How to not get jealous of other people's success?
Thatonechickoverthere
Posts: 100 Member
Someone I know has gotten a weight loss surgery and they are losing weight really fast without really trying. And although I am trying my weight loss is going slower because I didn't have any surgery done. I know it's normal but sometimes it discourages me, even though I know it shouldn't because everyone's body is different. What makes me jealous the most is that this person was always smaller than me, so it's like they took the faster and easier way and I guess I feel like my way will take forever. If someone was morbidly obese I would understand the need for surgery and I wouldn't be jealous. Is anyone going through anything similar with a friend? How do you stay motivated and support them instead of be jealous? I want to be happy for them but it is hard considering they could have put in the effort like me.
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You are in a position of learning lifelong habits without surgery, and this is good news! Many people do lose weight with surgery, but many aren't able to sustain this due to not making actual lifestyle changes. Stapled stomachs can, over time, hold a lot of food again. The same is true for both of you, however, that unless you view this as a lifestyle the weight will come back. Keep going, there is no time like now to practice better habits!0
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This happened to me and I felt the same way. I felt awful for thinking that way but I was upset that here I was counting calories and working out and she had surgery. I had to accept those were normal emotions and I wasn't a bad person but I also had a choice whether or not to dwell on those thoughts.
I chose to be happy for her and mean it! Everyone is different and as long as we are both on the path to a healthier lifestyle- who cares what road each of us takes.
Keep doing things your way and be happy for your friend.0 -
As someone who had weight loss surgery, I can assure you it's not easier. It's faster and sometimes that's medically necessary. I don't know your friend's circumstances, but I can say that they've made a choice that will, beyond the weight loss, negatively affect their entire life. If they thought it was easier, then they made a giant mistake.
Don't be jealous of a friend's loss. You might want to consider a little pity, since they may find out later they made a huge mistake. Their eating habits will never be purely thoughtless or enjoyable ever again, at least not if they want to maintain. Also try a little happiness, because you have the chance to do it without surgery. This is amazingly wonderful news for you, if you put it into the right perspective. If all you can see is "this person was always smaller than me," then yeah, you're going to be jealous. You shape your view and your emotions.
Also, if you're curious about how surgery can affect someone's life, I've been blogging about it for the last 16 months. 2poufs.blogspot.com/0 -
If your friend doesn't learn proper nutrition and actually implement it the surgery won't matter because she will end up gaining it back eventually. The way you are doing will take longer obviously but when you reach your goal you will have a wealth of knowledge and the satisfaction of knowing that YOU did it. ...oh, and you won't have a huge medical bill for weight loss.
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What I think about is that I am making life long changes. Changes that will affect my health and well being. I am not just losing weight. I am gaining muscle. I am gaining strength and flexibility. I am putting nutrients in my body that will help it for years. None of that can be done with a surgery. Those steps shouldn't be skipped. This person may be smaller but I would bet at the end of your journey you will be stronger and healthier. Not to mention, you will have made some great friends.0
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Bariatric surgery changes the digestive system permanently, and you don't want that unless you're severely obese, or have other problems related to excessive weight, and nothing else has worked. You're going to to reach your goals the healthy way, without risking the complications of surgery.0
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tiffanymariearpaio wrote: »Someone I know has gotten a weight loss surgery and they are losing weight really fast without really trying. And although I am trying my weight loss is going slower because I didn't have any surgery done. I know it's normal but sometimes it discourages me, even though I know it shouldn't because everyone's body is different. What makes me jealous the most is that this person was always smaller than me, so it's like they took the faster and easier way and I guess I feel like my way will take forever. If someone was morbidly obese I would understand the need for surgery and I wouldn't be jealous. Is anyone going through anything similar with a friend? How do you stay motivated and support them instead of be jealous? I want to be happy for them but it is hard considering they could have put in the effort like me.
