there would be loose skin.
I didn't realise how different my skin would look though. I've never really been vain, but suddenly I'm fretting about appearance more than I ever have.
I sag, and wrinkle. My boobs, they used to be magnificent E cups. Gawd, I loved them. Now they are empty, sagging, wrinkled little bags that I thought I would not get until I was geriatric.
I have loose skin that irritates in places you would never ever expect. (Yes, there.)
The worst parts are where I was fattest - my tummy, breasts and inner thighs, upper arms. The areas where there's more muscle like arms and thighs will improve as I increase my strength training and move to maintenance, and muscle fills up the empty pockets where fat used to be. There is no hope for everything else, and I'm having a hard time dealing with that.
My bum, never my biggest bit, appears to have made it through unscathed, thanks to the cross trainer. So I'm happy about that.
The maddening thing is that with clothes on, I'm fine, much more confident than I ever was. I love how swift and light my new body is. But naked, I'm far, far less confident about my body than I ever was. I never was one for leaving the lights off, but I think that if I wasn't such a fake-it-till-you-make-it sort of person, that's the direction I'd be heading in.
I'm middle aged. It's probably not going to snap back. The NHS doesn't do any sort of skin removal or tightening surgery, even for extreme cases. So I'm going to have to accept it.
Has anyone else got to this point and learned to love themselves naked, accept the battle scars and feel comfortable in their new skin?
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Replies
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You have done well.
Focus on that. Go for a bra fitting.
Consider a new hair cut/style to go with the new you. Keep up the strength training.
Maybe in a year from now you will feel better.0 -
You don't know what you're going to end up with yet ..as it can take up to 2 years to recover as much as it's going to
But in the long term you could have cosmetic surgery
I do know what you mean ...but patience and then decisions0 -
Give your body a couple of years for the skin to "snap back", aka realize it doesn't have to be big enough to carry that extra 80# any longer. If you're having any constant irritation/infection from loose skin, you might be able to get surgery to fix it (how it works in Canada). If your skin is still annoying you after a couple years, start saving for removal surgery.
I've lost 158# and have been either overweight or obese for 36 years. I have saggy parts and loose, wrinkly skin. I don't hate myself for how I look but I don't love myself either, I guess I'm ambivalent about how I look. I'm still the same general shape I've always been, so the weight loss wasn't overly drastic in changing my appearance. I'm also cheap and don't see a reason to have skin removed unless it's causing severe problems.
Sorry I don't have any other suggestions than wait or save for surgery.
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I have a ton of excess skin; mainly in my breasts but also in my belly. It did improve a bit... But I am still very insecure about my boobs. I simply surround myself with people who love it. My friends say my stretch marks and excess skin on my tummy at the beach is awesome! Like tiger stripes. My boyfriend loves my body and treats it no differently than he would had I had "normal" boobs. I'd like to say I'm all fixed, I still have my insecurities, but with the support of people who love me, I am proud of my body at the beach. Also, think of it this way, it's better than the alternative; a belly full of fat! I'm way more confident, even with the skin, than when I was heavier. Hope that helps :-X0
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It will improve over time. Also try some over the counter moisturizers. Keep up the strength training as heavy as you can. Try to focus on health over appearance if you can remembering that even if the problem areas that trigger your vanity never improve, you improved your health so much by just dropping the weight.0
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You don't know what you're going to end up with yet ..as it can take up to 2 years to recover as much as it's going to
But in the long term you could have cosmetic surgery
I do know what you mean ...but patience and then decisions
That's basically where I am now. The wrinkly wobblies under my upper arms is the most annoying part, especially since I have developed nice muscle definition in the biceps from my lap swimming. My body can stop losing fat there and start losing more from the belly any time now! The belly wrinkles and saggy boobs I can live with for now (thanks to all-in-one body shapers and spanx), but we'll see how bad they get after I lose my final 40 lb (111 lb gone so far). My plan is to get to goal, wait a year, and decide what I want to do. I suspect surgery is in my future.
Does anybody know: can they do a boob lift without implants? I may need a reduction too but right now they are kind of flat and saggy with nips that look like Marty Feldman eyes (looking in two completely different directions).
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I have a lot of excess skin too. I don't believe you can fill up skin with muscle though, as the muscle is underneath the skin anyway, and takes less volume than the fat used to take... I'm still not sure where people get that idea from. Especially for women as it's much harder to build muscle for us.
