Overcoming a fear of (over)eating to gain weight healthily

squishprincess wrote: »

i'm not sure what to tell you but i definitely feel this (although i also have a past with EDs) but when it comes to maintenance it's a whole entire new ball game.

like sure i know how to lose weight, of course i do. that's a simple enough formula, eat less/move more. but maintenance? that's a little more tricky. because it varies on so many things. your activity level, how accurately you are logging/keeping up with what you eat, cravings, days where you don't feel like logging or keeping track of things, falling off with exercising etc whatever the reason may be. plus, to make things worse, not everyone's maintenance is the same, as you already know i'm sure. so you are in this guesstimate void for a little while, because TDEE & BMR and all that can only give you estimates, although a lot of them are pretty accurate. but like i said lots of things can change & so does your maintenance calories. you basically just have to get over that 'omg i'm gonna gain weight and ruin all my progress' mentality if you are consuming more.

Hi @squishprincess, EXACTLY!! When it comes to losing weight the formula is pretty straight forward - its just about willpower, structure, planning and consistency, and as long as you keep it on a routine, straight line the weight will drop off, even if its a little slow at first.

With maintenance when I started I was a little more positive at first, thinking oh yeah that may be kinda easy as I can now eat freely without too much constraint and not beat myself up so much over eating that few scoops of guilty ice cream.

I upped my calories minimally over the course of 5 days, adding a little more at every meal because I didn't want to and wasn't comfortable going on binge attack and having come from a binge background I knew full well what it meant if I opened the floodgates for that vanquished monster to rear its head.

I still ended up losing some weight. So I got a little worried and moved on to again, increase it a little more at each meal. I was constantly VERY full and unaccustomed to eating more - neither was my tummy, ironically, despite me having all these plans of having a big binge weekend.

I started to develop this fear in me that I am overeating, that I'm already eating so much, what if I gain weight (ironically again, considering the point of eating more is to regain some of that lost weight before going maintenance). If I ate one proper meal OUTSIDE the foods/meals I normally peg in my 'ok to eat' category and I fret anxiously over it, in the same way I would if I went on an unplanned binge, even IF this outside food wasn't that big a portion or if it was a healthy dish.

Then yes there's this guesstimate void. With weight to lose I know YES I just need to lose this much weight and I know more or less how much my body needs/doesn't need to lose that weight. With the maintenance thing I step on the scale see a 0.5kg increase and I completely, absolutely freak out.

squishprincess wrote: »

a lot of people have a hard time determining how much to eat exactly when it comes to maintaining. so you just have to play around with it for a while, and try not to feel guilty for eating more. you've done it!! you made it this far, now the goal is to try and stay on target. i think of it as a game. like oh dang i messed up this week i ate too little or dang i ate too much, but it's not permanent. yep. not permanent. give yourself some wiggle room, to gain or lose while in maintenance. i give myself anywhere from 5-10 pounds. as long as my clothes fit and im okay with how i look, i try not to obsess on that 'perfect number' anymore. it's tiring and useless tbh.

and even if you do end up gaining a little bit of weight, it's not going to be dramatic or a huge surplus suddenly. the weight won't catch you by surprise unless you are not keeping track anymore. i still keep track of what i eat, some days more lenient than others. i mean you don't have to, not everyone does. but me? it really helps. but don't! get caught up! in obsession! easier said than done. but take a moment to take a deep breath, let it out. and tell yourself it's perfectly okay to eat more. eat your maintenance calories, and you will most likely adjusting it over time sometimes adding more or less. but please remember, even if you do gain, you can always lose it again and get back on track every time when you need or want to. i know i was a bit stressed after not loosing weight anymore because i became so accustomed to it, it became my habit and constant. but that is definitely unhealthy in the long run, to obsess over. you'll figure it out. try not to be so hard on yourself.

Thank you so much for putting things into perspective for me.

I was exactly like this prior to maintenance. Very calm about the weight loss thing. If I ate a little more it was like oh dang, oh well, its ok, its not permanent and I can always just go back to 'routine' during the week, no fuss.