Focus on yourself . . . . . .0 -
Thanks for all your support and helpful responses. I don't know the entire story, part of it isn't really my business like the cost and what not. I'm just speaking about what I've seen going on with this person. I don't know if they had problems losing weight before, all I know is that they didn't seem big enough for any type of weight-loss surgery. That kind of concerns me because when they reach their goal how will they be able to maintain if the stomach was basically cut out? Wouldn't they keep losing and then become anorexic type thin? Obviously I don't understand the science behind it. Also they cannot eat a lot which I understand, only small portions. It's good to see they're learning how to eat small portions but if they're still eating the same type of food, I don't really see the point. Only the weight of the person would change, not the health. That's how I see it. Once I reach my goals I will start maintaining my weight. So I will still like to enjoy food again and this person may not be able to and I think that is a downside. I guess an upside would be fast results, even though I think scientifically slow results are more healthy. So I'll have to see it as I'm doing it different and possibly better and be happy with that and also happy for them too.0
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Stop thinking of it as a competition between you and her. Start thinking of it as competing with your old self. Think of how much more accomplished you will feel when you finally hit your goal, knowing how much hard work went into improving your health etc.0
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There are many tools a person can use to lose weight, it all depends on that person, I really thought about surgery, I was big my entire life and maxed out at 375lbs which is morbidly obese, I had tried a lot of times to lose weight and ended up gaining more. Surgery for me was more than I was willing to do, the possible complications and cost wasn't something I was interested in doing.
I went with diet pills prescribed and under the supervision of a weight loss clinic. Ate healthy and a fraction of what I used to, all the junk food I cut out completely.
My advise for you is your goals are the same as your friends and even mine but everyone's journey is different. It's up to you how fast you lose, no matter what there is no fast or easy way to lose weight, if your losing at a fast rate most likely it's not a healthy or a sustainable loss anyway. Maybe focus more on how that person loses weight, there portion sizes, vitamins ext and who knows it might help you with your journey.0 -
tiffanymariearpaio wrote: »Thanks for all your support and helpful responses. I don't know the entire story, part of it isn't really my business like the cost and what not. I'm just speaking about what I've seen going on with this person. I don't know if they had problems losing weight before, all I know is that they didn't seem big enough for any type of weight-loss surgery. That kind of concerns me because when they reach their goal how will they be able to maintain if the stomach was basically cut out? Wouldn't they keep losing and then become anorexic type thin? Obviously I don't understand the science behind it. Also they cannot eat a lot which I understand, only small portions. It's good to see they're learning how to eat small portions but if they're still eating the same type of food, I don't really see the point. Only the weight of the person would change, not the health. That's how I see it. Once I reach my goals I will start maintaining my weight. So I will still like to enjoy food again and this person may not be able to and I think that is a downside. I guess an upside would be fast results, even though I think scientifically slow results are more healthy. So I'll have to see it as I'm doing it different and possibly better and be happy with that and also happy for them too.
The stomach is not cut out, I don't think, but made much smaller? They can still eat food and that's how they will maintain - just continue to eat the amount of calories needed for a smaller body, which should be less than they needed at their highest.
As for eating the same foods or not, that's a choice. All that matters with weight loss is calories. If you want to eat healthier or more fruit/veg and whole foods, you can do this whether you're very tiny or not. However a lot of health markers do tend to increase just by dropping your body weight
You should give your friend a break both for having surgery and for the way they choose to eat. They have reasons for both choices, and as an adult, they and they only will have to deal with the consequences and/or results of their actions. All you can do is focus on yourself and your own goals
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Stop worrying about others and worry about yourself..holy crap. If this person is putting it all in your face like bragging about it then maybe you shouldn't talk to them but honestly you should just say "good for you" and focus on yourself and your journey to losing weight. She had surgery to lose weight? Uhh good for her but like others have stated, if she isn't practicing proper nutrition, she will gain it back. There is no time to be jealous of others success when you should be focusing on how you can be successful..0
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I use my friend's successes as motivation to work harder on myself. I understand being envious, but use it to your advantage. Almost 2 years ago I decided I needed to get back into shape after having my 3rd baby. I wasn't overweight at all, but I just didn't have any endurance or stamina anymore. I decided to start back up running. Well, what really motivated me was when a friend posted a picture of herself after running the Shamrock 8K race (a very popular race here in this area). I was so jealous at first - she's in worse shape than me and she ran an 8K race?! Then I was inspired by her. I signed up for the race for the following year and started training. Well, I ran the race and did better than I could've imagined If she hadn't inspired me I don't think I would have ever signed up for the race and I doubt I'd being doing as well as I am now.
