Those who have lost lots: how do you learn to accept the sagging and wrinkling?

Pootler74 wrote: »

nutmegoreo wrote: »

I am not proud of how big I was, but I am proud of the amount of dedication it has taken to get to where I am now, and what it will take to get the rest of the way... The skin will be a symbol of my strength and the recognition that this is my life and I am in control.

Yep. This. This is what I'm focussing on. It takes practice to remind myself of this when I look in the mirror. And I worry that even though I might accept my body, it's going to look really weird and perhaps even unattractive to any partner who has never seen the effects of massive weightloss before.

TheOwlhouseDesigns wrote: »

lol i know i will sound boring now

but by accepting the fact that i will have excess skin..( sorry for being so simple)

BUT I WILL LOOK FABULOUS IN JEANS AND A TOP OR DRESSES AND SKIRTS!!

Yeah, there is that. I can wear dresses now! I can tuck a top into my jeans if I want! I might even be able to walk in heels eventually.

I agree that from a self-confidence perspective it is going to be challenging. I have never been married, and rarely date due to confidence issues as it is. I have begun dating again, and I am finding that many men (particularly those who have children already) realize that a woman in her 40s+ will not have the same body as someone who is in their 20s. Some are still superficial and concerned about appearances, but if that's how they are, I am not really that interested in them anyway. Physical attraction is important to an extend, but I know that I find a man more attractive when he challenges me on an intellectual level. I would hope to find someone who feels the same and appreciates who I am as an individual. If he can't get past the saggy skin, then it's just not something that is going to work anyway.

Well, this doesn't help the OP much, but I just want to say that I am also in my 40s and have had a completely different experience.

I've lost more than 90 pounds. I don't have any wrinkles and my only excess skin is around my belly. My breasts are the same size and not at all saggy. I really do think that weight lifting has helped. It's interesting that the people who claim that lifting makes no difference are also people who do little-to-no exercise.

I look fine in clothes and in a one-piece swimming suit. I actually get hit on a lot at the pool. I may have a tummy tuck at some point, but I hesitate to have surgery over something that is just a vanity issue. I did NOT do this to myself--I gained weight because of a serious illness.

My weight/loss has not hindered me at all in terms of dating. I have good-looking guys in their 20s flirt with me all the time and have no problem finding interesting people to date. I wear dresses a lot and feel good in them. Some comfortable shapewear helps. I am a dancer, so I move well and with confidence even though my body is not perfect--I think that makes a big difference. I wear heels too...

Do what you need to do in order to take care of yourself, be confident in your body and you will not have a problem.

I have kids who pull on swimsuit tops (very young), so I wear a rashguard. Also leaves me with less to slather in cream!

I'm planning on experimenting with collagen induction therapy on my face....the cheap way, which is to pay a tattoo artist to dry needle you. People think I'm in my 20s, but in my 20s, I didn't have any lines AT ALL on my face. And now I do. And I don't like them. Anyway, that would probably do VERY well for the "thin/stretched" skin, too: http://originalskinclinic.com/services/collagen-induction-therapy/

I'm using a ridiculous amount of chemical peels now to control pilaris keratosis, so I've got a big bottle of glycolic acid. I'm going try that on the bit of stretched skin that I have on my boobs. I'll report back if it works in a few months.

No photos, though, for obvious reasons, but they wouldn't show anything, anyway. It's 95% texture.

kjurassic wrote: »

I don't have a choice but to accept it. Does anyone know where I can get a long sleeved, down to the ankle bathing suit to cover this mess???!!!!!

something like this?

Kalikel wrote: »

Merkavar wrote: »

Seems to me you already had accepted your overweight/obese body, why is it harder for you to accept a healthier, skinnier and saggy body.

I just see it as more of a consequence of your actions, just got to accept it and move on.

What your incorrect assumptions lead you to believe has little effect on anyone else's feelings.

Thanks for dropping by to kick people when they're down.

What are you talking about?

What assumption? What kicking when someone is down?

I'm confused.

triciab79 wrote: »

tomatoey wrote: »

triciab79 wrote: »

Since you are in the loss mode still I bet you even have the uneven pockets of fat still. I hated those but most of them are gone now.

Oh yeah? Are your BMI and body fat % quite low?