I agree. It gets very tiring. Its exhausting for me. I've gone from a foodie obsessed with food to eat to a foodie obsessed with food NOT to eat, despite still having all those food lists that I want to cook or places to eat at. I find myself sitting watching food videos, food channels thinking oh I want to cook/eat at that place. Its torture and I don't know how I let myself down like this

Again, thanks for the advice. I really take heart in what you have said about taking a moment, taking a deep breath - even a bit of weight gain isn't going to be a huge surplus or BOOM I'm back to being a "fatty" and all my work is undone, especially since I still exercise and weigh myself once a week. Also, that I can lose it again.

It's supposed to be a journey for the long run and I should loosen up.

juleszephyr wrote: »

It is obvious that you like to feel in control and plan. My suggestion firstly would be to make a 'new' plan, ideally write it down. Include in that plan the calories you need to achieve on a daily basis to gain weight at a decent pace and also a list of food (cookies, chocolate, ice-cream, nuts, peanut butter etc) which you MUST eat within that amount to boost your cals. If you set it to yourself as a positive challenge and then record your 'successes' everyday you might find it a little easier. The shift from losing to maintenance and gaining is incredibly difficult to manage. I do think you have some emotional / mental issues to overcome around food and would suggest if you don't want to seek professional help that you invest in some CBT and TA counselling technique books to help you change the way you think. Good luck.

@juleszephyr, Yes, I do! I think the planning and control part is also a means in which I project my own insecurities into it, its one aspect of my life I know I have absolute control over. But importantly, I know that its something that will work if I plan ahead for it, because I have always been a chubby kid and had lots of trouble losing weight even as a teen.

I think the emphasis on a positive challenge - listing down successes and the list of food ties in really well with my habit of writing lists!

I shall give that a try. At least if I know yes I have planned an extra scoop of ice cream, a tbsp of peanut butter or an extra cookie, I won't feel so much like I'm spiralling out of control. I think I will still be very anxious about the extra food...but at least I can try to tell myself I incorporated this within my plan of gaining x-kg at x pace. So I know it won't be a "blow out" or can't talk myself into being convinced it is one.

I agree, it is difficult to manage because I just don't know what the balance/comfortable sweet spot of whether this weight gain is a controlled weight gain to stay at a healthy target weight, or a weight gain which is undesireable.

I guess from a weight loss mentality which has stuck so deeply in me where I avoided anything which would gain weight for me except for cheat days to graduating to a weight GAIN mentality is at such opposing ends and thus causes so much conflict.

It's like being brought up that killing is wrong and learning to love animals, then moving to a farm from the city and realising I have to kill/witness the killing of the animals I raise which I've only always seen as pets (sheep, cow, etc). You know it has to be done, but you can't bring yourself to reconcile those opposing concepts.

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. I don't think I'm ready to see a counsellor or psychiatrist yet but I am concerned about my health so I made an appointment to see my doctor to get myself weighed and a health check up.

ndj1979 wrote: »

you have an unhealthy relationship with food and if you are have a "paranoia" about eating too much then you need to seek help. A public forum is not going to help you with any of the issues that you have identified. Please get help before your issue develops into a a full blown eating disorder.

@ndj1979, thank you for your advice.

Perhaps paranoia is a bit overly descriptive because I do eat, but its the mental aspect of things which concern me...the mental somersaults, anxiety, etc, which I am aware of and am taking steps to fix.

I think a public forum is helpful because I get support from people who have been where I have been. It can be incredibly isolating to just see a psychiatrist and talk to them from a sterile medical pov.

Sometimes it is comforting to know that people can relate and that they have been there and back, so I can get advice, moral support and most of all, connect to people and know I can get over this hurdle which I feel is a waste of my life and time because life has so much more to offer than me fretting over this.

I am however like I mentioned above going to see my doctor for the physical aspect of things, maybe I'll chat casually with her about it so she is kept in the loop and can monitor my progress, and if she feels that I do need to take it further I will definitely not be so stubborn to refuse.

Thanks again.