Dating after significant weight loss

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2

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  • memickee
    memickee Posts: 250 Member
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    Yes, I have dated after 50+ loss. I have stretch marks and sagging skin. However, I am proud of the work I have put in and have no issues sharing that with another person.
  • aniqa109
    aniqa109 Posts: 364 Member
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    You look great! Congrats on your weight loss
  • chloeelizabethm
    chloeelizabethm Posts: 184 Member
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    I can perhaps offer some thoughts on the other side, my boyfriend lost around 25kg before I met him - he told me about his weight loss, about MFP etc and I still couldn't believe that he used to weigh 25kg more than the person in front of me! I found it fascinating and admirable that he managed to change so dramatically, he showed me some pictures and I was in awe, so impressed at what he had achieved.

    So, try to be proud of your loss with him, not embarrassed. He won't think anything bad at all, he will just be impressed and proud. When my other half told me, it taught me a lot about him - that he's determined, ambitious, willing to do what it takes to change his life, dedicated etc. all good indicators of a personality and actually made me wonder if I could have done the same in his position.
  • Soopatt
    Soopatt Posts: 563 Member
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    It might be helpful in the long run to explain the details, so that he has a better understanding of your relationship with food and how you are determined not to fall back into old habits. I used to go to a lot of trouble in my twenties to give people the impression that staying slim was effortless - I would skip two meals so that I could have a big dinner in front of them - but it was a really exhausting and fraudulent way to live. You probably don't play those silly games, but why not allow yourself the support and understanding that telling him will bring?

  • snowflakesav
    snowflakesav Posts: 645 Member
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    enjoy dating this person. If you can't open up and feel supported then either the guy isn't right or the time isn't right. I find that many men have a lifelong battle with their weight as well and they appreciate your support of their health.
  • labohn91
    labohn91 Posts: 113 Member
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    You make it sound like you were a warlord who saw their evil ways and changed.
    Most guys who loss lots of weight brag about it.
    I wouldn't worry unless this person is some high strung, crusader against overweight people.
  • oh_happy_day
    oh_happy_day Posts: 1,138 Member
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    You look amazing! I think share as much as it feels comfortable. Losing weight is nothing to be ashamed of. It shows that you're determined, able to focus on long term goals and a pile of other positive characteristics. I do understand though. There are a few pictures of me from when I was at my heaviest before I met my partner which he hasn't seen. I haven't kept them from him...just haven't had a reason to show him. I was clear from the beginning that I do have issues around food and I have to work to lose/maintain my weight etc.

    Bottom line: If this guy has an issue with this for whatever reason, he doesn't deserve you.
  • steeheart
    steeheart Posts: 56 Member
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    Thanks everyone for the support! Yes of course I know he won't judge me negatively for it. I've decided to just wait until it comes up naturally. It's not something that I'm burning to talk about. And I'm actually not struggling to stick to my healthy eating habits. He's a super healthy eater, so he's definitely not forcing pizza down my throat. Haha. It's funny all the things you don't realize will happen when you lose a lot of weight. Having to tell someone I used to be obese was definitely not something I ever considered!
  • Bukawww
    Bukawww Posts: 159 Member
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    If anything, it makes you more attractive. Most of us here know what it takes in character, strength, and sheer will and commitment to lose 50 pounds...if any of those character traits are on his deal breaker list, he wouldn't be so attractive himself lol.
  • steeheart
    steeheart Posts: 56 Member
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    Update! So I still haven't mentioned my weight loss. But HE told me that HE used to be "heavy" years ago, and would eat a bunch of icecream every night. Haha! Not sure how overweight he was before, but makes me feel more comfortable for when it does come up. :)
  • kathymay1013
    kathymay1013 Posts: 7 Member
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    You were beautiful and worthy at 205 and you still are at 148. Believe that, and you'll know how to address the topic when/if it comes up.
  • mmnv79
    mmnv79 Posts: 538 Member
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    vadimknobel wrote: »
    Talking as a guy, I would not care much if you lost 50 pounds before. There's nothing negative in that. it shows you are health conscious and motivated.

    Agree. I think that knowing what you went through probably helps him feel like he knows you better, etc.
  • AbsoluteTara79
    AbsoluteTara79 Posts: 266 Member
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    If something like that matters, he shouldn't matter! It would be a good test of character - tell him!
  • Tedebearduff
    Tedebearduff Posts: 1,155 Member
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    Try losing 172lbs and having lose skin .... give me a call when that happens.

    Honestly, not 1 girl I dated after my weight loss cared at all, my fiance doesn't care either. It's not an issue when you love someone and I guess when you're dating also...

    Funny thing is almost everyone I dated had lost weight also, (1 girl over 100lbs lost) I met them through friends, online etc... it was as if people who have lost weight are drawn to each other in some weird way.

    Just tell him, if he cares he can *kitten* off then.
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,459 Member
    edited August 2015
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    steeheart wrote: »
    Update! So I still haven't mentioned my weight loss. But HE told me that HE used to be "heavy" years ago, and would eat a bunch of icecream every night. Haha! Not sure how overweight he was before, but makes me feel more comfortable for when it does come up. :)

    Oh, that's good. That would have been a good time to mention it, actually ( like, "oh, me too, I've also lost weight"). But it doesn't have to be a big deal. It's just a fact about your life & you can talk about it if you want to, or not if you don't. You also went to high school and probably did some other things, you're not going to talk about those, necessarily, right? If he sees a pic, you can just go, "oh yeah, I was heavier back then". Again, doesn't have to be a big deal.
  • Monna2
    Monna2 Posts: 100 Member
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    I actually never thought about that. I would go to the moon to reach my goal weight, but if someone is interested in me now or ever, he'd better accept the whole package. I was engaged a few years ago, and a few months after our engagement, he politely asked me to lose weight. That was a shock that made very sensitive about that issue until now, even though I'm now 30 kg heavier !!! But whoever decides to be with me has to fully accept that I struggled or still struggle with weightloss.
    Keep your head up , girl. You're a role model for thousands of people. Your perfect match exists . It could be him. Liberate yourself from any shame. You are an achiever. Period.
  • mcpostelle
    mcpostelle Posts: 418 Member
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    Bump! This has been a worry for me. How do you exactly tell somebody that you used to be xxx amount of weight? All good suggestions though and something to keep in mind when I get to that point with a guy.
  • mcpostelle
    mcpostelle Posts: 418 Member
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    You're a hottie now though! :wink:
  • izorasmom
    izorasmom Posts: 2 Member
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    I lost 160 pounds eight years ago. I too was nervous about my husband finding out when we first met. I had told them that i had lost weight but I never put a number or a picture with it. One day when he was at my house looking for a movie for us to watch he stumbled across an old photo. He asked me who it was and i hesitated before admitting it was me. He didn't make a big deal about it and i quickly put the photo away. Later on when i had enough courage i asked him what he thought of the photo. He told me i was as beautiful in the old photo as i was on that day. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that even after significant weight loss we often still view ourselves of less, or more deserving of criticism, the people who care about us never see us as what we thought we were. Good luck on your journey. Nothing is impossible. 160 pounds lost eight years ago and all but about 20 pounds from my
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    I'm p[retty upfront about it. I even have some of my old fat pics on FB. I think it's easier that way. There are enough things in my life that make dating difficult, if that's gonna drive someone off, it's better to get it out of the way early on.

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