I can't believe I'm crying over food.

violet456 · July 2015

How does food get such a hold over our mental lives?

Start of the story, day before yesterday, my MIL (who we are moving in with to only have to care for one house) made puffed wheat squares, one of my favorites. I didn't have the calories left that day, so I didn't have one. Yesterday I watched carefully what I had so if I had a normal dinner I would have enough calories to have one. What does my wife make for dinner.......Pizza and potato salad. I ended up eating half of what everyone else did, and still felt like I was being left out, because that put me over, and if I ate anything else, I was just eating any exercise calories I may get packing boxes. Needless to say I had a slight meltdown over this and started crying. I still didn't get a puffed square and ended up over my calories and went to bed hungry. Not a good day. I'm still in a bit of a foul mood because of it, and yet again this morning, I start crying quietly at my desk. I understand why she did pizza, as we are in the middle of a move so quick and easy meals are required with ingredients that aren't packed, so running to the store to grab through in pizza, is a reasonable thing usually, but if your doing that, don't do potato salad (with full fat Mayo), get a bagged salad that is reasonable. So this was my own internal melt down, but somewhat with good reason.

My MIL was trying to say, well why don't you go to superstore every day and get what you want for dinner. That isn't a helpful idea, not only does that cost more, I all ready work long hours, and barely get to see my babies, and then I have to cook when I get home after everyone else eats, in a kitchen that is still a disaster as it is half merged/moved and barely any counter space.

But again this morning I'm still upset.... why, it is JUST food. I am eating enough to sustain life. I smell the catered lunch at work and get angry that I can't have any...Why it's just food. I didn't get my treat last night and I'm still upset....why it's just food. How do I let go of this resentment, and sentimental attachment, and desire for food. It is JUST food. How does food hold such power over me.

Thanks for listening. Sorry for a long post.

KaseyDH83 · July 2015

I understand what you're going through. I recently was diagnosed with an autoimmune issue, and my doctor suggested doing an elimination diet to see if some of the foods I'm eating are triggering flare ups. I have pretty much narrowed it down to nightshades, gluten and dairy. Needless to say, I was really upset at first, thinking about all of the foods I can't eat anymore, like pizza and pretty much all Mexican food. I LOVE food; which is why I'm on MyFitnessPal, obviously. But the thought of never eating chicken tikka masala again (my absolute favorite food ever) made me really upset. I cried and felt sorry for myself for a couple of weeks. I even found myself resenting my husband a little bit when I saw him eating whatever he wanted.
Right now, I'm actually still recovering from a major flare-up I had after reintroducing dairy for a few days. I feel like poo. I realized that I'm fine doing away with cheese (and every other trigger food) for the rest of my life if it means not ever having to feel this bad again. There's definitely an emotional element to food, and it's a huge part of our social lives. I've tried to just focus on eating to fuel my body, and over the last couple of months my taste buds have changed drastically. I'm no longer craving pizza, and instead I want fresh fruits and veggies. Oh, and pistachios. Try to focus on the positive changes that are happening with your body and all the delicious foods you ARE able to fit into your daily calorie allotment. Focusing on what I can have, as opposed to what I can't have, has really helped me stay focused and optimistic.

Sorry for such a long post, but feel free to add me if you just need some encouragement. Good luck!

Bizurke51 · July 2015

you effed up, move on and try again tomorrow.

momasox · July 2015

I've been there. Just know you are not alone.

tampico65 · July 2015

I read this book Shrink Yourself by Dr. Roger Gould a Psychiatrist. I was told by a nutritions that I wasn't going to loose any weight unless I learned to control my emotional eating. I felt angry and hurt when she told me that but I went to the library and researched the topic. The most useful book was the one written by him. I highly recommend it. Good luck

violet456 · July 2015

Kasey: Thanks for the detail. Food is such a love hate relationship and hard to bring into balance.

Momasox: Thanks

Tampic: I will look into that book, once our move is done, thank you. We have 0 spare time with the move and two kids under two.

plaffo786 · July 2015

Been there had the tears, food and mood are so interlinked for alot of us that it's almost like we give permission to ourselves to treat on a good day treat on a bad day and then everyday is a treat, sadly that's how we get fat and when we start to tackle the weight the food connection rears its ugly head and we battle with the separation
Don't beat yourself up for 1 your doing great tomorrow is a new day sounds like a stressful time moving so try and stay positive and set mini goals will help keep the motivation up

sofaking6 · July 2015

I wonder - are you one who uses/has used food for comfort in tough times? So now you're under a lot of stress from moving and you're looking for that thing you have always counted on to make you feel better and it's not there. You basically lost a coping mechanism. So to me, it's completely understandable why you might have a good cry about it.

