Intro. Old, but new!

Hello my name is Desiree. I am 18 years old and I reside in the States. I love anime and video games. The Legend of Zelda is my obsession, literally! I live for bands and I adore reading. I also love to skate, draw and play my guitar. I'm not really new, I've had this account for some months now, but this is my first time actually taking the time to be on it.


Well more onto the reason why I'm here. I've been struggling with my weight for as long as I could remember. I probably first because self-conscious about my weight in the first grade. I've always been the big kid. I was one to never have a flat stomach or lean legs. I've been doing yoga for years since I was 5 and soccer up until middle school so I thought that maybe it's baby fat and I'll get rid of it eventually. I guess I was wrong, because in middle school everyone began slimming up. Everyone was growing into themselves and looking nice while I on the other had continued to be a fat blob. I couldn't help but to continuously compare myself to others when I had a mother tell me how ugly and worthless I am. I desperately wanted to be thin and pretty like everyone else so I then became bulimic in the summer of 6th grade. I didn't even know what bulimia was. I just knew I wanted to taste my favorite foods without getting fat, so what better way to do it than being able to eat it then quickly throwing it back up? Ha. Not smart, but it helped me though, it honestly did. I could feel my collar bones and hip bones for the very first time.


Towards mid 7th grade my family found out that I was bulimic. That was probably one of the most horrifying things for them to find out about me. My entire family is morbidly obese, everyone is ranging from at least 275lbs-400lbs. In my household, you were made to eat everything off your plate and never to waste food, so I guess thats where my weight problem started. When they found out that I was bulimic they threatened to send me away to some insane institution. At the time I thought that was a bit excessive just for puking up some food, but nonetheless I began to eat again. It didn't take long for me to go overboard and soon enough I was a binge eater. Replacing one disorder at a time, how nice. This time around, my binging was accepted. How stupid. I know either way is bad, but praising the fact that I eat a lot is absurd. I'd eat and eat and eat and not even know why. I ate when I was sad, I ate when I was happy, I just ate just because.


Since beginning high school, from the 8th to the 12th grade I have gained 110lbs. It's crazy actually. If I could take back the weight I had when I thought I was fat in 8th grade I would in a heartbeat. I'm at a point in my life that I am just really unsatisfied with everything about me. I desperately need to lose weight no matter what it takes. I really need to break free of my binging habit.


What I hope to gain from this site is the motivation I need to lose weight. I want to do so the healthy way this time, with exercise and clean eating. I enjoy reading peoples stories. I gives me the motivation and support I need to carry on my weight loss journey.