Fiance losing weight faster than me! :)

carenjd · August 2015

This is a little bit of a vent, and also tips on my exercise routine. So... I've been overweight since I was around 10 or so, mostly due to coping with childhood trauma through, you guessed it! - Food and television. My mother also knew it was one of the ways to make me happy, so she would convince me to go to school, by promising me fastfood if I went, so that didn't help. But! I am 30 years old, and I decided to take responsibility, so that's what I've been doing! Unfortunately, my fiance gained 50 lbs in the last 5 years, since he met me. Before he met me, he was skin and bones (he's very tall and naturally lanky), so we began cutting out most sugars, stopped eating fast food (with the exception of one cheat day a week), no more starbucks or dutch bros., etc. And eating very healthy. Our problem now, is that we tend to under eat rather than overeat. That was never our problem - it was the quality of the food we were eating, and then me, binging on chocolate in the evening. So we cut out my chocolate habit - which has been the hardest of all.

In addition, we also go to the gym usually 5 times a week each. He does mostly walking and running, doing HIIT mostly (High Intensity Interval Training, for those who don't know), whereas I am just slowly pushing my walking speeds, going faster speeds once I'm able to endure my current speed, and then adding length of time walking as well. And now yesterday, I decided to start a beginner's weight training program as well. ( i am not fit enough to really run yet, I have metal in my legs from breaking my leg and ankle when I was younger) Today I can barely walk lol but I am pushing myself to do things around the house, no matter how bad I hurt. We also have a beautiful and very energetic (lol) 4 year old boy, named Teagan. And while Daddy is at work, we have started going on hikes during the day (in addition to my exercise) or I'll do yoga while he takes a bath or something.

SO! (Somehow this got reallllly long) We have been doing this for about two weeks, and I have lost .4 lbs.

but noticeably gained a ton of muscle in my legs, I can do a good jog with my son, without breaking much of a sweat, AND I'm actually sweating. Before I started exercising, I could never get the kind of sweat that rolls down your face and now I do! So, I know this might not sound like a big deal, but when you're 5"3 and 235 lbs, it's a big frickin' deal.

But, my fiance doesn't struggle with food cravings like I do, and he's lost three pounds already. Now, I am glad for him, I am! He is standing taller these days. But damnit! Why am I not losing weight? I know I know - I'm gaining muscle right? I just want it to be noticed by more than just me. lol

But, the point of this story... I had a point at one point...Is there anything that you would give me advice on? Something I should change up?

Just throwing my story so far out there, maybe someone has something to say about it.

I love you peoples.

zoeysasha37 · August 2015

If your eating at a deficit, your likely not gaining muscle. Sorry. Aside from some very minimal newbie gains, it just doesn't happen like that.

But I do think you did the right thing by incorporating strength training .

Believe me ,I know how frustrating it is to see your man drop the pounds fast as our weight loss trickles. Its really frustrating , but as long as your eating at a deficit you will lose weight.
Weight loss isn't linear though. Just continue to eat a deficit and it will happen. Weight loss is about calories in - calories out . so as long as your eating less then you burn, you'll be okay.
I was once about your weight and now am 135 lbs. I ate the foods I loved , but used moderation and portion control . I weighed all my foods with a food scale and was as accurate as possible. No eyebling portions, I weighed everything.

carenjd · August 2015

Thanks for the input, I am actually gaining muscle in my legs though, I literally feel muscles becoming defined where they were not as hard or strong before. I build muscle super easy when I apply myself.

But yes, it is super hard!

kimny72 · August 2015

Your fiance is a man, you are a woman. You need different amounts of calories, your metabolisms are different, your weight distributions are different, you have different hormones, and your histories are different. There is absolutely nothing to be gained by comparing your results to his.

You spent most of your post talking about how much exercise you do and what foods you have cut out. But the most important factor for weight loss is -How many calories are you eating?

If you don't have one, get a food scale and weigh and log your food. All the other stuff is personal preference. And be patient! You can do this :drinker:

carenjd · August 2015

Thank you for the encouraging post. I have started counting my calories today, whereas I didn't before. So I am going to do that this week and see how it goes. The problem is, MFP wants me to eat around 1400 calories a day, which is not realistic for someone with my amount of body fat, which is why I hate counting calories. The more you weigh the more calories to sustain you, I don't mean eating 5 more burgers of course, but healthy calories. I ate more throughout the day about 6 months ago, took in more calories than I am now, and lost 4 lbs in a week and a half, therefore counting calories wasn't always something that worked for me, but I will try again!

ninerbuff · August 2015

Explanation: he's got higher testosterone.

Females shouldn't compare themselves to males counterparts when it comes to weight loss. Just focus on you.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Maxematics · August 2015

Weight loss isn't linear and at least you've already lost four tenths of a pound, but give it time. It's only been two weeks. Exercise newbies tend to hold water when they first start out, especially women. Also, on average, men shed weight faster than women do I've noticed. However, I will say that I took a look at your food diary and it doesn't seem like you log anything at all. You've stated that you both tend to undereat now instead of overeat, but how do you know this? Also, a "cheat day" can negate an entire week's deficit you've built up. Working in some treats to your overall deficit is great, but cheat days really shouldn't be happening. If you were truly undereating by that much, you'd most likely see more of a weekly loss by now, especially with your current stats.

