I've been fat and I've been thin

AriesGal329
AriesGal329 Posts: 236 Member
edited November 23 in Health and Weight Loss
And I've realized that people DO treat you very differently. It's not a fair world because inside I am exactly the same person. I am 5ft 3inches, and currently weigh about 157 and am working to get back to my goal weight of 135 (I'm curvy, so for me that is a low enough weight!)

6 years ago I weighed 160 pounds- my highest. I joined WW and was very strict about it, plus worked out daily. I lost almost too much weight, and got down to 127 in 4 months. The difference in the way people treated me was remarkable. I went from a size 12 to a 6. Salespeople were friendlier; men took notice and smiled at me. Even though I was married, I got hit on a lot. Basically I was made to feel like a "better" person; people actually valued me more just because I was thin. My then husband was thrilled to show me off. Even he treated me differently.

I gained most of the weight back (I'm currently 157). Though it took a few years to gain the weight, I've been at a higher weight now for around 3 years. During this time I've felt somewhat invisible. Strangers will pass me like I'm not even there. Men rarely take notice. And again....I'm the same person. It's frustrating and sometimes I feel angry when I think about how differently we're treated just because of some extra pounds.

I'm sure others have had this experience, and I'd love to hear your stories!
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Replies

  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,603 Member
    People absolutely treat you better when you're not fat. It's unfortunate, but very true.
  • minties82
    minties82 Posts: 907 Member
    I'm still big, but get treated 100% differently by strangers in public already. at 253lbs I was invisible. At 169lbs I suddenly exist, and men will smile and say hello, and shop assistants come and ask me if I need anything. Women are far more likely to talk to me now where they would sneer at me previously.
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,573 Member
    Interesting, I'm 5'4" as well and have not noticed a difference between the way people treated me when I was in the 160s and up and now 130. I got honked at by men more when I was heavier because I had a 29 inch waist and 44 inch hips, but that's the only difference I've noticed.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
    I was 300 pounds and I can confirm that as my weight went down the way people treated me got better and better

    'thin privilege' as they say is a real thing indeed
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    edited August 2015
    I have been thin and fat, but I haven't really noticed any difference in the way I was treated when thin or fat. I was never obese though, and I can understand that might make a difference.

    I do wonder if self confidence is a factor though. I was thin for so long it really took me quite a while to notice that I was fat. I knew I'd put on a few lbs over the years, but it just didn't click that it was 30 lbs! So, I don't think I acted differently and maybe that's why I wasn't treated differently.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,603 Member
    I think you has be pretty fat before people start ignoring you. Although I'm in a normal BMI now, I'm still overweight and people are already way nicer.

    When I weighed 250, it was a very different story.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    I'm not sure if people treated me differently or not. I've never experienced the getting hit on thing, thin, fat, or thin again. I have been told that I look unapproachable, which I believe because I'm fairly introverted and tend not to want to talk to people unless I need to so I suppose I probably give off that vibe, but I am attempting to smile more, etc. People do seem to respond to that but it skews any comparison I can make about fat me vs nonfat me.
  • Bshmerlie
    Bshmerlie Posts: 1,026 Member
    Hmmmm....I was thin when I was in my 20's, a little overweight as I got into my 30's and downright fat when I got into my 40's so it's hard to say if it was weight or age. I've lost 50 pounds but haven't noticed any difference just yet but I still do have another 75 pounds to go. So I'll let you know if I see a difference. Although I personally don't feel I've been treated that badly to be honest.
  • sheermomentum
    sheermomentum Posts: 827 Member
    edited August 2015
    Yup. And, the funny thing is, I don't even think they actually know they're doing it - not in any overt, consistent way.
  • AriesGal329
    AriesGal329 Posts: 236 Member
    I should clarify and say, it's not that I necessarily felt like I am treated badly at a higher weight...just that I get treated markedly BETTER when I'm thin. Sometimes now I just feel invisible, but when I'm thin I get looked at more, smiled at more, etc. No one has ever been mean.
  • andympanda
    andympanda Posts: 763 Member
    I have gone from 335 to 183, but noticed their are still D bags everywhere.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    edited August 2015
    I feel like I get treated better when I'm thinner -- not that I was treated badly before, but much more the feeling invisible thing -- but it's really hard to separate out how much is me presenting differently or seeming more confident or less awkward.