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I find it helpful if I am jealous of another's success is to become successful myself. Bigger house? Get one for myself. More muscle? Get more. Can run faster? Practice, get it.0
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dakotababy wrote: »I find it helpful if I am jealous of another's success is to become successful myself. Bigger house? Get one for myself. More muscle? Get more. Can run faster? Practice, get it.
Keeping up with the Joneses???
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I use my friend's successes as motivation to work harder on myself. I understand being envious, but use it to your advantage. Almost 2 years ago I decided I needed to get back into shape after having my 3rd baby. I wasn't overweight at all, but I just didn't have any endurance or stamina anymore. I decided to start back up running. Well, what really motivated me was when a friend posted a picture of herself after running the Shamrock 8K race (a very popular race here in this area). I was so jealous at first - she's in worse shape than me and she ran an 8K race?! Then I was inspired by her. I signed up for the race for the following year and started training. Well, I ran the race and did better than I could've imagined If she hadn't inspired me I don't think I would have ever signed up for the race and I doubt I'd being doing as well as I am now.
I agree. My friend was losing weight by dieting and exercising and getting results and I was so inspired by her that I started to lose weight myself, something I always dreamed of but was never ready to do. But I wasn't jealous because she was working hard just like me. I guess I was jealous of the other person because they didn't seem to be working hard because they didn't need to with the surgery.0 -
You may be further by now if you focused on yourself and your own goals instead of comparing yourself to someone else. And try maybe being happy for them. Goodness..0
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Actually, I pity those who needed surgery.
That's a drastic, terrible way to lose weight.
In general though, the success of others inspires me. I have friends all further along in life financially, intellectually, emotionally, professionally and some are more athletic, fit and healthy. Success is contagious, and I like hanging with life's winners, because I want to reach high and be a winner myself.
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it says you have 94lbs to lose, i lost 90lbs in 2 years (with 60 of it coming in 6 months). It's not that long of a process and it's much more rewarding to earn your new body and develop healthy habits that you'll carry with you forever.
plus, you should only be competing with yourself, who cares about anyone else...and i'm sure that surgery was also quite expensive...so there's that too.0 -
Pinnacle_IAO wrote: »Actually, I pity those who needed surgery.
That's a drastic, terrible way to lose weight.
In general though, the success of others inspires me. I have friends all further along in life financially, intellectually, emotionally, professionally and some are more athletic, fit and healthy. Success is contagious, and I like hanging with life's winners, because I want to reach high and be a winner myself.
Did your wife have to tell you she detests stupid poor people in order to develop this mindset?-1 -
1. You've lost 6 pounds on your own! Good job. Focus on your own success. I lost 70 pounds using this app, so it can be done--maybe not as quickly as your friend, but it can definitely be done.
2. Your friend basically wrecked her digestive system. You will come out on the other side of this with no surgical complications and the ability to eat normally (unless you crash diet and wreck your gallbladder like I did).
3. The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure they have enough. You're going to drive yourself crazy if you keep comparing yourself to others.0 -
Hello. Bariactric surgery person here. I've had my Lap Band for 8 years. Yup.. 8. I'm just now losing weight and keeping it off. I was morbidly obese. 320lbs at the age of 22.. Height, 5'7". It's a tool. It took me these 8 years to get that. I thought "get it, lose weight, be sexy! Woot!" No.. I work hard. It helps me with small portions, yes. But if you don't have the discipline to not snack all day, it won't help (been there.. Done that).. November 1st, 2014 I started kicking my butt into gear.. 42lbs down, and motivated. My point is, we all have struggles. You don't know how they're struggling. Keep on doing what you do. Don't worry about someone else. We're all on the same journey, we all need to support each other. Great job on your loss!0
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@tiffanymariearpaio What they did depends on the surgery. A Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG) is basically turning the stomach into a tube by cutting away the excess. This is great for those who need to lose less than 100lbs and have no other health issues. A Roux-n-Y bypass (RNY) is where the top of the stomach is cut away and made into a small pouch. A section of bowel is diverted (bypassed) to cause calorie (and vitamin) malabsorption. This is the procedure for those with more than 100lbs to lose or those with additional health concerns.
