Post Anorexic, physically recovered

mollyBirchall
mollyBirchall Posts: 14 Member
in Goal: Maintaining Weight
Hi there,

I am currently a healthly 21 year old female, that has now been sucessfully physically recovered from anoreixa for a few months and obtained my pre anorexic weight, being a BMI of 20/1, from my lowest BMI of 13. This discussion really is just for anyone, who is recovered physically, and how, if any, their anoreixa still affects them.

As it stands although i eat my 2000 calories a day, i still am nervous around food where the content is unclear and particually takeaway foods. Before i was anorexic i was able to maintain my weight with little to no exercise on average day with a 3000 calorie diet as measured out by my nutritionist. Having 1000 calories in drinks (sugary brews), 200 in breakfast, 400 at lunch, 1200 calories in dinner, and the rest in snacks/desserts. However now i maintain on a 2000 calorie diet.

I was just wondering how peoples eating patterns have returned over the years, if you ever stop needing to know about calories, if your worry over foods ever leaves and generally return to a life before you became ill. Futhermore, one for the girls, periods... Mine still hasn't appeared i was just wondering on other peoples experiences and time scales on this returning.

Any advice, stories are greatly appreciated.

Replies

  • Nothingbutflowers
    Nothingbutflowers Posts: 8 Member
    First off, congrats on recovery. It is very hard, but so so much better than being sick. A lot of the questions that you ask are very individual and depend on a host of other factors like your length of illness, general mental/ physical health etc... but I can share my experience.

    I had anorexia for a few years when I was a teenager, and I would say it took me about three years to stop being nervous around food and reminding myself to trust my body and just eat when I felt that way. My period returned before I was fully weight restored, it is different for everyone. A few months into recovery is not that long, your body will re-adapt as you keep up healthy eating/ weight.

    There are probably a few remnants of my eating disorder in my behaviour, but the only thing I notice is that I still have to be strict with myself about skipping meals or getting too hungry because if I do then it can take me a few days to get back to not thinking about food too much. You sort of have to be more healthy than normal in your approach to food/ eating to get over the disordered thinking and attitude to food in my experience. I also can't really be around people on 'diets'. I've been recovered for nearly 20 years and I am only now comfortable tracking my diet and exercise without fear of a relapse. My goal after recovery was intuitive eating, and I maintained eating that way for years. I'm tracking now because I have some fitness goals that require that I pay attention to my macros, and a schedule that means I have to do more meal planning to ensure I meet them.

    If I could go back in time I would have spent more time learning about meal planning from my dietician, and I would have done some cognitive behavioural therapy just to gain better coping skills more quickly. Research shows that it can be really helpful for avoiding relapse. I had a good treatment team, but that wasn't really the thing back then.
  • mollyBirchall
    mollyBirchall Posts: 14 Member
    Thankyou for your story i really appreciate this. This is attempting to become my goal the intutive part, i hate weighing and having to know what is in my food. I was told by my dietitian to start on one meal or day a week of eating without counting and when im hungry. I fully understand the diet issue, i myself am on here in order to make sure i eat enough but also i am applying for jobs that require a certain level of fitness, therefore good place to track my improvements. I know its a little time i forget as i got better so quickly in terms of weight, my dietitian was scared of my strides as she had never seen someone gain at the rate i had, and worried about refeeding syndrome, with me gaining most my weight back, around 3 stone in just over 2 months. I suppose im just eagar to be me again.
  • Serena795
    Serena795 Posts: 21 Member
    I congratulate you on your recovery! I am a recovering EDNOS. I had a weird mix of orthorexic and anorexic behaviors, and while my BMI was not as low as yours, I was on the way to being there. What I found helpful was to think less of calories and more about nutrition, and if you take up a sport, as I did, you may be more willing to fuel yourself for the sport rather than thinking of eating/not eating.

    I can't give you a time frame on your recovery or your period. Your period will depend on your body, and I advise you to see an endocrinologist to check it out.

    As for eating anxiety, you will eventually have a better relationship with food. I'm undergoing therapy, and it is very helpful to see what emotional issues lie under the disordered behavior. Maybe you could give therapy a try. But most importantly, give yourself some time and some compassion for having made it this far, and remember that one bad day doesn't negate all the work you put in to recover. You will return to normal eating, and the doubts that you have about recovery are also normal.
  • mollyBirchall
    mollyBirchall Posts: 14 Member
    Thank you Serena, I think im just impatient for change, i shall take the sport in mind. I am currently exercising a little as i depleted most of my muscle while ill and im all spaghetti arms and legs. I am going to try and test myself more and push through the thoughts and see how it goes. Are you currently at a healthy BMI, and hit your set point, that too was a shocking thnig for me, as i was sceptical over whether it was a really thing, but even with the quick gain it didnt overshoot my pre weight.
  • Serena795
    Serena795 Posts: 21 Member
    I am at a healthy BMI, and I think I've reached my set point. I am able to keep the same clothing size and weight (within a certain range) without deprivation. I can't say that my relationship with food is perfect, but I am much better with it now. I can eat once "off limits" foods without too much anxiety or purging via exercise.

