Excuses are for the Weak

New to the community, but have a pretty firm grasp on where I went wrong, what I need to do to correct it, etc.

Little bit about me - I'm an avid horse person. I have a mule and a large pony that I ride and work with. I'm adventurous and love a challenge. Physically, I am 5 feet tall with an hourglass figure. At my heaviest, I was 162-ish. Until 2010 I was very active, into body building (not manly RAWR!!! body building, but I had a damned nice figure and good definition), and was an appropriate weight. I had a horse training accident, courtesy of the neighbor I had at the time (I have since moved) that resulted in my third broken back, a broken pelvis, and a split femur. I am still able to mostly do the things I had done previously, but not to the full extent as I have nerve and muscle damage. No insurance, no PT 'round these parts. So, I drowned my anger, frustration, depression, and stress in food. Thus, I got F A T.

I have battled with the weight, the fat, going to the gym, etc for the last 5 years, and finally, something clicked in my brain: Stop eating wrong, stupid. Don't want to be fat then stop eating to be fat. So, the pounds are slowly coming off, I am becoming more active, my attitude is improving, and I know I'll have set backs and struggle to get back down to the 125 I want to be again, but I'm on my way.

I got on the scale this morning and am pleased to say that I am 145 pounds. One month ago, I was 155. My sugar cravings are pretty much gone, I don't NEED coffee anymore, soda isn't even appealing, nor is alcohol. Small steps are leading to good results. Fast food is no longer my go-to, but is eaten out of necessity (horse competitions and long road trips = fast food) on rare occasions.

I woke up in the middle of the night and heard myself say into the darkness, "Excuses are for the weak." The next morning I got up and mulled the strange occurance over and realized that all this time I had just been making excuses enabled by my loving husband and friends who meant well, but weren't really helping. I'm a jerk, I'm happy being a jerk, and I don't sugar coat anything for anyone, so I don't want anyone to sugar coat anything to me. So I took a heavy dose of Man-The-F-Up and changed everything I knew I was doing wrong.

My small steps are leading to good results.