In weight loss mode, the person eats less and loses weight. In maintenance mode, they eat a little more and stay at their goal weight. Just like everyone else. The mechanisms of the weight loss mode are a little different for surgery patients, but basically... eat less and lose weight. They simply have a smaller stomach, so eating less is a little easier. VSG patients don't have malabsorption issues like RNY patients, so it's considered a little less radical.
You do the best you that you can. In the end, you'll be a healthier you and probably more so than her.0 -
I understand it could be demotivating that someone who -in your opinion- was already in a better position than you, now seemingly easily got what you've worked hard for. I am familiar with this feeling. However, I like to tell myself this:
someone elses success doesn't take away from my success
someone elses beauty doesn't take away from my beauty
No matter how fit or fat someone else is, it really has no effect on you, or on how others perceive you. No matter if they got everything served to them on a silver platter, or worked 24/7 to get there; it doesn't affect you, except when you let it get to you and spend too much time thinking about them instead of about yourself. Focus on yourself, your progress, and meeting your own goals.0 -
I am always surprised by how judgmental people are of those who go down the surgery path, like those who don't are morally superior, everyone has to make the decision they believe is the best for them.
The key to self improvement, I would have thought in any area is surely to focus on your self, your goals, your strategies. As a friend I try to support and encourage my friends. If they make loads of life choices that seriously conflict with my values then perhaps I reconsider the friendship rather than using up all my energy worrying about it.0 -
Pinnacle_IAO wrote: »Actually, I pity those who needed surgery.
That's a drastic, terrible way to lose weight.
In general though, the success of others inspires me. I have friends all further along in life financially, intellectually, emotionally, professionally and some are more athletic, fit and healthy. Success is contagious, and I like hanging with life's winners, because I want to reach high and be a winner myself.
Did your wife have to tell you she detests stupid poor people in order to develop this mindset?
What the? What did I miss in his message that detests "stupid poor people"? Everything he stated were valid points..surgery is a terrible way to lose weight and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be around successful people. You took his message the wrong way apparently. Success isn't tied to how much money a person has..I think everyone should want to be surrounded by people who can teach them a thing or two so they can get more for themselves. Way to take his message and turn it into something negative.
Anyways, if a person gets weight loss surgery, good for them. But if you asked me, I'm against it completely.
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There's pretty much nothing you can do.
If you're a jealous petty person, you'll always be one.-3 -
In the pursuit of personal excellence, having standards is no vice.Pinnacle_IAO wrote: »Actually, I pity those who needed surgery.
That's a drastic, terrible way to lose weight.
In general though, the success of others inspires me. I have friends all further along in life financially, intellectually, emotionally, professionally and some are more athletic, fit and healthy. Success is contagious, and I like hanging with life's winners, because I want to reach high and be a winner myself.
Did your wife have to tell you she detests stupid poor people in order to develop this mindset?
Remember, the thread is about how NOT to be jealous of another's achievement.
We should be inspired by those who win in life and learn from them.
Vince Lombardi said...
"The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand."
You learn to be successful by mimicking the actions of those are are already successful, and just do the best you can, learning from your mistakes.
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Weight loss surgery isn't exactly the "easy way out." There is a lot they have to sacrifice to have the surgery, and they have to be very careful afterwards, as well. So, while it mays seem effortless, it isn't really.0
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Pinnacle_IAO wrote: »
In the pursuit of personal excellence, having standards is no vice.Pinnacle_IAO wrote: »Actually, I pity those who needed surgery.
That's a drastic, terrible way to lose weight.
In general though, the success of others inspires me. I have friends all further along in life financially, intellectually, emotionally, professionally and some are more athletic, fit and healthy. Success is contagious, and I like hanging with life's winners, because I want to reach high and be a winner myself.
Did your wife have to tell you she detests stupid poor people in order to develop this mindset?
Remember, the thread is about how NOT to be jealous of another's achievement.
We should be inspired by those who win in life and learn from them.
Vince Lombardi said...
"The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand."
You learn to be successful by mimicking the actions of those are are already successful, and just do the best you can, learning from your mistakes.
I have to agree! There is nothing wrong with having higher standards for living. You only get one - make it the best you can possibly make it!
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