How do you forgive yourself for regaining?

NegaAshley · July 2015

I've belonged to Myfitnesspal for over three years. I've lost decent amounts of weight several times, my most recent being last year when I lost over 40 lbs.

I've regained the weight each time, and most recently, I've even added to it.

I'm so mad and frustrated with myself. I know exactly what to do to lose weight and gain muscle, but I keep giving up, even when I'm getting great results.

Part of me feels like I deserve to be unhealthy and unhappy, but I really want to work through that feeling and actually make a lasting change to my life.

It's really hard for me to forgive myself for sabotaging my own success. Does anyone else struggle similarly? How do you work through this feeling?

Spreyton22K · July 2015

OP it is time to REALLY (not shouting, just emphasis) work on the underlying issues that you have raised.

"Part of me feels like I deserve to be unhealthy and unhappy....."

You have mentioned that you sabotage your own success, find out the reasons why. Replay in your head all the awful thoughts that you have projected inwards and ask yourself - How would I feel if I heard someone speaking to another human being this way? Is it fair or even true? Would I ever speak this way to another??

If the repeating record of shame and derision you have going is totally unfair - and in my opinion it is, then you need to find out where this comes from.

So OK you have lost weight, regained it and repeated the cycle; so have a hellova lot of people here on MFP and IRL and that does not make them any less deserving of happiness/success and peace of mind. People 'fall off the wagon' all the time, it is picking yourself back up and getting back on that counts.

I have my own struggles. There have been times where I have felt the way you describe.....it is a soul shattering place to feel this way, but it wasn't till I realized that I and I alone have POWER over these thoughts. Yes I sought help through counselling and any other technique that could help me repair my broken self esteem. You deserve the same healing and health/happiness that you found in losing weight and getting stronger.

All the best in finding yourself again.

berndanddana · July 2015

This is probably gonna sound more harsh than I want it to sound, but hear me out. You discussed what you feel you deserve. I believe that's a very self - centered way to view it.

I sit for a man in his early 60s. He is a diabetic, has cellulitis, and is an above the knee amputee. He is very obese and has this attitude that he is gonna do what he wants and eat what he wants cuz it's his body. What he doesn't see in the background is his grown daughter who is running herself ragged trying to care for him. She has her own family she should be enjoying, but she can't cause daddy has 10 doctor appointments this week and therapy and he can't drive, or bathe himself.

Now, I know he is an extreme case but, I would be resentful if I had to be the primary care giver for a family member who refused to help them self. So, if you don't think you deserve to be healthy, ask yourself who is going to be coming behind you when you start to age out whose gonna have to care for you. What do they deserve?

Luckee_me · July 2015

Hi,
I lost 201 pounds and then gained 40 back, I'm just trying to get back to basics and let go of how much I screwed up. Just try to forget what had happened in the past and treat it like a fresh slate. It's hard but you can do it. Just never give up on yourself.

999tigger · July 2015

Your posts highlights a lot of dysfunctional thinking imo, which is not only a waste of time, causes you more stress, but also undermines your effectiveness. You arent helping yourself and you need to change your attitude/ approach.

1. Learn from your mistakes, losing is only part of it, keeping it off with your maintenance plan is the more difficult task.
2. Being mad and frustrated......... and even worse the thinking you deserve to be unhealthy and unhappy is really a bit too dramatic, non supportive of yourself and just counterproductive. Beating up on yourself when you are trying to encourage yourself to do a hard task is undermining and just not a good idea. Just take responsibility in a normal balanced way, support yourself, be patient and consistent. I could be a lot more direct, but im being kind here.
3. If i do something wrong I dont panic, learn from it, at the most point out that my behaviour wasnt helpful, agree that the food was nice, but I focus on wnating the traget more and move on. Try and make better choices and dont beat up.

On and its very unlikely you were gaining muscle in a calorific defict, you were probably getting stronger but thats a different thing. Focus on less stress, more consistency and patience.

NegaAshley · July 2015

Thanks for all of your responses. I really appreciate it!

I'm working through my dysfunctional thought processes, and it's helpful to know that other people struggle with some of the same issues.

I know that my health, both physical and metal, is something that I need to work on. I would never want to be a burden to anyone, especially those that care for me.

I'll work on my patience and understanding. Thanks again for the advice!

alise_lmx · July 2015

I used to feel the same way. I would get totally discouraged if I gained any weight back and gave up. But eventually I realized that there really isn't an "end goal." Even if you reach your goal weight, you will still have to work just as hard to maintain it. So you really can only fail if you give up. If you can just work past the bad feelings and keep going, you will get there! It's hard, I've started and stopped so many times myself. But now when that happens, I know I will get back at it some day and sometimes just let myself not worry about it for a while. I'm just getting back on mfp after a year absence, so I'm trying to get motivated again! Also, find some things that motivate you for the times you feel low, like get a fitness magazine and find some new workouts, get some new workout clothes, a new water bottle, whatever! Those things can be small but make a big difference sometimes! Good luck

How do you forgive yourself for regaining?

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