HELP WITH MY TEEN

Crap.
My kid is only 3 but it won't be that long before she'll be a teenager and I'll have to deal with this stuff.
I think Anna is right about confronting them. You need to remain as calm as possible.
Was this item stolen from a store, or a person? Are you absolutely positive it was stolen and couldn't have been bought/traded/gifted in some way?

Sorry to hear about that, but you are not alone. We went thru this about 10 years ago. We don't have all the answers but I can tell you what we did:

1. Gathered the evidence
2. Found a place & time to talk privately
3. Tried not to lose tempers
4. Took the merchandise & the child back to each store
5. Talked to the manager at each store at a time that is typically less busy for the manager (some of them had no clue how to handle this, one or two did a great job & really helped)
6. Talked with the child about what we had been thru & tried to encourage them
7. Told as few as people as possible about the situation (the fewer that know the less the shame & less repair work)
8. Followed up with conversations over the weeks, then months that followed for accountability

It was horrible to go thru but led to a great time of growth as a family. The child never returned to those habits.

You'll be in my prayers.

I SUSPECT MY TEEN HAS STOLEN SOMETHING, I FOUND IN THE LAUNDRY. CAN ANY ONE TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO?

If you suspect it, then it's probably true. This isn't uncommon, many teens do this. First you need to make them return it or replace it and apologize, make sure if it's something that has to be replaced they earn the money (and not in an easy way).

Then it's a time for instruction. Seek first to understand and then to be understood. You need to figure out why they stole. It might be that they just wanted the item. It could be that she needed to rebell. It could be that her friends talked her into it. They may not know, so you will have to talk a while and figure it out for yourself. Whatever, you need to try to address that need with her.

If they wanted the item then you need to discuss the legitimate ways they have to earn the money to get one and why doing that way and that is how an mature resesponsible person handles it.

If they needs to rebell then you need to discuss ways to channel that need.

If they're being influnenced by friends then you need to discuss the fact that they're resposible for they're own actions and not to do stupid things her friends suggest.

They probably won't listen to any of this, but they'll hear you. Try to build a bridge.

Then if you think it's appropriate you might add a punishment. It's hard to say not knowing what was stolen, what's going on with your teen overall and what the reaction is when you discuss it with them.

Talk it over with them but don't yell! I don't have a teenager yet but I do remember and if you yell they are going to get defensive and clam up. Good Luck!

I WAS TELLING THE KIDS TO MAKE SURE THEY PUT THEIR DIRTY CLOTHES IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM THIS MORNING WELL I HAD ALREADY WASHE DALL THE JEANS BUT MY SON'S. WHEN I WASHED THEM I FOUND A GOLD RIN IN THE WASHER IT HAD TO HAVE CAME FROM HIS JEANS, THYE WERE THE ONLY ONES IN THAT LOAD. I AM SO WORRIED I LOVE MY KIDS TO DEATH AND IT IS KILLING ME.

Don't jump to too many conclusions too fast. Give him a chance to explain in a very calm setting. There might be a very good reason he had the ring.

I agree with jsmalla...finding something in the washer and assuming it was stolen by a particular person is something of a stretch. It may have been in the washer before you put that load in, and you just missed it (I have done that with socks/underwear a million times). Or it could be something he just found on the ground. Or maybe it's one of those crummy things out of a 25 cent machine, or something inexpensive from Wal-Mart. It's difficult to tell if it's a gold ring or just nickel plated with gold leaf from looking at it, so I don't think you should assume it's pure gold either. Perhaps you might want to privately mention to each child that you found something odd in the laundry and see if anyone can explain it.

I'm on the other end of it (loss prevention) and I'll tell you what would have happened had I caught your teen stealing in my store. If they're under 18 we automatically call the parents and the police-we have to. They get a fine from the store, they get a fine from the police which automatically starts at $263 and increases depending on number of offenses and value of the item(s). If the parents can't be reached or can't get to the store in a timely manner, they're cuffed and take a ride to jail where they sit and wait for mom or dad. This also goes on their record, so if they'd like to work in retail or fast food or whatever during high school or during college, chances are they won't be hired b/c they have to put it on their application.

The reason I'm telling you this is because the majority of people I catch are teens and most of them have no clue what's coming at them. They don't take the time to think about what happens once they get the merchandise out of the store and they're caught. They also don't think about how their stolen stuff impacts others. Because they walked and didn't pay for things, the prices eventually increases for everyone to balance out the losses.

I think as a parent, you should confront them and find out. If they admit it and they did steal it, I think you should march them back to the store to give it back--I'm guessing they'll (the store) thank you for being honest, maybe a little lecture and that's that. I think you should let them know exactly what would've happened if they'd been caught. I do this for a living so none of this is hearsay, I do it every day!!

Hope this helped alittle. And I hope you get to the bottom of it and find that your kiddo really didn't steal it

I laughed so hard when I stumbled acrossed the quote on a running blog. It's just so fitting! I run and I catch shoplifters I really want to make a shirt or something with it. I snicker every time I see it but no one else really gets it unless they know what I do!! Too funny!

just bumping to see if you found anything out!

bump

I SUSPECT MY TEEN HAS STOLEN SOMETHING, I FOUND IN THE LAUNDRY. CAN ANY ONE TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO?

Hi,
I am just bumping this to see if there has been some resolution. We are all there for you...

It worked out. Good stuff!

(Is the "Caps Lock" stuck on your keyboard? All caps comes across as shouting.)

How is the walking/exercising going?

Sorry to hear about that, but you are not alone. We went thru this about 10 years ago. We don't have all the answers but I can tell you what we did:

1. Gathered the evidence
2. Found a place & time to talk privately
3. Tried not to lose tempers
4. Took the merchandise & the child back to each store
5. Talked to the manager at each store at a time that is typically less busy for the manager (some of them had no clue how to handle this, one or two did a great job & really helped)
6. Talked with the child about what we had been thru & tried to encourage them
7. Told as few as people as possible about the situation (the fewer that know the less the shame & less repair work)
8. Followed up with conversations over the weeks, then months that followed for accountability

It was horrible to go thru but led to a great time of growth as a family. The child never returned to those habits.

You'll be in my prayers.

yeah that