    For example, I recall being quite heavy and interacting with a woman in my career around the same weight and being really impressed with how she seemed so confident and carried herself well and dressed well, all things I know I was not great at when fat (in particular I should have dressed better -- I never even learned where to buy decent clothes in my size because I was intent on punishing myself by refusing to buy clothes until I lost the weight).

    On my way down I felt good and started treating myself better, so when I was 5'3 and, say, 160 -- a weight I'd felt terrible at on the way up -- I felt good and confident and already noticed the better treatment. I wouldn't say I've noticed it being much different between then and now (at 125).
  • Bshmerlie
    Bshmerlie Posts: 1,026 Member
    andympanda wrote: »
    I have gone from 335 to 183, but noticed their are still D bags everywhere.

    Congrats...that is some awesome weight loss right there.
  • MsJulesRenee
    MsJulesRenee Posts: 1,180 Member
    I look at it this way...when you are thinner, people assume you are taking care of yourself. People are attracted to people who take care of themselves! Assume you are active and not just sitting at home playing video games or whatnot. I, personally, don't think overweight people are lazy at all but that's how the world works. I have been thin and fat so I have experienced it first hand.
  • marissafit06
    marissafit06 Posts: 1,996 Member
    lemurcat12 wrote: »
    I feel like I get treated better when I'm thinner -- not that I was treated badly before, but much more the feeling invisible thing -- but it's really hard to separate out how much is me presenting differently or seeming more confident or less awkward.

    For example, I recall being quite heavy and interacting with a woman in my career around the same weight and being really impressed with how she seemed so confident and carried herself well and dressed well, all things I know I was not great at when fat (in particular I should have dressed better -- I never even learned where to buy decent clothes in my size because I was intent on punishing myself by refusing to buy clothes until I lost the weight).

    On my way down I felt good and started treating myself better, so when I was 5'3 and, say, 160 -- a weight I'd felt terrible at on the way up -- I felt good and confident and already noticed the better treatment. I wouldn't say I've noticed it being much different between then and now (at 125).

    I feel like this is pretty spot on.
  • MonsoonStorm
    MonsoonStorm Posts: 371 Member
    As someone already pointed out, your self confidence at both weights could also change things. You may not have changed yourself, but your opinion of yourself probably did, the way you carry yourself probably did.

    I notice the same things between when I'm depressed/not depressed. I wouldn't put it solely down to weight, certainly not with a top weight of 160. I've been that weight, I'm 5'4", I was fat and miserable with myself, yes, but on a global scale of BMI's, it's not *that* big...
  • sarahlifts
    sarahlifts Posts: 610 Member
    Sales people are always at the ready when I shop. When I was 220lbs it almost felt as if I were in the store alone looking for someone to help me.
  • HippySkoppy
    HippySkoppy Posts: 725 Member
    salembambi wrote: »
    I was 300 pounds and I can confirm that as my weight went down the way people treated me got better and better

    'thin privilege' as they say is a real thing indeed

    +1

    I too have had different treatment as I became thin. To sales people apparently I am no longer invisible.....people are a lot more engaging and friendly.

    It may be though something that unintentionally I contributed too....I didn't exactly feel at my stunningly best when fat, I guess I wanted to hide and the clothes options that were around for me were horrible so this just added to my discomfort of being in public.....I have no doubt that my own inner negativity would have carried across to others and would have affected them.
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
    I haven't noticed any difference, really. But I also don't pay much attention to people, let alone over-analyze their behavior towards me and interpret it through the lense of my weight.

    I don't recall anyone ever being overtly disrespectful towards me about my weight where it was obvious and not something I imagined.

    I'm not at all surprised that men and my husband (and probably everyone else) finds me more attractive when I'm thinner vs. obese. I find me more attractive too. I also feel a whole lot better and I'm sure that spring in my step contributes to my improved attractiveness as well. I don't think it's fair to fault people for preferring that which is pleasing to the eye over what is not.

