Boyfriend problems

chandelierbee wrote: »

I used to be in a relationship with a best friend for 4 years but 3 and a 1/2 of those years was long distance. I was done being depressed all the time (he did too but he'd always try to get me in a better mood, do workouts with me, tell me I'm beautiful every day). But once I ended it (painful for me bc I thought it would break ties between our Xbox live friends and I or that I wouldn't find a future husband like him. I liked him personality wise but my biological views always steered me away to wanting something more ideal (tall, cute at least, some muscle) well once I told him to break it off, He told me he cheated on me which is never get over) bc he thought that's what would save the relationship. Now I have the ideal image but under difficult circumstances. I've know him for years and since August, when we first started dating, he moved in with me under my parents roof. His mom thought he wasn't going to live with her any more so she changed his room into an office without questioning. Well.... I took us out on our first date and it was bad overall. He tells me he won't take me out on dates bc he doesn't know where to go and no place is good enough (note:he drives my car, makes money (parents havnt asked for rent at all, and he spends it on clothes, food and games). He spends money on food for me when I ask and would buy me anything I think so that's a plus. But would he drive 30 min every day to come and see me? (like I used to) probably not. Whatever is more convenient for him I guess. His 1st job he was a UPS seasonal helper and his driver picked him up FROM home and immediately off to work. Now he has a job that's literally 5-7 min away. He's been handed promotions and not taking up on them bc he thinks it'll be too much to much to handle, right now he says he likes his job bc he doesn't have to think so much. I've tried getting him back into school bc he dropped out in HS bc he was doing all these credit retrievals, it was too much for him and he has an autistic brother who acts 3 years old and needs to be watched for since his mom has 2 jobs.

chandelierbee wrote:

Over the course of 19 years, he's experienced moving every year, a divorce, his mother going for black guys (he doesn't like gangsta black guys with white girls bc the man his mom left his dad for had a set of girl triplets that ruined the house and he'd beat his mom), he's had to be the parent for his 2 brothers bc his mom is fufilling her lost teenage years to having kids too early, he's went through so many different schools that they couldn't keep track of his credits and his family has always been tight on money and now he has a half sister that he adores but the mom won't let him see her any more bc my bf didn't talk to her 13 yo son once he got back from his visit.

chandelierbee wrote:

Well I've tried bring up the idea of getting a GED or join a program (gateway to college) where he can get a HS diploma and associates at the same time. Everyone agrees hed regret it if he didn't do the program bc he only has 3 years to join, it cuts off at 21.

chandelierbee wrote:

I've also been on this weightloss journey and he's been telling me how he wants to be bigger and toned but doesn't do anything about it, just eats junk food and is super skinny already. He has a job as freight crew where he's moving boxes and putting stuff away for 8 hours so he's always too tired to workout with me and he works graveyard. He hasn't really supported me with that and I tell him he's beautiful and pretty bc he is to me, physical wise. He's tall, has a pretty face (enough he's be jail bait if he ever got into jail but he's not a trouble maker), he's smart and goofy, he has broad shoulders and tiny @$$ waist 27-28' and calves of steel which I'm a legs kind of girl and whenever he flexes his calves, it looks like he got rocks for implants. He's a little on the skinny side but I think he's perfect with his chiseled features, blue eyes, pink lips and ability to go from 18 up to 25 when he grows a beard. He's got a super model body and face and we'd been trying to figure out an agency. But his drive is with voice acting which he's very good at and environment developments in video games and in life period. He was to be able to do that as a job, to make the scenery of movies or video games but idk what kind of degree that would be aimed for. He's my ideal, physically wise but he's short on the personality (my ex was the opposite).

chandelierbee wrote:

I tell him he's beautiful but I barely get a response just a "thanks", sometimes "you are too". I know I'm not butt @$$ ugly and now I've got a cute little body going on (I get looks and he even tells me when we're out together) but does he ever compliment me? Never seems like, I've told him before and he'd just tell me "why would I need to? You already know that I think your pretty". I'm just used to being called "beautiful, gorgeous, an angel" from my ex (my first bf). My ex adored me and did anything to make me happy and I know he'd never cheat on me bc he was that.... *kitten* wipped or that's how most people put it but I made it the last straw to end it and see if I can find a better fish. And it turned out to be someone we both knew really well bc he used to give me advice on the matter, how to deal with my feelings. And I took up the offer to dating him when he surprisingly asked. I was like sure, why not? In my head.

chandelierbee wrote:

Now I feel I regret losing that ex but there's no way of getting ahold of him bc he joined the military right after like he always wanted to but he made the 2500 mile trip at the age of 18 to move back to Wa without his family and to see me. He'd do anything for me.

Now I don't really have any Xbox live friends since the ordeal, everyone went their separate ways since my ex found out I was dating a friend. I sound like a terrible person for doing that but Ive learned my lesson. I have a bf now that I treat like a king with breakfasses and and meals and seldom ly desserts. I used to buy him food when we were just friends and I spent lots of money on him back then bc he had no money, from chores and watching his brothers, he'd make $10 a week or nothing sometimes.

chandelierbee wrote:

Now he has the money and I don't expect a lot from him, I would say long boarding at the park would be a date but he doesn't make the effort to even plan one bc no place is "good enough", i want to maybe be surprised to go eat at red robins or something but nope. He lacks also being a romantic type that he kind of just rushes into things.

When we had to get a present wrapped up for his brother, I take my time to wrap it nice and pretty and he again doesn't make an effort to put stuff together nicely. I add candy and other little goodies to presents while to him buying one thing is good enough. Even this little thing bugs me. But the biggest issue I have with

him.....

Is his attitude, idk if he's still going through puberty but he gets all wide eyed and raises his voice when I do something wrong. If I showed my mom how he acts, she would tell me to ditch him. And he gets the same way with video games and it's annoying. He usually says " stop being a stupid little b*****". And one time we were having an argument and then he said "I don't feel Like playing any more" that was the last straw for me and the first time in my life I got mad and pushed a chair over (I'm a type that just cries when they get mad but nothing ever close to being physical). He says that phrase "I don't feel like it any more >:\ " and this time it just got to me, I pushed the chair an ran off. He then said "_____ stop being a *kitten*!" And my dad was 10 ft away and he was furious. My dad was furious bc he had the adacity to call you that, he pays rent free, eats our food, has a job close by....

chandelierbee wrote:

Well I wasn't offended, but it bugs me that for the past year, I've expected more effort and very slowly things are improving.... I'm in a difficult situation where my bf moves in right off the bat and I don't know what to do.

I had never really gotten over my first bf and no one really helped me adjust. Less than 2 months later he gets a new gf and I turned into a total wreck and my bf now would tell me to get over it bc he doesnt like it when I mention him even though they were best friends. I think I made a mistake....

Thank you for your patience, I know my ranting is lengthy but I just never had anyone to talk to about this issue. Should I stay with the pretty boy or kick him out? One more note; It's bad enough he's the last Xbox live friend I talk to in person on a regular basis and I used to play lots of video games but not any more bc they just remind me that I've cried bc of the long instance from my ex, for not having "a life" and gaining weight. It also reminded me of happy times that I miss so much but I'd rather play moderately, like my sweet intake.

chandelierbee wrote: »

sofaking6 wrote: »

So are you also opposed to interracial dating, or is that just him?

No of course not, I'm open to anything and I was afraid I didn't make it clear. He just hates the idea of it now bc she picked bad guys in the past and they happened to be black. He's got a super close black friend who's dating a white girl and doesn't care bc he's not a gangster wannabe black guy and he's not sexually innapropriate. The guy that my bf's mom is dating is black, he's a huge comic book nerd, believes in chivalry and tries to act like a father but he says innapropriate jokes in front of his younger brother and he's a big drinker that brings his friends over for late night body shots and sleepovers and his mom is too nice and let's it happen bc she's into that sort of thing, all while the boys are sleeping. In the past, my bf regularly stayed up so he could unlock the door for his mom once she got home, bc she and her bf were too drunk to open the door.