Really Struggling - What's it going to take?

xAngelinaBallerinax · May 2011

Hi everyone!

I thought I would write a post since I seem to be getting nowhere with my own thoughts...

I have been overweight for most of my life, and am now at the point where I am 28 (until July), 5ft8 and currently weigh 430lbs. I have been on and off diets since about the age of 12, and have never been able to go the full distance to health and happiness. Surgery has been mentioned several times by friends and family, but it just doesn't sit well for me for a number of reasons, something deep down inside still has the optimism that I will be able to do it by myself (although it seems really small right now!)

I really don't know what to do next - I mean I feel like I'm not that far away from being bedbound - I'm pretty much housebound due to anxiety and it is and struggle to do a lot of day to day tasks, but something inside me still seems to deny the state I have let myself get to!

I've been on anti-depressants for the last year (seems like I'm on the right ones now but I'm only a few weeks into using them) thyroid meds, and as of a month ago high blood pressure meds. Thankfully for some reason my blood sugar levels are normal so I haven't got diabetes to worry about too, but I'm at my wits end, wondering what it's going to take before something clicks and I start to do this once and for all??

I'm not really sure of what I'm asking for here, but a wake up call to jolt me to reality would be nice right about now...help! :frown:

Angela xxxxx

xxx_Pink_Princess_xxx · May 2011

Angela, I am more than willing to take this journey with you. Its all about small steps one at a time. I am by no means an expert so I cant help you fully but I can be here for you and support you.

Jeananne xxx

Laura_beau · May 2011

Hello Angela

First of all, I know it is reaaaallllly daunting- but you have come to the right place. Everyone here is so supportive- and motivating. Use this site & it's tools- log your cals and try to move a little more, even if it's just leg exercises when you are sitting- or walking around your house.

I know you can do it, I was way over 300 pounds and i know it's hard being really big, but once you get started the momentum will keep you going.

x

madyncaden · May 2011

Im totally with you!! I have also struggled for ever and have just made up my mind that this IS it!! I will do this no matter how lng it takes, and I am here for ya if you need me. i definantly could use the motivation of you as well, which in turn can help you too!!! Good luck:)

Jeneba · May 2011

HUGS!!!! In the hospital where I was a chaplain intern, there was an entire unit dedicated to working with people who have had similar experiences to your own. I HATE the idea of making all of "this" weight obsession into a "medical" issue, it seems so unfair. But - apparently, there were some wonderful successes with people who had previously been unable to walk even a few steps without being winded.....

Terri_74 · May 2011

Hi Angela, I too am no expert but would be happy to help anyway I could along the way.. Logging your food diary everyday with the support of the people on here really does make a difference. I believe you can do it. Picture your end goal and the opportunities it will open up for you and always try to keep them in mind. Good Luck and stay positive, small steps will make a difference :flowerforyou:

anolan807 · May 2011

I feel I have struggled with these demons as well all my life. I am 29 and I have always been a chubby girl. In my own experience it has taken me and still taking me a long time to fess up to my issues and my obsession with bad foods. Even now that I know what is causing my weight problem and I am finally working out almost everyday with a break here and there I am still struggling to give up the foods that are hurting my success. It is frustrating to the point that I just think well maybe I am just destine to be bigger. But that is not the case for me or you. Friend me and we can do this together. It is one step at a time and one day at a time. accomplish small goals and that will make you feel more motivated for your long term goal. Good Luck in your journey and I am here if you need anything.

botography · May 2011

I feel your pain. I was smaller than small all my life and started to gain weight and the worst part was I really didn't care. I was on my way up before I found this site quite by accident. WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. It is a catch -22. Your depression is causing you NOT to believe you can do it. And your weight is causing part of your depression.

My best advice is to hang in there. Reach out as you have done and perhaps find something during the day that makes you happy (no not ice cream - my downfall). Find something you look forward to even if it is very very small. And set small goals, one day at a time. I am following my own advice.

