My Husband Died and I Need Support

Being healthy is as much a mental thing as it is a physical one. I would highly recommend finding a support group or counselor to help you proceed. Put the exercise on hold if you need to and begin again in a way that you can handle in the midst of everything you're going through. (Although exercise is supposed to be good for the emotional state too - keep that in mind.) If that means just starting to log rough estimates of what you're taking in, then that's what you should do. You can work more accurate logging and exercise in later.

Kakalina2 wrote: »

Does it even matter anymore if I stay healthy?

Yes, it does matter, because YOU matter.

Your life has changed, and you may not be motivated in the same way as before, or even be able to keep up the same routines. You need to find your new motivation. Maybe if you change up some stuff . . . for example, by joining a different gym, or going at a different time of day . . . you will be able to find your new motivation.

And a grief counselor would probably be a great choice.

I agree that counseling may be helpful. You are, understandably, seeming quite depressed and someone can help you work through those feelings. I do know that your circumstance is nothing I've experienced. However, exercise and good diet can help with your state of mind as much as your state of mind can help with diet and exercise. When I've been depressed, forcing myself to exercise 20-30 minutes 3-4 times a week has made a huge difference in my mindset as has cleaning up my diet (you know...eating only chocolate only gets you so far).

When you treat yourself poorly, you feel poorly. When you treat yourself well, it can make you feel more well!

Reach out to friends for support and lean on the people who care about you and want you to take good care of yourself. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure you have wonderful friends and family that care very much about your well being.

hang in there girlfriend!! just go easy on yourself. its ok if you don't log. sometimes taking care of ourselves is just doing whats best in the moment. do you have any support? friend? family? grief support group? a local church or hospital I'm sure has them you should try one. just one.

((hugs)))

Kakalina2 wrote: »

I haven't logged on in months, I haven't been keeping up my food diary. I can't remember if I ate let alone what I ate.

I've been in a fog since my beloved died 155 days ago. I was doing so well with my life style changes. But now, I just don't seem to care. I am lucky to get to the gym twice a week now instead of my normal 4 plus swimming.

Does it even matter anymore if I stay healthy?

First, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Everything that you are feeling is completely normal and to be expected.

I see you've lost 100 pounds. Congrats. That is a wonderful accomplishment. Not many people can say "I've lost 100 pounds." I think it's safe to say that your husband would want you to continue down a road of health!

With that being said, mental health is very important. I think it would be best if you contact a psychologist in your area who deals with grief from the loss of a loved one.

I also think it might be helpful to look for a widow's club in your area. Support is key to healing.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife of 32 years about a year and a half ago. It took me a year to really begin to come out of the emotional fog.

Starting on MFP is a part of my journey and has been a big help. Sometimes concentrating on the physical helps.

That's about the extent of my words of wisdom as I am still trying to figure this out. If you would like to send a friend request feel free.

Don't let anyone tell you how to feel, if your heart hurts then cry, if your happy smile, if you feel good laugh. It will take time and you will get through this, everything you feel is absolutely normal. My props to everyone responding, its amazing to see everyone and their inspirational advice and word of encouragement.

My family is all far away. I totally understand how that feels. However, your son and grandchildren love you! I'm sure they want to see you happy and healthy in every way. Weight loss is really not the most important thing for you to work on right now. It seems like you need to feel confident in your own self-worth. You are worth it and THAT is why you will become healthy mentally and physically.

Everyone dies, it is part of life. Before we die, we leave impressions on people. We leave character traits of ours planted in other people. We leave love and memories behind. We are who we are because of the people we spend time with.

Whenever you look in a mirror, you'll see traits of your husband that he left with you. Those traits are there to make you strong. Take what he left you and use it. The more you use it, the more it will come through, and the more alive he'll be in your heart.

Now, here is a cute animal to make you smile.

Kakalina2, I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, lost the love of my life (212 days ago), and feel as you do. I was disheartened by the fact that some of the widows I looked to for hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel, seemed to be stuck in it and taking up residence. You have achieved some fitness goals already, so when you are ready to get back to it, you already know what to do. I know how it is to want to move on, but not feel like doing ANYthing.

I am a fitness beginner, but a little further along the grief road, and I am noticing that it IS getting better. Little by little, I am choosing to nurture myself the way I used to nurture my husband. My trainer recommended MFP, which in turn is helping me to monitor my diet almost to the extent I used to track every carb and every pill my hubby ingested. I'm still not interested in doing any cooking (I loved cooking for him), but I am now getting take-out salads and bottled water instead of the dreaded french fries (and boxed wine!)

When I was more bogged down in the grief fog, I used to make excuses to avoid the gym, doctor's appointments, and church, because these are the things my husband and I did together, and it made me too sad. But in the last week or so, I have come to the realization that these things were important to him (and us), so continuing them makes me feel closer to him. Adding some new twists helps to lessen the frequency of the overwhelming sense of loss that seems to come out of nowhere and knock you down. I mix it up by taking new classes, going different times of day, choosing different parking spaces and different locations, so I don't find myself in the exact place where such-and-such happened.

Working on my health and fitness has given me something to focus on, and I am starting to feel better in more ways than one. I also found a grief recovery workbook to be very useful for help in processing all the different feelings you are going though. <Hugs>

My condolences for your loss. Be gentle with yourself, but don't lose yourself in the fog. My mother-in-law also lost her husband of 50 years at the end of February. It is not easy to find that motivation again, but take care of you, get back to routines and create new ones that help you feel good about yourself. ((hugs))

I'm so sorry for your loss. Xx

I've been there. Where you are now, you might even have to remind yourself to breathe in and out.But, take it slow,and remind yourself that you were chosen by that person and they saw the value and beauty in you that I'm hoping you'll see in yourself. You'll go through alot, but realize that you are worth taking care of and that love lives on. Be good to yourself and know people on here care and want to see you succeed. Add me if you like. All the best in your happiness and health.

I'm so sorry for you loss and continuing grief. There is some good advice here already!

So sorry for your loss Kakalina2. I find one of the best ways of dealing with loss is to keep busy. You need to go out to let the sunshine in. Even if its for a walk or two. Exercise is a great way i cope with issues and stress.Give yourself a pat on the back once in awhile. PLEASE do not keep yourself locked away. It doesn't do any good.Best wishes. Rich.