issues u face being obese ??
jasminerz2015
Posts: 68 Member
Share ur experiences regarding general attitude of people towards obese fellows and how does it effected u and encouraged u to loose weight .. !!
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Replies
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Like for me.. my mum is the best critic for me .. thou I don't think I m that fat but she always ask me to control my diet and eat less or else I will ruin my looks .. might look older and then who z going to marry me
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Honestly I just want my damn pants to stop falling down..I've come to realize that with how big I am, my back goes straight into my butt, with no curve to hold on to pants, so I'm constantly pulling them up...Can't wait :P0
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I couldn't skydive on my honeymoon because I didn't meet the weight limit.
Now I am already 12kg below that limit.
Second honeymoon!0 -
danieltsmoke wrote: »Honestly I just want my damn pants to stop falling down..I've come to realize that with how big I am, my back goes straight into my butt, with no curve to hold on to pants, so I'm constantly pulling them up...Can't wait :P
This is something new for me .. holding on pents
thanx for sharing lol 0 -
catharinamkotze wrote: »I couldn't skydive on my honeymoon because I didn't meet the weight limit.
Now I am already 12kg below that limit.
Second honeymoon!
I must say u look really pretty now.. I wonder how awsume u might look after ur weight loss.. that will b complete transformation for u .. good luck
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jasminerz2015 wrote: »Like for me.. my mum is the best critic for me .. thou I don't think I m that fat but she always ask me to control my diet and eat less or else I will ruin my looks .. might look older and then who z going to marry me
You don't look obese to me.
Your mum sounds quite mean.
Do you live somewhere where parents arrange marriages for their daughters? Not sure if there is a cultural difference here.0 -
jasminerz2015 wrote: »Like for me.. my mum is the best critic for me .. thou I don't think I m that fat but she always ask me to control my diet and eat less or else I will ruin my looks .. might look older and then who z going to marry me
You don't look obese to me.
Your mum sounds quite mean.
Do you live somewhere where parents arrange marriages for their daughters? Not sure if there is a cultural difference here.
Yes.. I live in Pakistan .. but for me its upto me .. since I m single so I might go for arrange.. let's see 0 -
My mom is my worst critic to. No matter what I do or how much I lose she is constantly nagging me about my weight or the way I eat. She will say I eat too much and the next time tell me I am not eating enough. I try to just ignore it.0
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I think I'm my own worse critic...it affects my social life. I get invited to parties/nights out and I make excuses not to go because I have no confidence in myself (my profile photo is me when I was a good bit slimmer - it's my motivation lol)0
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extacymoon wrote: »My mom is my worst critic to. No matter what I do or how much I lose she is constantly nagging me about my weight or the way I eat. She will say I eat too much and the next time tell me I am not eating enough. I try to just ignore it.
V r in the same boat girl 0 -
jasminerz2015 wrote: »extacymoon wrote: »My mom is my worst critic to. No matter what I do or how much I lose she is constantly nagging me about my weight or the way I eat. She will say I eat too much and the next time tell me I am not eating enough. I try to just ignore it.
V r in the same boat girl
Mothers of every traditional society ever.
Except BOYS can usually never be too fat....0 -
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I think I'm my own worse critic...it affects my social lift. I get invited to parties/nights out and I make excuses not to go because I have no confidence in myself (my profile photo is me when I was a good bit slimmer - it's my motivation lol)
Life goes on girl.. and future is soo unpredictable .. u r working hard towards ur goal of loosing weight .. that's more then enough.. enjoy0 -
jasminerz2015 wrote: »Like for me.. my mum is the best critic for me .. thou I don't think I m that fat but she always ask me to control my diet and eat less or else I will ruin my looks .. might look older and then who z going to marry me
That makes me sad. I'd spend time focusing on that...the idea that you have less value and that no one would want to love/marry you if you are overweight.
Harsh Reality Thou.. Media Influencing EveryOne !!!0 -
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jasminerz2015 wrote: »jasminerz2015 wrote: »Like for me.. my mum is the best critic for me .. thou I don't think I m that fat but she always ask me to control my diet and eat less or else I will ruin my looks .. might look older and then who z going to marry me
That makes me sad. I'd spend time focusing on that...the idea that you have less value and that no one would want to love/marry you if you are overweight.
Harsh Reality Thou.. Media Influencing EveryOne !!!