Feel free to befriend me. And I challenge you to respect who you are enough to see a difference.

Vanishing_Gordies · May 2011

It all depends on what works for you. Are you a tough love kind of person? Do you need to be nurtured and carefully guided along this journey? I'm a tough love person, and that's what I dish out. But I will say that you have taken the most important step of all. You WANT to do something about your health. You have the drive deep down inside and you absolutely CAN do this. The other super awesome thing you did was join this site. I have made the most amazing friends here and they hold me accountable. I want to be better for myself, but also for them - because damn it, they're working their *kitten* off, why am I not doing the same? MFP is one of the most valuable tools I have ever come across for weight loss and just being healthy in general. You can absolutely friend me and we can help each other out! You can do this!

Cathy92 · May 2011

My heart goes out to you. I don't know what your wake-up call will be, but try to focus on finding the motivation to move forward with this issue. I have been having trouble losing too, but I know I'll never give up trying. If I tell you what works for me, then maybe it will help you. I've done every diet and weight loss clinic mentionable. Firstly, set aside time every day for yourself, to plan your weight loss. Using this site works best for me and when I use it...I lose. Being accountable and writing things down is key for me. When I fill in the food diary I will be guaranteed to lose even if I eat more than my desired # of calories...it's wierd...I guess it makes me more aware and I just keep trying. Anyway, there are lots of really good people here who are willing to help motivate and encourage you. You've made a great start by posting your problem. It's a start. Be proud of it. If you need a friend, I will be one for you.

JennaLee1486 · May 2011

You can do this! To be completely honest, I do not fully know your struggle. But, if you have the desire to be healthier, you can do it. It is a scary thought to be bedbound by something like weight. You would be handicapping yourself, when it's something you can fix. My advice is start small. Worry about just calories and trying to cut back. If MFP says you should eat 1200 a day and you currently eat 2500, then start smaller and shoot for like 1800. You have to be realistic. If you deprive yourself you will fail. When you lose a little bit from eating better you will be able to at least go for short walks or do some type of exercise. The good news is that you'll burn a lot of calories even just walking. When you are at higher weights you burn more, so look at that for a positive bit of news

I think you are making the right decision by not having surgery. Even if you eventually changed your mind and wanted to do the surgery you have to change your eating habits and lifestyle to make it a success. I have a friend who had it and he still eats horrible although the surgery caused him to lose over 100lbs. He gets horrible pain in his stomach whenever he eats something he shouldn't, but he can't stop himself. You don't want that for yourself! Focus on making small improvements everyday and realize we are all here for you!

jamiefire7 · May 2011

Hi Angela

Good luck with your new journey!!! You can do this you just have to really truely decide once and for all that NOTHING tastes as good as being healthy and HAPPY feels!!! I used to weigh 271 pounds and lost over 120 pounds just with hard work and eating right. I had never felt so good as I did when I was eating right. It is not easy but it sure feels better. Make sure that you are 100% honest on here (with your food diary). Then once you see what you are eating start making changes. Healthier changes. Start walking around the block once a day and log how long it took you. Try and increase your speed and then eventually add a block. Make it a fun challenge for yourself. You can sooooo do this. If you need motivation look me up.

Akaratel · May 2011

You can do this and I dont blame you for not wanting to think about the surgery quite yet! It is more encouraging and helpful to your depression to know that you can do it yourself. It is a hard road for all of us and that is why we are all here. I think you should just start off by doing things around the house each day adding a little more each week and start simple so that you don't quickly chase yourself away... but most importantly drink water like there will be no water tomorrow.