    If you didn't really overshoot your pre weight, and you're maintaining it, you're doing very well. I would give your period a few months; it took me a good 3+ months of steadily eating enough to get my period back.

    I am glad that you're doing some exercise. Do something that you like. Life is too short to punish yourself with grueling workouts. And if you want to build muscle, eat some protein and carbs, and lift weights. :) If you want to chat more, message me.
  • FatFreeFrolicking
    FatFreeFrolicking Posts: 4,252 Member
    edited July 2015
    mollyBirchall wrote: »
    Hi there,

    I am currently a healthly 21 year old female, that has now been sucessfully physically recovered from anoreixa for a few months and obtained my pre anorexic weight, being a BMI of 20/1, from my lowest BMI of 13. This discussion really is just for anyone, who is recovered physically, and how, if any, their anoreixa still affects them.

    As it stands although i eat my 2000 calories a day, i still am nervous around food where the content is unclear and particually takeaway foods. Before i was anorexic i was able to maintain my weight with little to no exercise on average day with a 3000 calorie diet as measured out by my nutritionist. Having 1000 calories in drinks (sugary brews), 200 in breakfast, 400 at lunch, 1200 calories in dinner, and the rest in snacks/desserts. However now i maintain on a 2000 calorie diet.

    I was just wondering how peoples eating patterns have returned over the years, if you ever stop needing to know about calories, if your worry over foods ever leaves and generally return to a life before you became ill. Futhermore, one for the girls, periods... Mine still hasn't appeared i was just wondering on other peoples experiences and time scales on this returning.

    Any advice, stories are greatly appreciated.

    I don't have an eating disorder but I've worked in a mental health facility with patients with EDs. Congrats on reaching a BMI of 20/21. Keep up the good work.

    From what I witnessed, the physical recovery is the easier of the two. The mental recovery is a long, windy road. Many anorexics struggle with anorexic thoughts and tendencies for a while after reaching a healthy weight. Some will struggle with the mental aspect for their whole life. Retraining your mind is not a simple process. I think it's the way you cope with those thoughts that matters the most.

    Are you still in therapy?

    I just want to add that most therapists do not recommend their patients join a calorie counting website like My Fitness Pal. It can be triggering and only feeds the obsessive behaviors (worrying about calories, etc). Did your therapist approve of you being on MFP?
  • boogiewookie
    boogiewookie Posts: 206 Member
    in high school I was diagnosed with EDNOS, it was a bad combination of restricting and purging. I would occasionally have big binges and purge but usually I would eat "normal amounts" (ex ppnj sandwich) and immediately throw it up. I recovered over 8 years ago when I got pregnant with my daughter. since then I've gained a great deal of weight and am on the process of losing it now. I still have ana/mia whispering in my ear every day. I don't think it's something that goes away (at least not for me) and I have to be conscious of it every day. I remind myself that it's more important to be healthy than to lose weight fast.
  • mollyBirchall
    mollyBirchall Posts: 14 Member
    I don't have an eating disorder but I've worked in a mental health facility with patients with EDs. Congrats on reaching a BMI of 20/21. Keep up the good work.

    From what I witnessed, the physical recovery is the easier of the two. The mental recovery is a long, windy road. Many anorexics struggle with anorexic thoughts and tendencies for a while after reaching a healthy weight. Some will struggle with the mental aspect for their whole life. Retraining your mind is not a simple process. I think it's the way you cope with those thoughts that matters the most.

    Are you still in therapy?

    I just want to add that most therapists do not recommend their patients join a calorie counting website like My Fitness Pal. It can be triggering and only feeds the obsessive behaviors (worrying about calories, etc). Did your therapist approve of you being on MFP?[/quote]

    ...

    I have actually been discharged from therapy, due to it taking place while in halls at university and now finishing, with my healthy weight my dietian said that discharge may aswell take place and if i have any thoughts i should consult my gp. However the service provided to me wasnt great, even at my lowest weight i only had hourly meetings where i had to travel for 30 minutes to see them a week and constant no shows. I finally got a dietian in feb after being refered through hospitalisation in october for such support and again not reliable. Both only worked tue to thrusday and hardly ever available. My true support during my recovery was my partner. However i see your view in this, maybe it has caused it to become a little more of an issue but not greatly, only in terms of how strict i am to by maintenance.

    I too believe this mental part is so hard and not covered at all, in my experience in the process of recovery, as long as i looked physically well was my teams main concern.
  • mollyBirchall
    mollyBirchall Posts: 14 Member
    Thank you Boogiewookie,

    i have to admit its sad to hear, the elusiveness of full/all ties cut from ana recovery. I know most of us wish if we could just go back. However i too think as you so brilliantly have done need to accept weight for all it is, if i gain or not. Its just hard i suppose getting better from this horrid illness and then having all the repercussions of it, losing your hair and waiting for it to come back, the konwing of calorie values of more food than you care to admit that you learnt before hand. However mainly for me its frustrating knowing whats normal eating, trying to remember what i use to do and how i did it.
  • LisaTcan
    LisaTcan Posts: 410 Member
    Welcome and congrats on your recovery!