Any man would be lucky to have you. loose weight for yourself. X0 -
I grew up hearing the exact same thing from both of my parents (middle class, white Americans, dad from the mid-west, mom from New England...it's not a cultural thing, it's just an abusive person thing) "No one will want you if you are fat" , "You will never get married", "., "It's all over after the first stretch mark"... "We will buy you nicer clothes if you lose the weight"-All of that started when I was around 7 or 8. It's abusive. As a result of all the "programming" I put up with a lot of crap from people who were also awful human beings. Ended up in an abusive marriage because I thought I was lucky to find someone to love me. I had lost the weight in my early 20's there was a slight change in how the general public treated me, people would stop to let me cross, sales clerk would come out of nowhere to offer help instead of me having to hunt them down, I got a promotion at a plus sized clothing company, my mother continued to remind me I was fat and introduced me as formerly fat, my dad was dying from cancer at the time so he died happy that I was finally thin, the other awful people in my life just got really mean/put me in dangerous situations. Losing 160 pounds was not as magical as everyone made it out to be the "protective layers" eventually came back.
I have better people around me now, ended up back at my mom's house after divorcing the abuser but I have a better filter in place for her nonsense while I finish nursing school.0 -
In certain societies, mothers are almost compulsive feeders of their children and constantly worry that they're too thin...until their daughters grow up to marriagable age, when suddenly if they did get chubby, they're far too fat. (At the same time, they can't help but try to make them eat more at the dinner table.) It's exasperating but not necessarily abusive IN THOSE CULTURES.
My friends who grew up in those cultures will also greet me with, "Oh, you've gotten SO FAT!" Yes, thank you, I have. But it's not rude there to observe this. It's just not. It shows they pay attention to what you look like and they care.
(Margaret Cho has a hysterical routine about greeting people with weight in modern Asia.)0 -
I haven't actually noticed any difference in the way people react to me now that I've lost weight.0
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Women often say they want to be loved as they are, and that is often said by women a bit heavy.
But....
Most women won't talk to fat guys
Reality
It is a different world after losing 125 lbs. I quietly note and observe it. Never say anything, but it is a huge difference.
Nobody wants a fat person it seems. Harsh but aside of talking with another fat person it feels like being a social outcast.
It has made me more thankful for the couple of people at the gym that helped me when I got started on this long road. I try and encourage new people at the gym now.
I lost weight for me. And that was enough. The other social interaction changes are there too. Sometimes that feels nice although I know how superficial it is.
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I agree, parents can be obtuse. However, the individual makes the choice to eat the calories (food) that it takes to weigh 20, 40, 60, and even 100s of pound over their optimal weight. For Example drinking calories causes sneaky weight gain. A single 20oz pepsi (100cals per 8oz) every day for 30 days totals 7,500 calories. Every 3,500 calories is the equivalent of a pound. So, I think absentmindedly drinking or eating calories is the root cause of obesity. We need to take charge of lives and now what we are eating and how it affects our bodies.
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jasminerz2015 wrote: »Like for me.. my mum is the best critic for me .. thou I don't think I m that fat but she always ask me to control my diet and eat less or else I will ruin my looks .. might look older and then who z going to marry me
You're Mom just wants the best for you. She probably doesn't want you to be limited in your choice of husband. I'm located in the United States so it may be different in your culture, but here you don't often see highly successful men with very obese women. She probably doesn't want you to have to settle for a husband because that is the only man who you feel at the time will accept you. I think she means well and is doing her best to try to guide you, even if it is annoying or hurts your feelings. I have seen so many women settle with men they only tolerate because they feel that no one else will have them and they aren't happy, they are then stuck in a sad situation. I recommend going easier on your Mom and looking at it from where her hearts is - she loves you and wants the best for you.
Please note, I am not calling you obese or overweight- you look beautiful in your photo.0 -
Being obese even overweight makes me invisible. I like that. I hope that I can handle it, if I ever catch a man giving me a once over. Maybe my age will help me. I am sad that finding a husband is the main concern of your mother. I hope for health and happiness for my daughter with or without a husband.0
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professionalHobbyist wrote: »Women often say they want to be loved as they are, and that is often said by women a bit heavy.
But....
Most women won't talk to fat guys
Reality
It is a different world after losing 125 lbs. I quietly note and observe it. Never say anything, but it is a huge difference.
Nobody wants a fat person it seems. Harsh but aside of talking with another fat person it feels like being a social outcast.
