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Taking this too seriously?

jojo4everjq839jojo4everjq839 Member Posts: 35 Member Member Posts: 35 Member
ok so apparently my husband thinks I'm taking this weight loss thing too seriously. I'm not starving myself, not binging or anything like that, just trying to stay within my daily calorie goal which is 1,220 because I'm a stay at home mom and am just starting to exercise daily for 15 minutes intensely again since falling off the bandwagon and gaining 20 pounds. I need support and does anyone else think this is too much?
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Replies

  • RenebryRenebry Member Posts: 22 Member Member Posts: 22 Member
    You're not taking anything too seriously. This is your body, health, and self image. Maybe try explaining to him that being a stay at home mom means you take care of everyone, but you'd like the support and understanding to take care of youself, too. You're doing it for you and a happy momma makes a happy family.
  • lewispwestlewispwest Member Posts: 498 Member Member Posts: 498 Member
    It's good to take it seriously, not to the point of making yourself ill, but if you're doing it properly then you have to be serious about it.
  • MonsoonStormMonsoonStorm Member Posts: 371 Member Member Posts: 371 Member
    No idea. We are only getting one side of the story.

    Have you stopped doing things with your family because of it? Is it interfering in any way with how your house functions? I ask this because it seems completely random for a husband to say right off the bat that you are taking it too seriously.

    You say you have 20lbs to lose, but from your picture you don't seem to need to lose much, I know pictures can be deceptive, but we've no idea about your stats.
  • peterjenspeterjens Member Posts: 235 Member Member Posts: 235 Member
    I agree with MonsoonStorm.
  • TheRoseRossTheRoseRoss Member Posts: 111 Member Member Posts: 111 Member
    We only have part of the picture, and I will concede that perhaps you have made lifestyle changes that he perceives as "drastic." But everything needs context: are the changes that he notices drastic, or are they "drastic when compared to before?" I went from "not exercising" to "waking up at 3am in order to go to the gym." That can be considered "drastic," but it's also what was required for me to reach my goal. I needed to exercise, and there was no other time. This also led to me going to bed by 9pm, as opposed to laying around with my wife, falling asleep while watching tv until midnight. It could be argued that I was "taking it too seriously," and that it was "impacting my marriage" because we no longer had our "tv viewing time" in the evening. However, getting up in the morning and make strides toward being healthier meant more too mean that watching episodes of whatever.

    That said, I could see the argument being made that:

    "he cares more about exercising than he does about spending quality time with you."

    As a wife yourself, which side would you land on if for 10 years of your marriage your husband would watch tv with you into the night, but began asking you to turn off the tv so that he could sleep because he had to get up early to go to the gym? I don't think there is a clear cut answer. One day my wife will give me grief over my lifestyle change, and the next day she will comment "I wish I had your commitment and dedication."

    I hate to add, but this is something that I have experienced, as well as read several comments on here of others having the same experience; people sometimes become jealous and/or insecure when their partners begin "getting in shape." The fear being something along the lines of "now that he/she is looking better, they're going to leave/cheat on me." That may not be the case but again, I've gone through that (and still do from time to time), and I've seen a threads here on the forums of people whose partners were supportive in the beginning, but then became increasingly negative as time went on. He may simply need some subtle reassuring that you're not planning on running off with someone once you "reach your goal weight." I need to stress SUBTLE! I wouldn't come right out and ask "are you worried I'm going to leave you once I reach my goal?" Because you certainly don't want to plant that seed in his mind. :smile:

    Good Luck.
  • mwyvrmwyvr Member Posts: 1,883 Member Member Posts: 1,883 Member
    ok so apparently my husband thinks I'm taking this weight loss thing too seriously. [...] I need support and does anyone else think this is too much?

    I'm just accepting that you have 20 pounds to lose - your calorie deficit and exercise plan is the tried and true method to lose weight and improve fitness, so no, that isn't too much. Assuming you get other exercise in (walking with your child) be sure to eat back your exercise calories.

    I'm more curious why your husband thinks you are taking things too seriously. Is he overweight? Or does he have issues enjoying his meals when you appear to be denying yourself?


  • MostlyWaterMostlyWater Member Posts: 4,241 Member Member Posts: 4,241 Member
    Maybe you have a serious or addictive personality? Or maybe he's too happy-go-lucky?
  • jojo4everjq839jojo4everjq839 Member Posts: 35 Member Member Posts: 35 Member
    No idea. We are only getting one side of the story.

    Have you stopped doing things with your family because of it? Is it interfering in any way with how your house functions? I ask this because it seems completely random for a husband to say right off the bat that you are taking it too seriously.