I know it's been a year now and I haven't noticed any difference in my skin. Let's just say I'm glad I'm married and not in the dating game, or it would have been tough.0 -
I have excess skin on my stomache which i hate. I almost think its worse than what the fat looked like at times! Of course its not...but i wish i didnt have the excess skin all the same!!
I have begun to accept it more with time. Instead of being ashamed of how i look, i should be proud of my achievements. Easier said than done!0 -
elcollins24 wrote: »I have excess skin on my stomache which i hate. I almost think its worse than what the fat looked like at times! Of course its not...but i wish i didnt have the excess skin all the same!!
I have begun to accept it more with time. Instead of being ashamed of how i look, i should be proud of my achievements. Easier said than done!
Yeah. I'm not proud of my loss because I'm not proud that I let myself get so big in the first place.0 -
Recently I was served by a waiter who had loose skin on his muscular upper arms. Obvious large weight loss "tell". I happen to know this guy and remember when he was 100+ pounds heavier, until about 15 years ago. I'm sure I've noticed his loose skin before but until I lost weight myself I didn't recognize the sign(s) of large weight loss. There is a big difference between how extra skin looks compared to extra skin with some fat hanging in it, imo. I hope I can lose to the point where it is just extra skin, like him.
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I have a lot of excess skin too. I don't believe you can fill up skin with muscle though, as the muscle is underneath the skin anyway, and takes less volume than the fat used to take... I'm still not sure where people get that idea from. Especially for women as it's much harder to build muscle for us.
I know it's been a year now and I haven't noticed any difference in my skin. Let's just say I'm glad I'm married and not in the dating game, or it would have been tough.
OK, I don't know for sure but I read somewhere and would love someone who is more knowledgable / has the source info to chime in here
But it was something along the lines of developing new muscles, develops increased connections (capillaries?) with the skin and can help pull it in ...as well as building muscle filling the space a little more dependent on amount of hypertrophy
But now I see it written down it seems a bit odd ..anyone know this stuff?
(Clearly no help to boobs...but possibly stomach)0 -
Does anybody know: can they do a boob lift without implants? I may need a reduction too but right now they are kind of flat and saggy with nips that look like Marty Feldman eyes (looking in two completely different directions).
That mental image made my day!
OP -- Same story as many here: Over 50 and overweight since childhood. After 45lbs, My body isn't shrinking, it's deflating, like a puckered balloon. I look like a shar-pei on its' hind legs. I have wings like Rocky the Flying Squirrel. You're not alone.
Learn to love the new you, sags and all. Revel in your new wardrobe. Try strength training to tighten up your muscles and give yourself a year or two to adjust. Then yes, save for some nip and tuck of the bits that really irk you. A responsible, ethical plastic surgeon will expect a year or two of maintaining before he/she will touch you anyway.0 -
Acceptance is ideal (or distraction a good coping method), but if you just can't do it, save up some money or take up a second job to earn more. A breast augmentation and a tummy tuck are entirely doable. I think it'd be worth it for something that can so deeply affect quality of life.
For me, hips and thighs are probably most bothersome, and there's less that can be done about loose skin there. Well lasers, but apparently the minimal amount of change for the cost isn't worth it.0 -
I have a lot of excess skin too. I don't believe you can fill up skin with muscle though, as the muscle is underneath the skin anyway, and takes less volume than the fat used to take... I'm still not sure where people get that idea from. Especially for women as it's much harder to build muscle for us.
I know it's been a year now and I haven't noticed any difference in my skin. Let's just say I'm glad I'm married and not in the dating game, or it would have been tough.
yeah, i think you have to build up quite a lot of muscle (for a woman) to see a real difference.
as for the other part, yeah, well, you're right.0 -
I have a lot of excess skin too. I don't believe you can fill up skin with muscle though, as the muscle is underneath the skin anyway, and takes less volume than the fat used to take... I'm still not sure where people get that idea from. Especially for women as it's much harder to build muscle for us.
I know it's been a year now and I haven't noticed any difference in my skin. Let's just say I'm glad I'm married and not in the dating game, or it would have been tough.
OK, I don't know for sure but I read somewhere and would love someone who is more knowledgable / has the source info to chime in here
But it was something along the lines of developing new muscles, develops increased connections (capillaries?) with the skin and can help pull it in ...as well as building muscle filling the space a little more dependent on amount of hypertrophy
But now I see it written down it seems a bit odd ..anyone know this stuff?