It has made me more thankful for the couple of people at the gym that helped me when I got started on this long road. I try and encourage new people at the gym now.
I lost weight for me. And that was enough. The other social interaction changes are there too. Sometimes that feels nice although I know how superficial it is.
I'm just curious if you relate to women differently at all after losing 125 lbs? (Congrats, BTW!)
I know that when I was at a high weight and just getting back into the dating scene I had less confidence than I did a few years later.
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I've been thin most of my life. I was never that social to begin with, so the social cost of gaining some weight as I've aged is pretty negligible to me. Plus everybody ignores old people anyway. That's ok, I can still do my thing, baby!0
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jasminerz2015 wrote: »Like for me.. my mum is the best critic for me .. thou I don't think I m that fat but she always ask me to control my diet and eat less or else I will ruin my looks .. might look older and then who z going to marry me
My mom was like that when i was young, my grandma was even worse. They would tell me that i needed to be thin in order to marry a rich man. They said a rich man wouldn't want a heavy girl. Those comments hurt so badly that i covered up the pain by eating more and more.
Finally, i discovered my own self worth and realized that it didn't matter what they thought because it was my life. I was letting them get to me when i should've just told them to leave me alone.
( one day i escaped out of my window at 16yrs old and got married: ) it didnt matter what i weighed )0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »professionalHobbyist wrote: »Women often say they want to be loved as they are, and that is often said by women a bit heavy.
But....
Most women won't talk to fat guys
Reality
It is a different world after losing 125 lbs. I quietly note and observe it. Never say anything, but it is a huge difference.
Nobody wants a fat person it seems. Harsh but aside of talking with another fat person it feels like being a social outcast.
It has made me more thankful for the couple of people at the gym that helped me when I got started on this long road. I try and encourage new people at the gym now.
I lost weight for me. And that was enough. The other social interaction changes are there too. Sometimes that feels nice although I know how superficial it is.
I'm just curious if you relate to women differently at all after losing 125 lbs? (Congrats, BTW!)
I know that when I was at a high weight and just getting back into the dating scene I had less confidence than I did a few years later.
It is a very legit question
I do and it is evolving.
I know I get treated differently. I'm having fun with it.
I still always speak to the new overweight person at the gym.
I don't ever want to treat people different because of weight.
But I will go back and say MOST women don't have anything to do with a fat guy, not all.
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I think I'm my own worse critic...it affects my social life. I get invited to parties/nights out and I make excuses not to go because I have no confidence in myself (my profile photo is me when I was a good bit slimmer - it's my motivation lol)
Aw, please go out anyway! Find some great dresses and let the show go on. I regret having let being overweight interfere with participating more fully in life. You are not your dress size; people are inviting you places because they like who you are.0 -
professionalHobbyist wrote: »kshama2001 wrote: »professionalHobbyist wrote: »Women often say they want to be loved as they are, and that is often said by women a bit heavy.
But....
Most women won't talk to fat guys
Reality
It is a different world after losing 125 lbs. I quietly note and observe it. Never say anything, but it is a huge difference.
Nobody wants a fat person it seems. Harsh but aside of talking with another fat person it feels like being a social outcast.
It has made me more thankful for the couple of people at the gym that helped me when I got started on this long road. I try and encourage new people at the gym now.
I lost weight for me. And that was enough. The other social interaction changes are there too. Sometimes that feels nice although I know how superficial it is.
I'm just curious if you relate to women differently at all after losing 125 lbs? (Congrats, BTW!)
I know that when I was at a high weight and just getting back into the dating scene I had less confidence than I did a few years later.
It is a very legit question
I do and it is evolving.
I know I get treated differently. I'm having fun with it.
I still always speak to the new overweight person at the gym.
I don't ever want to treat people different because of weight.
But I will go back and say MOST women don't have anything to do with a fat guy, not all.
I wouldn't date a fat guy now that I've lost weight, because I don't want the associated behaviors (too much screen time and not enough exercise, eating too much) back in my life. BUT I do talk to everyone, and I certainly haven't dropped any friends.
But here's the thing: some overweight men only go for the thin women and ignore the larger ones. They'll even tell you your size is why they only view you as a friend. I don't know what your situation is, but I think large guys often need to adjust their expectations. (Certainly the man I'm thinking about does!)
I don't know if I'm being treated better but I know I'm putting myself out there more and have a more positive mindset, which could be bringing more positive energy toward me.0
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