    I was never anorexic but diagnosed EDNOS at as teen and Bulimic in my early 20's. I'm now 29 an recovered and at a healthy BMI. I was ill for over 10 years and I still struggle with health complications from my ED.

    I find it relatively easy to eat an adequate amount and not engage in disordered behaviours - I can even diet to lose 10 lbs without it resulting in a relapse. Mentally though I don't think I will ever be fully recovered - I have terrible body image and when I'm stressed I have to fight hard not to slip back into my old coping mechanisms. HOWEVER - being well is so much better than being sick.

    Be well!
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    I had bulimia in my late teens and early 20's, stopped cold turkey for several years, then got into therapy/treatment in my early 30's when I thought about engaging in bulimic behavior again. I'm find myself very blessed for not giving into the urges and calling my doctor right away. He wasted no time getting me into group therapy for bulimics (also did individual therapy). My disordered thoughts about bulimia have not returned, though it has taken a lot of hard work to learn how to stay healthy around food and weight management.

    @mollyBirchall, congratulations on your recovery. Keep the forward movement.
    boogiewookie wrote: »
    in high school I was diagnosed with EDNOS, it was a bad combination of restricting and purging. I would occasionally have big binges and purge but usually I would eat "normal amounts" (ex ppnj sandwich) and immediately throw it up. I recovered over 8 years ago when I got pregnant with my daughter. since then I've gained a great deal of weight and am on the process of losing it now. I still have ana/mia whispering in my ear every day. I don't think it's something that goes away (at least not for me) and I have to be conscious of it every day. I remind myself that it's more important to be healthy than to lose weight fast.

    @boogiewookie, have you sought therapy and/or treatment to deal with your recurring disordered thoughts around your past eating disorder?
  • boogiewookie
    boogiewookie Posts: 206 Member
    I was in inpatient treatment and did years of therapy. even though I still have the thoughts and always will I've learned to recognise when I'm having unhealthy or compulsive thoughts and I can resist them. I don't let them control my lifr
    boogiewookie wrote: »
    in high school I was diagnosed with EDNOS, it was a bad combination of restricting and purging. I would occasionally have big binges and purge but usually I would eat "normal amounts" (ex ppnj sandwich) and immediately throw it up. I recovered over 8 years ago when I got pregnant with my daughter. since then I've gained a great deal of weight and am on the process of losing it now. I still have ana/mia whispering in my ear every day. I don't think it's something that goes away (at least not for me) and I have to be conscious of it every day. I remind myself that it's more important to be healthy than to lose weight fast.

    @boogiewookie, have you sought therapy and/or treatment to deal with your recurring disordered thoughts around your past eating disorder? [/quote]

  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    boogiewookie wrote: »
    I was in inpatient treatment and did years of therapy. even though I still have the thoughts and always will I've learned to recognise when I'm having unhealthy or compulsive thoughts and I can resist them. I don't let them control my lifr
    boogiewookie wrote: »
    in high school I was diagnosed with EDNOS, it was a bad combination of restricting and purging. I would occasionally have big binges and purge but usually I would eat "normal amounts" (ex ppnj sandwich) and immediately throw it up. I recovered over 8 years ago when I got pregnant with my daughter. since then I've gained a great deal of weight and am on the process of losing it now. I still have ana/mia whispering in my ear every day. I don't think it's something that goes away (at least not for me) and I have to be conscious of it every day. I remind myself that it's more important to be healthy than to lose weight fast.

    @boogiewookie, have you sought therapy and/or treatment to deal with your recurring disordered thoughts around your past eating disorder?

    [/quote]

    Thanks for clarifying, I was just curious. The best of luck to you. :)
  • myzi88
    myzi88 Posts: 4 Member
    Congratulations on your recovery! Out of curiosity, does anyone know if it's very uncommon for an anorexic to recover without any therapy/outside help?
  • kimw91
    kimw91 Posts: 355 Member
    First off, congratulations on your weight recovery. It's a huge step already, especially with such poor help and support from the professional world.

    I am myself on my last stretch of therapy. I was diagnosed with EDNOS about 3 years ago. My lowest BMI was 18 with a body fat percentage of about 8%. Like you, I have recovered a (very) healthy weight, but am still very much struggling with the mental side.

    I've gotten a lot better with food since my 'lowest point', but there are still a lot of things I struggle with. I started calorie counting again to make sure I was eating enough (I know eat 1800/2100, if I don't count I tend to end up around 1400/1500), but have to admit I also count because I need/like the control and find it very, very difficult to let go of this. I can eat certain 'unhealthy' foods when I plan them in, but still have big issues with eating out, eating fully 'unhealthy' meals etc.

    One of my main struggles is to find a balance between what is healthy and what is restrictive. I too work in the fitness/health sector hence being surrounded by people who pay close attention to their diet. The major difference between them and me is that they can have a guilt free burger and ice cream kinda night, and I can't.

    As for my period: I have been on birth control pills throughout my disorder which tend to invoke your period even if you wouldn't naturally have it anymore, so I can't really say much on that point. Nor can I, I suppose, tell you much about the post-ED life as I am still recovering myself. But I will be following this thread closely and wish you all the best and luck with your mental recovery!!

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