Counting calories around family
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I have a large family so there's a good chance someone is dieting or acting weird around food at any get together. The trick in my family is to enjoy your food -- it doesn't matter what you're actually eating -- as long as you're happy and enjoying yourself no one will care.
But if you're standing around with an empty plate, wrinkling your nose up at what's available, or staring longingly at the food but saying you don't want any it's going to draw attention. Be happy and confident in your food choices.0 -
I bring a healthy dish to share (so, for appetizers I might bring a ceviche or lettuce wraps, or for a main dish I will bring a salad or vegetable side dish). That way I know there is something healthy there that I can eat. Then, I will put mostly healthy things on my plate and then a couple of portion-controlled less healthy items that I'd like. When you start, people may make comments, but if you stick with it after the first few times they'll probably make less comments.
Some of my go-to phrases at the beginning:
"I'm trying to be healthy."
In response to a 'but you don't need to watch what you eat' comment: "The reason for that is because I make healthy choices."
"I already said no."
"I'm not judging what you put on your plate, so please don't judge what I'm putting on mine."
"What I'm eating is my business. I happen to like eating this way."
etc.0 -
thatdarncass wrote: »I bring a healthy dish to share (so, for appetizers I might bring a ceviche or lettuce wraps, or for a main dish I will bring a salad or vegetable side dish). That way I know there is something healthy there that I can eat. Then, I will put mostly healthy things on my plate and then a couple of portion-controlled less healthy items that I'd like. When you start, people may make comments, but if you stick with it after the first few times they'll probably make less comments.
Some of my go-to phrases at the beginning:
"I'm trying to be healthy."
In response to a 'but you don't need to watch what you eat' comment: "The reason for that is because I make healthy choices."
"I already said no."
"I'm not judging what you put on your plate, so please don't judge what I'm putting on mine."
"What I'm eating is my business. I happen to like eating this way."
etc.
Ok but "I'm trying to be healthy/make healthy choices" is implicitly saying that their choices are unhealthy and wrong, and people don't like that.0 -
So much good advice. I can't add anything but it does remind me of a thanksgiving with my in-laws in south Texas. Their holiday traditions involve casseroles where cream of mushroom soup is a staple ingredient. Not a fresh vegetable in sight. All canned vegetable casseroles. Many, if not most, families in my area eat this way on holidays, but it's just not my cup of tea. Anyhoo, at one point I'm helping my MIL with the table and she asks her mom to toss the salad. "Salad!" I thought! Yay! Later when we're half way through the meal, I'm looking around for that salad and realize that "salad" referred to the marshmallow jello canned fruit concoction.
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There are people who LOVE to knock others down, especially if the other person is succeeding at something they can't do. Forget them. Let them stew in their misery. You do your thing and be happy.
You do realize, of course, that not all "food pushers" are doing it out of jealousy because they can't do what you're doing. Not everyone is trying to knock you down, or to be nasty. (And by "you" I mean a general "you", not you, personally).
Sometimes--and for me this is especially true with older relatives--people equate food with love. They prepared something JUST FOR YOU to show you that they love you. And of course to them you are PERFECT and don't need to lose any weight! It's hard to have a "screw you" or "eff off" attitude with someone like that, LOL. That's when subterfuge is necessary: "Oh, yes! I'll have another cannoli!" and then you put it back on the platter when no one is looking.
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I make no apologies and no compromises when I'm at family events. If I want to eat something a little more indulgent at a party, that's my choice. I certainly won't do it to please someone or keep the peace. If the whole mood of the gathering revolves around what I'm eating or not eating, that's a whole other set of problems for another kind of message board.
I also don't care if someone thinks it's rude that I won't eat what they made. I am polite about it and I remember my pleases and thank yous (as we always remind our kids). If you choose to be offended anyway, again, there are some other message boards I can refer you to.
This is my mission and I'm doing all the hard work. If I don't feel like it's necessary to "relax" by pigging out on cake, maybe it's because over the last few months I've gotten very good at redirecting my mind to not want to medicate with food.