EDIT: After submitting I just saw your response to another poster above. If MFP has you at 1400 calories a day and you can't sustain it, then change your goals. Instead of a 2 pound loss per week, change it to .5 to 1 pound per week. You'll feel full and see weight loss, albeit at a slower rate.

middlehaitch · August 2015

Please eat at your MFP goal plus 75-50% of the calories you burn through exercise. You are doing yourself ( mind and body) a great disservice eating less.
Yes you may feel fine eating a minimal amount, and losing weight quickly now, but eventually your energy levels will plummet, concentration will be lacking, hair may fall out, nails get brittle, and heart and orher organs may be damaged.

A good loss is between 1-2 lb per week.
It is good to see you are working on improving the nutritious value of your meals, but you really don't have to exclude things you love. Just eat them in moderation.

You have a young family, make this a sustainable lifestyle change for all 3 not a weight loss race between you and your partner.

Cheers, h.

Ps, muscle growth is very slow for women, a loss of weight is probably making existing muscles more apparent. You lose more LBM trying to lose fast, than if you do it slow and steady.

carenjd · August 2015

Thank you all, I have taken advice and adjusted my goals so I have a realistic caloric intake for my body weight, and I will go out today and buy a proper food scale. Now I have adjusted to about 1600 calories a day, which is much more manageable. Gracias.

P.S. I am asking for advice, but I hate taking it. lol

carenjd · August 2015

middlehaitch wrote: »

Please eat at your MFP goal plus 75-50% of the calories you burn through exercise. You are doing yourself ( mind and body) a great disservice eating less.
Yes you may feel fine eating a minimal amount, and losing weight quickly now, but eventually your energy levels will plummet, concentration will be lacking, hair may fall out, nails get brittle, and heart and orher organs may be damaged.

A good loss is between 1-2 lb per week.
It is good to see you are working on improving the nutritious value of your meals, but you really don't have to exclude things you love. Just eat them in moderation.

You have a young family, make this a sustainable lifestyle change for all 3 not a weight loss race between you and your partner.

Cheers, h.

Ps, muscle growth is very slow for women, a loss of weight is probably making existing muscles more apparent. You lose more LBM trying to lose fast, than if you do it slow and steady.

I really have no clue why you think I'm starving myself...I am not, I am aware what not eating does to one's body..I don't know where you got any of this from. I simply state that we tend to under eat rather than over eat, which while I know neither is good to do, I mentioned this to show I am keeping track of my calories in my head, so I know I am not eating a ton of calories. as I have already stated, I am changing that up. I know it is not a race...

I am just curious what other's think of my EXERCISE routine.

carenjd · August 2015

And muscle growth is not slow for me. You cannot generalize someone just because they have a vagina. Ugh.

jaqcan · August 2015

Keep watching the scale, it'll move. While weight loss is CICO, the scale moving isn't based on a mathematical equation. I lose 4, then gain 2, then lose 4 and gain 2. Then If I eat too much sodium I'll gain 6 and then slowly over a week it'll even out. Then I'll be stuck for 3 weeks and then finally show a loss. ALL the time eating the same amount of calories, and only once or twice getting near maintenance for the day. It's SO FRUSTRATING.
So while fiance's lost 4lbs, it could be water weight. Yours is coming, so just keep at it. Although I think 1600 is a lot more friendly to a lifestyle change, where you were would have resulted in weight loss too!

AsISmile · August 2015

carenjd wrote: »

And muscle growth is not slow for me. You cannot generalize someone just because they have a vagina. Ugh.

1) you can increase muscle strength without gaining muscle mass
2) most likely you have lost fat allowing the existing muscle to become more visible rather than muscle gain
3) On a defecit it is just as unlikely to gain muscle mass for a male as for a female

Don't disregard the weight of the water you might be retaining, when muscle repairs (from exercise ) it retains water.

ETA:
As to your exercise, if walking is what you are physically capable of right now, keep on doing that.
Every little thing counts. Also, there is a thread in this forum right now of an older gentleman who lost tons of weight with walking as his only form of exercise.
Also, yay for weightlifting. It will help you retain existing muscle, which will helps you look great after your weightloss and keep your bmr up.

carenjd · August 2015

AsISmile wrote: »

carenjd wrote: »

And muscle growth is not slow for me. You cannot generalize someone just because they have a vagina. Ugh.

1) you can increase muscle strength without gaining muscle mass
2) most likely you have lost fat allowing the existing muscle to become more visible rather than muscle gain
3) On a defecit it is just as unlikely to gain muscle mass for a male as for a female

Don't disregard the weight of the water you might be retaining, when muscle repairs (from exercise ) it retains water.

ETA:
As to your exercise, if walking is what you are physically capable of right now, keep on doing that.
Every little thing counts. Also, there is a thread in this forum right now of an older gentleman who lost tons of weight with walking as his only form of exercise.
Also, yay for weightlifting. It will help you retain existing muscle, which will helps you look great after your weightloss and keep your bmr up.

Thank you very much. I have also not been drinking enough water, which is probably what is adding to me retaining it. Quite a few things I need to tweak, but thank you all for the input!

middlehaitch · August 2015

I never mentioned starving, I politely asked you to eat to your MFP goal and stated what problems could occur.
I am sorry if that upset you.

A vagina has nothing to do with muscle gain, lower testosterone does.
I am sorry you thought that was a sexist remark.

h.

Fiance losing weight faster than me! :)

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