Actually they improved before even the skin started to bounce back. I was 135-118 still losing but not working out so at 5'4" I imagine I still did not have what would be considered a low BF% and my BMI was in the normal range for my height and age. You don't lose weight evenly across your body. I had this lopsided stomach thing where you could actually see a mass of fat just hanging on one side and not the other, plus there were some on my thighs, around my knees, back,behind my arms, and even my face. They weren't like normal fat that seems to coat an area, they were pockets. They made me look lumpy naked and made my face look swollen.

This is my face at about 135 I had lost about 70lbs in the previous 6 months and things were lumpy everywhere. Notice the lopsided jaw line, that was real, there was more fat on that side of my face.



This is 6 months later at 118

Ah, I see - thank you for sharing.

I don't remember noticing that sort of phenomenon, except for at my belly, where there's more fat on one side than the other and that is more evident with a lower BMI. (Though I might have missed this sort of thing happening elsewhere).

It sounds like everything sort of settled at 118, then?

You look great

azulvioleta6 wrote: »

Pootler74 wrote: »

LaceyBirds wrote: »

I also want to mention that excessive loose skin and severely sagging breasts is probably a much scarier issue for single women who are still in the market for a relationship. Even at my age, one of the thoughts in the back of my head is that, once I am thinner, perhaps I might find somebody. But looking at my body, and knowing it will get worse, I probably should banish those thoughts. It's kind of sad.

Exactly. A partner who has seen you at different sizes and been by your side as you have lost weight will be used to the changes. For anyone new, I can only imagine that a warning beforehand is going to be necessary. Once you reach a healthy weight, how you look with clothes on might (will) suggest that what's underneath looks vastly different to the reality. All that sagging, puckering, wrinkling, flapping, folding and so on could come as a hell of a shock.

I've never warned anybody "beforehand." I've never received any negative comments. In addition to weight loss, I also have ten different surgical scars on my abdomen. It's really quite bad.

Most men don't care as much as we think they do.

Self-consciousness can be a real mood and confidence killer, though, and it isn't always rational. (And sometimes it is rational, because it's rational to make comparisons. if your body is objectively different from the norm in ways that are commonly perceived as negative, it's hard not to make those attributions about your body.)

Nobody's cared about belly or legs or thighs that I've noticed - those are more issues I look at when I sometimes nitpick alone, but don't really interfere as far as inhibitions. Boobs, no one's overtly behaved in anything but a positive way. One guy, though - he was nice and everything, but he did admit to seeing what I was talking about (this was soon after I hit GW, and this was after a bit of wine - I don't think he'd have allowed himself to say that sober, super nice guy, and I wouldn't have talked about it otherwise.) Better to stay mum for sure - just calls attention to things they might not have noticed otherwise, and signals lack of confidence. (Which you might feel, but it's not great to show it imo).

But after that, it was hard not to think about it or to not let it affect how I felt (and behaved, a bit).

mrsbaldee wrote: »

"azulvioleta6 wrote: »

I've lost more than 90 pounds. I don't have any wrinkles and my only excess skin is around my belly. My breasts are the same size and not at all saggy. I really do think that weight lifting has helped. It's interesting that the people who claim that lifting makes no difference are also people who do little-to-no exercise.

At one point I thought my boobs were going to survive too. However, this dramatically changed the closer I got to goal. Literally overnight for me - bras became empty. I have lifted all throughout. I kick box, I walk. I have visible abs with loose skin.

Boobs are not a muscle (underlying). Mostly fat. Where fat is lost from, what happens to your skin is largely genetic and the sum of your history (pregnancy, prior obesity/weight loss history, ageing). Weightlifting and time will only mitigate so much. The rest you have to accept.

I think W/L for me has helped to compensate to a large degree - swap one physical dissatisfaction for another I can feel proud of - I'm strong. I think everyone that has lost a large amount of weight hits the same point as the OP at some stage but you get through it. You have to really because going back isn't going to make you happier.

I could be 250lbs+ and out of breath with no loose skin or be the best I am with what I've got and be a strong example of that grace and wisdom.

I try and look at my body as a story of my life. See this scar? This mole? This skin disorder? Loose skin? It's all a story.

