Why do I torture myself?? Just venting....

AriesGal329
AriesGal329 Posts: 236 Member
edited November 23 in Motivation and Support
Not really diet/fitness related, but more emotional turmoil. I'm recently divorced, and though I "unfriended" my ex husband, I can still go to his page and see what he's posting. I don't know why I care- I'm the one who wanted the divorce because of his infidelity. But it still hurts to know that he's already in a new relationship and seems gloriously happy camping, water rafting, expensive dinners...all with this new gal.

Today was a huge bummer. Dave Mattews Band was "our" band. I see today he's posted two tickets he just bought and paid a fortune for. He and I loved that band and saw them together at least 5 times over the years. Seriously?! He can't find a new band??!

Feeling sad, lonely, and a tiny bit pathetic.

Replies

  • PinkyPan1
    PinkyPan1 Posts: 3,018 Member
    Hugs Laura. Now that you got that off your chest move on and enjoy your day. Do not look back but forward to all the new choices and adventures that are in your grasp. My theme song is Kelly Clarkson's What Does Not Kills You Makes You Stronger. I start everyday with this song and a strong cup of coffee. Come on....DANCE! You are better off without him and frankly....let her have him.
  • AriesGal329
    AriesGal329 Posts: 236 Member
    Thanks Pinky. I just talked to a friend who told me to block him...that way I can't see anything on his page and won't be tempted. Done and done.
  • PinkyPan1
    PinkyPan1 Posts: 3,018 Member
    lauragreenbaum148 wrote: »
    Thanks Pinky. I just talked to a friend who told me to block him...that way I can't see anything on his page and won't be tempted. Done and done.

    There you go. Good for you. :smiley:

  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    edited August 2015
    Stop looking at his page. Cold turkey, just stop. Get out and have fun with friends. Go on a few dates. But stop looking at his page or trying to find out what he's up to. The sooner you start, the faster you will heal. Time is what you need, in the meantime keep busy.
  • AriesGal329
    AriesGal329 Posts: 236 Member
    I finally blocked him. I really don't know why I was doing that to myself.
  • rumijs
    rumijs Posts: 218 Member
    Best advice I was given, don't compare your behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel. I know that I only post (mostly) positive stuff on social media. So anyone scrolling through probably thinks I'm living the most exciting and happiest life in the world! Exs included...

    Not that I'm lying and am completely miserable, but people don't know either way. Im sure their life isn't all kittens and rainbows either!

    Saying to move on doesn't really help you're situation (I know!) but I will say you're not the only one who does that stuff. But the quicker you brush them off and live your life, the less time you waste on them and the happier you'll be :)
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    Hugs! But listen, your tormenting yourself. This is really immature and juvenile behavior, and your better then this. Block him and do not look for any of his online profiles. He has a new life , move on. Your not doing yourself any favors by trolling his profile. Seriously, invest all that effort into yourself. Instead of thinking about him, do something to better yourself. Break ups are rough but tormenting yourself is even harder. Just break yourself of this habit and move on .
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    lauragreenbaum148 wrote: »
    I finally blocked him. I really don't know why I was doing that to myself.

    Good girl ! Instead of worrying about him, now you can focus on YOU!
  • Forty6and2
    Forty6and2 Posts: 2,492 Member
    rumijs wrote: »
    Best advice I was given, don't compare your behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel. I know that I only post (mostly) positive stuff on social media. So anyone scrolling through probably thinks I'm living the most exciting and happiest life in the world! Exs included...

    Not that I'm lying and am completely miserable, but people don't know either way. Im sure their life isn't all kittens and rainbows either!

    Saying to move on doesn't really help you're situation (I know!) but I will say you're not the only one who does that stuff. But the quicker you brush them off and live your life, the less time you waste on them and the happier you'll be :)

    I like this a lot. I have a tendency to only post positive things too and so people tend to think I'm a lot happier than I truly am.

    But I would also say to go out and do some of those things with a friend! Get a good girlfriend and take her on a "date" or go hiking or something. Sometimes what you need is some fun with friends to get your mind off things.
  • marsinah1
    marsinah1 Posts: 106 Member
    edited August 2015
    You just did yourself a huge favor by blocking his fb profile. Do you think part of your behavior is because you're grieving for the early part of the relationship that used to be good? Find some things to get involved with. Try a new activity through a local Parks & Rec Department, explore a new hobby, put in some extra time at the gym, grab some girlfriends and go to a concert together (just not the one you know the ex will be at). Forcing your mind to focus on learning something new or getting reacquainted with something you use to enjoy interferes with its ability to focus time and energy on worrying about what the cheating ex is up to. Eventually it gets better, but you've also go to push yourself into doing things that help you move on.
  • karyabc
    karyabc Posts: 830 Member
    Please don't ever trust anything you see in social media, I know so many people in real life who are miserable and you look at their social media and think fUK not even Ronald MacDonald is that damn happy, people love to pretend! For what I know there might be a good chance that he is having a "good time" or that quite opposite he is actually missing your smell, your cooking, you laugh, etc.

    Either way, block him, move on with your life, you got a new chance to do it better and just in case he goes to your page, show him what he is missing. ;)

    I know is hard, clearly you divorce him because his infidelity not because you stop caring, but I promise it's going to get better .

    Wish the best!
  • AriesGal329
    AriesGal329 Posts: 236 Member
    I love you guys
  • Lynzdee18
    Lynzdee18 Posts: 500 Member
    You are better without him! Keep him blocked. Enjoy your new life.
  • Ninkasi
    Ninkasi Posts: 173 Member
    Blocking him was the best idea. Going back to an ex's FB page is like picking at a scab. I love the comment about your behind-the-scenes vs. someone else's highlight reel, so true. Make the best of your new life--you can't bring something new and awesome into your life if you don't clear out the old stuff that's not working for you anymore. Ever forward.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
    Not only block him, but unless you have kids, then cut all contact with him. Maybe have one emergency number or way of contacting him through a mutual friend as a last resort. beyond that you are showing why you need to resist keeping tabs on what he is doing becayse it makes you unhappy, so the sooner you get on with your own life and enjoying it then the happier you will be.

    You made the choice and cheating/ letting you down is fundamental. he's an ex for a reason. In time things will change and maybe next yer he will ahve cheated on her and youll be the one whose found someone nice that makes you happy.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories