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I've been fat and I've been thin

AriesGal329AriesGal329 Member Posts: 236 Member Member Posts: 236 Member
And I've realized that people DO treat you very differently. It's not a fair world because inside I am exactly the same person. I am 5ft 3inches, and currently weigh about 157 and am working to get back to my goal weight of 135 (I'm curvy, so for me that is a low enough weight!)

6 years ago I weighed 160 pounds- my highest. I joined WW and was very strict about it, plus worked out daily. I lost almost too much weight, and got down to 127 in 4 months. The difference in the way people treated me was remarkable. I went from a size 12 to a 6. Salespeople were friendlier; men took notice and smiled at me. Even though I was married, I got hit on a lot. Basically I was made to feel like a "better" person; people actually valued me more just because I was thin. My then husband was thrilled to show me off. Even he treated me differently.

I gained most of the weight back (I'm currently 157). Though it took a few years to gain the weight, I've been at a higher weight now for around 3 years. During this time I've felt somewhat invisible. Strangers will pass me like I'm not even there. Men rarely take notice. And again....I'm the same person. It's frustrating and sometimes I feel angry when I think about how differently we're treated just because of some extra pounds.

I'm sure others have had this experience, and I'd love to hear your stories!
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Replies

  • KalikelKalikel Member Posts: 9,626 Member Member Posts: 9,626 Member
    People absolutely treat you better when you're not fat. It's unfortunate, but very true.
  • minties82minties82 Member Posts: 907 Member Member Posts: 907 Member
    I'm still big, but get treated 100% differently by strangers in public already. at 253lbs I was invisible. At 169lbs I suddenly exist, and men will smile and say hello, and shop assistants come and ask me if I need anything. Women are far more likely to talk to me now where they would sneer at me previously.
  • arditarosearditarose Member Posts: 15,610 Member Member Posts: 15,610 Member
    Interesting, I'm 5'4" as well and have not noticed a difference between the way people treated me when I was in the 160s and up and now 130. I got honked at by men more when I was heavier because I had a 29 inch waist and 44 inch hips, but that's the only difference I've noticed.
  • salembambisalembambi Member Posts: 5,654 Member Member Posts: 5,654 Member
    I was 300 pounds and I can confirm that as my weight went down the way people treated me got better and better

    'thin privilege' as they say is a real thing indeed
  • Need2Exerc1seNeed2Exerc1se Member Posts: 13,580 Member Member Posts: 13,580 Member
    I have been thin and fat, but I haven't really noticed any difference in the way I was treated when thin or fat. I was never obese though, and I can understand that might make a difference.

    I do wonder if self confidence is a factor though. I was thin for so long it really took me quite a while to notice that I was fat. I knew I'd put on a few lbs over the years, but it just didn't click that it was 30 lbs! So, I don't think I acted differently and maybe that's why I wasn't treated differently.
    edited August 2015
  • KalikelKalikel Member Posts: 9,626 Member Member Posts: 9,626 Member
    I think you has be pretty fat before people start ignoring you. Although I'm in a normal BMI now, I'm still overweight and people are already way nicer.

    When I weighed 250, it was a very different story.
  • jemhhjemhh Member Posts: 14,273 Member Member Posts: 14,273 Member
    I'm not sure if people treated me differently or not. I've never experienced the getting hit on thing, thin, fat, or thin again. I have been told that I look unapproachable, which I believe because I'm fairly introverted and tend not to want to talk to people unless I need to so I suppose I probably give off that vibe, but I am attempting to smile more, etc. People do seem to respond to that but it skews any comparison I can make about fat me vs nonfat me.
  • BshmerlieBshmerlie Member Posts: 1,026 Member Member Posts: 1,026 Member
    Hmmmm....I was thin when I was in my 20's, a little overweight as I got into my 30's and downright fat when I got into my 40's so it's hard to say if it was weight or age. I've lost 50 pounds but haven't noticed any difference just yet but I still do have another 75 pounds to go. So I'll let you know if I see a difference. Although I personally don't feel I've been treated that badly to be honest.
  • sheermomentumsheermomentum Member Posts: 827 Member Member Posts: 827 Member
    Yup. And, the funny thing is, I don't even think they actually know they're doing it - not in any overt, consistent way.
    edited August 2015
  • AriesGal329AriesGal329 Member Posts: 236 Member Member Posts: 236 Member
    I should clarify and say, it's not that I necessarily felt like I am treated badly at a higher weight...just that I get treated markedly BETTER when I'm thin. Sometimes now I just feel invisible, but when I'm thin I get looked at more, smiled at more, etc. No one has ever been mean.
  • andympandaandympanda Member Posts: 763 Member Member Posts: 763 Member
    I have gone from 335 to 183, but noticed their are still D bags everywhere.
  • lemurcat12lemurcat12 Member Posts: 30,886 Member Member Posts: 30,886 Member
    I feel like I get treated better when I'm thinner -- not that I was treated badly before, but much more the feeling invisible thing -- but it's really hard to separate out how much is me presenting differently or seeming more confident or less awkward.