I don't think you cried because you couldn't have a wheat puff, I think you cried because you are stressed to the gills and you CHOSE to sit with that stress rather than fall off the wagon. And then you released your emotions instead of eating them. I kinda think you did great

rosebette · July 2015

Moving is a major stressor in life, and being on a diet is also a major stressor. Your "meltdown" over food may be a meltdown over the change in routine in your life, and in the past, food may have bee a source of comfort. Be kind to yourself and move on. You resisted going over, so feel good about that. And even if you do go over and have that wheat puff or slice of pizza, it's one week. Once things are settled, your kitchen is unpacked, and you and your family are in a routine, eating more healthily will become easier.

I remember the last time I moved. We had three young children, and I said the next time I move, I'll be the thing in the box.

BoxerBrawler · July 2015

It's about breaking bad habits and starting new ones. You'll get there. Be patient and kind to yourself, you're only human. Baby steps. And you're right, it's just food and there's always going to be a next time. Stay strong. Think about all of the delicious healthy thing you CAN have, not what you're giving up. I've been so hungry that I've cried (I am not the best example) but I do know how you feel. Deep breath... You'll get through this.

violet456 · July 2015

Thanks everyone. Sofaking & Rosebette, I think you may be right. Normally I eat when stressed, and especially eat when extra tired for sugar energy. And now I can't and having to deal with it instead of comfort food is probably half of things at least. Today, as hungry as I am, I can't find what I want to eat and instead of turning to junk, I'm just dealing with the hunger; not necessarily the best thing to do, but it is what it is. Hopefully dinner is better tonight otherwise I might end up not eating at all, which is worse because then my blood sugars get too low and extra crank sets in.

Thanks for the boosts though everyone.

DawnAllen177 · July 2015

One night my husband was eating his second big bowl of ice cream. I was ridiculously excited to have some because I had the calories just for this treat. Unfortunately his two big bowls had finished the container. Talk about a meltdown! I cried and lashed out telling him he had "piggied it up" who talks that way? That isn't even a word! It is funny now and it broke through the last of any denial I had. Hang in there. If it was easy we'd be done already.

MelodyandBarbells · July 2015

Hmm. If no one else is eating the side salad, it really shouldn't cost more just because no one else is eating it? I would think it would last longer and be there for you whenever you want it since others won't touch it. A lot of people have posted about flexible family dinners. One main dish may be common among multiple individuals, but the sides and other dressings may be different. I hope you sort things out with the move soon. Good luck!

blankiefinder · July 2015

I cried once when my kids were eating something while we were travelling and I knew that due to my Celiac's disease, I would never ever get to taste it.

Anyway, as to going over, it was one day. As long as you are logging accurately, it sounds like you were still below maintenance calories. Just be prepared to see a small jump on the scale due to water retention from sodium in the pizza probably.

Maybe a very calm brainstorming session with your wife would help to come up with some easy low cal takeout meals during the move? Try googling for healthy fast food ideas.

TheNewLori · July 2015

I totally get it. I always say to myself over and over ... SKINNY TASTES AND LOOKS SO MUCH BETTER!

Azurite27 · July 2015

First, you can probably afford to go over your calories while you move since you doing a lot more activity than usual with moving and unpacking, etc. Second, I also have a full time job and go to the gym an hour to an hour and a half after work 4-5 days a week, plus a 20-30 minute commute and I still have time to cook my own meals. Why not pick up some lower calorie tv dinners until the move is over and the kitchen is in order and things return somewhat to normal. This shouldn't take any longer than picking up a pizza and sounds like a better option for you. Or ask your wife to pick these up for you and give her a list of the ones you want.

nicola8989 · July 2015

DawnAllen177 wrote: »

One night my husband was eating his second big bowl of ice cream. I was ridiculously excited to have some because I had the calories just for this treat. Unfortunately his two big bowls had finished the container. Talk about a meltdown! I cried and lashed out telling him he had "piggied it up" who talks that way? That isn't even a word! It is funny now and it broke through the last of any denial I had. Hang in there. If it was easy we'd be done already.

Oh god this makes me cry if I've saved my calories and someone else has eaten it!