(Clearly no help to boobs...but possibly stomach)
I think maybe a little but I don't think it makes a difference in terms of physically pulling in the skin which I think is a question of fascia. the tissues just get stretched out beyond their capacity. the analogy i've seen is it's like a rubber band that's been overstretched, you can't get it back to what it was.0 -
I have lost over 160#, and have been on maintenance for almost 20 months. I am 63 and started here in March 2012. I guess my skin has tightened up some, but for me, it really is not an issue. My husband loved me before and still loves me. That is all the matters. I love being a normal size, and being able to buy clothes in a normal size vs: plus size. I look 100% better than I did 3 years ago, with or without clothes. Acceptance can be a hard thing. Try to look for the positive. What you have accomplished is amazing.0
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Invest in very good bras. It takes 2 years for your skin to retract as much as it will. Mine improved dramatically in the first year and kept getting better. If I had it to do over I would have worn shapewear for those 2 yrs to minimize the effects of gravity while it was healing.
I do know how you feel. You want to celebrate the loss, you feel a little guilty because you got that miracle everyone wants, but the mirror is there when you take off your clothes and you are reminded that you won't be what you dreamed of. Since you are in the loss mode still I bet you even have the uneven pockets of fat still. I hated those but most of them are gone now. I am working on changing what I can change and accepting what I cannot. I am on a long term plan that does not include surgery. For the first 2 yrs I kept myself below my goal weight of 125 (115-120), I drank lots of fluids and used a cheap skin firming lotion and waited. Now I am in phase 2. I am working out and putting on muscle, I have been doing this for 7 months and I have seen definite improvement. I wore shorts yesterday and looked at the back of my thighs and wasn't embarrassed. I have considered wearing just a sports bra and shorts to the gym (its AZ 115 degrees here) but I am not quite that brave yet. My boobs still bug me. They were beautiful 40DD, I loved them. They made me feel like a woman. Now they are gone forever. I still mourn them and I think about bringing at least a little of them back but its dangerous and I have small children and I could take the risk for me but I cannot bring myself to take that risk for them.0 -
it varies from person to person - I'm in my 40s and lost 180+ lbs after being heavy all of my adult life. I never really considered surgery as the risks outweigh the benefits for me. So what if I can't wear bikinis and short shorts... at 340+ lbs I wasn't wearing those anyway. And if you love me, you love my body and celebrate my accomplishment of losing the weight and improving my overall health.0
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Actually they improved before even the skin started to bounce back. I was 135-118 still losing but not working out so at 5'4" I imagine I still did not have what would be considered a low BF% and my BMI was in the normal range for my height and age. You don't lose weight evenly across your body. I had this lopsided stomach thing where you could actually see a mass of fat just hanging on one side and not the other, plus there were some on my thighs, around my knees, back,behind my arms, and even my face. They weren't like normal fat that seems to coat an area, they were pockets. They made me look lumpy naked and made my face look swollen.
This is my face at about 135 I had lost about 70lbs in the previous 6 months and things were lumpy everywhere. Notice the lopsided jaw line, that was real, there was more fat on that side of my face.
This is 6 months later at 118
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I'm middle-aged too. I just figure I am old enough to be a Grammy now, so it's OK to have Grammy boobs, along with a road map of varicose veins and stretch marks. LOL It doesn't seem to phase my hubby at all, so that definitely helps, since we're the only two people outside of my medical team who would ever see me nekkid.0
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Look at all these posts with no snark! This is why I love MFP. You're making me feel better about it. Thank you. :-)0
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Does anybody know: can they do a boob lift without implants? I may need a reduction too but right now they are kind of flat and saggy with nips that look like Marty Feldman eyes (looking in two completely different directions).
Should do. Ask about mastopexy. My breasts are wacky. One is "normal" and the other is looking off to right and down.
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I'm not quite done yet, with another 12 or so pounds to go, but this is bugging me more than I had anticipated.
Since restarting my diet in earnest last November, I've lost 23 kilos. Over the last few years, I've gone from having a BMI that was off the NHS website's chart, to a now healthy BMI. That's about 36 kilos so far (or about 80 pounds, or 5 and a half stone). I'm 41 and have been obese or very overweight since I was about 7 or 8. So I knew there would be loose skin.