    You say you have 20lbs to lose, but from your picture you don't seem to need to lose much, I know pictures can be deceptive, but we've no idea about your stats.

    No I still do everything the same as I used to with family and my husband is also hardly ever home so that gives me lots of alone time so I exercise when he leaves for work. And it's literally only 15-20 minutes of my day so I can do the usual such as clean cook and care for children and hubby. The drastic change for him is that I went from eating a lot to limiting myself to what I'm supposed to take in on a daily. Today we had to get some fast food Mexican food which is not good obviously and I'm beating myself up about it now but he laughed when I was looking at the nutrition info so I could pick something not so crazy packed with calories. And the pounds are around the waist and thighs that's where all the pounds caked on haha
  • jojo4everjq839jojo4everjq839 Member Posts: 35 Member Member Posts: 35 Member
    mwyvr wrote: »
    ok so apparently my husband thinks I'm taking this weight loss thing too seriously. [...] I need support and does anyone else think this is too much?

    I'm just accepting that you have 20 pounds to lose - your calorie deficit and exercise plan is the tried and true method to lose weight and improve fitness, so no, that isn't too much. Assuming you get other exercise in (walking with your child) be sure to eat back your exercise calories.

    I'm more curious why your husband thinks you are taking things too seriously. Is he overweight? Or does he have issues enjoying his meals when you appear to be denying yourself?


    He's a little overweight and he does have insecurities about himself and in the beginning of our marriage especially he would verbalized that he was scared I would cheat on him and even with me starting school again to be a nurse he is scared of me cheating. But I haven't done anything to make him think that way and don't want to either so I always try to reassure him things are ok and are gonna be ok. Since he hasn't been around a lot since he works crazy hours to see me eat, I don't think it's that. But he has yet to watch me and now I'm curious to see how he'll take it haha
  • jojo4everjq839jojo4everjq839 Member Posts: 35 Member Member Posts: 35 Member
    Maybe you have a serious or addictive personality? Or maybe he's too happy-go-lucky?

    When I get my mind on something I become pretty determined and he knows that about me. I get things done which is the complete opposite of him. He's the procrastinater. And he is a very happy person actually but way too happy sometimes. Like he tries to joke around when things are serious.
  • jojo4everjq839jojo4everjq839 Member Posts: 35 Member Member Posts: 35 Member
    And I changed my calories to 1,300 just for him so 80 more than before.
  • disastermandisasterman Member Posts: 742 Member Member Posts: 742 Member
    I think he's insecure and doesn't want you to get any hotter.
  • pmm3437pmm3437 Member Posts: 529 Member Member Posts: 529 Member
    1st, Mexican food is not "bad". Some recipes tend to be very calorically dense, since they rely a lot upon starches and grains, but like anything, you just have to eat in moderation and fit it in your macros.

    2nd, there's nothing wrong with wanting to know what your putting into your body, or how much of it.

    3rd, with only 19 lbs. to lose, you have to be careful about being too aggressive in your weight loss goals. Make sure the 1220 cal/day is enough for your stats. You probably shouldn't aim for more than 1 lb./week. And if your going to aim for that low of an intake, you need to assure that you get to it. You're eating right at the minimum recommended requirement for basic metabolic function for a female.

    Lastly, sounds like you went from 0 to 60 in a relatively short time, and he made a knee jerk reaction to the change. Now, you've made a similar knee jerk reaction by blowing it out of proportion / not understanding the source. Give it some time for both of you to get used to your new routine ... if the negative input continues after a while, then you can be concerned.
  • NewMeSM75NewMeSM75 Member Posts: 973 Member Member Posts: 973 Member
    My husband was the same way. It's a change for them to see us reading labels, measuring, logging food. Beings that we didn't do it before, they think we're becoming obsessed. I don't think he means any harm; just concerned. That's a good thing. I, also, don't think you're over obsessing. You have to be serious if you want success, in my opinion. He will come around to the change and when you feel better about you, you will feel better together. Good Luck!
  • MamaBirdBossMamaBirdBoss Member Posts: 1,516 Member Member Posts: 1,516 Member
    No.

    My husband isn't a jerk and thoroughly supports this. I'm averaging about the same, food-wise.

    My husband always stays pretty fit, though. And he's asked me in the past to help with HIS weight maintenance (since I do food prep)--I routinely alter recipes to make them healthier and lower calorie for him already, so he's totally good with it.
    edited July 2015
  • MamaBirdBossMamaBirdBoss Member Posts: 1,516 Member Member Posts: 1,516 Member
    pmm3437 wrote: »
    1st, Mexican food is not "bad". Some recipes tend to be very calorically dense, since they rely a lot upon starches and grains, but like anything, you just have to eat in moderation and fit it in your macros.

