Going to try to stay positive and consistent this time

My weight has fluctuated my entire life and I tend to follow a pattern: go hard with exercise and calorie restriction and then gain it slowly back... Or now that I'm late thirties it seems it never really comes off and I give up after a couple months. Trying to lose 35 now so that I'll be healthy for my kid and can get to a day when my weight isn't constantly on my mind.