Add all of us for support and lets get to this

.. Remember that the weight should come off faster in the beginning.. and as that happens you will enjoy the rewards.. Make sure you set mini-goals just 10-20 lbs here and there and never look at the bigger picture... Say :"I want to weigh 410 in a couple months" and that is all you tell yourself for now... Or concentrate on 10% of your weight every four months something like that... don't look at how much total

Good luck and you can add us for support

jamielise2 · May 2011

What it's going to take is you deciding that being healthy is more important to you than anything else. And it's not easy. I feel your pain. My wake up call was a dr appt where I weighed more than I ever have in my life. I've found that the trick is to make a life style change, not be on a diet. Eat in a way you can stand to eat for the rest of your life. For me that means being good 90% of the time and allowing myself treats. My average so far is 2-3 lbs a week of weight loss. I'm also exercising a lot because I find I like how I feel after (sure as heck not during), and because when I exercise I can "earn " my treats that I won't give up. Everyone has to decide for themselves what they want, and do it for you, and then just go for it, making little changes at a time. When I first started swimming I couldn't go a whole length of the pool without stopping to rest. Now I can do 2 lengths. It's little steps and keeping at it. Wishing you all the best.

lindsyrox · May 2011

You have to really want it and commit to it and do it for yourself. I find it helps to not worry about the big picture becasue that can be overwhelming but to focus on each day, every day you wake up fresh and with the opportunity to reach your daily goals and if you dont reach them its okay because you have another day starting within hours. The loss itself should be easy, counting calories and increasing activity, its the mental and emotional aspects that prove most challenging. Keep positive and face each day as a new opportunity to do your best. When i started dieting and exercising i would put a sticker on the calendar for each day i met my goals and as those stickers start to fill the weeks and eventually the month its a nice visual reminder of how far you've come and how good your doing. even if you dont see the payoff consistantly or as fast as you want you'll still be reminded of the efforts you've made and if you keep up the good work it will start to pay off.

another thing i've found that has helped (per meeting w/ a trainer) is not just tracking what i eat but making up a schedule! its hard but if you put in the time to think about what you WANT to eat during the week that will stay within your calorie goals and then go shopping and buy JUST the foods you've decided are okay, then when you get home and you need to figure out whats for dinner, or what are you taking to work for lunch you will already have an idea and the temptations of other bad foods wont be as great. Also by planning your food you will have a grocery list to work from and it makes it easier to only buy those things and not fill your house with bad tempting foods.

Good luck!

aamb · May 2011

you said it yourself angelina.. you still have that tiny spark of optimism in you which means you CAN do this, we are all right behind you and will support you along the way. start small, set small goals and reach them, you CAN and you WILL do this xxxx

Menene · May 2011

You have come to the right place. It not the easiest thing in the world but also not the hardest. Hang around and see how you like it you will be surprised how easily it can change your life. And you are worth it.

sending you a friend request

MB_Positif · May 2011

I started really struggling with my weight after having my son 5 years ago. Initially I lost all of the weight I gained during my pregnancy, but they gained nearly all of it back over a year or two. During that time I had lots of friends who were losing their baby weight, a friend who was a personal trainer who I asked for help. Nothing clicked for me. I had gotten settled into my life as a wife and mom who works. Feeling like I deserved to eat what I wanted because I worked so hard. I cooked, but never paid attention to portion control or what I was putting into the food. I just wanted it to be yummy. I also bailed on cooking a lot so we ate out a lot. I tried to start exercising a few times, but then I'd always end up being too sore to do the next work out or too tired, or have no time, or get sick with a cold and never get back to it, have my period. Whatever it was I always made an excuse. What I didn't know at the time is even though I was disappointed with where I was, I hadn't hit my rock bottom yet.

