5 Ways we'll lose weight in the year 2050

Since we're inventing even better robots all the time and those robots are going to invent even better robots than they are, and some of those robots will be tasked to develop ways for non-robots to lose weight... (robots themselves don't have an obesity problem yet)

1. We'll be able to lose weight from any exercise we do in our dreams. They will even make a pill to make us dream we're doing 365Day Shred. Jillian Michaels will still be a sadist with a heart.

2. Ice cream will be full of nanotechnology. Tiny itty bitty technological organisms tasked to zap fat with miniature laser beams that make us feel a little warm, but getting lighter with every bite of Rocky Road.

3. Zero calorie cheesecake. 'Nuff said.

3a. Perhaps I should have said more. I'll say it here: it's enriched with every vitamin that exists.
3b. It only comes with chocolate on top. Chocolate is needed.

4. Time machine. This is only for the rich people. Instead of going back in time, it reverts your body to whatever age you need it to be. As a result, most people will be picking their high school years. Then you start thinking every high school kid is a rich person and you get a bit jealous and scowl at them. Unless you're rich.

5. The same way we do now, through proper diet and exercise. However, one tiny difference: All gyms are the Biggest Loser Gym, where holographic Bobs and Jillians are available at every workstation. Holographic Jillian is far fiercer than real Jillian, since a) holograms don't have hearts and b) in 2050 Jillian's going to be older and a little quieter.


The futuristic predictions listed above are the mental property of the author, and he'd like it if he gets a percentage of the profits of all technology listed above. Percentages will be accepted in the forms of pounds lost.