Thankfully, a good deal of my family understands all this, but it's usually the non-healthy people that put on most of the pressure.0 -
Honestly, for those types of events, I just guess, and guess on the higher range. Try to figure out which are the lower calorie items, eat a few of those. Say you're not very hungry.
If it's a potluck, bring something healthy yourself so you know exactly what's in it.
Estimate on the higher end and then just go from there. One day is not the end of the world
For me, since I'm vegan, I can't eat most things at family events anyway. People don't care if I bring my own food and just snack on their fruit and veggie platters. lol0 -
There are people who LOVE to knock others down, especially if the other person is succeeding at something they can't do. Forget them. Let them stew in their misery. You do your thing and be happy.
I've had a lot of teasing, some actual nastiness and one person who says, "Well, it's easy for you."
If they tease, I tease back. If here actually being nasty, I leave them to their unhappiness.
Living well really IS the best revenge.
Why is the assumption that they are doing it purposely for revenge?0 -
There are people who LOVE to knock others down, especially if the other person is succeeding at something they can't do. Forget them. Let them stew in their misery. You do your thing and be happy.
I've had a lot of teasing, some actual nastiness and one person who says, "Well, it's easy for you."
If they tease, I tease back. If here actually being nasty, I leave them to their unhappiness.
Living well really IS the best revenge.
Why is the assumption that they are doing it purposely for revenge?
I don't think it's revenge per se--it's just that when people start seeing a difference, they are reminded that it's something they should probably do too. Then they realize how much work it would take. Then they decide it's easier to just bring you back to what you were before so they don't have to be reminded of this every time they see you.
I think this is why people are always pulling me aside and telling me what a great job I'm doing, and then proceeding to me why they can't do what I'm doing and listing all the excuses. If I won't bend to their pressure, then they feel they need to tell me why they can't lose weight.0 -
I think part of it is that people put effort into cooking and want to see that you like it.
I take small portions of everything and then go back for the low-calorie ones. If anyone notices or asks, I'll tell them I'm struggling with weight and health and have to pick only low-calorie items regardless of how good everything is. I can't risk "falling off the wagon". That way people feel I've had a chance to taste their cooking efforts and don't feel slighted if I pass on seconds--it's not a critique of their cooking skill to count calories.0 -
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davis_em0 -
It's not that, though.thatdarncass wrote: »I bring a healthy dish to share (so, for appetizers I might bring a ceviche or lettuce wraps, or for a main dish I will bring a salad or vegetable side dish). That way I know there is something healthy there that I can eat. Then, I will put mostly healthy things on my plate and then a couple of portion-controlled less healthy items that I'd like. When you start, people may make comments, but if you stick with it after the first few times they'll probably make less comments.
Some of my go-to phrases at the beginning:
"I'm trying to be healthy."
In response to a 'but you don't need to watch what you eat' comment: "The reason for that is because I make healthy choices."
"I already said no."
"I'm not judging what you put on your plate, so please don't judge what I'm putting on mine."
"What I'm eating is my business. I happen to like eating this way."
etc.
Ok but "I'm trying to be healthy/make healthy choices" is implicitly saying that their choices are unhealthy and wrong, and people don't like that.
When we say, "I'm trying to find a condo," we aren't saying, "You shouldn't live in a house."
When we say, "I'm trying to find curtains to match the bathroom," we aren't saying, "You shouldn't use blinds."
And when we say, "I'm trying to eat healthy," we aren't saying, "You shouldn't eat cheeseburgers."
People who hear "Your choices are unhealthy and wrong" when someone else says, "I'm trying to eat healthy" are hearing the wrong thing.0 -
AlabasterVerve wrote: »I have a large family so there's a good chance someone is dieting or acting weird around food at any get together. The trick in my family is to enjoy your food -- it doesn't matter what you're actually eating -- as long as you're happy and enjoying yourself no one will care.
But if you're standing around with an empty plate, wrinkling your nose up at what's available, or staring longingly at the food but saying you don't want any it's going to draw attention. Be happy and confident in your food choices.
This exactly. As long as you're enjoying the food, a simple no thanks to certain items should suffice.