    2nd, there's nothing wrong with wanting to know what your putting into your body, or how much of it.

    3rd, with only 19 lbs. to lose, you have to be careful about being too aggressive in your weight loss goals. Make sure the 1220 cal/day is enough for your stats. You probably shouldn't aim for more than 1 lb./week. And if your going to aim for that low of an intake, you need to assure that you get to it. You're eating right at the minimum recommended requirement for basic metabolic function for a female.

    Lastly, sounds like you went from 0 to 60 in a relatively short time, and he made a knee jerk reaction to the change. Now, you've made a similar knee jerk reaction by blowing it out of proportion / not understanding the source. Give it some time for both of you to get used to your new routine ... if the negative input continues after a while, then you can be concerned.

    1220 cal is 1lb/wk from her pictures.
  • dubirddubird Member Posts: 1,854 Member Member Posts: 1,854 Member
    mwyvr wrote: »
    ok so apparently my husband thinks I'm taking this weight loss thing too seriously. [...] I need support and does anyone else think this is too much?

    I'm just accepting that you have 20 pounds to lose - your calorie deficit and exercise plan is the tried and true method to lose weight and improve fitness, so no, that isn't too much. Assuming you get other exercise in (walking with your child) be sure to eat back your exercise calories.

    I'm more curious why your husband thinks you are taking things too seriously. Is he overweight? Or does he have issues enjoying his meals when you appear to be denying yourself?


    He's a little overweight and he does have insecurities about himself and in the beginning of our marriage especially he would verbalized that he was scared I would cheat on him and even with me starting school again to be a nurse he is scared of me cheating. But I haven't done anything to make him think that way and don't want to either so I always try to reassure him things are ok and are gonna be ok. Since he hasn't been around a lot since he works crazy hours to see me eat, I don't think it's that. But he has yet to watch me and now I'm curious to see how he'll take it haha

    Sounds like more of an issue that he needs to work out, not something to do with you. Maybe talk to him about it and see if he wants to join what you do? That way, he can see you're taking it so seriously, and if he gets into better shape with you, that's something you can share together.
  • jojo4everjq839jojo4everjq839 Member Posts: 35 Member Member Posts: 35 Member
    Steph38878 wrote: »
    My husband was the same way. It's a change for them to see us reading labels, measuring, logging food. Beings that we didn't do it before, they think we're becoming obsessed. I don't think he means any harm; just concerned. That's a good thing. I, also, don't think you're over obsessing. You have to be serious if you want success, in my opinion. He will come around to the change and when you feel better about you, you will feel better together. Good Luck!

    Thank you! And I agree I used to be like forget the labels but now I definitely look at every label of what I'm about to eat to make a better or healthier decision. And yes, I've lost weight before after I had the kids exercising everyday but wasn't looking at what I put in my body and now that I'm also focusing on the food part that's what's different and making him a little on edge I think.
  • jojo4everjq839jojo4everjq839 Member Posts: 35 Member Member Posts: 35 Member
    No.

    My husband isn't a jerk and thoroughly supports this. I'm averaging about the same, food-wise.

    My husband always stays pretty fit, though. And he's asked me in the past to help with HIS weight maintenance (since I do food prep)--I routinely alter recipes to make them healthier and lower calorie for him already, so he's totally good with it.

    That's awesome! I hope I can do the same for mine if he decides to take a healthier route. He loves home cooked foods which is better than fast food but also thinks healthy things are for girls.
  • jojo4everjq839jojo4everjq839 Member Posts: 35 Member Member Posts: 35 Member
    pmm3437 wrote: »
    1st, Mexican food is not "bad". Some recipes tend to be very calorically dense, since they rely a lot upon starches and grains, but like anything, you just have to eat in moderation and fit it in your macros.

    2nd, there's nothing wrong with wanting to know what your putting into your body, or how much of it.

    3rd, with only 19 lbs. to lose, you have to be careful about being too aggressive in your weight loss goals. Make sure the 1220 cal/day is enough for your stats. You probably shouldn't aim for more than 1 lb./week. And if your going to aim for that low of an intake, you need to assure that you get to it. You're eating right at the minimum recommended requirement for basic metabolic function for a female.

    Lastly, sounds like you went from 0 to 60 in a relatively short time, and he made a knee jerk reaction to the change. Now, you've made a similar knee jerk reaction by blowing it out of proportion / not understanding the source. Give it some time for both of you to get used to your new routine ... if the negative input continues after a while, then you can be concerned.

    Yeah understandable. I proportioned it instead of eating the three enchiladas I got I just ate one and a half. And as far as the goal my goal is set to lose one pound a week.
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