A couple of things happened in the last year. One, I saw pictures of myself with my sister. I was twice her size. Still didn't make me change. She's teeny so even though I knew I wasn't on the right path, it wasn't enough to change me. Next I realized that I huffed and puffed going up a flight of stairs. Next I realized that I said no to my son constantly when he asked me to do anything outside or active. Next I saw a picture of myself with a women's group I belong to and realized that I was bigger than the girl I thought was the big girl in the group. Next I realized that I was having occasional chest pain. I think that was the rock bottom. At 33 years old did I want to be one of those people that died before their 40th birthday because I was too lazy to eat well or exercise? At that point I started cutting portions which helped me lose a few pounds, but I still had nothing to go on. Didn't know what was right or wrong even though I knew the way I ate when I was thin and even though I read fitness magazines all of the time. For Christmas I got Prevention Magazine's Flat Belly Diet cookbook which is full of great recipes for 400 calories, give or take. I lost about 3 more pounds in a month. During that month, I read a great book, "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst on satisfying your cravings for food with God. It was then that I realized I had to surrender my control of this process. I couldn't do this on my own. I prayed that God would help me figure this out. I didn't know what to do or how to do it at this point in my life. Then one day, January 27th to be exact, my friend from high school posted on facebook that she joined this cool site, myfitnesspal. I figured, why the heck not.

I decided to start slow. Work on getting close to my calorie goals and seeing where that took me. I knew I wouldn't fit exercise in at that point, at least not regularly. I think that was the smartest decision I made, getting a handle on food before I tried to throw in exercise. One day at a time, one thing at a time. Then Lent came around. I always give up something physical, like my habit of stopping to pick up breakfast on the way to work or whatever. This year I decided I was giving up what I called my "victim to my circumstances" attitude. What I didn't expect is that attitude was going to be fully taken away from me. I still have my moments where I want to eat badly or not exercise, but man does it feel good to have that attitude gone. I added exercise regularly about 2 months into the process. Did my first 5k 2 weeks ago. Exhilarating.

So my advice...start small. Start slow. Pick one thing at a time and run with it. Change it up as soon as you feel like you are becoming complacent. You CAN do this.

capricorn144 · May 2011

Angela...if you could do a couple of things it might help you.

First...realize it will take you a couple of years....so NO fast FIX.
(put time aside for now)

Next if you can have a treadmill in your house to start gently walking it would be private, and it would get your metabolism going.
(check with your MD first)

And then do what we do here...every morning BUDGET YOUR DAILY CALORIES.
Use the food diary...faithfully MAKE A PLAN FOR THE DAY. Be honest with yourself and log in what you INTEND to spend your calories on.
(the first 3 days are the toughest if you are giving up a lot of calories from your usual way of eating)

And then I suggest you use the BLOG feature and EVERY MORNING write yourself your INTENTIONS for the day...put your thoughts and feelings into POSITIVE things about this journey.

This has helped me.
Even though I have less to lose than you do I have fought this same battle until I am 60. This is the last time EVER. I vow it.

If you want to add me as a friend who will be a cheerleader for you please do. My diary is open to my friends. I do a pretty balanced home cooked plan.

best of luck to you. :flowerforyou:

tdjones00 · May 2011

I hope that you see all of the support that is at your finger tips. We can all do this together including you. As another member said doing leg exercises is a start. Small steps to become big ones.

milaxx · May 2011

I understand where you are. I weigh in the 300's. I have to say at first it was a bit challenging, but if you stick with it you can do this.

Feel free to friend if you want.

My suggestions would be to start by writing down everything you like to eat, god bad or whatever. You'll need this to figure out what you can eat, what you can modify and eat a healthier version of and what things you need to no longer eat. don't think of this as a diet, think about it as a lifestyle change. A diet is temporary you want something you can do from this point on and not feel miserable or deprived. I eat as 'clean" as possible. That means, no soda and little to no processed foods and no low fat or fat free food. I am also vegetarian. yes it's possible to be a fat vegetarian, I have been for 15 years. Still you don;t have to go veg, just make good protein choices.

Let's get moving. Do you like going for walks? Schedule them. make it a point that at least 2 x's a week you go for walks for a certain amount of time. I do water aerobics and LOVE it. I go at minimum of 3 x's a week. The gym near me is great. They have a decent pool and classes are held every day except Sunday. They also have a variety of body types and ages so I don't feel like the fat chick in the gym full of hard bodies.

Remember there are no quick fixes or magic pills. It took you 29 years to get to this weight, it may take a year or 2 to come off.

Really Struggling - What's it going to take?

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