Great attitude

I think it's a bit harder to feel ok about having a body story as a woman, though... Hard to shake the idea that men's stories signal the development of "character", growth, etc, while women's body-stories mean loss of youth, beauty, all of that. I don't want to feel this way. And I don't think this way in any other area of life. And it's easy for me to tell myself to think differently, but when it comes to just knee-jerk feelings, I don't know, they just come

tomatoey wrote: »

azulvioleta6 wrote: »

Pootler74 wrote: »

LaceyBirds wrote: »

I also want to mention that excessive loose skin and severely sagging breasts is probably a much scarier issue for single women who are still in the market for a relationship. Even at my age, one of the thoughts in the back of my head is that, once I am thinner, perhaps I might find somebody. But looking at my body, and knowing it will get worse, I probably should banish those thoughts. It's kind of sad.

Exactly. A partner who has seen you at different sizes and been by your side as you have lost weight will be used to the changes. For anyone new, I can only imagine that a warning beforehand is going to be necessary. Once you reach a healthy weight, how you look with clothes on might (will) suggest that what's underneath looks vastly different to the reality. All that sagging, puckering, wrinkling, flapping, folding and so on could come as a hell of a shock.

I've never warned anybody "beforehand." I've never received any negative comments. In addition to weight loss, I also have ten different surgical scars on my abdomen. It's really quite bad.

Most men don't care as much as we think they do.

Self-consciousness can be a real mood and confidence killer, though, and it isn't always rational. (And sometimes it is rational, because it's rational to make comparisons. if your body is objectively different from the norm in ways that are commonly perceived as negative, it's hard not to make those attributions about your body.)

Nobody's cared about belly or legs or thighs that I've noticed - those are more issues I look at when I sometimes nitpick alone, but don't really interfere as far as inhibitions. Boobs, no one's overtly behaved in anything but a positive way. One guy, though - he was nice and everything, but he did admit to seeing what I was talking about (this was soon after I hit GW, and this was after a bit of wine - I don't think he'd have allowed himself to say that sober, super nice guy, and I wouldn't have talked about it otherwise.) Better to stay mum for sure - just calls attention to things they might not have noticed otherwise, and signals lack of confidence. (Which you might feel, but it's not great to show it imo).

But after that, it was hard not to think about it or to not let it affect how I felt (and behaved, a bit).

mrsbaldee wrote: »

"azulvioleta6 wrote: »

I've lost more than 90 pounds. I don't have any wrinkles and my only excess skin is around my belly. My breasts are the same size and not at all saggy. I really do think that weight lifting has helped. It's interesting that the people who claim that lifting makes no difference are also people who do little-to-no exercise.

At one point I thought my boobs were going to survive too. However, this dramatically changed the closer I got to goal. Literally overnight for me - bras became empty. I have lifted all throughout. I kick box, I walk. I have visible abs with loose skin.

Boobs are not a muscle (underlying). Mostly fat. Where fat is lost from, what happens to your skin is largely genetic and the sum of your history (pregnancy, prior obesity/weight loss history, ageing). Weightlifting and time will only mitigate so much. The rest you have to accept.

I think W/L for me has helped to compensate to a large degree - swap one physical dissatisfaction for another I can feel proud of - I'm strong. I think everyone that has lost a large amount of weight hits the same point as the OP at some stage but you get through it. You have to really because going back isn't going to make you happier.

I could be 250lbs+ and out of breath with no loose skin or be the best I am with what I've got and be a strong example of that grace and wisdom.

I try and look at my body as a story of my life. See this scar? This mole? This skin disorder? Loose skin? It's all a story.

Great attitude

I think it's a bit harder to feel ok about having a body story as a woman, though... Hard to shake the idea that men's stories signal the development of "character", growth, etc, while women's body-stories mean loss of youth, beauty, all of that. I don't want to feel this way. And I don't think this way in any other area of life. And it's easy for me to tell myself to think differently, but when it comes to just knee-jerk feelings, I don't know, they just come

Sometimes, I like to imagine that all of us are the pioneers of weight loss technology. We are the cusp of a world where obesity no longer exists (I have great imagination). There will be elders with loose skin that mark the end of an era and we will be revered lol.

Eta: I have two girls (and three boys)... I'm very conscious of being a good model of self/acceptance for them..maybe that helps too. I know my own mother and grandmother were that for me.