I didn't realise how different my skin would look though. I've never really been vain, but suddenly I'm fretting about appearance more than I ever have.
I sag, and wrinkle. My boobs, they used to be magnificent E cups. Gawd, I loved them. Now they are empty, sagging, wrinkled little bags that I thought I would not get until I was geriatric.
I have loose skin that irritates in places you would never ever expect. (Yes, there.)
The worst parts are where I was fattest - my tummy, breasts and inner thighs, upper arms. The areas where there's more muscle like arms and thighs will improve as I increase my strength training and move to maintenance, and muscle fills up the empty pockets where fat used to be. There is no hope for everything else, and I'm having a hard time dealing with that.
My bum, never my biggest bit, appears to have made it through unscathed, thanks to the cross trainer. So I'm happy about that.
The maddening thing is that with clothes on, I'm fine, much more confident than I ever was. I love how swift and light my new body is. But naked, I'm far, far less confident about my body than I ever was. I never was one for leaving the lights off, but I think that if I wasn't such a fake-it-till-you-make-it sort of person, that's the direction I'd be heading in.
I'm middle aged. It's probably not going to snap back. The NHS doesn't do any sort of skin removal or tightening surgery, even for extreme cases. So I'm going to have to accept it.
Has anyone else got to this point and learned to love themselves naked, accept the battle scars and feel comfortable in their new skin?
I have similar circumstances. In my 40s, have lost 38 kilos and have 15-18 to go. I was thisclose to being off the BMI chart - high end of Class II Obese and am now just a few little pounds from hitting the Healthy BMI mark (which I'm excited about). It wasn't until I'd lost 25-30 that I began seeing the wrinkles that were to become my loose skin.
I have a lot now and while my boobs make me saddest, I try to remember that everyone's boobs sag some with age, mine were just fuller because they were shoved full of fat. But I know they're worse than they'd have been if I hadn't been fat all those years. And I really and truly hate it.
Stomach - ick. Between childbirth and fatness it's loose and gross and has stretch marks. Their old and pale, but still there.
Thighs - oh, God, the upper thighs are gross. And get grosser all the time.
For a long time, I didn't care that much because only people who love you see those areas, so it's not SUCH a big deal. But now...it's everywhere. My arms - upper and lower. At the knees, kinda droopy. My lower legs, it kind of hangs off the muscle in the back. I asked the doctor about it and he commented on how well-developed my calf muscles were. Wth. He doesn't know - maybe it'll snap back, probably not.
Now that it's everywhere, it bugs me when I notice it. I hope there will be snapping back, but it would seem unlikely that it'll get better as I get older and lose elasticity, which we all do as we age.
I have come to accept that my body will never be what I hoped I'd get when I started thinking, "maybe I can lose it all!"
But accepting it and being okay with it are two different things. It just sucks and short of many vanity surgeries, there is nothing to be done about it. If I'm ever okay with it, I'll let you know.0 -
I appreciate your writing this. I'm still fairly early in the game here, but I think about this a lot. It feels dumb- I wasn't concerned about how I looked obese for a decade, but loose skin is bothersome to me? And unlike many of you, at my heaviest I barely managed to fill a B cup- what's left after 70 or 80 lbs are gone surely won't be a pretty sight! But OP, I've read many encouraging stories on this and other threads and it really does sound like you can expect some improvement with time. But I imagine to some extent we will all need to remind ourselves that everything is relative 0
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I don't have a choice but to accept it. Does anyone know where I can get a long sleeved, down to the ankle bathing suit to cover this mess???!!!!!
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I used to think about it a lot...I came to the conclusion that worrying about something that I can't change was self-sabotage.
I have a large...really large abdominal hernia. Makes me look like a medical phenomenon...pregnant at 62. I notice it more now that I have lost weight. My choices...deal with how it looks or go back to being large...really large all over.
I look bad naked...but before I looked bad naked and fully dressed.
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I don't have a choice but to accept it. Does anyone know where I can get a long sleeved, down to the ankle bathing suit to cover this mess???!!!!!
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lol i know i will sound boring now
but by accepting the fact that i will have excess skin..( sorry for being so simple)
BUT I WILL LOOK FABULOUS IN JEANS AND A TOP OR DRESSES AND SKIRTS!!
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