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I just eat my way and worry not. No matter what I do, it's not radical compared to my Uncle who is now in his 90's.
We all made fun of his eating habits through the years until he entered his late 70's with the health of guys more than half his age. My uncle always brought his own food to all family gatherings. He won't even drink tap water but bottles his own that he filters some strange way.
His food is this blend of organic slop that looks like baby cow patty mixed with carnival vomit.
We all just got used to it, and now he's in his 90's with perfect health both physically and mentally.
Nobody makes fun of him today...
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I found in order to be successful I had to break some family taboos, like refusing to eat when I'm not hungry, even if it dinner had jut been prepared. It was hard, but people accepted it evetually.0
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"I love y'all, but mind your own damn business," has worked marvelously for me.0
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Keep your plate filled with healthy and unhealthy food and just eat the healthy stuff.0
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How do you eat healthier and less when you're at some kind of family function and there is food? My family is the type that will press you to eat and then get all over you when you have only vegetables on your plate. I really don't want to have people focusing on me and asking me why I'm only eating xyz and and getting on my case about trying to lose weight. I don't want them knowing I'm trying to lose weight and I don't want to be the center of attention and have people all over me for what I'm eating and/or not eating. I'm not overweight but I am at the higher end of the "healthy" weight range and I'm just trying to lose like ten pounds. I have a family function coming up soon and I just want to get through it without having to tell anyone im dieting. My family is the type that a lot of them are overweight and will press you to eat food.
Help please!
Why would there just be vegetables on your plate? I have lots of family functions in the summer and on those days eat lighter at earlier meals and up the exercise so I have extra calories for them. I didn't get the impression you are a vegetarian, but if you are, bring a vegetarian dish. There was a vegetarian at one of my family functions who brought a vegetarian entree that went over quite well.
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I would bring your own dish to share that is more in line with your goals. I've found that many dishes that end up at family gatherings are the result of traditions or the idea that "you can't have a party without __________ food." Our Fourth of July celebration at my in-laws always seemed to include things like potato salad and pasta salad (because Aunt So-and-So always brings the pasta salad!); this past year I skewered fresh veggies and grilled them, and they were gone in a flash. You might find that everyone else is tired of the same calorie-heavy dishes as well, and like you, have just been going with the flow to avoid drama or hurting someone's feelings about their signature dish.0
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I know how dramatic my family gets when I pass on certain food at home but when I go to events I try to save calories and overestimate. I count calories on a daily basis but I also like to take breaks when there is a family gathering or some sort of party going on.
Other than that, my family always forced food on me when I constantly tell them I want to cook my own food. It's hard for them to understand you are doing it for you and you got to stay consistent with your goals. I remember once my dad asked me if I wanted to drink (tapioca milk tea), I told him I'll pass on it. In return he got angry at me. Doesn't make any sense does it? My dad goes around telling my family I'm on a diet and laughs at me while doing so. He gets angry when I refuse treats. Well dad.. A few days later he was curious about the calories in Costco multigrain bread. I end up teaching him how to use a food scale. Now he asking questions like how many calories in this? How much calories can men and women eat? Etc etc. yep, he was curious along.0 -
Seriously, you can manage this. Tell them to back off. It is your life and your body and these are your decisions. 0
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I had a healthy catering business over 10 years ago so people always depend on me to bring dishes. I've counted calories for over 15 years - bring something that everyone will enjoy and you don't have to say it's "healthy." Different variations on meatballs, baked wontons, flatbread pizza bites, tartlets, etc can all be made with lower calories. Bring 1-2 dishes over that you really enjoy and can account for. When people ask for the recipe you will probably surprise them.0
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Say "No thank you" It's really as simple as that. I don't get any push back. You're in charge of your body. If they still insist just ask "Why do you care so much what I eat?" I can guarantee you there is no good response to that question.0
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i don't need to explain myself to anyone, but if they were to ask I would honestly be proud. I gained 28 pounds (maybe not a lot but I am 5'2 so it shows) and I am taking responsibility to change it. I would hope that anyone in my life would be supportive, and if they are not they can kick rocks. This is my ONE life and Im going to do whatever I need to do to be happy and healthy.0
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I usually stand up for it but when I'm not in the mood for that I'll just say my stomach is upset and I don't want to push my luck 0
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tincanonastring gets my vote - absolutely priceless. Ever thought about writing a book? I'd buy it.......0
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I've experienced the same thing. My parents laughed when I told them I went vegetarian. I come from a family of carnivores but I've never really been into meat even pre-vegetarian. At family functions or friend functions it is hard to be grilled with questions about why I'm not eating certain things but you have a right to say 'no thank you'. I've had one person offer to pack me a plate to go when I told them I'd already eaten. I realized they have the best of intentions and somehow think eating and liking their food means liking them. And thus not eating their food can be seen as disrespect but that's not the case. For my friends who know my lifestyle and choices in clean food, there can be a bit of awkwardness almost as if I think I am better than them so I try my best not to belittle their choices or be a snob about it. Everyone is on their own journey. But at the same time, there is nothing wrong with raising your standard. Some people get offended by that. Their problem, not yours. I think bringing a dish that introduces your health-conscious food is a good way to share in the fun and demonstrate what you can eat.0
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"No thanks, I'm good right now."