    For example, I recall being quite heavy and interacting with a woman in my career around the same weight and being really impressed with how she seemed so confident and carried herself well and dressed well, all things I know I was not great at when fat (in particular I should have dressed better -- I never even learned where to buy decent clothes in my size because I was intent on punishing myself by refusing to buy clothes until I lost the weight).

    On my way down I felt good and started treating myself better, so when I was 5'3 and, say, 160 -- a weight I'd felt terrible at on the way up -- I felt good and confident and already noticed the better treatment. I wouldn't say I've noticed it being much different between then and now (at 125).
    edited August 2015
  • BshmerlieBshmerlie Member Posts: 1,026 Member Member Posts: 1,026 Member
    andympanda wrote: »
    I have gone from 335 to 183, but noticed their are still D bags everywhere.

    Congrats...that is some awesome weight loss right there.
  • MsJulesReneeMsJulesRenee Member Posts: 1,203 Member Member Posts: 1,203 Member
    I look at it this way...when you are thinner, people assume you are taking care of yourself. People are attracted to people who take care of themselves! Assume you are active and not just sitting at home playing video games or whatnot. I, personally, don't think overweight people are lazy at all but that's how the world works. I have been thin and fat so I have experienced it first hand.
  • marissafit06marissafit06 Member Posts: 1,996 Member Member Posts: 1,996 Member
    lemurcat12 wrote: »
    I feel like I get treated better when I'm thinner -- not that I was treated badly before, but much more the feeling invisible thing -- but it's really hard to separate out how much is me presenting differently or seeming more confident or less awkward.

    For example, I recall being quite heavy and interacting with a woman in my career around the same weight and being really impressed with how she seemed so confident and carried herself well and dressed well, all things I know I was not great at when fat (in particular I should have dressed better -- I never even learned where to buy decent clothes in my size because I was intent on punishing myself by refusing to buy clothes until I lost the weight).

    On my way down I felt good and started treating myself better, so when I was 5'3 and, say, 160 -- a weight I'd felt terrible at on the way up -- I felt good and confident and already noticed the better treatment. I wouldn't say I've noticed it being much different between then and now (at 125).

    I feel like this is pretty spot on.
  • MonsoonStormMonsoonStorm Member Posts: 371 Member Member Posts: 371 Member
    As someone already pointed out, your self confidence at both weights could also change things. You may not have changed yourself, but your opinion of yourself probably did, the way you carry yourself probably did.

    I notice the same things between when I'm depressed/not depressed. I wouldn't put it solely down to weight, certainly not with a top weight of 160. I've been that weight, I'm 5'4", I was fat and miserable with myself, yes, but on a global scale of BMI's, it's not *that* big...
  • sarahliftssarahlifts Member Posts: 610 Member Member Posts: 610 Member
    Sales people are always at the ready when I shop. When I was 220lbs it almost felt as if I were in the store alone looking for someone to help me.
  • HippySkoppyHippySkoppy Member Posts: 727 Member Member Posts: 727 Member
    salembambi wrote: »
    I was 300 pounds and I can confirm that as my weight went down the way people treated me got better and better

    'thin privilege' as they say is a real thing indeed

    +1

    I too have had different treatment as I became thin. To sales people apparently I am no longer invisible.....people are a lot more engaging and friendly.

    It may be though something that unintentionally I contributed too....I didn't exactly feel at my stunningly best when fat, I guess I wanted to hide and the clothes options that were around for me were horrible so this just added to my discomfort of being in public.....I have no doubt that my own inner negativity would have carried across to others and would have affected them.
  • LourdesongLourdesong Member, Premium Posts: 1,492 Member Member, Premium Posts: 1,492 Member
    I haven't noticed any difference, really. But I also don't pay much attention to people, let alone over-analyze their behavior towards me and interpret it through the lense of my weight.

    I don't recall anyone ever being overtly disrespectful towards me about my weight where it was obvious and not something I imagined.

    I'm not at all surprised that men and my husband (and probably everyone else) finds me more attractive when I'm thinner vs. obese. I find me more attractive too. I also feel a whole lot better and I'm sure that spring in my step contributes to my improved attractiveness as well. I don't think it's fair to fault people for preferring that which is pleasing to the eye over what is not.

    I don't feel I'm the same person when obese vs. thinner. I wasn't proud of my choices or of my appearance which was a consequence of my choices, and my disappointment in myself manifested a lot in probably every area of my life.

  • atypicalsmithatypicalsmith Member Posts: 2,742 Member Member Posts: 2,742 Member
    Have to agree with the self-confidence factor. I know overweight people who are very confident and people adore them. I lost my self-confidence when I gained so much weight and rarely smiled or reached out to anyone. Now that I'm losing, the self-confidence is rebounding and I'm putting on makeup and contact lenses instead of hiding my face with my ugly glasses; just little things like that. I truly believe it's all in the attitude.
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