I agree that you're crying about the stress most of all, probably. I'd also recommend Geneen Roth's books on emotional eating they are so helpful xx

ohmscheeks · July 2015

The internet is a pretty good place to vent. But, you should make sure to fully communicate with your wife as well. Make sure she understands your goals and how these situations affect you. I have never cried over food. But, I definitely know that "love"....

kjglover2010 · July 2015

sofaking6 wrote: »

I wonder - are you one who uses/has used food for comfort in tough times? So now you're under a lot of stress from moving and you're looking for that thing you have always counted on to make you feel better and it's not there. You basically lost a coping mechanism. So to me, it's completely understandable why you might have a good cry about it.

I don't think you cried because you couldn't have a wheat puff, I think you cried because you are stressed to the gills and you CHOSE to sit with that stress rather than fall off the wagon. And then you released your emotions instead of eating them. I kinda think you did great

Sofaking6 is definitely correct on this. I have used food as a coping mechanism for years. Removing food you enjoy is NOT easy at all and your feelings are valid and justified.

Find another outlet for your frustration/anger, whether it's screaming into a pillow, punching a wall or talking to a friend. I find that doing a little bit of boxing helps to get it out; I get tired, then I can't fight anymore, then I cry. It really helps.

Good luck x

leggup · July 2015

If food is causing you this much stress (on top of moving stress) you might want to change your calorie deficit from 2 lbs loss/week to .5 lbs loss per week or even maintenance, especially while you sort out why this got you so upset. You can also talk to your partner about always providing a lower cal option when she's picking dinner in the future.

violet456 · July 2015

We have somewhat talked it out (larger conversation to happen after the move I think). And I think my wife gets it. Today is a better day overall, however I think more carbs are happening today, that is usual due to Friday's routine I think.

DawnAllen: I think I would have cried to if my portion was gone that I had saved calories for. Arg.

JaneilR: As far as just a side salad, that wouldn't cost much, but my MIL was more talking that I buy full individual meals for myself, which in the end costs more and usually has a lot more salt. Or having pre-made chicken/salads. But I think we might do something like that down the road. Usually we do eat a fair amount of veggies, which is why this meal was so far out of our usual that I can make work. I've never heard of Flexible Dinners, but that is close to what we have, usually a meat or meat alternative, with a side and veggies, what goes on them, if anything is individual choice.

BlankieFinder: One day is one day, but for me, it is a slippery slope from one day to two days to not logging accurately, to stop logging completely. This Time (famous last words) I really want to stick to it. I do understand the occasionally going over, but I'm trying to make those days worth the calories. (That pizza was horrible, and I don't really like potato salad.) So that is what put me to the max and it wasn't worth it. Alas, that is done and dealt with, a new day begins.

TheNewLori: Excellent Mantra, thanks.

Azurite: With the move it is mostly my wife doing more of the packing and unpack. My day is a 10-11 hr work day, plus a 30 minute commute on each side, which puts it at 11-12 hours away from home. Any extra work I do, is usually covered by my fitbit, and I do end up using those calories. We have a few more premade slow cooker freezer meals that are healthy left, and that was to help during the move, and after discussion we are making sure we use them instead of fast food.

Nicola: I will look into those books after the move as well.

ohmscheeks: Thankyou

kjglover: Thanks also, not sure what other outlet works for me, I"m either a crier or an eater. I guess I need to work through this.

Leggup: Currently my goals are at 1lb/week. I would like to say, sure just keep on maintenance, but in the end I can come up with a million excuses not to start a change in diet, a move is just one of them. After the move, I could say, well, after I finish this job, then I can try then I don't have to resist the temptation of the food provided by work, but then after that would be, well it is Christmas, no one can effectively diet during the holidays, then New Year...resolutions never stick....etc. If I don't keep with it now, I fear I would be 350 pounds by the end of this year.

In the end my wife understands that I am very serious about this this time (and hopefully it sticks). With that being said she will take that into consideration when we are doing the meals getting through this move, and hopefully using our freezer meals as mentioned with extra fresh veggies to go with them. Today I am doing better. eating a bit more today and making sure I brought an adequate lunch to make sure I'm not too far under my calorie goals that fuels grumpy.

Thank you everyone. I do think it is stress manifesting that I normally just eat away, but this time I need to work through it instead of feeding it, and this post helped me realize that.

I can't believe I'm crying over food.

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