"I'll grab more if I'm still hungry when I'm finished this."
"Everything is so tasty I'm trying to have just a little bit of everything."
Personally, I usually stick with #1 but my family has learned not to be pushy with me about things (food being one of a long list) so the idea that someone would try to force or guilt food onto someone seems pretty alien to me.0 -
I am someone that has always liked a large plate of veggies or a salad. I don't really like filling up my plate with the potatoes/pastas that tend to come with family functions. I used to scoop some on my plate and eat it, even though I didn't want to, just because of the social aspect of the situation. Once I decided to start losing weight, I realized I wasn't going to waste my calories on any food I didn't want. So when I was first questioned, "Why are you only eating vegetables?" / "Why didn't you get any potato salad?" / "Why are you trying to lose weight? No one likes a stick", etc., I just told people that I was eating what I wanted to eat. Period. If you're not eating what you want to eat, it may be worth banking up some calories before a special event so that you can eat what you want to eat.
I have had perfectly well-meaning family members make me feel really uncomfortable by discussing my weight (i.e., "You don't need to get any smaller") or my food choices. I do like to respond sometimes, "What makes you think I'm on a diet or trying to lose weight?" When they tell me that I'm eating "diet food" or not eating enough, I tell them I'm eating what I want and I don't know where they got the idea that I'm trying to lose weight. It's none of their business.
Also, OP - this is completely unrelated. But your profile pic of Kristen Wiig is the same picture my brother-in-law has framed over his toilet. To amuse house guests.0 -
I am someone that has always liked a large plate of veggies or a salad. I don't really like filling up my plate with the potatoes/pastas that tend to come with family functions. I used to scoop some on my plate and eat it, even though I didn't want to, just because of the social aspect of the situation. Once I decided to start losing weight, I realized I wasn't going to waste my calories on any food I didn't want. So when I was first questioned, "Why are you only eating vegetables?" / "Why didn't you get any potato salad?" / "Why are you trying to lose weight? No one likes a stick", etc., I just told people that I was eating what I wanted to eat. Period. If you're not eating what you want to eat, it may be worth banking up some calories before a special event so that you can eat what you want to eat.
I have had perfectly well-meaning family members make me feel really uncomfortable by discussing my weight (i.e., "You don't need to get any smaller") or my food choices. I do like to respond sometimes, "What makes you think I'm on a diet or trying to lose weight?" When they tell me that I'm eating "diet food" or not eating enough, I tell them I'm eating what I want and I don't know where they got the idea that I'm trying to lose weight. It's none of their business.
Also, OP - this is completely unrelated. But your profile pic of Kristen Wiig is the same picture my brother-in-law has framed over his toilet. To amuse house guests.
My mom is constantly worried that I'm "too skinny" even though I'm still at about 25% body fat and about 30 more lbs. away from what would be considered a healthy weight. Yesterday I had to show her how much flab I still have to lose from my mid section to get her to get off my case.0
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