    I don't feel I'm the same person when obese vs. thinner. I wasn't proud of my choices or of my appearance which was a consequence of my choices, and my disappointment in myself manifested a lot in probably every area of my life.

  • atypicalsmith
    atypicalsmith Posts: 2,742 Member
    Have to agree with the self-confidence factor. I know overweight people who are very confident and people adore them. I lost my self-confidence when I gained so much weight and rarely smiled or reached out to anyone. Now that I'm losing, the self-confidence is rebounding and I'm putting on makeup and contact lenses instead of hiding my face with my ugly glasses; just little things like that. I truly believe it's all in the attitude.
  • Mouse_Potato
    Mouse_Potato Posts: 1,513 Member
    Interesting. I've not had this experience. If anything, it has been the opposite. I found that women in particular were much friendlier when I was heavier. Men were always friendly, but seemed more... respectful? Also, no one ever commented on my eating habits or my body, but now everything is fair game. I politely declined a slice of cake and was told I needed to put "a little meat" on my bones. If I linger at the vending machine, someone will make some comment about how I shouldn't eat anything in there. It's like my thinner body has become public property to be scrutinized and judged freely.
  • saraherren
    saraherren Posts: 59 Member
    My highest weight was 200 or higher, and I got down to 122. My mom treats me so differently now that I'm in the 120s as opposed to when I was around 200. I stay in the lower 120s and refuse to let myself to get above 125 because I never want to hear my mom *kitten* and complain at me about my weight.
  • juggernaut1974
    juggernaut1974 Posts: 6,212 Member
    And now I have James Taylor in my head...

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  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    The world isn't fair, ppl are biased, so it goes

    Also there s a self fulfilling prophecy (lose weight, feel/dress better, project different things).

    But yes much better reception from strangers when thin & well groomed & open/positive vs overweight & more casually dressed & self conscious, in my experience
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    Mouse_Potato wrote: »
    Interesting. I've not had this experience. If anything, it has been the opposite. I found that women in particular were much friendlier when I was heavier. Men were always friendly, but seemed more... respectful? Also, no one ever commented on my eating habits or my body, but now everything is fair game. I politely declined a slice of cake and was told I needed to put "a little meat" on my bones. If I linger at the vending machine, someone will make some comment about how I shouldn't eat anything in there. It's like my thinner body has become public property to be scrutinized and judged freely.

    Oh - yup to all this, actually. Much more sexualized attention from men, some grumpiness from women, more visibility as a certain kind of public object
  • SuggaD
    SuggaD Posts: 1,369 Member
    I've noticed it too. Part of it is weight, but a big part of it is self-confidence. I have much more self-confidence now that I'm thin again. With the weight loss also came a change in attitude and life view. I have been told I seemed unapproachable when I was obese, and now people who don't know me well assume I'm an extrovert (which is so far from the truth!).
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,195 Member
    Yep.

    It's expected from strangers, but disheartening how much better friends and family members also treat you when you are thinner.

    I was only very large for a couple of years (due to illness) and noticing this was the only negative part of the experience of getting healthy again.
  • AlexanderAmelia
    AlexanderAmelia Posts: 29 Member
    I act happier, more confident, and friendlier now than I did when I was fatter. I'm not gonna blame other people for reflecting that back to me. YMMV.
  • PonyTailedLoser
    PonyTailedLoser Posts: 315 Member
    I noticed that when I lost weight before people were much friendlier. People that I'd known a while and strangers on the street. Since I've regained the weight I had lost (plus a bit more) I've felt very invisible. In most cases I am doing the same things that I did when I was thinner (going on walks, wandering around stores looking lost, etc) but there is much less interactions going on now.
  • dinosaurparty
    dinosaurparty Posts: 185 Member
    edited August 2015
    I find that the sort of attention I get from men has changed a lot between 190 and 130lbs. Back when I was bigger, I got much more negative attention - like dudes honking or shouting from cars. Cat calls and other bull****. Since losing weight, men seem to treat me with more respect. Like they'll make conversation or complement me if they want to flirt. I don't think that I've had a demeaning comment shouted at me from a car in like 6+ months.


    It's like I'm not a target anymore, so that's nice I guess.
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